Favorite Joke

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gzus7freek
gzus7freek Posts: 494 Member
in Chit-Chat
My boys are looking for some new and funny jokes.
Share your favorites, but keep it relatively clean please, it is for my boys!
I will start with my oldest boys favorite:


Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.

After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyor belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
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Replies

  • gzus7freek
    gzus7freek Posts: 494 Member
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    Strange How this is not showing up on the message boards.......
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
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    knock knock

    who's there?

    thread-killer
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    knock knock

    who's there?

    thread-killer

    thread-killer who?
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
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    knock knock

    who's there?

    thread-killer

    thread-killer who?

    jstar (iirc)
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    What do you call a cow without any legs?


    Ground beef....

    ha ha ha ha ha


    I hope that was clean enough for your kids........
  • Crookey21
    Crookey21 Posts: 311 Member
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    What do you call a cow without any legs?


    Ground beef....

    ha ha ha ha ha


    I hope that was clean enough for your kids........

    This cracked me up!!
  • katies71123
    katies71123 Posts: 57
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    Where do pencils come from?


    Pennsylvania!
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Gutted, my pet mouse called elvis died today, he was caught in a trap
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... a friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband!
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    I took the wife to a dance at the weekend and there was a guy there giving it large on the dance floor.
    The wife said, "See him there? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
    She wasn't amused when I replied, "Looks like he's still ****ing celebrating." :p
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Car Of The Year 2012, as voted by the readers of Women's Own magazine is:

    A Blue One
  • gregsonevans
    gregsonevans Posts: 232 Member
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    I came home from the pub really drunk last night.

    As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, "Can't you just go out and have a couple of drinks?"

    "Of course I can," I replied, standing back up. "Just let me get my coat."
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Teacher draws a penis on blackboard and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this thing is?"Little Tim shouts, "yes sir, my dad has 2 of them"."TWO?" enquire's the teacher in surprise,"Yes sir, he has a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth!
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Men at 25 play football, men at 40 play tennis and men at 60 play golf ! Have u noticed that as u get older your balls get smaller. ! !
  • gregsonevans
    gregsonevans Posts: 232 Member
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    This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

    The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

    He said, "I'm not happy."

    I replied, "Well, which one are you then?
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Mick walks into Paddy's barn & catches him dancing naked & wanking in front of a tractor. Mick says '****ing hell Paddy, what ya doing'. Paddy says, well me & Marg haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, & the therapist recommended I do sumthin sexy to attractor!
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend . . . . .
    If you are sleeping send me your dreams !
    If you are laughing send me your smile !
    If you are crying send me your tear drops !

    Bloke replys:
    I am having a ****, what do I do ?
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    Same one I always say...

    Question: Whats cheaper? Beer Nuts? Or... Deer Nuts?

    Answer: Deer Nuts... Beer Nuts are $1.99 and the Deer Nuts are under a buck!!

    :laugh:
  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
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    Have you heard of the new pirate movie coming out?


    It's rated RRRRRRR


    *I heard this joke when the first pirates of the caribbean came out.. I thought it was soo funny.
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Dr to lady patient, "your heart, lungs, pulse and BP are ok, now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady swings into action, removes her nickers, spreads her legs and shows her *****....Doctor says "**** sake woman No!! Put your clothes back on and just show me your Tongue!!!"

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