ADVICE ANYONE???

Jmbean84
Jmbean84 Posts: 261 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay, I need to vent. Today I measured myself and it came to a loss of 37.25 inches. When I told my fiancé this, I got nothing! No good job, no you're looking good, NOTHING! It hurts so bad! I just want to cry. I mean, after 20 or 30 lbs of no encouraging words, I was like okay well maybe after 50. But NOTTA DAMN THING! 11 years and 3 kids this is the lowest weight I've ever been since I've been with him. I thought he'd be all over me. I'm so confused and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm missing out. If maybe if I was with someone closer to my age, I'd be a lot happier. :( this scares me. But I have needs and wants and he's either completely clueless or just doesn't care. It does no good to talk to him because even when he answers me and says hes listening, he's not. We get done talking and I ask if he heard me and he smiles and says no! I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my boys away from their dad but I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Replies

  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
    Okay, I need to vent. Today I measured myself and it came to a loss of 37.25 inches. When I told my fiancé this, I got nothing! No good job, no you're looking good, NOTHING! It hurts so bad! I just want to cry. I mean, after 20 or 30 lbs of no encouraging words, I was like okay well maybe after 50. But NOTTA DAMN THING! 11 years and 3 kids this is the lowest weight I've ever been since I've been with him. I thought he'd be all over me. I'm so confused and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm missing out. If maybe if I was with someone closer to my age, I'd be a lot happier. :( this scares me. But I have needs and wants and he's either completely clueless or just doesn't care. It does no good to talk to him because even when he answers me and says hes listening, he's not. We get done talking and I ask if he heard me and he smiles and says no! I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my boys away from their dad but I don't know how much longer I can do this.

    You have to want this for YOU. We can't control others and we choose who we marry and mostly must accept them for who they are and can't change them. Some people don't think of others or understand others so much.
  • mgobluetx12
    mgobluetx12 Posts: 1,326 Member
    Is he possibly jealous? Does he need to lose weight?
  • StinkyWinkies
    StinkyWinkies Posts: 603 Member
    I think you've done a fantastic job! I've no advice for you though. Some humans are rather insensitive, it seems to me. Or perhaps he just doesn't know what to say.
  • Jmbean84
    Jmbean84 Posts: 261 Member
    Possibly I guess. He's 6'4 and 210 though. I mean he's got a little belly but he's in pretty good shape. He was 190 when we met 11 years ago but he was also only 30!
    Is he possibly jealous? Does he need to lose weight?
  • Jmbean84
    Jmbean84 Posts: 261 Member
    Thank you. His insensitivity is just getting really old. :(
    I think you've done a fantastic job! I've no advice for you though. Some humans are rather insensitive, it seems to me. Or perhaps he just doesn't know what to say.
  • miracole
    miracole Posts: 492 Member
    it sounds like there is a lot more here than just weight loss and his response to it. You should be incredibly happy about your accomplishments for yourself, but not getting the support you want can be really discouraging. I hope you and your spouse can work it out, you have built a life and a family together, and that's really important, but mostly I hope that you find your happiness! My only advice is to do some soul searching and try talking it out with your fiance. And know that you've made incredible progress and we all support you!
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    Sounds like there are other challenges in your marriage. He's only 41? He's not old and should be interested in you and your body :(
  • Jmbean84
    Jmbean84 Posts: 261 Member
    Well, I mean, here come TMI. we have sex a few times a week, but to be honest it just feels like its just cuz he wants it and I'm there. There's really nothing intimate about it. Sorry. Just trying to be honest.
    Sounds like there are other challenges in your marriage. He's only 41? He's not old and should be interested in you and your body :(
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    It does no good to talk to him because even when he answers me and says hes listening, he's not. We get done talking and I ask if he heard me and he smiles and says no!

    Have you flat out told him he's being insensitive? Sometimes you need to be quite explicit with men. Women do a lot with inference... men are more direct. But then if my husband did that ^^ I'd be picking a fight and asking him why he's being a jerk.
  • spud_chick
    spud_chick Posts: 2,640 Member
    It doesn't sound to me like you're expecting too much from him or misplacing your motivations for losing weight. Based on what you say and on my own experience with a certain personality type (more than one unfortunately), it sounds--to me--likely that he depends on you having a lack of confidence and is probably threatened by your success (*not* because he's jealous) and trying to belittle it. As if he does not want you feeling good about yourself, secure in the relationship or strong enough to change your life. I could easily be wrong, and I do understand the gravity of breaking up a family; but if he is in fact the type of person who wants to keep you down so he can control you, it's likely that his behavior will affect your kids as well, either by setting a bad example of how to behave in relationships (how to treat a woman) or by doing the same thing to them that he seems to be doing to you; chipping away at their self-esteem to make himself feel stronger.

    I say this, again, as someone who for many years kept getting sucked into relationships with people who behave this way. And again, I may be wrong about your husband's reasons for behaving like this. He might just be completely clueless, which doesn't really make it any better for you. But what you describe fits with the type. And whether it's a bad streak or just chronic male obtuseness, if it's been going on this long it's unlikely to get better, especially if he's older and has theoretically had more time to mature.

    Sending good wishes to you and your boys... above all, protect yourself and take care of yourself so you can look out for them too.
  • trackstack
    trackstack Posts: 174 Member
    In the end, the problem is unrelated to diet and fitness. You are unhappy with elements of the marriage and it sounds like he is too. The best thing you can do is to stop seeking help for issues like this on a chit chat forum. Please seek the advice and help of a professional marriage/family counselor. Good luck :)

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