Has anyone ever eloped?

AnnaMC1977

Am considering eloping, and letting the family in on the secret after the fact. Has anyone ever done this and what were your family's reaction. Since my fiance and I have been together for so long, most people consider us "married". We are already part of each other's families, we just aren't "family" on paper....yet.

ScatteredThoughts

My wife and I went out of state to get married, mainly because her family didn't like me. I'm not sure when they actually found out; it was probably at least 6 months later.

If you are already part of each other's families, then why do you want to elope?

tomomatic

There are lots of reasons to elope: Family politics, family feuds, the expense, etc...
We almost eloped just to get away from all the drama. My parents were splitting up around the same time my wife and I got married so that just made things worse. I nearly banned my spoiled brat sister from the wedding for a snide remark about missing her church softball game for the wedding.

We went ahead with a big wedding and reception because in the end, you only get to do it once (you hope)... except we ended up doing it all over again in Shanghai for her family... so in our case, we got to do it twice.

I really wanted to elope.

ewl6850

I have never done it. But when I get married, the ceremony wont mean much, I'd want something small and casual. The reception/ party with the family will be a big deal though.

ladymiseryali

My fiance and I are probably going to be doing that. We don't want some elaborate thing, so it makes sense.

jennyrebekka

My parents eloped when my Dad was still in high school! - -and they've been married now for 46 years! - - - BUT be forewarned that your (or your partner's) family might feel betrayed to not be included in your special day....and maybe plan some kind of party with them after the fact.?

darleyschroeder

Sure did. My husband and I did not have a traditional wedding at all. I let my family know about it about a week before hand and we just went to a ladies bed and breakfast to get eloped. It was great. We just had our 2 witnesses, got married and went to Red Robins.
We didn't spend a fortune and guess what?! Our marriage is no different because we didn't have a big fancy wedding.

The way I see it, marriage is marriage. It doesn't matter how you get married. You're still making a sacred covenant with God and your spouse either way.

This December will be our 1 year wedding anniversary!

CallMeCupcakeDammit

My (now ex) husband asked me to marry him while we were on vacation in NY. We didn't tell anyone until we got home, except my boss, so I could take a couple more days off because town hall was closed for election day. The day my youngest step-sister got married I saw how happy my dad was, and it broke my heart when I realized how big of an event it was for him, and he may never get to walk me down the aisle. My best friend never lets me forget it, either. Would've been 17 yrs next week.

Edited because my math skills suck.

browshan

My husband and I went to Reno when we were 19!! He proposed to me on Thanksgiving and the thought of the expense and stress of planning a wedding didn't appeal to me. We told his parents that we were going and it was the best thing we could have ever done. We drove down to Reno from Oregon in January and were married by the justice of the peace....a year later my in-laws gave us a reception/anniversary party..I wore the wedding dress I bought and he wore a tux. We had a cake and dancing and just had our closest friends and family there. We saved the expense of an elaborate wedding and our sanity and were able to buy a house a year later!! Almost 12 years later we are more in love then ever, have two beautiful children and are happy That's just our story and it really worked for us, but you will ultimately have to do what your heart tells you. Good Luck!!

pinkraynedropjacki

Yep, we met & married in a month. Went that way & 16 years later we still know it was the best way to go. We would have been just as happy without it at all, but I wanted my son to have hubby's last name & for him to adopt him so this was easier.

Katbody10

Yep .. I eloped .. Dad didn't take it so well .. LOL I think every family is different. I would suspect most families might feel a bit hurt because they take it so personally that you didn't include them.

But honestly .. it sounds like you 2 have been together forever .. and why not? I think everyone would be supportive and as someone else mentioned .. plan a get together or reception like party afterwards.. for instance.. if you get married now .. plan on having a big holiday party and invite everyone .. all the family .. and make your announcement then. (just a suggestion)

thoseblueeyes

As a mother I would die if my son did that. I would want to be there to share the most amazing day of his life when he married his sweetheart. My son and I are very close so this would kill me.

VelociMama

My husband and I considered it, because my family makes Jerry Springer guests look like nuns. In the end, we decided to do the formal wedding, and everyone behaved. It turned out to be the best day of my life, and the one and only time my entire family was in the same room together peacefully. As pathetic as it sounds, that meant a lot to me. It also was the last time my grandparents danced together. We lost my grandmother within a year of the wedding. The memories of all the people and great times everyone had were worth any hassle we underwent planning and dealing with the wedding stress.

Let your family and friends celebrate with you. You can do a wedding on the cheap now if you're budget-limited too. Just get creative.

babeinthemoon

We didn't elope, but we did consider it. Now, a friend of mine eloped. She was really young, and no one approved because it was so sudden. They are still married (yea!! :-) ), and her husband has begun to mellow out, and not act like such an overbearing idiot. I actually like the guy now. ;-)

Honestly, you'll get crap about the wedding either way. Do what you think is best for you and your relationship with your future husband.

jpe71

I eloped the first time, as an expedient measure, because my living situation had become untenable, and I felt I had to be married to lived with him. I should have seen the writing on the wall when my witness' camera broke, spoiling our wedding pictures, and I caught the flu that evening and spent the honeymoon shivering under a pile of blankets, between bouts of tummy troubles. That, and the fact I met him on April Fools Day...yeah. We ended up divorced, and should have been sooner.

The second time, I met the right one, and I was by God going to celebrate. But part of that I think was just showing the family I hadn't made the same mistake twice.

Weddings can be a pain, and if you don't want one, I'd say skip it. They can cost a lot, but you don't have to spend a down payment on a house to have a nice wedding. Everyone will have an opinion about how you ought to do things, and some of them can be quite insistent about it, so you either have to be accused of being bridezilla or compromise on things that'll probably cost you money or violate your ideals. But they're also fun, and a great way to bring the families together, as they try to convince you that you want what they want for youImean...they give the families a chance to get acquainted. I still wouldn't have wanted to miss a moment of it.

If you decide to go that route, try to avoid mentioning the word wedding to any vendors - stuff costs more. Try skipping a bunch of the traditional trappings that aren't meaningful to you. We got friends to photograph, programmed music into the laptop and rented sound equipment, let our entourage pick their own outfits, had bite-size desserts in lieu of wedding cake, and I carried a fan instead of flowers. My dress was more traditional than I'd planned, and my family came up with a veil, which I hadn't planned to wear, but it had been used by two sisters, so... We were on an outdoor patio at a bayside restaurant - gorgeous and reasonably priced. A friend married us, being deputized for the day for that purpose. Our big focus was on enjoying the day. We forgot a few things because nobody was running the show, but it was a great party. I kept explaining to people who wanted to gussy it up - as long as we have a bride, a groom, someone to marry us, friends, family, and food, it'll be a success.

In the end, honestly, I'm glad I had a wedding the second time. Possibly my experience of eloping was soured by a bad marriage, but I still think a wedding is worth a look - if you can do it YOUR way.

ImNotThatBob

I found out my "report for military service" date had been moved up so we eloped in November, didn't tell anyone and went ahead with the planned wedding in December in Arizona with her side of the family.

Not a problem since we were being stationed back east and were planning a 2nd Ceremony for the family back east. Not a problem that is until they found out we were already married and didn't tell them ahead of time. Seriously?!? What's the big deal???

They didn't talk to us for almost 18 months. Once the grand babies arrived... they softened up just a little, although it is still a touchy subject and I for the life of me don't understand why.

Tdk4685

We eloped 27 years ago. Drove to Vegas over the weekend and that was it. My mother in law did believe us when we returned and I wonder if she still feels the same now. It seemed to take a few days for everyone to get used to the idea but they were ok with it for the most part. We had a small family reception a week after we were married. It sure saved alot of money, that was the main reason we did it that way. Best of luck to you.

SeaJenni

I eloped. Best decision ever.

darleyschroeder

Yep, we met & married in a month. Went that way & 16 years later we still know it was the best way to go. We would have been just as happy without it at all, but I wanted my son to have hubby's last name & for him to adopt him so this was easier.

Love it! My husband and I dated/knew each other 3 months before we were married.

palmerig88

I went to a wedding once and the minister announced the couple had eloped before. Like after the ceremony he ended with that. I thought that. Was so strange

jennifer_417

I knew a couple that eloped and later regreted it...*shrugs* Everyone is different and you may not regret it, but unless you have some compelling reason, other than just being impatient with the plannign process, I generally wouldn't recommend it.

MissMertz

My ex and I (19 years old..) tried, but we let the parents know and they weren't having that LOL They wanted a ceremony of some sorts.. so we had a little ceremony with close family, which I'm glad that I did.. but it was still poorly planned and just quickly thrown together. I say whatever works for you, do it.. but I do say make sure it's what you want. I really regretted not having a wedding..

msafunk

My brother eloped with his now ex-wife. He told the family that he was going to Reno with his buddies, but he took his girl and got married. Thing is, we ALL new he was lying about why he was going, and just sighed as he left because we knew there was nothing we could do.

My boyfriend (very soon to be fiancee officially... We have a ring, but he insists on giving me the grand proposal he's been wanting to give me for a year) and I thought about eloping for a short time because his family took a while to warm up to me, and things still seem a bit rocky at times. But we thought about it, and decided to have a ceremony because I'm my parents' only girl, and he's the first of his siblings to get married. Both families would be really upset if we didn't include them.

...Now if only I could convince him to have a small wedding. I want no more than 25 guests, but his list is around 125.

msafunk

edit: I need to learn the difference between edit and quote.

nklunk

I did. We had moved out of state and I knew my family wont come or help with the expense. We both took off early on Friday went to the jp got married then went to outback to eat then to Walmart for groceries then home. We saved so much money and still talk bout how much we saved when we go to other weddings. My family could have carried less if they were there but my hubby's was kinda sad but understood. Good luck.

chrishgt4

If I had a son or daughter who felt they had to do that I'd be absolutely gutted!

If you and your parents are all happy about it then why make them miss out on it? Seems a bit thoughtless and selfish to me...

mgobluetx12

My husband and I eloped in Vegas this past April. We've been together for awhile and have a very small family and even fewer friends, so who would we even invite to the wedding? We also didn't want to spend a ton of money on dumb stuff and I (at 285lbs) didn't even want to think about how I'd look in a dress. We spent a ton of money on fancy restaurants and won most of it back at blackjack.

AnnaMC1977

If I had a son or daughter who felt they had to do that I'd be absolutely gutted!

If you and your parents are all happy about it then why make them miss out on it? Seems a bit thoughtless and selfish to me...

My family is small...just me and my parents. His family is huge..and I am positive I would not be able to afford a big wedding that would accomodate so many people (100+). I would rather, get married by the JP, THEN have a big ceremony at one of their houses (very big, can accomodate lots of people), and have everyone.

Part of me wants that "walk down the aisle" moment, but the little finance angel on my shoulder says "you're in debt" "you dont' have enough $" "you'll never have enough $" "you'll never earn enough $" "getting married shouldn't bust the bank" ect...I'd rather not have to worry about paying more bills and simply be married and then have the families togther for a big celebration.

thelaurameister

I haven't personally eloped, but my "sister in law" (boyfriend's sister...But I call her my sister we are close) eloped. She had a very bad history with her step dad, but she was underage so couldn't move out. So she got emancipated and got married when she was 16. Her mom understood the situation and signed to ok it (long, drawn out story about how her mom doesn't have a choice but to stay with the step dad, I won't get into it). She is now 20 and they have been happily married for 4 years with their first baby on the way. Her family was shocked at first but eventually got over it and welcomed her husband into the family.

VelociMama

If I had a son or daughter who felt they had to do that I'd be absolutely gutted!

If you and your parents are all happy about it then why make them miss out on it? Seems a bit thoughtless and selfish to me...

My family is small...just me and my parents. His family is huge..and I am positive I would not be able to afford a big wedding that would accomodate so many people (100+). I would rather, get married by the JP, THEN have a big ceremony at one of their houses (very big, can accomodate lots of people), and have everyone.

Part of me wants that "walk down the aisle" moment, but the little finance angel on my shoulder says "you're in debt" "you dont' have enough $" "you'll never have enough $" "you'll never earn enough $" "getting married shouldn't bust the bank" ect...I'd rather not have to worry about paying more bills and simply be married and then have the families togther for a big celebration.

The JP then big party route can be wonderful too! One of my best friend's did this because she and her fiance were dealing with a mountain of medical bills, and they couldn't afford a wedding. They hired a DJ for 4 hours (I believe it cost them about $300) and had the reception out at a friend's farm potluck style with everyone bringing their own chairs, tables, and a few food dishes to share. She ended up having about 150 people show up, and they had a blast. It was a great time!

MaryJane_8810002

I don't think anyone in my family has been legally married. So City Hall, Vegas or a giant Tuscan wedding, it don't matter.