Help?! Need some relationship advice!

Nina_Crowson

im kinda at a corner here-
And need some help!

I Love love love football- but my boyfriend never wants to watch it with me- unless i get tickets to a game then he expects me to take him. he would rather go to his buddies house where he watches it with him, his fiance, and a screaming baby. I dont understand, and he never invites me.

We only spend like 1 night together a week and it is getting annoying. We work 10 mins away from each other, and he lives 20 minutes (w his parents) from me (i live on my own with my son) we have been dating for 5 months, and i just don't understand. if he does come its not 'til like 9pm so its basically sex and sleep.

AM i overreacting or is this not right? I just divorced my ex husband for cheating on me, and going to jail and i really wanna avoid another horrible relationship..

WinnerVictorious

im kinda at a corner here-
And need some help!

I Love love love football- but my boyfriend never wants to watch it with me- unless i get tickets to a game then he expects me to take him. he would rather go to his buddies house where he watches it with him, his fiance, and a screaming baby. I dont understand, and he never invites me.

We only spend like 1 night together a week and it is getting annoying. We work 10 mins away from each other, and he lives 20 minutes (w his parents) from me (i live on my own with my son) we have been dating for 5 months, and i just don't understand. if he does come its not 'til like 9pm so its basically sex and sleep.

AM i overreacting or is this not right? I just divorced my ex husband for cheating on me, and going to jail and i really wanna avoid another horrible relationship..

there could be lots of reasons. some harmless. some hurtful. just ask him. if he's avoiding you except for sex once a week, then i think your relationship has run its course. be prepared for that.

Nina_Crowson

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

Colonel_Brandon

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

Because he's not sure if you'd stick around if he came out and said that.

Actions speak louder than words, hon - maybe you should look at what he's doing, and not listening to what he's saying.

petreebird

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

He probably thinks it will hurt you and doesn't want to ruin a good thing...seriously, get out if you want a real relationship, cuz this isn't one.

cmriverside

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

Really? You think he would tell you? Then you migh cut him off. Sounds like that's all it is, honey. Don't fool yourself. He probably has four other girls he's doing the same with.

comogirl

If a man cares he makes an effort. Plain and simple. If he isn't making an effort to spend time with you then he doesn't want to spend time with you. Just my opinion.

dcurzon

You have to put your son's best interest first, then your own. This guy doesn't sound like good role model material. Your better than that

twinketta

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

Because he's not sure if you'd stick around if he came out and said that.

Actions speak louder than words, hon - maybe you should look at what he's doing, and not listening to what he's saying.

This^

And bin him find someone who cares about you for real!

Nina_Crowson

Like hes taken me to meet the family, and is working on getting things together bc he wants to move in with me- And he helps me when i get into binds, im confused! LOL

One day its like he is there, and everything is good. and then the next day its like all we do is txt.

tpt1950

Well he is always telling me how much he cares and its like h has good intentions to be there but its always some excuse, he doesnt feel good, he is in pain, hes tired. IDk maybe its me.

And if it is just sex- why not just say that?

Because he's not sure if you'd stick around if he came out and said that.

Actions speak louder than words, hon - maybe you should look at what he's doing, and not listening to what he's saying.

^^^^^^
This!

Nina_Crowson

i guess i need to just sit down and talk to him and ask what he wants.

I just didnt know if i was overreacting or if it is what it is..lol

WinnerVictorious

If a man cares he makes an effort. Plain and simple. If he isn't making an effort to spend time with you then he doesn't want to spend time with you. Just my opinion.

this is pretty much it.

relationships end. it sounds like this one has ended except that he's getting free sex once a week with no other obligations. he'll keep that going as long as he can, but it's just sex to him at this point. tell him "no more sex" unless you spend time together.

talk to him. tell him you think the relationship is on thin ice. ask him if he feels the same way. go from there. DO NOT start paying his bills or giving him free rent though .

Wrreck

I agree with the others Nina. You pretty much answered your own question when you stated that he only comes over for sex and sleep. You should go with your gut on this and end it with this guy.

bonjour24

You have to put your son's best interest first, then your own. This guy doesn't sound like good role model material. Your better than that

this. is he good for your boy? because that's most important.
so, he lives with his parents and is getting ready to move in with you? is that right? but your current relationship is texting and sex. you may want to make sure he's not just swapping caretakers.

Nina_Crowson

Now i will say when i ask him to be there for my son- hes always there. Soccer games, and karate.

swarovski75

Hmm, it is near freakin' impossible to know what is going on in someone else's mind, especially with so little info, so all you can really do is go with your gut. My husband (of 11 years) does some crappy-assed selfish things, but don't we all? And what my Mom told me early on, and I stick by, is you have to weigh the bad against the good, and if he makes you happy 90% of the time, and only pisses you off occasionally, you probably have a good thing. If it starts to shift too far in the other direction, and you're miserable more often then happy, then you have some hard decisions to make. Because at the end of the day, its all about how he makes you feel.

As for your specific question, though...some guys need/love their rituals. Wanting to watch football at his buddy's might just be one of those things. Or maybe he loves you but has a fear of commitment and so won't invest too much. Or it could be the much worse things that others have suggested...but that's where your gut comes in.

Good luck with it! Hugs.

Nina_Crowson

yeah i think im just gonna sit him down and talk with him. When we are together its really great. And like i said hes there for my little one when i ask. I guess im just being needy and i need to tell him that.

joeysox

yeah i think im just gonna sit him down and talk with him. When we are together its really great. And like i said hes there for my little one when i ask. I guess im just being needy and i need to tell him that.

it doesnt sound like your being needy at all, but you do need to know where you stand and in any relationship regardless of the level of seriousness there should always be communication x

Nina_Crowson

Thanks everyone!

VirtuousVal

Communication is the most important part of any committed or uncommitted relationship!

First, need to establish what it is that you want in the relationship. Always, be honest with yourself & with whomever you are in a relationship with what exactly is your expectations & needs are in a relationship. Whether it is a casual or serious intentions.
Then, a real heart to heart talk is mandattory!
Is it a real true committed relationship?
OR a relationship with sex and no question asked?
If all you want & are willing to settle for is a once a week late night visit...Then, do what you need to satisfy you & your needs. But, if this what you want in a relationship and let the guy know that is all you want from him. Don't expect anything more like watching football on the weekends.
Do you want a man or a boy?
In my opinion & my past experience....A real Man is not going to treat you like this!
A Boy.....Who is attracted to your independance & is looking for someone to just give him the freedom and maybe just wanting to get out from under his parents house.

He maybe just looking for a "Sugar MOMMA". Don't let him move in your home if the relationship is not a serious relationship. The drama & heartbreak is inevitable & not worth it!

If it were me I would not disclose that your "Needy". Don't settle just because your lonely & needy!

Wishing you the Best in the outcome!

Be Blessed in Health, Healing and Wholeness!