I tried to have a day off and I just can't do it.

funkyspunky872

I've been counting calories for the past two and a half years. I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa a year or so ago. I've been doing so well in recovery, I thought I deserved a day off today. I was going to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner AND indulge in a few pieces of Halloween candy while I watched a movie later tonight.

But, I couldn't do it. I'm so upset with myself. I couldn't sleep last night because I was too worried about my day off. I woke up this morning and the first thing that crossed my mind was food. I had a big chunk of fudge and two reese's cups for breakfast. I had a chocolate chip cookie for lunch. I'm at maybe... 1100 calories total for the day at the most.

I didn't even want those things. It's like my ED gave me this one day off, and I'm compelled to eat the highest calorie foods JUST because I'm let off the hook for a day. I feel sick to my stomach, disappointed, guilty, ashamed, and angry at myself. Especially angry because I should have known that I couldn't handle this.

And now the day is ruined. I ate crap for nothing, I feel too sick to eat dinner, and I don't feel like watching a movie tonight like I planned. I wish I could start over and have my eggs and toast for breakfast. I just want it to be tomorrow already.... There's no way to salvage the day except for crawling in my bed and hiding under the covers.

thingeringer

Yes, you can salvage today! Eat good things. Go to the gym or for a long walk. Do something nice for someone else. An hour ago is just like yesterday- behind you. But you still have the rest of this day.

TLynn0568

I agree that the day isn't NOT salvageable! It ALWAYS is! No matter what you do, it can be reversed. Eating right is a life-long commitment and sometimes we mess up even with the best of intentions. I would do as thingeringer suggested and get a little exercise in and if you're feeling better eat a healthy dinner. And, if a "treat day/"indulging" isn't for you, there's no law that says you have to have the cheat day if you feel better for not having it with staying on track, etc.

When I don't make the right choices food wise, or I blow off exercising, I feel the same guilt and disgust but I try to take those emotions and make them a positive experience but making better choices the next time I have the opportunity - even if it's the next thing I should eat.

Give yourself a little more credit for all the accomplishments you've made, and recognize a bit of junk isn't dooming you for all eternity in any way, shape or form!

funkyspunky872

Thanks guys. I tried to start over. My stomach was just feeling awful after eating that crap, so I sat down with a normal meal for dinner and instantly felt better. Better enough to nibble on a few more pieces of candy while sitting on the porch for the trick-or-treaters. I only went 2 calories over my goal today, which kinda disappoints me, because I /was/ planning on going a good 500-600 calories over to really jump start my metabolism... But oh well. I learned a lot today. Over the past few months, I've been doing much better by giving myself a higher calorie goal on some days. I don't get as anxious to go all out and eat everything despite if I want it or not.