Before and After Where People Look Anorexic

animatorswearbras

Not sure if I would unless really worried, but if you do I'd send privatley as not to humiliate them as if they have an ED a public negative response will probably only make them feel worse, and again I would only suggest doing so if they were actually underweight not just low end of healthy bmi (but looked to skinny for your tastes). And my message wouldn't be you look anna it would be your current weight (if they've posted it) is actually underweight for your height, I just wanted to say well done for your success but maybe speak to your doctor to make sure your current weight is maintainable without causing any muscle deteriotion, however it may be that you're just small framed and you're fine but it's always great to get a medical opinion after a large weight loss that may affect your metabolism. Or something unaccusatory like that, that woud get them to speak to a doctor.

I hear about so many people on here saying they get accused of being annorexic by friends even though they're 160 pounds but have dropped from 260 and that can come accross as just spiteful jealousy, if someone decided to tell me that with my future before and afters "you look better and more curvy before and annorexic now" publically I would just assume they were an asshat that was trying to humiliate me, however if they pm'ed me privately I'd take it alot better and as genuine concern.

jennifer52484

I don't think you should just assume they have an eating disorder. Maybe private message them or something if you are actually concerned for someone you've never met.

trophywife24

I don't say anything but have hoped several times that someone else would.

jsbabw

Thanks for sharing that! You really sound like a true pal!

SeaChele77

As someone who suffered an ED and still suffers from body dysmorphia - I say they came to the forum and people should be honest. You don't have to be rude, there is a tactful and nice way to say - "Great job on your loss, but - in my opinion - you don't need to lose anymore. Work on toning and definition." Or something along those line. I've had plenty of people tell me my before picture was fine, congratulate me on my accomplishment (lower BF%), but they have also told me to stop losing!! Being that I don't see what others do - I don't take these words as hurtful or even critical...I take it to heart to really examine who/what I want to be.

These girls (who truly suffer from an ED, not just in a "fad") need help. People around them IRL probably have said something. But they are posting in a health and fitness site - they are opening themselves up for feedback.

People are making comments about peopel still being over weight - there is a very big difference between losing 100lbs the healthy way but still needing to shed another 30+lbs or whathaveyou..... they should be congratulated on their success and should be given encouragement to keep pressing forward on their journey. But a girl at 5'5" trying to weigh 100lbs should NOT be congratulated nor encouraged on *this* site! If they don't want the feedback and honest opinions they should not post!!

shivaslives

anyone posting their progress on these forums is looking for feedback and should be open to either positive reinforcement or some constructive help. Whether you choose to give the latter is up to you and they can take it as they wish. My personal preference is to stay positive and supportive when necessary and not assume I know anyone's goals for being here. I try not to tell anyone else what to do but relate my own experiences. Most importantly, I remind everyone the value of these posts with the tagline below.


Advice is worth exactly what you pay for it!
<=>

SeaChele77

I don't think you should just assume they have an eating disorder. Maybe private message them or something if you are actually concerned for someone you've never met.

Eating disorder or not - if they look unhealthy or look as if they should stop losing - it should be mentioned. No need to call them out on a possible ED. There is a nice/tactful way to tell a person they don't need to lose anymore and should focus on being healthy not skeletal

CoderGal

I usually comment on sustainable food amounts and not size...alot of people can become fairly slim if they are tall and active with a ton of food. I have lost friends from rude comments relating to how thin I have become even though I wasn't where I was 2 years ago when no comments were made and I can out eat all of them. Plus sometimes those comments don't work...many people have many different versions of to slim...and the ones who are sick and slim will tell themselves that its just because everyone telling them that are fat.

SyntonicGarden

I'm torn on this because I grew up being labeled as anorexic at 5'6 and 125 lbs, with constant threats of hospitalization. I was dancing three times a week, walking everywhere, ate like a horse and just happened to have the metabolic features of my tall, thin slavic relatives over my short, stocky Italian ones. I think culture plays a huge part of body image.

For what it's worth, many Asian parents and grandparents are often the WORST with giving their kids body issue complexes by the way... so if the person is Chinese, for example, be especially gentle, since they're probably getting a lot of unsupportive crap from family. Most non-asian people aren't exposed to and don't understand the onslaught of "Why are you soooo fat?" comments at family gatherings. It's terrible if you have to witness it...

I'm now in my late 30's, my metabolism has caught up with me and I'm at 163 as of this morning. My stocky relatives are STILL constantly telling me how thin I am and how I need to eat more. There's not a single one of them who's less than 250, not a single one who isn't diabetic, they're all hypertensive, and at least one's had a bypass. Grandma is over 300, smokes like a chimney, I think she has had knee surgery, and needs a scooter to go grocery shopping.

So I have to remember where it's coming from, be polite, be respectful, and go about my day. The slavic side says nothing.

If someone is genuinely sickly looking, they're probably already getting crap outside of MFP. If you want to be supportive, and that's what this site is for, I think a "I'd love to be at (whatever weight was) and look that good!" is a lot more supportive (especially of the healthier weight) than "Damn girl! I can see your ribs! You need to EAT!"

Otherwise, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. There's enough nastiness on this site most days already.

wbgolden

I've seen posts like that. I figure it's none of my business and just keep worrying about myself. And I click the "back" button.

Christine1110

I have not seen this...I have only seen heavy people change to a slim down version of themselves....looking healthier : ) Congrats to each & everyone of them for putting themselves first....

rmsrws

Do we have the right to judge others????? We are entitled to our opinions but do we need to speak them out loud?

I went from 252 lbs down to 105. I am healthy, and I am toned. I get called anorexic on a daily basis. The difference between anorexic people and me is muscle definition. I work out almost every day, this is my choice.

If you feel the need to comment then I'd suggest a private message to the individual. Being called anorexic hurts just as bad as being called a fat a** just sayin'

savlyon

There's been a lot of comments referring to the rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Ok, so if my zipper is down, which is the "nice" thing to do... say nothing at all or tell me in a whisper?

If my boyfriend is cheating on me with your best friend, which is the nice thing to do... mind your own business or tell me in a private message?

In this case, I don' t think commenting on the post something like "Honey, have you been to the doctor lately? You look anorexic..." would be a bad idea. The attention would all go to you and ruin the success. I think that a private message is completely appropriate. A private message that shows caring and concern in the least judgmental approach as possible.

lydia_the_tattooed_lady

I can't NOT say anything to people like that. I try to be nice but honest, i.e. You looked healthier in your before picture.... It's funny though because anybody who does call out the ill-looking person usually gets attacked for being a-holes. They seem to think that your not allowed to give an opinion just because it's a negative one. That's not how life works. I believe in losing weight to become healthy. The point of all this is health. And sometimes people get caught up in the cosmetic aspects of weight loss and end up being unhealthy. Why can't we call them out on unhealthy behavior that is harming them?

MinMin97

MFP does not want to promote ED's, although they do support those who are seeking to recover.
If you see a profile that encourages ED's, you can simply report it.
And you can be an encouragement toward anyone.

LorinaLynn

There's been times I've said something... but it's not just a matter of weight or appearance. There's a lot of other factors. For instance, if someone looks alarmingly thin, AND they're eating 500 calories a day, AND they think they need to cut calories more, AND they're exercising for hours each day, AND they're still not happy with their body, AND want to lose more weight....

firstsip

There's been times I've said something... but it's not just a matter of weight or appearance. There's a lot of other factors. For instance, if someone looks alarmingly thin, AND they're eating 500 calories a day, AND they think they need to cut calories more, AND they're exercising for hours each day, AND they're still not happy with their body, AND want to lose more weight....

Yup, this.

As yet another person who has dealt with anorexia for a large part of my life, let me just say: saying someone "looks anorexic" is like saying someone looks "schizophrenic." One would not say the latter, so why would you say the former?

Looking "very thin" or "unhealthy" is something else, though. It takes away the mental disorder as JUST being a physical appearance, since anorexia is much more than just "intentionally not eating/losing weight." You'd be surprised at how many people with EDs hover around "healthy" weights, but are deeply unhealthy because of the ways they eat, binge, purge, exercise, etc.

That being said: to the OP, I think I'm seeing what you're saying. I have noticed posts where people looked very thin post "weight loss." Too thin. I'm not saying subjective, but saying, "This looks like I did." There are tells; the quality of hair, skin. The way certain bones protrude. Are some people naturally that thin? Sure... those aren't the people in question. And skin/nails/hair = nutrition deficiency. A big tell? Someone saying, "I still have a way to go" or "Please be kind" when they're clearly very thin.

The thing I'm surprised no one's pointed out: during the weight loss process, everyone's a little body dysmorphic--your mind takes an average of three months to "catch up" to really any change in or on your body (You change meds? Three months to reach the blood stream. You change weight? Three months for your perception to catch up). This is evident almost daily with people's posts of, "I know I've lost the weight but I don't see/feel the difference."

So yes, I think it's very possible that some people don't realize how much weight they've lost. The change from obese/overweight/at the top of the BMI to the low end and are happy, enjoy it, etc... but the thought of being "unhealthy from too thin" seems foreign when they've grappled with the opposite of the spectrum for so long.

TL;DR: Please stop using "anorexic" synonymously with "very thin." Yes, I do think people have posted on MFP that are bordering on unhealthy behaviors if not already. Hell, I've dealt with triggers on this site BECAUSE of some posts like that. I think it wouldn't be out of place to point out, "Plug in your measurements to see how you're doing!" as a sly bump to make them check if they're unhealthy.

I do know that the very blase posts of, "Great work, keep it up!" or "You look great" that so many people unthinkingly post can also be damaging in that they can be enabling if the person legitimately looks unhealthy. When people said, "You look so thin!" to me at my lowest points, well, goddamn if I didn't want to look THINNER to keep those responses coming! Anecdotal? Yes. But something to think about in the blurry lines between "extreme weight loss" and "EDs."

gingerjen7

Based on pictures alone, I wouldn't say anything. I'm not going to say, "Wow, you look great, good job" if I don't think they look great, but I won't say that on any progress picture if it's not true. I might say "Wow, excellent progress, keep up the good work" to someone who has made it half way through or something because I think they deserve the accolades and encouragement.

If someone makes it obvious that they have unrealistically low weight goals (like someone who listed their goal weight at 100 lbs and took a lot of pictures from angles that made her stomach look skeletal) then I might say something about it, express concern. If they post encouraging other people to only eat 800 calories or something like that, then I just report it.