is this normal? What do guys like?

2

Replies

  • idlehandsx
    idlehandsx Posts: 15 Member
    I've been with my boyfriend 3 years, and I can't say I feel 'pressured' to have a great body.
    But I definitely am harder on myself because I want to look the best I can and impress him.
    He loved me when I was 77kgs and he loves me now at 62, and he wouldn't have been with me then if he didn't like my appearance.

    Chances are, if you guys have been together that long, there's no attraction issues. Seriously, if I guy doesn't like you - he won't stick around.

    btw I looked at your photos, you really have nothing to worry about.

    It's definitely a self esteem thing. I've had troubles with that all my life so far. The things that have helped me the most are:
    -working out (things that get your muscles working, not just cardio)
    -eating wholegrains and yogurt are amazing for feeling confident and thin.
    -having a hobby. It's nice to have your own thing.
    -see friends more (when I got with my boyfriend I pretty much blocked all my friends out, that did wonders for my lack of self esteem)

    Basically you have to have your own life, feel happy with it, and then enjoy the fact that you get to share that fulfilled life with him - and not focus it entirely around him.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    THIS, THIS, and THIS.

    Confident is sexy as heck.
  • Sojaided34
    Sojaided34 Posts: 113
    Is it normal/bad/right, to feel pressurised to get your body as best as it can be for your boyfriend?

    Sounds a little silly, but sometimes i just never no what he thinks or what he likes, and im too scared to go on about it and ask, sounds pathetic really. But he's tall and not exactly the biggest guy, but he's constantly trying to gain work and he does try alot. But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy. I just feel sometimes people compare us, or i feel im the bigger one. or maybe im not trying hard enough for him..

    What do guys like..

    Don't worry about it. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were attractive. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, been friends for oaver 15. He's seen me skinny (118lbs), at my heaviest (197) and he still likes me for me.
  • ubermensch13
    ubermensch13 Posts: 824 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    This.

    I know my husband always liked athletic type girls, which I was when we first started dating, he still loved/ was attracted to me when I was overweight.




    The route of this is confidence, i see that now. But how do i gain confidence? Sounds a silly question but I normally need other people to give me that boost and confidence push but im not going to be having that all the time. I need to no and find the ability to help myself out and find away of feeling great just by being me.

    Have you considered speaking to a therapist about these issues? If you have confidence issues and are always thinking you aren't good enough, that can lead to strain on your relationship. I"ve dated girls who think poorly of themselves and it always ended bad. If you are having problems being confident about yourself, you should seek some help.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Is it normal/bad/right, to feel pressurised to get your body as best as it can be for your boyfriend?

    Sounds a little silly, but sometimes i just never no what he thinks or what he likes, and im too scared to go on about it and ask, sounds pathetic really. But he's tall and not exactly the biggest guy, but he's constantly trying to gain work and he does try alot. But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy. I just feel sometimes people compare us, or i feel im the bigger one. or maybe im not trying hard enough for him..

    What do guys like..
    I'm 35 years old. I've been through more men than I want to admit to. I've been with men who were a little overweight, men who had Mr. Universe bodies, skinny men, you name it. All different personalities and professions. From high school to middle-aged.

    One thing they all have in common is that they judged my body far less harshly than I ever judged it. They were all attracted to me even when I thought I wasn't worthy.

    What's important is your self-confidence. If having a great figure makes you feel good, it shines through in who you are as a person. So worry about what YOU think about your body because in the end, that's what matters.

    And no man in his right mind will tell you that you don't look good enough. lol
  • bigfatbino
    bigfatbino Posts: 136 Member
    If he's dating you, he likes you.
    And he'll be more comfortable liking you if he knows you're comfortable around him.
    So just relax and have fun and stop worrying m'kay?
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?
    Enjoy yourself, enjoy life. Do things you like to do and just be happy. That attracts people like crazy.
  • Skyfire23
    Skyfire23 Posts: 37
    The way to gain confidence is to set realistic goals and then meet them. Each time you do this, you will gain confidence. It doesn't matter in what areas of your life you set these goals. Start with easy goals and work up to some more challenging ones.

    The suggestion to talk to a therapist isn't a bad one, if you have the opportunity.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    People like all sorts of different things. If you keep trying to squeeze yourself into the frame of what people like, you will never end up happy with yourself.

    A truly sexy, confident woman is one who is comfortable with herself and feels strong and sexy, even when standing alone in the desert against incomprehensible odds of survival, facing multiple cerberii from the gates of hell whilst reaching for her revolver full of silver-plated bullets.
  • cmwhited6204
    cmwhited6204 Posts: 210 Member
    If you make the decision to do it for someone other than yourself, there is a greater risk that you will not be able to maintain it in the long haul.

    Be true to yourself first and that will build your confidence. Once you have the confidence you deserve, you will not even ask that question.

    Good Luck,
  • lallaloolly
    lallaloolly Posts: 228 Member
    true confidence comes from knowing yourself and being true to yourself, and loving yourself enough to make your own dreams come true. it's having something that no one else can take away from you. to gain confidence you have to stop seeking approval and direction from others and start listening to your own heart. figure out what makes you happy and pursue it.

    this doesn't mean looking good for a boyfriend or liking something because your friends like it. these types of things are not only fleeting, they are dependent upon other people and you can't control other people. to gain true confidence, form your own goals and work towards them and continue on your own path regardless of who your boyfriend or friends are.

    whether it's learning a skill or a sport, or deciding to be fit and strong, making art, helping others, excelling at school or in your career, volunteering, working with animals, running, learning a new language (or all of these things in due time)... it's giving yourself the gift of your own awesomeness, making your own contribution to the world in which YOU live, and that creates confidence because no one can take away from you.
  • Cranktastic
    Cranktastic Posts: 1,517 Member
    who cares what guys like!!!!!?
    you cannot possibly please everyone!

    I suggest seeing a therapist.
    Therapy can really help.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    Yes! I think confidence is key. My husband and I met through a friend online. (my business friend's brother was his college roommate) This was a NJ to Canada LDR. We met 2 1/2 months after our first phone conversation. At that time I was heavier -200-ish. I had seen several pics of him (and he of me in slimmer days because I had no current pics) All we knew for certain is that we were both 6' and after daily phone conversations....I think 7 hours one day was our record...we were in love.

    That was almost 10 years ago...I proceeded to get heavier during the stress of immigrating and relocating top weight was 226....fortunate the stress settled down and I got back to normal. And here I am at 158 and I haven 't been this healthy in 15 years...

    Poor man :-)) He doesn't know what to do with his new improved wife. :laugh:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    I guess my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We fell in love with each others personalities and values. The added bonus was being in lust when we finally met regardless of the packaging :-)

    Best of luck



    Such an amazing story, very happy for both of you. I guess i should shut up, stop worrying and be happy ayee haha
  • d_Mode
    d_Mode Posts: 880 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    What he said...confidence!!!
  • MarcelineAbadeer
    MarcelineAbadeer Posts: 8 Member
    Wow congratz on your weight loss guys!:smile:
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    Here's a better question. Why do you care??





    Oh wait, I just saw your age. Nevermind. Carry on.


    Dont really think thats a fair judgement. assuming that what when im 'x years' self confidence will just appear
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    First, YOU have to be happy with yourself. By looking at your pictures, you are not overweight, and a gorgeous girl. Sometimes women are insecure, whether we are a size 2, or a size 12. But if you're really worried about what he thinks, TALK TO HIM. You have been dating 2+ years, by now you should be able to discuss anything. and by the way, I think all men drool at VS models, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he wishes you looked like that.

    fair ennough, who doesnt drool over them! I will talk to him and sounds very silly cos normally so easy to talk to each other, like we talk about randomnest and anything we want to. But this, I have no idea how to go about.

    But thank you, i WILL mention it to him, best thing to do i think :)
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    I thnk you both have unrealistic expectations andfalse images of self.


    meaning what?
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I'm sure he wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you the way you are. Your insecurities are just that, yours. Just because you think negative about yourself doesn't mean he thinks that too. If you're going to change things about you, do it for you. If you spend your energy trying to change yourself for him, what will happen if you break up?
  • WestCoastPhoenix
    WestCoastPhoenix Posts: 802 Member
    But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy.

    What do guys like..

    3p0134.jpg
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    I like women who can deadlift four times their bodyweight. Be glad you aren't my girlfriend. I would demand more work than something so easy as just losing weight.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy.

    What do guys like..

    3p0134.jpg


    haha,that did made me giggle
  • diligentjosh
    diligentjosh Posts: 274
    I like women who can deadlift four times their bodyweight. Be glad you aren't my girlfriend. I would demand more work than something so easy as just losing weight.

    OOh, big boy, hit it til it hurts and get all red!
  • WestCoastPhoenix
    WestCoastPhoenix Posts: 802 Member
    haha,that did made me giggle

    :happy:
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    I like women who can deadlift four times their bodyweight. Be glad you aren't my girlfriend. I would demand more work than something so easy as just losing weight.

    OOh, big boy, hit it til it hurts and get all red!




    He wasss taking the piss right..
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    I like women who can deadlift four times their bodyweight. Be glad you aren't my girlfriend. I would demand more work than something so easy as just losing weight.

    OOh, big boy, hit it til it hurts and get all red!




    He wasss taking the piss right..

    Yes and no. Strong women are hot as ****, but I don't demand anything of anyone. It's everyone's own individual decision whether to be rip**** awesome or not. :)
  • Antlady69
    Antlady69 Posts: 204 Member
    Claire, the foundation of a good relationship with your partner is good, honest, regular communication.

    The death of any relationship is bad / no communication.

    You two need to talk to each other! He's with you, so that indicates he likes you the way you are. But you will NEVER know for sure if you don't ask him. You definitely will not find out from asking strangers on a public forum.

    Work on your communications skills. If you don't know how, there is tons of information out here on the web. Just google for things like "improving communication in relationships" (or similar).

    All the best to the two of you!
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    This.

    I know my husband always liked athletic type girls, which I was when we first started dating, he still loved/ was attracted to me when I was overweight.




    The route of this is confidence, i see that now. But how do i gain confidence? Sounds a silly question but I normally need other people to give me that boost and confidence push but im not going to be having that all the time. I need to no and find the ability to help myself out and find away of feeling great just by being me.

    I like being able to talk to a confident woman one that enjoys herself, life and has laughter along with other moments.
    One that teaches me things and won't hesitate to say her opinion in the face of my rashness and sometime overbearing experience.
    It's attitude.

    Bodywise - pfff. It's attitude, not this muscle or that. If one is fit and you can hike, ride, climb, run and tumble (ahem) with me that's tops. It's about wanting to do things, again it's attitude.

    Confidence? Do things, experience outside of your perceived limits. Be your own tsunami.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Here's a better question. Why do you care??





    Oh wait, I just saw your age. Nevermind. Carry on.


    Dont really think thats a fair judgement. assuming that what when im 'x years' self confidence will just appear
    You'd be surprised.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    Here's a better question. Why do you care??





    Oh wait, I just saw your age. Nevermind. Carry on.


    Dont really think thats a fair judgement. assuming that what when im 'x years' self confidence will just appear
    You'd be surprised.


    well cheers...

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