Relationship with food (anxiety/depression)

AllisonMarisa

I have always had a bad realtionship with food. In middle school I had really bad anxiety that resulted in it being really difficult to eat. Mostly it involved a total lack of appetite and having such high anxiety that I wouldn't be able to eat (I wouldn't be able to swallow food and would feel like I was going to choke) Through a lot of therapy combined with meds I was able to work through that, but it left me with this really weird relationship with food. I spent so many years not being able to eat that I came away with this weird complex like I deserved to be able to eat what I wanted - I spent so many years either having no appetite or being hungry and feeling like I couldn't eat.

On top of that I married someone who was an emotional eater. He has had his own weight loss journey, but he lost the weight by delving into a sport and not by eating better necessarily. I will say he is totally behind me in whatever strategy I come up with to try and deal with that (ie: The guy voluntary went paleo with me for 30 days despite loving carbs)

You can easily see where my attitude of "I haven't eaten I deserve this" got me - overweight. I went from an underweight 115lb to overweight at almost 190. I am now down to 161. But I stil have to figure out how to balance my anxiety/depression with eating. I'm not longer in a place where I feel like I can't eat (Obviously) but I tend to go in these really dark places where I think "Whatever. It's a pointless battle." How do you guys get out of mindsets like these? I know how to have a healthy relationship with food when I'm in a healthy-state-of-mind, but as soon as depression hits it's like all my tools for making good decisions go out the window.

I'm not opposed to seek out medication again to balance some of the depression swings (but please don't let this conversation get into a debate about medication) But the reality is even on medication I'm going to have the downward swings.

What I really want to hear is what strategies do you guys use to deal with them?

LaceyMorley

I had a really bad bout of depression last year and finally broke down and got a counselor and was put on medication. Sometimes depression can be mild enough or seasonal and can be worked through on your own, and sometimes it can be a real emergency and that person needs help asap. The thing to remember about anti-depressant medication is it's not giving up or becoming a failure. If you truly need the medication it shows you were brave enough to stick up for yourself and get some help.

JennyBug2007

I had the exact thing happen after I had my daughter over a year ago. Five months after she was born, I started having severe anxiety attacks and once went for three days without eating or drinking anything. After I went on some medication, things evened out.

As for a debate, there really isn't one. If you were diabetic, would you keep yourself from taking your insulin? Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication are not recreational, nor are they placebos. If you honestly feel you need some help, GET IT! It would be the best thing you could do for yourself. At the very least, see a doctor and find out if they have a suggestion for you.

The easiest thing to do is to make a list of positive things that happen each week. It helps to keep you from focusing on the negative. Instead of saying, "Well, one day I ate twice my calories and didn't work out," think more "five days last week I did a really good workout." Stay as positive as you can with yourself, and track your downward swings. If you can pinpoint when they might hit, you will not only have time to prepare yourself for them, you will also have a light at the end of the tunnel.

AllisonMarisa

LaceyMorley & JennyBug2007 - I definitely agree. It's been over 15 years of dealing with this stuff and i'm pretty good about knowing when it's time to get some outside help (med professionals and/or medications) I've been on a handful of SSRI's and I am absolutely not against antidepressants in anyway - more I just knew it was a hot topic for people sometimes and didn't want to get off topic with that.

This was more about having some strategies to deal with it outside (or even on top) of medication and counseling. Guess I was looking to hear other people's experiences of balancing the two.

freedski1

Girl, I hear you.
You've described my journey to a T. A couple years of the anxeity attacks like the ones you just described, where you feel like you can't swallow... those were the worst. Yeah, my body looked great (read: thinner), but I felt awful. For years.

Now? I'm in a different place. In some ways I'm happier. But, I've gained, and continue to slowly gain due to emotional overeating. From feeling I "deserve" to eat because of my past, to stuffing my feelings (anxiety, fear, boredom) away with food, you name it. I totally identify with the fear that my struggle to regain control over my weight is an un-winnable one. I definitely have my, "what's the point" days, but I know in the end, if I do nothing, then there's no way I can win.

My strategies, outside of counseling and meds, are:
Stay honest. Track everything. Even when you go 1000 calories over your goal, track everything. It makes the unknown a known quantity and pust you in a position to take control again. It's really hard, and to be honest, it hasn't necessarily helped me lose any weight, but it has helped me feel less hopeless.

Learn how to say no. A big stumbling block in my creating a healthy relationship with food is learning how to separate social obligation and eating. Someone invites me over for a Shabbat meal on a week I'm struggling particularly hard against the binge beast? I say, thanks but no thanks. I can stay home, eat on my own schedule, practice portion control, and not have to deal with the social anxiety of "performing" at a meal with other people.

Arm myself against overeating triggers. This is a new one for me. I know that I tend to eat more, and eat mindlessly when I'm disinhibited. Therefore, I'm taking a hiatus from consuming alcohol for a month to see if that will put me into a better/more honest place with my eating. We'll see if it helps with the weight, but I anticipate it helping with the anxiety (because alcohol triggers anxiety and depression for me, in addition to making me eat like a crazy person.)

Finally, be gentle with yourself. Have a less than stellar day? Drink a glass of water, take your vitamin, and go to bed, and know that tomorrow is a new day. You get to start fresh tomorrow. It's ok. YOU'RE ok. It's gonna be ok.

(I sound so wise, but I'm still working on practicing what I preach.)

AllisonMarisa

freedski1 - thank you so much. it really sounds like you know where i'm coming from. i'm working on being 100% honest with myself about tracking. for me that meant having my diary not be public. i found too often i would be shamed into being honest (either if i was overeating or undereating) whereas having my diary private means it's just for me, and it's about being honest with myself. i know it's not the same for everyone, but i think it works best for me.

i love all your insight, i could really relate with a lot of it. i hadn't thought about the social eating factor, that's something for me to work on for sure. as well and totally removing triggers - i don't drink but i do freaking love frozen yogurt. i finally just cut it out completely, it was too hard to moderate. i guess it's about choosing your battles. you can't have enough energy to fight them all, so sometimes its best to remove it to make it not a battle at all.

&yes, being gentle. i don't operate under the "jillian michaels kick your *kitten*" mentality. i know it works for some people, but i am hard enough on myself already.

thank you again.

AllisonMarisa

jennybug - good point about tracking the downward swings. i like the idea of preparing for them and being able to track a bit more about the length/timing of them.

IveLanded

I think that part of this equation is you need to hit your rock bottom with where you are with your weight and health. You will have to hit that at some point to be sick of it enough to finally change.

And the other half of that I think might be something similar to how I started.........goals and obsessively sticking to them. My first thing was this 21 day challenge. And I think part of that is the ol' "it takes 21 days to make or break a habit" thing. For me, I actually stuck with my strict guidelines for over a month. No booze, no sugar, low carbs, high protein, etc etc. I didn't go out for over a month. I went cold turkey on my coffee. And I put up little notes that said "I can do anything for a month". Because........you can do anything for a month.

Long rambly way of saying.........maybe the solution for you is a very basic "stick with it no matter what for XXXX number of days" in order to re wire how your brain works, especially when you hit those lows. Cause really that is what A LOT of this is about......you get in your lows and your brain has a pattern of behavior it resorts to. The only way to change that is to stop and constantly repeat a NEW behavior that you'd like to replace it. And you've got to do it until your brain feels like it's automatic, you know?

xo

KrazyAsianNic

I have struggled with food for comfort, especially in times of depression. I did see a doctor and got put on medication. Since then I have been able to think more clearly. When I feel like emotional eating, I'll try to pinpoint what the problem is and then try to find another way to help solve. Sometimes, but rarely, I'll just give into it.

Good luck trying to work through this.

DebraYvonne

I like the comment being gentle with myself. I treat others so kind and tenderly and sometimes just cannot let myself have a bad time without berating me. I struggle with anxiety and depression mostly anxiety. I would say most people around me do not know that because I am so good at hiding it. I am trying a new medication Zoloft tomorrow and haven't taken anything for a long time. I used it 10 yrs ago and it helped. Gentle...gentle - my new mantra! Good luck to all!