Favorite Joke
Options
gzus7freek
Posts: 494 Member
My boys are looking for some new and funny jokes.
Share your favorites, but keep it relatively clean please, it is for my boys!
I will start with my oldest boys favorite:
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyor belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
Share your favorites, but keep it relatively clean please, it is for my boys!
I will start with my oldest boys favorite:
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyor belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
0
Replies
-
Strange How this is not showing up on the message boards.......0
-
knock knock
who's there?
thread-killer0 -
knock knock
who's there?
thread-killer
thread-killer who?0 -
knock knock
who's there?
thread-killer
thread-killer who?
jstar (iirc)0 -
What do you call a cow without any legs?
Ground beef....
ha ha ha ha ha
I hope that was clean enough for your kids........0 -
What do you call a cow without any legs?
Ground beef....
ha ha ha ha ha
I hope that was clean enough for your kids........
This cracked me up!!0 -
Where do pencils come from?
Pennsylvania!0 -
Gutted, my pet mouse called elvis died today, he was caught in a trap0
-
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... a friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband!0
-
I took the wife to a dance at the weekend and there was a guy there giving it large on the dance floor.
The wife said, "See him there? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
She wasn't amused when I replied, "Looks like he's still ****ing celebrating."
0 -
Car Of The Year 2012, as voted by the readers of Women's Own magazine is:
A Blue One0 -
I came home from the pub really drunk last night.
As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, "Can't you just go out and have a couple of drinks?"
"Of course I can," I replied, standing back up. "Just let me get my coat."0 -
Teacher draws a penis on blackboard and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this thing is?"Little Tim shouts, "yes sir, my dad has 2 of them"."TWO?" enquire's the teacher in surprise,"Yes sir, he has a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth!0
-
Men at 25 play football, men at 40 play tennis and men at 60 play golf ! Have u noticed that as u get older your balls get smaller. ! !0
-
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?0 -
Mick walks into Paddy's barn & catches him dancing naked & wanking in front of a tractor. Mick says '****ing hell Paddy, what ya doing'. Paddy says, well me & Marg haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, & the therapist recommended I do sumthin sexy to attractor!0
-
Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend . . . . .
If you are sleeping send me your dreams !
If you are laughing send me your smile !
If you are crying send me your tear drops !
Bloke replys:
I am having a ****, what do I do ?0 -
Same one I always say...
Question: Whats cheaper? Beer Nuts? Or... Deer Nuts?
Answer: Deer Nuts... Beer Nuts are $1.99 and the Deer Nuts are under a buck!!
:laugh:0 -
Have you heard of the new pirate movie coming out?
It's rated RRRRRRR
*I heard this joke when the first pirates of the caribbean came out.. I thought it was soo funny.0 -
Dr to lady patient, "your heart, lungs, pulse and BP are ok, now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady swings into action, removes her nickers, spreads her legs and shows her *****....Doctor says "**** sake woman No!! Put your clothes back on and just show me your Tongue!!!"0
-
I rang babe station the other nite, a woman answers and says hi sexy what can I do for you, I said ****in hide, my wifes coming and I've lost the remote!0
-
What do you call a physic midget recently escaped from prison?
A Small Medium at Large.0 -
What do you call a cow without any legs?
Ground beef....
ha ha ha ha ha
I hope that was clean enough for your kids........
Love it!0 -
My all time favorite for stupid (albeit clean) jokes:
Question: What's the difference between a duck?
Answer: One of it's legs is both the same.
Don't think about it too hard, it's not worth it.0 -
A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.
"Morning!" he said.
The other man replies, "No, just having a ****."0 -
Did u no the frist time I had sex it was very scary I was so scared I wasn't sure I could do it boy it was so scary it was very dark and what made matters worse and even more scary is the fact I was on my own0
-
What do you call a physic midget recently escaped from prison?
A Small Medium at Large.
Heeeeeeeee!!:laugh:0 -
A pirate captain calls for his red shirt moments before engaging in battle. After the victory, whilst story telling, the cabin boy asked why the captain called for his red shirts only moments before the battle. See, being a smart lad, he thought it silly to dirty another shirt just before a sweaty battle. The captain replied that he called for his red shirt so that should he get nicked in the scuffle, his men wouldn't notice and thus wouldn't lose heart and would continue battling valiantly.
The next morning, a whole armada encroaches on the lowly pirate ship. The captain stoically yells to the cabin boy "Fetch me my brown pants!"0 -
Ghandi was thought by many to be an amazing man with tremendous insight. He spent so much time walking places that he had horendous callouses built up on his feet. And unfortunately because of all of his fasting he had horrible breath. This made him a...
Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis0 -
Why don't zombies eat clowns?
They taste funny.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 396.7K Introduce Yourself
- 44.2K Getting Started
- 260.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 176.3K Food and Nutrition
- 47.6K Recipes
- 232.8K Fitness and Exercise
- 450 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.7K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.3K Motivation and Support
- 8.3K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.5K Chit-Chat
- 2.6K Fun and Games
- 4.5K MyFitnessPal Information
- 16 News and Announcements
- 18 MyFitnessPal Academy
- 1.4K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 3.1K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions