I have to went.. cry scream blow some steam !!

bosanka

Ok.. here i go

I don't know what;s going on with me. I always had those " crazy " days right before the time of the month.. but it usualy was one- or two days and than i was ok. Now i start getting all the symptoms like 10-15 days before it starts- and all of thise 10-15 days i'm going nuts ' i need sugar.. i'm emotional- my hormones are crazy .
I feel like i'm 2 weeks in the pms- than i have one week of it- and than i'm one week " normal " in the whole month- and than .. back from beginning.

Girls- is there anything to help this crazines ? Can i do anything to just somehow make it more .. " controlable ? " .. and no - healthy food do not help. I crave more food- but not the healthy stuff.. sometimes healthy but mostly it's the bad stuff.

Today - in the middle of my workout i just broke into tears - not just " tears " i was crying loud- for no reason.. i don't know why i just had to scream and cry- while i still had so much trouble doing jillians dvd- and watched her and the girls on the dvd doing all the moves so easily and i felt just like a fat cow trying to do something similar to those moves.. and in that moment i just broke down- i continued to workout but screaming and crying - i felt real emotional pain, breakdown i don't know what to call it- drives me crazy to be constantly stuck at the same weigth range 235-230 .. 225 - for the past two years i have been in this range and i have to work my butt of just to keep it here if i stop working out i can grow 15 lbs overnight ! - for real ! it happend to me once - over night got 13 lbs- and they didn't go away.

I had my check ups and everything- no slow thyroid.. no nothing.. a little problem with my insulin - taking pills for it.. but thats about it.. Why am i having such a hard time.. when everyone claims
" all you need to do is regular exercise and watch what you eat " bla bla.. i read hundreds of books and i know all of the crap but why is it not working ?

And another thing that's been bothering now for a while. You guys watch biggest loser. You know when Jillian goes after those contestants and gets them to ' break down " and have their " aha " moment.. and figuring out " why " they are the way they are and why they gained the weight - and she keeps saying until you get that inside of you , until you figure that out- until you change from inside you can't change o utside.. so i keep thinking of all the possible reasons.. and keep waiting for that stupid " aha " moment to hit me and to realize something- i dont' know what.. that something that should help me change and realize what i'm doing wrong.

Did you have your " aha " moment.. did you figure out " why you overweight " .. i mean other than the obvious reasons. Eating.

I could name a milion things that could be the reasons..

being in the war 1991- 1993 - ( been 10-12 years that time ) .. very hard and traumatic time
parents divorce
physical abuse
bolimic for years
chronic depression ( used to be on meds for it )
just to name a few.. my first 20 years of life were kind of very very hard for me.. but what 'm i supposed to do ?
Eveything was just happening so quicky .. i didn't have time to digest any of that stuff it just was going one ofther the other.. and than in my early 20ties.. i broke down and had to take several meds for all the traumas i have been supressing for long time..

But still - even with knowing all of the stuff- i can't put anything together to realize " why " i had to feed myself to first 285-290 lbs.. and why i still am at 235 and can't lose another oz. ..

I realize my coment is way to long maybe even way to detailed.. i just had to blow this out of me.. don't even know if it is going to help but hoping for some answers from anyone here ??

sorry if i bother you for too long ..

praley

No answers for you but I just wanted you to know that I HEARD you. And I'm VERY proud of you for sticking to your workout routine even through the tears. Proves you're a tougher cookie than you think you are. And maybe that's part of the answer, maybe getting really PO'ed and using it to motivate you for a while will help. Hang in there.
P

newlywedbeth

I'm glad you vented instead of ran to the pantry and grabbed a bag of something horrible - like I might have done. You have a huge group of supporters here. We are rooting for you!

deaubreydigest

I know you said you've had checkouts, but this sounds to me like it might be PMDD. A link to help: https://health.google.com/health/ref/Premenstrual+dysphoric+disorder It's something my sister has and they think I might have, although I haven't been diagnosed. It's at least a week before, if not two and instead of weepy, my sister and I get overly aggressive and angry. You might talk to your doctor about the possibility and see if maybe there is a form of birth control that can help with that. I know it's helped my sister even out being on Yaz.

good luck.

bonnykate

Oh no, I'm so sorry things are so hard right now! And it's okay, everyone needs to vent!!! I know something of what you're talking about -- I was bulimic through high school, and thankfully my family caught me out and I got over it -- but I still carry a lot of that emotional baggage with me five years later. I obsess over calorie count and my weight, I binge on stupid foods, I want to make myself throw up . .. BUT I DON'T. And that's the difference that really counts, more than any number on the scale - the fact that you WERE bulimic, and are NO LONGER bulimic, is the real victory, the rest is just details. So give yourself a break - it's SO HARD to stop that cycle, and you have (YAY!!!!).

Now, on to the PMS food cravings -- this could have something to do with your hormones being more out of whack than they should be. Are you on birth control? It might be time to talk to your gynecologist about trying a different pill. If you're not on birth control, you may want to consider it - having more regular hormone levels could really help! This could also just be something new that you will have to conquer, one step at a time -- if working out doesn't take your mind off it, maybe something else will. Some people on this site talk about using knitting to keep themselves from eating, others go hang out with friends -- what works best for me is to keep myself busy going places and doing things, and just carrying a little bit of healthy food (clementines and cheese sticks are the best!) with me, so I'm not tempted to go buy something. Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself - if you mess up and over-eat, go ahead and record the food you ate, just so you KNOW, and then promise yourself to do better the rest of the day and the next day, and try to keep that promise! I slip up all the time, but the important thing is that OVERALL I'm changing my lifestyle for the better -- and I know it's not going to happen overnight! Keep this in mind, and forgive yourself for "slip-ups" - there's nothing you can do to change the past, and it's a chance for you to make the future even better!

One of the problems I have with "The Biggest Loser" is that what we see on TV falls into a formula -- you don't see ALL of the contestants' days, just the most dramatic, inspiring parts -- so please don't expect yourself to fall into the same formula! You're YOU, and you are not part of a weight loss reality TV show, inspiring though it is.

Jillian is a tough trainer, and I've tried her 30 Day Shred. To be honest, it kicked my *kitten*, and I didn't really feel like going back. I have some other cardio/strength videos that I prefer -- but what I've found is, at least for me, that I don't have much fun doing traditional workout videos or going to the gym at all. Instead, I've been having a BLAST with some dance workout videos I picked up - belly-dancing and burlesque dancing are my favorites right now. They're fun, physically challenging, and I actually start to play and feel pretty sexy when I do them, despite being in sweat pants in my living room. And ultimately, that's what makes a difference for me when I work out -- when I'm playing, not slogging through I video I don't like, I feel good about myself and my progress and want to come back and do it again. Do you have a way you can play? I know hiking is a great option, or soccer or basketball, or bike riding, or dancing, or swimming, or any number of other things - maybe you just need to find that thing that you can fall in love with, just to do it, and that will be the key.

Don't wait around for an "ah-ha moment." Your life and your weight loss is a journey and you may not ever fully understand all of it -- I know I sure don't understand mine!

Keep going, and don't even think of giving up -- you're doing GREAT.

Good luck!!! :flowerforyou:

thicansxy

Have you heard of Metformam? I take it cause I have PCOD. Which makes you gain weight and its hard to lose it. I on the other had dont get my period. And if and when I do watch out PMS on over load for 2 weeks. Ugggh but they put me on Metforman to control my PMS give me a bust of help lose weight and its actually made of Diabetics. Might look into it, I know the feeling for just crying and not at a hallmark commercial.

Foods that help me feel like I am cheating Healthy Choice 100 calorie Fudgesicles, 1/2 the sugar oatmeal (anyflavor) 120 calories and if its not sweet enough add sugar free syrup (30 calories for 1/4 cup)

Hope this helps and I know what your going through. I have been at 310 for 13yrs.

liebling

stressing out can make you stay at the same weight I've found. find something that makes you happy and motivated. find an outlet other than food and excersice. maybe try writing or art. or scrapbooking with friends or a book group. or take a class not related to food or excercise but all the while keeping on your diet and excercise plan. I wish you all the luck in the world and know that you are not alone.

bosanka

Thank you all for the responds - it's good to know that someone is taking the time and reading it - meaning " listening " sometimes that's all we need.

If you think " metformin " - my doctor prescribed that to me about 5-6 months ago- i'm on it. She said my insulin is resistant and my hormones were out of whack some thing that should be more i had less and what i had less should be more.. etc.. so she gave me that. And she put me on phentarmine- and it seemed to be working on the beginning- it made me so .. i don't know how to explain- i didn't have any apetite at all i had to force myself to eat it - and that was so good to feel that even once in my life that i dont' want to eat.. and i knew it was too good to last long- after few weeks i just didn't feel that the pills were having any effect on me.. i'm still taking it.. but i feel like i'm still stuck where i was when i begun

I'm not giving up- but it's just much much easier when you see some results for all the hard work.. when that stupid scale just moves a little in the right direction- and really stays there- doesn't go back in a week or two.. it would be so much more easier.. if only that would happen-i'm not asking for 2-3 lbs every week.. even 3 lbs a month i would be happy- but i haven't seen any loss in months - it's exhausting without any results to just keep trying and trying..

Thanks again.. for all your comments

kiffypooh

I agree that you should work on your stress levels, if you are stressed you will not lose. I also found this article (http://www.everydayhealth.com/fitness-specialist/fixing-ruined-metabolism.aspx?xid=SendToAFriend) very interesting and informative.
I'm pretty aware of why I eat and why I have the issues with food that I do have. However, my aw moment had more to do with why I want to stay healthy and live for a long time then it did with why I do what I do (it's long and on my profile if you want to read it). I agree you do have to figure out the source(s) but I don't think it's the magic moment that they show on The Biggest Loser. I also think that it's most important to love yourself and the choices you are making then it is to find that reason that makes you run to the chips, or whatever it is at a time of stress or PMS .
Today I was taking a walk with my cousin and she said, "you look great, I can't believe how much weight you've lost" (I've lost 50+ lbs since Jan 09 but 15 of that with MFP) and I actually said, "I know, don't I look healthy?" Rather then, "oh thanks, I guess" or whatever other copout I would have used just a year or so ago. So be proud!!!:glasses:
As far as Jillian's work outs go, which I LOVE and swear by, my cousin is an avid runner and finds 30 Day Shred hard to do! I've talked about 7 people into getting the DVD and the most common response (even from my friend who lost 75 lbs over the past couple years going to the gym for 2 hours a day 6 days a week who is working on getting the baby weight off) is "that is a tough work out!" Don't sell yourself short!!! :flowerforyou:

TwentyTen

Camomile tea, helped me ALOT when I had PMS stress, and also helped with cramping (both of which were severe) , if and when i drank it regularly.

Hang in there, you've shown amazing resilience!

bosanka

I agree that you should work on your stress levels, if you are stressed you will not lose. I also found this article (http://www.everydayhealth.com/fitness-specialist/fixing-ruined-metabolism.aspx?xid=SendToAFriend) very interesting and informative.
I'm pretty aware of why I eat and why I have the issues with food that I do have. However, my aw moment had more to do with why I want to stay healthy and live for a long time then it did with why I do what I do (it's long and on my profile if you want to read it). I agree you do have to figure out the source(s) but I don't think it's the magic moment that they show on The Biggest Loser. I also think that it's most important to love yourself and the choices you are making then it is to find that reason that makes you run to the chips, or whatever it is at a time of stress or PMS .
Today I was taking a walk with my cousin and she said, "you look great, I can't believe how much weight you've lost" (I've lost 50+ lbs since Jan 09 but 15 of that with MFP) and I actually said, "I know, don't I look healthy?" Rather then, "oh thanks, I guess" or whatever other copout I would have used just a year or so ago. So be proud!!!:glasses:
As far as Jillian's work outs go, which I LOVE and swear by, my cousin is an avid runner and finds 30 Day Shred hard to do! I've talked about 7 people into getting the DVD and the most common response (even from my friend who lost 75 lbs over the past couple years going to the gym for 2 hours a day 6 days a week who is working on getting the baby weight off) is "that is a tough work out!" Don't sell yourself short!!! :flowerforyou:

Thank you- i know you are right- now i only have the " hard " part to do- doing it.. being proud and loving myself..
don't know why it is so hard.. for me .. to stop the " negative " thoughts to influence me so much , sometimes i have a feeling that if i " think " small # when i step on the scale- it really shows it- but when i think " bigger " it is bigger .. and latel y it's been bigger and bigger..

I have done more testing last week- and went to see an endocr. well aperantly i have a Hyper thyroid ? how can that be.. well among other sideffects of " hyper " .. thy. one of them is " weight loss" .. of course- i don't have that " side effect " tcccc..
now i'm checking more stuff. more blood .. more scans.. but .. somehow i'm on " hold " with my motivation .. once again..

i'm fighting.. just being here and even " thinking " about this stuff- is for me a part of the fight- where sometimes ( when i used to give up ) i would avoid this web site etc.. so - i'm not giving up.. just my energy is currently " low " the allergies are draining me physically and the ' mood " - psycologicly.. ..

My " mood " - comes from not working out- i don't feel good if i don't work out .. as long as i work out 5x a week - and " don't see results- i still feel like " ok i did my part " .. but it's hard to keep doing your part and not see ANY results at all if just the scale would move for God' sake.. just at least .. once a month.. just a pound.. just any thing.. but it doesn't.. so my motivation is slowly vanishing .. and my " bad mood " is creeping up on me .

I just had to write again somewhere- can't really talk about this to any one- that " does " understand it..

thanks for any one that " did listen "