How can I convince my girlfriend to eat healthier foods?
uglydeuce
Posts: 35 Member
Hey everyone,
So my girlfriend is a very lucky girl, very thin all her life despite eating total junk. Most of the food she eats is frozen instant food or fast food which is taking a toll on our already very short budget. Whenever I offer to go out and get food to make she just whines saying that she'd rather have a burger or heat up some of the sodium rich, preservative rich foods in our freezer.
Not only am I worried about her health in the long run but it also makes it difficult to buy healthy food for myself when I'm trying to lose weight because either I buy food we both can eat (even though I'd rather not) or I buy food that I'll eat and she wont. Or if she heads out to the store she'll buy tons of her favorite frozen meals for us both for the week despite my request for her to pick something up that is healthy (although this time she did come back with mac and cheese with apples... it was better than freezer fish and hungry man meals).
Thoughts?
So my girlfriend is a very lucky girl, very thin all her life despite eating total junk. Most of the food she eats is frozen instant food or fast food which is taking a toll on our already very short budget. Whenever I offer to go out and get food to make she just whines saying that she'd rather have a burger or heat up some of the sodium rich, preservative rich foods in our freezer.
Not only am I worried about her health in the long run but it also makes it difficult to buy healthy food for myself when I'm trying to lose weight because either I buy food we both can eat (even though I'd rather not) or I buy food that I'll eat and she wont. Or if she heads out to the store she'll buy tons of her favorite frozen meals for us both for the week despite my request for her to pick something up that is healthy (although this time she did come back with mac and cheese with apples... it was better than freezer fish and hungry man meals).
Thoughts?
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Replies
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my only thought is to try making homemade versions of what she normally eats i.e homemade burgers with sweet potato wedges
and hope she finds them tastier!
good luck0 -
It seems like she doesn't respect or support your healthy lifestyle endeavors. Maybe you should have a serious conversation with her, telling her how you feel. Otherwise, it will just continue. Or you can just buy your own food from now on and prepare your own meals. As for her? Tough.0
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My husband was like this until he got colon cancer. Food does more than control the size of our bodies. read about anti-cancer diets and let her know that it is all about health and not size.0
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the short answer is "you can't" you can present your argument, offer support, and hope for the best, but unless they are your prisoner, only that person can convince themselves to be healthy.
If she's willing to accept your commentary on her nutrition, then try to keep your tone very neutral or supportive.
Don't use terms that can elicit a negative response. Words like "can't" or "shouldn't". Anything that makes them defensive could kick the self-preservation instinct in to override common sense. Give her the positive options, make it feel like she is making the decision, offer her the choice to join you, then try to find a method that makes sense for both of you. I.E. find healthy foods she likes and offer to make that a more common choice for your meals.
Again, you can't manipulate or make someone choose a healthier lifestyle, guilt, coercion, and force techniques don't work in this setting, the only thing you can do is be supportive, informative, and hopeful.0 -
my only thought is to try making homemade versions of what she normally eats i.e homemade burgers with sweet potato wedges
and hope she finds them tastier!
good luck
Yup this is a great idea...perhaps if you can get her into the kitchen "with" you and show her that she can still eat what she wants AND be healthy it just might work...plus you get do something together!0 -
My thoughts are that it's up to her what she eats and without sounding harsh you have to have some willpower when she buys stuff you 'can't' have and do your own food shopping.
Only she can decide to change the way she eats.0 -
Why not do a deal, one night your way, one night hers as long as she tries to do healthier for you. Or try to work out what saving you could make by not buying processed and then have a treat at the end of it which may just give her an incentive to help you out a bit more.0
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dump her0
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It seems like she doesn't respect or support your healthy lifestyle endeavors. Maybe you should have a serious conversation with her, telling her how you feel. Otherwise, it will just continue. Or you can just buy your own food from now on and prepare your own meals. As for her? Tough.
My fiance and I live together and have shared finances. We try to do grocery trips together. I would much rather cook my food at home. I cook and if he wants some he can eat it. He can always make his own food, eat something frozen/microwaved or get fast food. It is not my job to take care of him.0 -
You are going to have to set a boundary for yourself. Insist that you buy your own food. Lean Cuisine has cheap frozen food that is low in calories. Also, start cooking for yourself and she will get interested. Look up skinnytaste.com, there are some great recipes that I'm sure she will like. If you want to lose weight you will have to put your foot down in order to get your needs met.0
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The challenge - as someone already mentioned - is that you can't make someone do something they do not want to do unfortunately. However, this being said, in a relationship, both parties need to compromise for the happiness of the other.
In your case possibly trading nights would work but since you are the one that wants to change something that has probably become comfortable for her (assuming you were just fine with the food before you decided to do something) then the onus and the majority of the work to make the changes will have to come from you. Offer to cook dinner, maybe even try a nice romantic dinner? explain to her that you are worried about HER - don't make it about you because that won't work.. communicate with each other and try to get her to accept some 'small' changes - say..2 nights a week you cook something (together or not) from scratch. Once you have that working then you can try for more small changes.
The trick is not to try to force anything and to take it SLOW. If you are both committed to the relationship the changes will happen eventually. If not well...you will figure it out. Good luck!0 -
My fiance and I live together and have shared finances. We try to do grocery trips together. I would much rather cook my food at home. I cook and if he wants some he can eat it. He can always make his own food, eat something frozen/microwaved or get fast food. It is not my job to take care of him.
^^^This... and you cannot change someone who does not want to change and trying to change someone or their eating habits is counter-productive to a good relationship...0 -
Do you live together? Meaning, do you share a budget? If so, offer to take her shopping for things that you think will help both of you become healthy. You can make your own "freezer" meals like casseroles. Maybe your dedication to a healthier lifestyle (which translates to longer time in love) will be the motivation she needs?
My fiance is the same way. He's very thin and can eat almost anything. I'll make a meal and he'll partake if hungry, but lately we've been eating separate things (which I don't like because it feels less like something we're doing together) because I can't afford to put off good health anymore. I whipped up a quick dinner last night of steamed broccoli (from the frozen foods aisle) and pan sauteed chicken breast. Took me 10 minutes, even getting the water boiling for the broccoli. He had an entire bag of the PF Chang's broccoli and beef frozen entree.
If convenience is an issue, there are many quick fixes you can make, especially if you do a little planning ahead. But as far as her own motivation, that's gotta come from her. You gotta do what's right for you before you can really help anyone else.0 -
Until you stop eating what she buys, she will continue to buy it. You eating it is just an approval of her purchase.
Bottom line is that you can only control YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR, she will likely change if you are consistent.0 -
My fiance and I live together and have shared finances. We try to do grocery trips together. I would much rather cook my food at home. I cook and if he wants some he can eat it. He can always make his own food, eat something frozen/microwaved or get fast food. It is not my job to take care of him.
^^^This... and you cannot change someone who does not want to change and trying to change someone or their eating habits is counter-productive to a good relationship...
Well said0 -
If she's really not willing to compromise, split your food budget in half. Half for her to buy her awful instant **** and half for you to be healthy.
You can't force someone to eat healthier. If she starts showing an interest in it after seeing how well it's working for you, maybe you can combine forces again... Until then, it looks like you just need to look after yourself.
Naturally skinny people can often be very uneducated about food and nutrition in general, because they've never NEEDED to worry about it.
Edit to say: I've been living back with my dad for the last 6 months since I finished university. He's naturally skinny, even at 59 years old, but he is the king of convenience food and tends to eat just one HUGE meal a day. I can't eat like that, so I buy all my own food. We still eat together at dinnertime, so the social aspect isn't lost, but we have to keep it seperate for the sake of my diet.0 -
I feel exactly the same with my boyfriend. He is not blessed by being skinny, he is about 15-16 stone and probably only 5'8-5'11 (somewhere between there!). He can't say no to free food, and order Domino's pizzas like he's not going to live to see another day. He refuses to eat breakfast, he says his breakfast includes a cigarette, a cup of coffee and several cans of energy drinks (not even the small ones, the big cans of Red Bull or Relentless).
If you do live together, like other people are saying, you are best off buying stuff you want to eat, and if she doesn't like it, then you tell her she needs to go and buy her own food. She may buy food for a while, but will soon get fed up with it.0 -
I know you have good intentions but please always remember that you can only control what YOU eat. She isn't being helpful or supportive to you but until you take ownership of your own body and food intake you won't see the results you're seeking. I've been there and done that---decades of codependent eating and whacko fad diets---I finally "get it". Just because others around me may chose to eat junk doesn't give me permission to do the same. I CHOSE what I eat and have been SO happy and satisfied. If she sees you doing well just maybe she might follow in your footsteps. Good luck and be strong for YOU and nobody else.
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my only thought is to try making homemade versions of what she normally eats i.e homemade burgers with sweet potato wedges
and hope she finds them tastier!
good luck
this and cook for her once a week for a start healthy of course! :bigsmile:0 -
my only thought is to try making homemade versions of what she normally eats i.e homemade burgers with sweet potato wedges
and hope she finds them tastier!
good luck
this is what i did, it works! Being slim doesnt always mean healthy, i am the biggest of all my friends and they eat whatever they want, one has very high cholesterol that her doctor is worried about and in general their fitness level is much lower than mine. Being thin doesnt make you safe from heart diseases etc maybe point this out? plus it will likely catch her up when shes older xx0 -
My husband is the very same way! I am trying to lose weight after having 2 kids, and he is not a big supporter:( He is very tall and so he will gain a few pounds here or there but then he just quits drinking pop for a week and then it is all gone.
I am more worried about his health though. He is not 30 years old and has already had choloesterol (SP?) proplems. If it goes up any more the doctor will put him on meds. He still eats bacon on everything and does not excersice. He believes that he is thin so he is just fine.
It's a battle, but I am willing to make it a battle because I love him and want him to be around for our kids. I have found "healthier" options of things he likes and I try to make them more often. I still know that if I make a healthy meal that he doesn't like he still will run out to get some fast food without my knowing.
Sorry to vent, but I completly know what you are going through.0 -
It's difficult and dangerous, but....inception...
In all seriousness if they don't want it for themselves it's not a behavior that will stick.0 -
The best way to get her to eat healthy is to eat healthy yourself. She complains about it b/c when she sees you doing it deep down it makes her a bit insecure b/c she knows what she eats probably isn't healthy. Just keep eating consistently healthy and eventually she'll want to join you.0
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I do ALL the grocery shopping, so my fiance doesn't have much choice as to what he eats when at home. I also do pretty much all of the cooking, but I do try to make healthy versions of stuff he likes sometimes..... home made pizza on whole wheat crust..... turkey burgers (instead of beef)... etc. it's not really that hard, and if she loves and respects you, she'll try to help in your efforts.0
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my only thought is to try making homemade versions of what she normally eats i.e homemade burgers with sweet potato wedges
and hope she finds them tastier!
good luck
this and cook for her once a week for a start healthy of course! :bigsmile:
I would agree with this, ask her to try, once a week, something you cook at home. Start small...I am sure she will see how much better it tastes and eventually you can cook more and maybe even involve her in the cooking process for something that she is excited to try....0 -
My husband is supportive of me, but until the last year or so, has never needed to watch what he eats (now age is starting to slow his metabolism down.) I think he humored my attempts to cook healthy meals, and little by little I was able to get rid of the crap food from our house and replace it with healthier options. At some point, he had one of the "old" foods he used to enjoy and was shocked that he really didn't like it anymore, as his body and taste buds had become accustomed to the healthier options. Now he's completely onboard with the "eat clean" lifestyle - I hope the same happens to your girlfriend.
A related funny - last night he was going from the pantry to the fridge and back again, in a typical late-night attempt to find something to snack on. He finally settled on Tricuits and some cheddar cheese, and sat next to me with his snack on a plate. I looked over at him and asked if he's ever sad that we don't have REAL junk food in the house anymore for him to snack on, and he looked up in surprise - "This IS junk food!" he said.
Compared to the greasy chips and transfat-laden cookies that once ruled this house, it's SO not junk food, but I'm glad he thinks it is. :drinker:0 -
I doubt you'll be able t convince her, not in a major way anyway. Show her what a huge deal eating healthy is to you, keep doing what you are doing and you'll find that every now n again you two will have one of your meals together. And slowly she will probably eat more healthy stuff. That way it won't seem like a big change to her, slow lifestyle adjustment that comes with living with a healthy partner. Although be careful it doesn't go the other way, and that it is you who adjusts back to unhealthy eating.
Otherwise my other options were oral or dump her.0 -
I went through the same thing when I moved in with my boyfriend, now fiance. He is naturally skinny can eat anything and never gain a pound. We were on a tight budget so I was eating what he was eating which resulted in me gaining so much of the weight I recently lost. When I decided to make the change, I kept some of the junk food in the house for him but I didnt eat it. We would plan and pick meals together before I went food shopping and I got him into helping me cook. If I made something that I new was entirely too healthy for him to enjoy, I would sub in a little something on the side for him or he had other stuff he could make himself. Its tricky if you are on a tight budget but either she has to bend a little and maybe cooking together will help her see its not all horrible food or you might have to split the budget like others suggested. Either way, stop eating the food she is bringing home if you know it is no good for you! Good Luck! 0
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Naturally skinny people can often be very uneducated about food and nutrition in general, because they've never NEEDED to worry about it.
:raises hand sheepishly: Guilty.
When I was younger (in my teens and 20s), my metabolism was so high that I tried for a loooong time to put on weight, but couldn't. Then, in right around 30, my metabolism started slowing down. I put on a little weight here, a little weight there, until next thing I knew - I was 5'8" tall and 196 lb with high cholesterol and borderline high blood pressure. Unfortunately, the weigh wasn't muscle - rather, it was almost all like a tire around my gut. Long story short, my lack of exercise and not paying attention to what I was eating ended up biting me in my proverbial butt. Now - after making some necessary changes (especially knowing the history of high blood pressure in my family) - I'm down to 156lb, which is a pretty good weight for me. And my numbers (BP, cholesterol, and the others that were OK to begin with) are all within "normal" ranges. I still have a little lower belly fat that I'm working on - or is that off? - but I can live with it, knowing that I'm healthy otherwise.
Ultimately, for me, it came down to "wanting it." I followed pro-wrestler (I know, I know...) Lance Storm's advice on dieting. 6 days out of the week, I was strict. The seventh day, I ate almost whatever I wanted - within reason. The point? I wasn't cutting out any of my favorite foods, so I wasn't craving them - at least, not as much as I would had I told myself that I "couldn't" eat those things. No - it gave me something to look forward to, during times of weakness throughout the week. I could tell myself, "I won't have ice cream now - I'll have a small bowl Saturday." And it wasn't a problem. Sometimes, on Saturday, when I could eat "whatever," I wasn't really in the mood for whatever it was I was craving. So I ate - not "strictly" - but better. It wasn't easy, as my wife doesn't eat like I do, similar to the OP it seems. Fortunately, she's respectful of my choices and sometimes eats the healthier foods I/we buy. The hard part comes when she doesn't think about what she's making (when she's making dinner) and puts the extra stuff (tons of butter and salt and other saucy type stuff, etc.) on the food before separating her food from mine. Sometimes, I suck it up and just know I have to be good later, sometimes I end up making dinner myself.
I'm sure there's other people here that have cases similar to mine. Some have probably reached their goals, some are probably close, and some are probably just starting out their journeys. The point I'm trying to make is simply this: like others have mentioned - it's ultimately your girlfriend's choice. But, maybe you could use my story (and any others) to - GENTLY - help her understand that there will likely come a time where her choice in diet will likely catch up to her, in one way or another. Again - as others have mentioned - you'll probably have to do most of your own shopping/cooking, but maybe start out slowly and get her to eat healthier once or twice a week - kinda the reverse of what Lance and I did above. Homemade versions of her favorites (and yours!) are great starting points. Also, find which frozen/quick meals she eats and make up a large batch on the weekend - portion and freeze them - so she (and you, if time is an issue, since they will be healthy foods) can simply reheat them during the week, so it's not a big change. Then, maybe she'll see some positive changes and be more open to future changes. No guarantees, but it shouldn't hurt to try!
Yes, this will take quite a bit of work on your part. But, if you truly care about her - and it sounds like you do - it's worth it, no?
Sorry for the FRAT, but I thought my story was relevant to this issue. In any case, good luck on *your* journey to healthier living, and I hope you're able to work something out with your girlfriend, even if it's a slow process.0 -
Change is harder for some people than others, particularly when you don't choose the changes. If the health benefits are not enough of a reason for her to try other things, then how about boredom with the same foods over and over and over. Maybe she's not bored, but you sound like you might be. How about setting food rules? It sounds silly, but really if you are sharing a food budget then both of you need to be in agreement on how that budget is spent. Maybe a standard food list which should include a certain number of foods she likes as well as a certain number of foods you want every week. Maybe planning a weekly menu and then shopping based on the menu. Maybe food rules like x number of nights fast frozen meals, x number of nights home cooked meals, and x number of nights eating out. In my house we always eat home cooked, but we do 2 nights of seafood, 2 nights vegetarian, 1 chicken, 1 pork, 1 beef. And I usually do a weekly menu just to make shopping easier. On nights when we are busy and cooking time is short the food can be less healthy (ramen and spam is a favorite of the kids though I limit that one because it is devoid of nearly all nutritional value), and on nights when time is more plentiful (like Sunday) then I like to try out new or more complicated recipes. Mostly it's about talking and compromising and finding something that you both can agree on. It might sound silly or overly complicated, but relationships are rarely harmed by OVER communicating. Also, if she likes a lot of frozen meals she may like really bland food, so you might want to start by making home cooked foods with less seasoning...just in the beginning.0
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