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estrange22

Anybody out there been the one whose spouse decided it was over? Any advice on how to save the marriage?

jaz050465

REALLY sorry to hear this. I know how you feel as It's happened TWICE to me and both times, I thought my life was over. I fought for them and they both kept me hanging around for over a year whilst they made up their mind what they wanted whilst I slowly nearly had nervous breakdowns. They then told me it was finally over and I found out later they'd both had someone else all the time.

I've now met a wonderful man who is very different and I've never been happier.

My advice is not to try and fight for it but move on and eventually you'll find someone who loves you and wants to be with uou.

avir8

Sorry to hear that maybe try counseling. You're lucky that he's letting you off the hook though most guys are too chicken s**t to break up instead they drag you along while they cheat and lie until you do it. Hopefully it's not something to unforgiving that happened and you two can be mature and honor the commitment you made to each other...if it's worth it.

NJL13500

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I was there 4 years ago. I met my spouse in college and got married at 21. After 18 years he told me that he was done. He had met someone else and was moving out. It was horrible at the time, but in hindsight it was better for both of us. We had grown apart and just going through the motions of being a couple.

It took 2 years of dating, but 2 years ago I met my future husband. I had actually made a written list of traits that I wanted in a man and he had every single one. I've never been happier.

It's hard, but you just have to let go. It's easier said than done, but I've actually gone through what you are asking about. I've been where you are. Reach out to friends and family. Do some things for yourself. Figure out what you want for your life and go for it. You will get through and it will be okay. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will be.

Good luck and hang in there!

nhradeuce

As the saying goes, you can't help someone that doesn't want help. I agree with NJL13500, if he refuses counseling then you have to do what is best for you. Making someone stay in a situation they don't want to be in is unhealthy for both of you and will only make the problem worse later. If he is willing to give your marriage a chance, make sure that you get professional help. A neutral third party will be essential in working out the issues. If he does not put 100% effort in and commit to fixing your issues, don't try to force him, just walk away. If he wants it, he will work for it. If not, don't chase him as it will only lead to more heartache and pain for you.

My longtime best friend went through this a few years ago. His ex had no intention of ever fixing their relationship and their divorced ended up taking nearly 3 years. Had he cut his losses and been honest with himself that she was not really trying it would have been much easier for him. As it was, she took advantage of the situation and his good heart. Don't let that happen to you.

Good luck.