Thanksgiving w/ the b/f's family... etiquette & eating tips!

1sneakykiki

Hey everyone!

So, Thanksgiving is in just about a month. My boyfriend and I are travelling across the country to spend the week with his extended family. I went to his family's Thanksgiving celebration two years ago -- it was INTENSE. I gained 7 lbs that week and enjoyed every minute of it. :happy:

Coincidentally, Thanksgiving is about the time that I'll get as close to my weight loss goal as I've ever been (if I can stay on track!). I've gotten into a groove of what to eat, when to work out, etc., and I just feel like Thanksgiving is either going to sabotage me completely or make me a social pariah with the boyfriend's family. ESPECIALLY since, as hearty eaters, they "don't believe I need to be losing more weight anyway". If it was my own family, it wouldn't matter as much, but I don't want to be the weirdo girlfriend who won't eat the good food they slaved over. I'm almost kind of dreading it!

This is my first holiday trying to manage my weight. Do you have any advice on how to stay on track? How have you navigated the holidays in the past?

Thanks so much for your replies!

Im_NotPerfect

For actual T-day, I would let yourself enjoy. But since you're going to be there an entire WEEK. Keep on your schedule and tell them just that. You have a schedule for when you're back home and you don't want to get yourself off it for when you have to go back! If they can't respect that, that's their problem. Hopefully your BF will back you up, if he's a good guy!

mfpcopine

I would try to be very strict about my diet this month, trying to lose a bit more than usual if possible in order to offset the Thanksgiving meals. I might consider asking my boyfriend to tell the family that I'm trying not to overeat or overindulge. I would also build in some kind of activity every day. I don't know anything about you, but seven pounds over just a few days actually seems like a lot to gain and I would not enjoy that. I'd feel bad about it.

C00lCountry

Try small amounts on your plate as well. I find that helps out cause then when you go back you are giving body more time to tell brain it is full.

dlg1467

This is a good time to work on portion control. By all means have what they offer, just try to eyeball your portions to keep them reasonable. Have a small piece of pie, avoid the appetizer and nibbling treats that add up. No one will notice so much then. Try not to drink your calories. I enjoyed myself at our Thanksgiving I had a some of everything, just tried to keep it smaller.

dakotababy

Well one thing I noticed is that I will ALWAYS get asked/forced to go grab seconds. MAKE SURE your 1st plate is TINY. You can expect to be pressured to go up for more. Pick veggies, and protein - go low on the carbs.

Also remember dessert...dont forget about the dessert that will be following a meal. Try to get the smallest piece you can. Some families have other alternatives - pick the healthiest.

Plan to exercise through out your stay.


Or you could be assertive and just say "No I am full - I will get sick if I eat any more". That will usually stop the pressure from others to eat more. (Make sure you have a look on your face that your going to actually get sick if you eat any more...struggle to talk, cover your mouth and pause as if you are about to puke).

corn63

If you don't want to enjoy your day (meaning: eat whatever the F you want), I would get my foods and make sure that NONE of my food touched each other as a way to keep my portion control down. Of course i'm not going to scream that my cranberries are jerking up on my potatoes, but it's a good way to eyeball your portion size. And get in all the foods you want

bookwormwendy

I feel your pain. My in-laws are determined to feed you when you visit! They are kind, wonderful people but have told my husband he looks sick since he's lost weight. :huh: Anyway, Turkey day- indulge! The rest of the week do your best to stay on track. Just tell them your tummy has shrunk as you've minded your eating. Mine actually has. I can't figure out how I used to eat as much as I did. For as much as you don't wish to offend, you also owe to yourself to take care of yourself first.

rml_16

Eat a reasonable amount of the things you like most and if anyone asks why you aren't having more (which is RUDE on their part, BTW), just say you are stuffed and leave it at that.

Although, I don't ever notice how much other people eat. I find that very odd.

karenwill2

Thanksgiving is not actually intended for getting fatter. I will not dally from my course. I will eat till I get full and no more. I will continue with my proper choices and I will give thanks.

I don't know why anyone would be concerned if you are not overindulging but I would just say, "OMG! It is all so good. I am so stuffed but I really love the smells. Everything looks so amazing, I am so glad I tried a little of everything." Whether or not you did is a different story.

tikafly

offer to cook a side dish at Thanksgiving that way you know something will be "safe", and offer to cook dinner a night or two while you're there as well...portion control and try to stay active and you'll do fine. Have fun and don't be snooty about other people's food choices.

Also, It's possible that your previous 7lb gain was mostly bloat due to added sodium and extra food and not fat gain.

AnnaMolly17

I feel you, my family is Russian and Armenian, meaning that food is always a BIG part of the holiday season. I think as long as you're eating, you won't be seen as the "weirdo girlfriend who won't eat." What I try and do if I'm at a family function is try and fill up with liquids and lighter entrees (Double points if you complement them on the food!). I try and take a sip between each couple bites. If you guys are drinking, for your nonalcoholic drinks stick to water instead of juice. For alcoholic drinks, stick to wine or clear liquor with soda water, instead of sugary mixed drinks. And most important of all, enjoy it! You've worked really hard to look the way you do, so don't punish yourself too much because of a few days of indulgence!

Good Luck!

ShellyShuey

I find if you're honest and communicative, people respect your diet and will try to accommodate you. I agree that you should eat as you wish -- not CRAZY eating but flexible -- on Thanksgiving and then eat clean the balance of the trip. Get some walks and workouts in, you'll be fine. Aim to maintain.

mfpcopine

I don't know why anyone would be concerned if you are not overindulging ...

Some people are hurt if you don't stuff yourself with their food. Others are passive aggressive, urging food on people who they know are weight conscious. Sometimes it may be unconscious on their part. They don't realize they are trying to hinder the other person's weight loss.

I dread the holidays, not just because of inconsiderate people, but because of my own tendency to cave in the presence of tempting, high-calorie, low-nutrition foods. It's a particular struggle when you are dining with people who are not health conscious and obese.

This is an example of a lifestyle change. Many of us grew up learning to stuff ourselves silly on Thanksgiving. Now it's no longer acceptable to feel that the most energetic thing we can do after a big meal is nap or watch football. It's kind of gross, actually.

TimeWarp9

I feel you, my family is Russian and Armenian, meaning that food is always a BIG part of the holiday season. I think as long as you're eating, you won't be seen as the "weirdo girlfriend who won't eat." What I try and do if I'm at a family function is try and fill up with liquids and lighter entrees (Double points if you complement them on the food!). I try and take a sip between each couple bites. If you guys are drinking, for your nonalcoholic drinks stick to water instead of juice. For alcoholic drinks, stick to wine or clear liquor with soda water, instead of sugary mixed drinks. And most important of all, enjoy it! You've worked really hard to look the way you do, so don't punish yourself too much because of a few days of indulgence!

Good Luck!

Italian here. Same thing! In my family, it was (is!) an insult if you don't obviously enjoy the food prepared. The best way I found to avoid overeating at a family meal is to help with the serving, dishes and cleanup. You have to be slick about it, though. They can't catch on that you are up to something.

sugboog29

Portion control....try small bits of what you like! They will think you are wonderful wanting to try a bit of everything! Little will they know! :flowerforyou:

girlykate143

I read this guy's blog yesterday and thought it was hilarious. Maybe you'll get some bits of good info out of it.
Or not. Shrug. It's work safe:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/dsjohndrow/view/converting-the-heathen-438529

Keiko385

Go enjoy, its one day but only eat what you are comfortable with, when everyone else is going for 2nd or 3rd you can always sneak off to the kitchen and offer to help clean up

OspreyVista

Oh man. I suggest letting yourself indulge a little bit. Have small portions of stuff you like. It's okay to have a treat day every once in awhile. I hate it when people tell me I don't need to lose any more weight. But I'd just shrug it off. ON thanksgiving, let yourself have a small bit of everything you like. Also, exercise too

bradphil87

Small amounts, but you should try a little of everything they made, if its store bought, leave it...that's acceptable, if you refuse to eat their cooking it can considered rude. It's like when I go to my moms for dinner, she makes everything....it's all pretty high in cals haha, I mean who butters green beans?!? Lol anyway, I eat some of everything, including the butter flavored green beans, and work out extra hard that day. I'd take an exta hour in the gym over hurting my moms feelings any day hope that helps!

JennKie1

I mean who butters green beans?!?

I do.....that's how I ended up here in the first place.

Mina133842

having food pushers in my family as well, so I do understand your situation. A few things to remember- you don't have to eat everything at the dinner that's served. take a few things that are your favorites, and if anyone says anything- you can always say, I'm looking forward to enjoying that tomorrow, I just ate too much of the other things today- the offers of cleanup are great too, or helping little ones with their meals, washing up and playing is great too- you'll be there all week, so you'll be able to try a little of this and a little of that while you're there.

stines72

lol glad im not in a relationship so i can eat what I want to eat on thanksgiving... no boyfriend family pressing me

msbunnie68

I don't normally push dishonesty ...but...if you are finding they are really pressuring you with the emotional hurt and guilt then you can always play the "oh my goodness but my tummy is a bit upset from all the travel!" ...surprisingly, many older ladies suffer from stomach upsets when they travel and you boyfriend's mother may sympathise and try not to stuff you like a turkey.

Good luck.

bf43005

Is there anyway you can get in some exercises before/after meals. Maybe that will help with the heavy foods it sounds like they will be putting out. It might not keep you totally on track but could help. I wouldn't feel too bad about not eating a lot in front of them. If they have anything to say about it just tell them how happy you are with what you have accomplished & maybe mention something you couldn't do before that isn't based on actual weight loss (like running X miles, or lifting X lbs) something to move the topic onto positive. Best of Luck and try to enjoy yourself and not stress out.

Lesa_Sass

I say do not make a big deal about it. We typically want to go into why we will not eat something our scrunch up our faces at something when we first start out. Just do not do that, do not worry and act as if saying no is not a big deal.

Do not ask how many calories, do not try to make explanations, say yes or no thank you and eating small portions of things will not hurt you.

You are probably going to get a lot of comments like "oh enjoy life why dontcha" or "you could use a few pounds on your bones" They are not doing this to be mean, do not take it personal. This makes them feel better about their choices, if you know what I mean.

I have found over the years that people do not make a big deal of my eating habits if I do not call attention to it. It also helps to make sure people understand you are not judging their food choices as well. It actually is a lot easier than you think and you may be obsessing over it more than what will actually happen. I know that when I first got sober this was the case for me. I obsessed on people trying to get me to drink and also would make a big deal about me not drinking, then it was my healthy food choices. Now that I am 5 years sober and 4 years healthy eating, its an easy no thank you, no explanation needed, people really do not care that much, and the ones that do, well that is their problem, not mine.

Have a great trip and please remember, this is a journey, not a race. You have your whole life in front of you and would you rather have a great time and maybe gain a pound, oh goodness, even two, and not have any drama associated with going to spend time with his family? Trust me dear, in the long run, it is not worth it.

1sneakykiki

You guys all have incredible advice -- thanks so much for your responses! The plate trick some of you mentioned is epic!!! I will fill a small plate with food so that when I go for a (still smaller) plate of seconds, I will look like I stuffed myself.

It will be kinda hard to get a good workout in such a packed house... and I'm self-conscious about others seeing me sweat (it's a quirk of mine). However, I learned that my boyfriend's 13 year-old niece is really into a video game called Let's Dance for Nintendo Wii. The game makes you do the dance moves at the same tempo as the dancers on the screen -- talk about a covert workout! I plan on challenging her to a duel.

I think I'll also try a little dishonesty, because they really will get offended if I don't stuff my face. They mean well, and I can't complain that they're *overly* hospitable to me. I guess the hardest thing about this whole weight loss process is the "Food Pushers". I never notice how much people eat or what they're eating, but I also never knew how much other people cared. It's borderline obnoxious how many people have commented on what I order and what I eat. You'd think I fought a bear with my bare hands the way my friends demanded an explanation about why I changed from my signature gin and tonic to a vodka soda with lime. I mean, come on, it can't be that serious lol.

Again, thanks for your help everyone!!! You guys are so knowledgeable. And girlykate143... that blog you linked to was hilarious!!

slkehl

Start with small servings and load up on the veggies! Also, use mealtimes to get to know his family better-the more you talk, the less you'll eat! Going for a run bright and early before everyone else is up will help too. And I'd recommend drinking tea or coffee while everyone is snacking. Sounds like a tough situation, but you can do it!

lyttlewon

Be the weirdo. They might as well get used to you.

Ruthe8

What kind of horrible families do you people have who FORCE you to eat more than you want? Good god, stand up for yourself. Tell them you're not freaking hungry.

1sneakykiki

Ruthe8, it's not about being horrible. Chill out.

A lot of cultures (and individuals) show their love for a person by feeding them food. It's not like they're going to strap me down and force feed me. Maybe you don't give a damn about being obnoxious and offending people, but I do.

And I _am_ "freaking hungry". That's precisely the problem, lol. That's why it's so hard to say no when it's offered persuasively for seven days straight.