Walking(exerc.) w/ Friends & Family? HELP

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Replies

  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    She "thinks" you are best friends? Doesn't sound much like it to me. Maybe she'll get lucky and find someone to REALLY be best friends with, someone who is more her speed. I hope so, for her sake.

    I would give anything I own just to be able to walk with my mama again. She's been gone 7 years now.

    Yes. and I know that is bad of me. And I feel guilty for the way I feel, just haven't found a way to not feel that way yet
    . She told me all my life that she is not my friend. "I'm NOT your friend! I'm your mom. I don't care if you like me"
    (and I was one of the 'Goody Two Shoes obedient kids")

    I am not her best friend. and, according to how I was brought up, I shoulnd't be her best friend. Doesn't mea I don't love her or don't care for her. but I just don't know how to think of her as a best friend.

    I am a bad daughter and a bad best friend for my mom.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    (this started with a question in mind, then became a "read my story and commiserate so I know I am not alone on this"
    teensy bit of background:
    I am 40, my mom is 64. She thinks we are best friends. I was out of state for 5 yrs and just moved back. She is exctatic.

    She is overwieght and has both knees replaced. She got the same yoga app I use and asked me to do a workout (and diet-food) program with her. (I design little workout routines for my boys and myself- mostly bodyweight/small weights)

    I turned her down for doing the workout/nutrition program (she used the word 'teaching'). With her joint replacement and food allergies, my sanity is too precious. (she is the type that asks for advice then has an excuse why This or That or The Other won't work for her, in her situation.

    The Actual Info for my Post:
    well, she saw soemting I postted on FB about the park in my neighborhood having a walking path. She came over (for a visit) and mentioned how much she woud love to have a walking partner and to call her on days I walk and she'll walk with me. (She lives about 11 minutes driving time)

    So I bit the bullet and called her today. (I usually don't use the path- how boring to walk in the same circle 6 times - to be 2 miles. I walk the neighborhood.
    Withh her knees we'll walk the path.

    anyway. I guess I used to have a question, but I don't anymore, becuase I guess I know whatt I should do. Just buck-up and walk slow and boring, for my mom.

    She will walk slower than me. I like to walk fast. I will be upset that I will have to log 2.5, or worse yet, 3.0-walk the dog (I don't OWN a dog!) instead of my 4.0 pace.

    So now I just want a little Commisserating... What/when have you "Nerfed" your workout for the sake of others?

    Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.

    Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    I don't call it my workout. I call it fun with my kids...or friends...and do my real workout alone or with my dad who walks fast.

    Just don't count it as your workout. It's time with your mom that she apparently needs. :)


    ^^^^Well said! Exactly!!
  • skinnynerd
    skinnynerd Posts: 110
    It's your mom. How would you feel about not spending time with her if she dropped dead tommorow? Walk with her and find the time for another workout.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    I am still wondering if I should record it or not. It is so hard to amke time to go for brisk walks and bike rides as it is , without having a 'psuedo walk'.. BUT maybe she will walk faster than I think. Maybe I will find time to go on a real walk.

    I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and am fraid a 'pseudo walk' (and everythig else I am doing today) will wear me out too much for a real walk. But maybe it's OK occasionally.

    (and, for the person who said they count these things as "fun with mom or kids or whomever".. FUN is not an appropriate description. )

    Oh, well. I was probably just complaining. I am going to buck up and have fun.


    This is starting to sound like a relationship issue between you and your Mom.....not a fitness issue.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.

    Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.

    Thanks. I need to work on making it a special time for us and view it as that instead of my exercise time.
  • moseler
    moseler Posts: 224 Member
    I have, in the past, worked out, hiked or walked with friends that are not at the same cardio level I am. I enjoy their company and I also enjoy supporting them on THEIR path to healthy living. I work out in the mornings alone and then walk/hike with them at different times. I still log it as exercise as, well you know, I am exercising even if it isn't at MY optimal level.

    Your mom sounds like she wants and needs support... I agree with you... don't make a routine for her... this is HER journey. She needs to come up with a plan that works for her... all you can do is support her in her journey. Good luck to you and your mom.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.

    Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.

    Thanks. I need to work on making it a special time for us and view it as that instead of my exercise time.

    I live with my 82 year old Mom (moved in to help her out when my Dad passed a few years ago). God knows I love her to death...it's not easy living with her!!!! But I know when she's gone I'm going to cherish this time that I got to have with her. It's been wonderful getting to know her as a person not just a mother! I will admit though....it takes a lot of patience!!
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    This is starting to sound like a relationship issue between you and your Mom.....not a fitness issue.

    I agree to a degree, It is sounding like both a mom-issue than a fitness quandry. I didn't realize it was more the former than the later when I sarted out.
    but is a fitness quandry for me, too. Which is why I came here, to get advice or 'your story' of this situation for the fitness part of the quandry.
    I know the mom-issue needs work, too, but this is a fitness site, not a relationship therapy site, so I wanted fitness issue advice.
    And I should have ttall kept any relationship part out of my fitness dvice thread. My apologies.
  • wyattsmomjoy
    wyattsmomjoy Posts: 13 Member
    I have a neighbor/friend who asks occasionally if I want to walk. I try to walk every evening after work. Selfishly, I like to go by myself. I put my earbuds in, got my 2# hand weights and crank up the Electro Dance channel and hit it. (step to the beat!) I don't want to chit-chat; I don't want to look at the neighbor's yard, I don't want to gossip, I just want to push it and push it hard.

    So, I do understand.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    Thanks Everyone!

    I think I have it figured out. I will log it as exercise. it doesn't matter if it may be less than exercise than I had planned. I will view it as working on a better relationship with my mom.

    She ended up not being able to come today and I am disappointed now, to not have been able to start getting to know her and enjoy her in this way. (and disappointed for her sake as it is a bad allergy day for her)
  • Redladystl
    Redladystl Posts: 351 Member
    Is it possible if you DO chose to do the path, you go ahead of her, get a "real " workout in, say, run it or jog it, ahead of time? Then have her meet you there later, when you are done, and walk it with her?

    I like this idea. Mom just wants to spend time with you.
  • RabecaR
    RabecaR Posts: 9 Member
    Just remember...she's your Mom and the time we have with eachother is uncertain. You never know what you may see, when you slow it down a little. Kinda like yoga for your soul! I hope you and your Mom find some way to both enjoy your "stroll" in the park.
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
    Wish I had a Mom to walk with.
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    When my son, who is 7, wants to come for a run with me. We do 10 minutes then he wants to climb trees. If he comes with me I always carry a skipping rope so if he wants to stop running to climb a tree (he must climb a tree if we go through a park) then I just skip. I still find that I have a nice workout.

    I really wish I had my mum to walk with as we had great times. She was a fitness nut and I remember her kicking my *kitten* when we did a half marathon a century ago.
  • barb1241
    barb1241 Posts: 324 Member
    I don't call it my workout. I call it fun with my kids...or friends...and do my real workout alone or with my dad who walks fast.

    Just don't count it as your workout. It's time with your mom that she apparently needs. :)

    ^^^^THIS^^^
  • Julicat6
    Julicat6 Posts: 231 Member
    I have to dial it back when I walk with my Husband..He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia as weel as Crohns', so when we walk together its very different than when I go by myself. I just make sure I do something else those days as well. I also dial it back to walk with my BFF( have been friends since we were 4 years old) and her daughter. They walk much slower than I do and her 11 y/o complains her legs and feet hurt even on the slower walks. I like to go ahead and get a couple of miles in then meet them for cool down.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    I like the idea od starting first to get a couple miles in ,then I can enjoy my time with her as a cool down.
    I have to dial it back when I walk with my Husband..He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia as weel as Crohns', so when we walk together its very different than when I go by myself. I just make sure I do something else those days as well. I also dial it back to walk with my BFF( have been friends since we were 4 years old) and her daughter. They walk much slower than I do and her 11 y/o complains her legs and feet hurt even on the slower walks. I like to go ahead and get a couple of miles in then meet them for cool down.

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