No support from friends or family!!

claire30

Hi all,
i am newbie, just joined this week!

I am currently eating healthy, and going to the gym 5x a week, and feeling good for it too!
I have cut out 99%of the junk food i eat, and eating nice yummy healthy food, lots of fruit and veg, etc etc, and starting to like going to the gym, it gives me such a buzz after!!

Anyway, whenever i mention this to friends and family, they are not at all supportive (with the exception of 1 friend who i go to the gym with)!! In fact, they say to me "rather you than me..i wouldnt go to the gym if you paid me"..and somethings like "why on earth would you want to go to the gym, its boring..and why cut out all the yummy chocolate and sweet food"....!!!!

i am getting quite irritated by allthese comments, and was wondering if anyone else has had this problem??
I would like to-politely- tell them to stop saying such negative things to me, but not sure how to have a good comeback, but without being rude?

aloshka

Yes! It's typical. Everyone tries to bring you down to their level. Don't listen to them, keep doing what you are doing. When you lose enough weight they will all shut up but instead try to make it sound like it was easy for you.

It's a normal human pyschology thing. Basically when one person in a group moves on, either everyone moves on, or they all try to get the one person to stop. You'd be surprised, you might actually eventually encourage everyone else move on and start being more healthy.

tammietifanie

I had my friends and family laugh in my face and it's the worse feeling in the world but i figured it's easier for people to say mean things then giving you support. Alot of people who don't give support it's almost because they know deep down inside they should be also going to the gym and changing their lives to a more healthy style .. I had to tell myself well when im older and not on medication i'll know it's because i took care of myself and ate healthy while others will most likely be on medications and not having a healthy long life..You need to stay positive no matter what other's say cause it's your life not theirs....

myhoney

just keep your head up and do what you got to do. dont let them bring you down.:flowerforyou:

kicklikeaGIRL

I can feel your pain. My sisters do not like that I am always going to the gym, and that I resist bad foods. They call me "obsessive" or a "party pooper" when I don't grab a huge handful of junk food, and when I try get up early on Saturdays to hit the gym. But, I think its just their way to make themselves feel better. Just keep doing what you are doing, other people probably want to be dedicated like you are, but don't quite have the full desire to do anything about it yet. Keep it up, you'll start to feel great and pretty soon what people say won't matter to you anymore because you are feeling good about yourself and your accomplishments!! Keep it up! If people make rude or negative remarks, I would just keep quiet and let them be the one who has to deal with their feelings. In the end, you'll be the happier one!! Good luck with your journey!!

sbilyeu75

Misery loves company.

shannonjwagner

I think when you encounter these types of attitudes you should stop sharing your fitness/health goals with those people that are negative. Look to people who support you, and share with them. Also, try to realize that misery loves company and they just want you to join their "group" again. Good Luck,

claire30

Thankyou so much for the advice and support.
The worst of them are my so called friend, who is obese herself, so what you said, tammiefanie, really makes sense, she probably knows that she could do with going to the gym.
Aloshka, thats so true, they cant help it i guess, and as long as i stay on track, it will all be worth it. its just such a shame that they dont want to hear when i have had a good day at the gym etc..but never mind, i KNOW that its worth it, and again like tammiefanie said, i will (hopefully) be healthier in older age!

Romba

FROM www.fitwatch.com

Strategies to Deal with Weight Loss Saboteurs
Posted in: Exercise, Health, Nutrition, Self-Improvement, Weight Loss | Be the first to comment!

Doesn’t it drive you crazy? You’re trying to lose weight and improve your health, and then someone comes along to sabotage your efforts. Whether it’s jealousy, misunderstanding, or just plain being mean this is something you should expect, even within your own family.

There are several ways you can handle a saboteur in your life:

■If possible, avoid them altogether – this is difficult if it’s a close friend or family member
■Steer clear of the subject of dieting and weight loss – don’t let them in on your diet plan
■Confront the saboteur and let them know you won’t be discussing your diet with them and you would like them to please stop any behaviors that are getting in your way
■Ignore their efforts – don’t engage them when they try to stop your progress
Efforts of other people to get in the way of your success are a sad truth when it comes to dieting. There will always be people who – consciously or unconsciously – will try to keep you from having it all.

Sometimes it’s enough to just recognize that this is happening so you can avoid them or confront them on the issue. While having positive support can lead to your success, allowing negative people to get in your way will be detrimental.

It’s best to nip the problem in the bud. The first time someone does or says something that makes your diet more difficult, make sure to let them know what you want from them.

Change is a hard pill to swallow. Some people – even people who care about you – will have a hard time if your new lifestyle interferes with theirs. Remember that we don’t live in a bubble. Our actions always affect others.

For example, if they’re used to going out to dinner or dessert with you, it may be difficult when you either turn them down or don’t eat that brownie a la mode anymore. This is especially true if he or she needs to lose weight as well.

But most people will get over their problems and turn into supporters if you make it clear that you’re committed to your new plan. And, eventually, as you succeed, they’ll cheer you on.

Romba

I had my friends and family laugh in my face and it's the worse feeling in the world but i figured it's easier for people to say mean things then giving you support. Alot of people who don't give support it's almost because they know deep down inside they should be also going to the gym and changing their lives to a more healthy style .. I had to tell myself well when im older and not on medication i'll know it's because i took care of myself and ate healthy while others will most likely be on medications and not having a healthy long life..You need to stay positive no matter what other's say cause it's your life not theirs....

EXACTLY. I do not want to be the one on 19 different medications daily...nicely put

claire30

you guys are so helpful and supportive, thank you all so much!

I think it will be a case of trying to avoid them for the time being, and not talking to them about it..soon enough they will see the results!

jdramage

It sounds like a lot of us can feel your pain. I think it's totally true that these people react negatively to your actions towards eating and working out because it only reminds them that they are not doing that and probably not happy deep down with the state that they are in, and of course other people just don't care and don't understand why other people do. I thinking eating and drinking especially play such a huge role in socializing, so when you don't participate it's like you're being anti-social. I get looks and comments from friends and family when we go out and I order small portions without mayo, etc. or when I turn down that extra glass of wine, and I think it's because it makes them feel guilty that they're not doing the same and they don't want to feel guilty. They'd rather surround themselves with people like them so they can be "bad" together. My other issue is that I'm already in a healthy weight range but I want to do better. I'm a little bigger than I used to be and I feel uncomfortable so that's why I'm doing something about it, but it only makes people look at me like "why are you trying to lose weight". You can't expect everyone to understand I guess. Just try to talk about your weight loss goals on MFP like you're already doing. I'm also doing a "Biggest Loser" competition with friends. It's so nice to find that there are people out there who will support you.

Jennplus2

Hi all,
i am newbie, just joined this week!

I am currently eating healthy, and going to the gym 5x a week, and feeling good for it too!
I have cut out 99%of the junk food i eat, and eating nice yummy healthy food, lots of fruit and veg, etc etc, and starting to like going to the gym, it gives me such a buzz after!!

Anyway, whenever i mention this to friends and family, they are not at all supportive (with the exception of 1 friend who i go to the gym with)!! In fact, they say to me "rather you than me..i wouldnt go to the gym if you paid me"..and somethings like "why on earth would you want to go to the gym, its boring..and why cut out all the yummy chocolate and sweet food"....!!!!

i am getting quite irritated by allthese comments, and was wondering if anyone else has had this problem??
I would like to-politely- tell them to stop saying such negative things to me, but not sure how to have a good comeback, but without being rude?

I think that the best "comeback" will be when you have lost your weight and they start asking you for help! Then you can help them and say "I will help by being supportive of you, one of the hard things I faced while loosing my weight"

Most people are just in fear that they can't do it, so they want you to fail so you can join them at their pity party! Stay strong and get support from friends on MFP. You CAN do this!:flowerforyou:

KLSimpson

I used to work with someone who would bring in huge bags of M&Ms and put them on my desk if she knew I was working out and watching calories. At first it p*ssed me off, but when another co-worker started laughing about it, I saw the humor (and pitied the jealous saboteur). So the next time she brought in a big bag of chocolate, I just smiled, and said thanks. I now appreciate the supportive friends & family that surround me every day

swtally80

I was fortunate enough to avoid the negative comments and sabotage for the most part. But I know that once my weight loss became more obvious many people around me made statements that they never thought I could actually do it. Its really got to all be about you when you make this change, anyone elses opinions and snarky comments should be kept to themselves or thoroughly ignored! Imagine them saying something rude and negative and you not even acknowledging anything they said (literally silence). You can totally do this! Stay away from those negative nellies and enjoy your conversations and time with the friends that will go to the gym with you and eat healthy and share your enthusiasm!