Mike’s Daily Rant 10/25/2012 Topic: Locker Room Land

Good day everyone! Today’s rant was inspired by something that has been happening for months yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Weird! I never use that phrase because I have no clue what it means.

Around 5:30pm I walk into the gym. 5:30 is the busiest time of the day in this gym as it appears that it’s social hour and a meet market. The women come out in full make up and their cutest workout gear but quite frankly, I hardly see them workout. They stand around the machines and watch the big macho men workout and they serve as a distraction. Some of the men do the same thing but it’s a small percentage from what I see. A lot of the guys do things that draw attention to them and serve as a plight to impress the ladies that are scoping the scene. Others truly want to work out and get home after a long day of work.
Now that’s a little background about the population of people that come around the 5:30 hour. I arrived at 5:30 but finished my workout around 7:45p.m last night. There is always a line for certain machines so you just get in where you fit in on days like this. I did strength training for an hour and a half then Indoor Spin/Cycle class for an hour. When I am finished spinning my body is weary and ready to leave. Normally, I walk into the locker room and grab my things (Pre-Organized before workout) and just leave. Yesterday was a little different.

I walk into the locker room and take a sip of water. I start walking towards my locker and hear a heated debate about my beloved Gators. For those that don’t know me, I am a Die-Hard Florida Gator fan. I don’t normally engage in these types of conversations especially with gym members that look like they could wrestle in the WWE. It’s a tad intimidating. However, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. These huge Mandingos were arguing passionately naked in front of my locker. I am hearing their conversation and feel a little weird interrupting especially because they are so riled up (and naked). I try to walk around the other direction because I know if I walk between I will be summoned to talk about it. Why? I am wearing a Florida Gator T-shirt. I politely try to tip toe behind them and then the conversation stops and then one noticed that I’m wearing a Florida Gator T-shirt! Oh well I’m caught.

So now they try to involve me. I say, “Well I really don’t have time to discuss football because I have to go cook dinner because I’m so hungry. but Go Gators!” I really do want to talk about it because some of the accusations are just not factual. Either way I won’t discuss it today.

The issue at hand is that these guys have been debating the exact same topic for an hour. The reason that I know is because I came to grab another Gatorade out of my locker between strength and Spic class. Ok! So I stated that incorrectly. The issue is not that they have been debating the exact topic for an hour. The issue is that they have been debating the exact same topic for an hour NAKED!

I understand that people are comfortable with their body. That is fine. I enjoy dancing in the mirror naked sometimes as well. However, I dance in the mirror naked AT MY HOUSE! It’s clear that these guys are comfortable with their bodies. They have worked hard and should be. I must admit that I would be uncomfortable that others are getting comfortable with my body in Locker Room Land as well. I realized this was a major problem for me a few weeks ago. A guy that I never met in my life was coming from the pool as I was arriving in Locker Room Land. He speaks to me while he is dripping wet. He starts chatting with me and in the middle of the conversation he drops trou! That part wasn’t that bad but he then took his towel and play air guitar with his penis. That wasn’t his intention but that’s what happened. I understand he was just drying off but my understanding is that we live by man law in Locker room Land. A few that I practice are as follow: I turn around and never face a person when dropping trou. I get undressed and dressed as quickly as possible. Never walk around locker room naked, wrap up in a towel. Never make eye contact with somebody if they are getting dressed or undressed. Fist bump, no hand shaking. When using the urinal, leave an empty urinal between you and the next guy.

I don’t know but I now feel as if I am the only one living by the man laws in Locker Room Land, are my thoughts just deviant or am I making too big of a deal? Either way, I am not attempting to tell anyone the man laws. A man should already know them. That’s a man law, knowing without being told. Just know that you won’t see me debating with two Mandingos about my beloved Gators naked in Locker Room Land.

MikeMontana1914
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Replies

  • SyStEmPhReAk
    SyStEmPhReAk Posts: 330 Member
    First of all, HILARIOUS post!!! I enjoyed reading it.

    Second of all, you MUST follow man rules in the locker room. I played basketball throughout high school and college, so i know a thing or two about locker room etiquette. We NEVER stood around talking to each other while naked. What i have noticed about gym locker rooms is this: those that never played a sport in high school or college are more likely to walk around naked and break man rules because thats what they THINK is normal locker room behavior.

    Cover your junk if you want to talk to me :angry:
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    It seems like a generational/cultural thing. Personally, I'm not comfortable being naked around dudes, but then again I'm not comfortable talking about football either.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I think it has to do with up bringing and how your family treated nudity, cause some people just have no respect to the code as if it doesn't exist while others adhere by it to the letter. I use to think it was a white and black thing when I was in college but a lot of my white friends had great respect for the code, so I just figured it came down to how you were brought up, if running around naked when you were 10 years old was okay at your house hold then the code didn't mean much to you later in life.
  • SuperSexyDork
    SuperSexyDork Posts: 1,669 Member
    I don't know anything about male Locker Room Land but I always thought that you should be covering up if you're in there... I'm not going to parade around naked. If I'm showering and no one is waiting for the shower, I just get dressed in there. If I'm changing, I go over by my own locker and face it while I'm putting my clothes on... no one needs to see the lady bits, ya know?
  • First of all, HILARIOUS post!!! I enjoyed reading it.

    Second of all, you MUST follow man rules in the locker room. I played basketball throughout high school and college, so i know a thing or two about locker room etiquette. We NEVER stood around talking to each other while naked. What i have noticed about gym locker rooms is this: those that never played a sport in high school or college are more likely to walk around naked and break man rules because thats what they THINK is normal locker room behavior.

    Cover your junk if you want to talk to me :angry:

    Hello!!! Well said! I agree with the part about when we were in high school knowing the rules. Its so akward!
  • All I can say OMG!!! "Air" guitar with the....OMG! I would have died (maybe laughing) but certainly died! Thanks for the rant.
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
    I'm curious how people outside the USA feel about this. I get the impression that Americans, myself included, are pretty prudish about nudity. Anyone from elsewhere want to comment?
  • BronnersHarris
    BronnersHarris Posts: 247 Member
    Hilarious as usual!

    I haven't been in the Men's Locker Land but spend a bit of time within the women's side of things. I walked in the other day as a lady I know from some classes was coming out of the shower. She dropped her towel and applied lotion while we chatted. Lotion to her whole body! :s
  • lol!:laugh:
  • SuperSexyDork
    SuperSexyDork Posts: 1,669 Member
    Oh and if you want to know something really funny. One of the first times I was in the locker room during the day, I opened the door to the sight of a rather large group of Asian women all bent over with their *kitten* towards the door... Apparently they were trying to have each other assess just how much of their panties you could see through their yoga pants...
  • All I can say OMG!!! "Air" guitar with the....OMG! I would have died (maybe laughing) but certainly died! Thanks for the rant.

    If you can imagine the movie "Forrest Gump" When he was in the locker room. That is exactly what it reminded me of. I was in disbelief. Only difference is that he didnt wave and walk away. he stayed.
  • I'm curious how people outside the USA feel about this. I get the impression that Americans, myself included, are pretty prudish about nudity. Anyone from elsewhere want to comment?

    Good point. I never even thought about it that way. The international state of mind.
  • Hilarious as usual!

    I haven't been in the Men's Locker Land but spend a bit of time within the women's side of things. I walked in the other day as a lady I know from some classes was coming out of the shower. She dropped her towel and applied lotion while we chatted. Lotion to her whole body! :s

    Seen that in the men's locker room! But a guy a few days ago was sitting on one of the benches naked and putting on lotion. Then he open his legs and sprayed Axe body spray down there. It really makes me second guess putting my clothes on that bench.
  • Oh and if you want to know something really funny. One of the first times I was in the locker room during the day, I opened the door to the sight of a rather large group of Asian women all bent over with their *kitten* towards the door... Apparently they were trying to have each other assess just how much of their panties you could see through their yoga pants...

    Nice!!! LOL.
  • bokodasu
    bokodasu Posts: 629 Member
    Every time this comes up I always think of this: http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences2/locker_room
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    It seems like a generational/cultural thing. Personally, I'm not comfortable being naked around dudes, but then again I'm not comfortable talking about football either.

    I think it is generational. Women don't usually do this either. But the ones I do see do it are Older ladies. I'm also not comfortable around naked dudes talking about football. :wink:
  • Every time this comes up I always think of this: http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences2/locker_room

    errupted into laughter!!!!
  • Flyer615
    Flyer615 Posts: 173 Member
    I'm not sure that I'm qualified to give an opinion on this as I am a Tennessee Volunteer fan. I pretty sure that Gator fans do things a little differently than we do on Rocky Top. :laugh:

    Edited to say: Great post.
  • Tracey1147
    Tracey1147 Posts: 951 Member
    Every time this comes up I always think of this: http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences2/locker_room

    Love this website!
  • I'm not sure that I'm qualified to give an opinion on this as I am a Tennessee Volunteer fan. I pretty sure that Gator fans do things a little differently than we do on Rocky Top. :laugh:

    Edited to say: Great post.

    LOL Go Vols!
  • I'm not sure that I'm qualified to give an opinion on this as I am a Tennessee Volunteer fan. I pretty sure that Gator fans do things a little differently than we do on Rocky Top. :laugh:

    Edited to say: Great post.

    Its weird because I live in Atlanta so the debate was over the huge game this weekend that we have against UGA.
  • Flyer615
    Flyer615 Posts: 173 Member


    Its weird because I live in Atlanta so the debate was over the huge game this weekend that we have against UGA.

    Well, I would definitely take the Gators over the Dawgs this year. Florida seems to be improving for every game. I don't think I've seen the same from Georgia. Good luck. Chomp some Dawgs. :smile:
  • mrsvatitagain
    mrsvatitagain Posts: 275 Member
    ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  • Well, I would definitely take the Gators over the Dawgs this year. Florida seems to be improving for every game. I don't think I've seen the same from Georgia. Good luck. Chomp some Dawgs. :smile:

    Thanks Buddy but as always SEC!!
  • recee96
    recee96 Posts: 224 Member
    Hahahaha! Hilarious! I don't like people parading in the nude around me...unless it's my man ;)
  • I needed a great laugh today! Thanks!!! :)
  • Hahahaha! Hilarious! I don't like people parading in the nude around me...unless it's my man ;)

    Well said!
  • I needed a great laugh today! Thanks!!! :)

    No Problem!
  • Colleen118
    Colleen118 Posts: 491 Member

    Thanks Buddy but as always SEC!!

    You boys aren't naked having this conversation are you ? :laugh: :wink: :laugh:

    I won't walk around naked, always wrap in a towel. When I am done showering I go back and dry off, lotion, and dress in front of my locker. If there is someone nearby who starts a conversation I will be polite and speak to them while continueing what I'm doing and not making eye contact until I have at least the basics on. I won't go into a hiding spot to get myself ready away from my locker, but I won't be rude to someone who comes in and asks how I'm doing or anything like that. takling is okay as long as you keep moving it along and don't STOP and expect me to have this long discussion with you whilst I'm naked... won't happen - unless you are my hubby and then his nudity is a requirement as well....

  • You boys aren't naked having this conversation are you ? :laugh: :wink: :laugh:

    I won't walk around naked, always wrap in a towel. When I am done showering I go back and dry off, lotion, and dress in front of my locker. If there is someone nearby who starts a conversation I will be polite and speak to them while continueing what I'm doing and not making eye contact until I have at least the basics on. I won't go into a hiding spot to get myself ready away from my locker, but I won't be rude to someone who comes in and asks how I'm doing or anything like that. takling is okay as long as you keep moving it along and don't STOP and expect me to have this long discussion with you whilst I'm naked... won't happen - unless you are my hubby and then his nudity is a requirement as well....

    Well Said!