is this normal? What do guys like?

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24

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  • juliec33
    juliec33 Posts: 238 Member
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    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?
    [/quote]

    The thing is, no one can tell you how to get that confidence. It has to come from you. What makes you feel proud of yourself? Do more of whatever it is. Pick a physical attribute you really like about yourself (and it doesn't have to be weight related) and compliment yourself daily. Yes, I mean look in the mirror at yourself and say "Wow, I have really pretty ______". We women tend to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves daily how fat we are or how much we hate our thighs, stomachs, whatever. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves what is great about ourselves!!!!
  • strawberrytoast
    strawberrytoast Posts: 711 Member
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    My man liked me fat, he likes me now a little less fat. If ever he didnt like what i was doing thats his problem not mine :bigsmile:
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
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    Here's a better question. Why do you care??





    Oh wait, I just saw your age. Nevermind. Carry on.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    It's natural to hope your partner likes how you look but he's already dating you. Chances are he likes you just as you are.

    Ditto.
  • lamilli09
    lamilli09 Posts: 354 Member
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    I think it's normal to want to have a great body that your significant other can enjoy!

    I don't know about the pressured part. Just talk to him about it!

    PS. In my opinion, you look great :)
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
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    First, YOU have to be happy with yourself. By looking at your pictures, you are not overweight, and a gorgeous girl. Sometimes women are insecure, whether we are a size 2, or a size 12. But if you're really worried about what he thinks, TALK TO HIM. You have been dating 2+ years, by now you should be able to discuss anything. and by the way, I think all men drool at VS models, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he wishes you looked like that.
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
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    He doesn't like you because you are bigger or smaller than him, he just likes you. If you get too wrapped up in that it will stand in the way of your own perception of yourself and why you are even trying to be the best YOU can be.
    I've never been taller than my husband but I've weighed less than him, more than him, way less than him and way more than him and I don't base my feelings for him on his weight and I know he doesn't do the same. You really shouldn't worry about it.
  • Guines9
    Guines9 Posts: 137
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    I thnk you both have unrealistic expectations andfalse images of self.
  • lilmisfit
    lilmisfit Posts: 860 Member
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    From your photos I would say you are very, very attractive so I won't worry about that. I think the issue is you and your self esteem. You got to love your self before someone else can love you.

    I was going to say the same thing. You are tiny, so there is no reason you should feel *bigger* than your boyfriend.
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    I see both sides - because I feel the same way. Here's how I look at it:

    I'm losing weight for me. Because I want and deserve to be healthy and look as good and sexy as I feel. If I were doing it for someone else I would need their constant approval and push for motivation because it would be the same as, lets say, dressing the way your SO likes, you probably wouldn't do it when they're not around if you're not invested yourself.
    THAT BEING SAID - I think very highly of my life partner, he's a god man and deserves the best of everything. Including me. I want to be a person that he deserves (otherwise why would he stay if he can do better?). This of course applies to many things other than looks. I'm fairly successful, attractive, intelligent, hard working - all qualities that he deserves in a partner, just like I deserve him and all the wonderful things he brings to my life.

    See - you can have it both ways.

    My best friend teases me that him and I look like the number 10 when we stand side by side (and here's a hint: I'm not the 1 in that compilation) Luckily he has a thing for bigger girls, but he also wants me healthy. Between a size 10-12 he's thrilled (I started my weight loss journey on here as a size 20, I've gone down to an 18, and I think I'm just a couple pounds away from a 16)
  • idlehandsx
    idlehandsx Posts: 15 Member
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    I've been with my boyfriend 3 years, and I can't say I feel 'pressured' to have a great body.
    But I definitely am harder on myself because I want to look the best I can and impress him.
    He loved me when I was 77kgs and he loves me now at 62, and he wouldn't have been with me then if he didn't like my appearance.

    Chances are, if you guys have been together that long, there's no attraction issues. Seriously, if I guy doesn't like you - he won't stick around.

    btw I looked at your photos, you really have nothing to worry about.

    It's definitely a self esteem thing. I've had troubles with that all my life so far. The things that have helped me the most are:
    -working out (things that get your muscles working, not just cardio)
    -eating wholegrains and yogurt are amazing for feeling confident and thin.
    -having a hobby. It's nice to have your own thing.
    -see friends more (when I got with my boyfriend I pretty much blocked all my friends out, that did wonders for my lack of self esteem)

    Basically you have to have your own life, feel happy with it, and then enjoy the fact that you get to share that fulfilled life with him - and not focus it entirely around him.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    THIS, THIS, and THIS.

    Confident is sexy as heck.
  • Sojaided34
    Sojaided34 Posts: 113
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    Is it normal/bad/right, to feel pressurised to get your body as best as it can be for your boyfriend?

    Sounds a little silly, but sometimes i just never no what he thinks or what he likes, and im too scared to go on about it and ask, sounds pathetic really. But he's tall and not exactly the biggest guy, but he's constantly trying to gain work and he does try alot. But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy. I just feel sometimes people compare us, or i feel im the bigger one. or maybe im not trying hard enough for him..

    What do guys like..

    Don't worry about it. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were attractive. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, been friends for oaver 15. He's seen me skinny (118lbs), at my heaviest (197) and he still likes me for me.
  • ubermensch13
    ubermensch13 Posts: 824 Member
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    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    This.

    I know my husband always liked athletic type girls, which I was when we first started dating, he still loved/ was attracted to me when I was overweight.




    The route of this is confidence, i see that now. But how do i gain confidence? Sounds a silly question but I normally need other people to give me that boost and confidence push but im not going to be having that all the time. I need to no and find the ability to help myself out and find away of feeling great just by being me.

    Have you considered speaking to a therapist about these issues? If you have confidence issues and are always thinking you aren't good enough, that can lead to strain on your relationship. I"ve dated girls who think poorly of themselves and it always ended bad. If you are having problems being confident about yourself, you should seek some help.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Is it normal/bad/right, to feel pressurised to get your body as best as it can be for your boyfriend?

    Sounds a little silly, but sometimes i just never no what he thinks or what he likes, and im too scared to go on about it and ask, sounds pathetic really. But he's tall and not exactly the biggest guy, but he's constantly trying to gain work and he does try alot. But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy. I just feel sometimes people compare us, or i feel im the bigger one. or maybe im not trying hard enough for him..

    What do guys like..
    I'm 35 years old. I've been through more men than I want to admit to. I've been with men who were a little overweight, men who had Mr. Universe bodies, skinny men, you name it. All different personalities and professions. From high school to middle-aged.

    One thing they all have in common is that they judged my body far less harshly than I ever judged it. They were all attracted to me even when I thought I wasn't worthy.

    What's important is your self-confidence. If having a great figure makes you feel good, it shines through in who you are as a person. So worry about what YOU think about your body because in the end, that's what matters.

    And no man in his right mind will tell you that you don't look good enough. lol
  • bigfatbino
    bigfatbino Posts: 136 Member
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    If he's dating you, he likes you.
    And he'll be more comfortable liking you if he knows you're comfortable around him.
    So just relax and have fun and stop worrying m'kay?
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
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    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?
    Enjoy yourself, enjoy life. Do things you like to do and just be happy. That attracts people like crazy.
  • Skyfire23
    Skyfire23 Posts: 37
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    The way to gain confidence is to set realistic goals and then meet them. Each time you do this, you will gain confidence. It doesn't matter in what areas of your life you set these goals. Start with easy goals and work up to some more challenging ones.

    The suggestion to talk to a therapist isn't a bad one, if you have the opportunity.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    People like all sorts of different things. If you keep trying to squeeze yourself into the frame of what people like, you will never end up happy with yourself.

    A truly sexy, confident woman is one who is comfortable with herself and feels strong and sexy, even when standing alone in the desert against incomprehensible odds of survival, facing multiple cerberii from the gates of hell whilst reaching for her revolver full of silver-plated bullets.
  • cmwhited6204
    cmwhited6204 Posts: 210 Member
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    If you make the decision to do it for someone other than yourself, there is a greater risk that you will not be able to maintain it in the long haul.

    Be true to yourself first and that will build your confidence. Once you have the confidence you deserve, you will not even ask that question.

    Good Luck,

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