I Don't want to offend you...

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x_cinder_x
x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
in Motivation and Support
"I don't want to offend you, but have you lost weight?"

I heard this, or some variance of it, allot as my weight loss became more and more noticeable. The way it was worded was always polite and really worried I would actually be mad at them for saying something. As soon as I said yes, they would usually follow up with a positive 'your work is showing' type thing.

I can't imagine being offended over someone asking in a polite supportive type way. To me it was actually really encouraging. I mean if I notice someone working on being more healthy I would probably say something like that to. I was just wondering what other takes there are on it.
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Replies

  • kmhenry84
    kmhenry84 Posts: 96 Member
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    Some people are embarassed about the fact that they had weight to lose. Just let them know you appreciate the support and aren't offended by any positive comments =D
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I'm never offended by that. EVER. I relish it :happy:
  • joannbrunton
    joannbrunton Posts: 93 Member
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    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
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    The "problem" with that sort of question is that it may imply that the asker thinks you need(ed?) to lose weight in the first place. I think a better way to approach it is to simply compliment the person and ask if they've done something differently. I did that with the girl that cuts my hair, noticing she had lost a little weight. She simply smiled and said she had lost ten pounds. I told her she looked great - not that she looked bad before - and she seemed happy that I/someone noticed.
  • 1sophiesophie
    1sophiesophie Posts: 67 Member
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    Of course, it is all about the context and tone with which it is said, but overall - I totally agree with the OP. I would never be offended, particularly if it is then followed up with an explicitly positive statement, such as "well, you look really well on it" or something similar.

    I don't understand why anybody would be embarrassed about losing weight. It is the people moaning about their weight and not doing anything about it who should be embarrassed. Those of you taking control - be proud!
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
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    Some people are embarassed about the fact that they had weight to lose.

    This.

    And congrats on your weight loss :)
  • brendaj39
    brendaj39 Posts: 375 Member
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    i like being told i look better or good...it help keep me going. Even tho I have heard from some..."its about time" now thats when I stick my tongue at them...:huh:
  • gsager
    gsager Posts: 977 Member
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    The other day a man said,"I don't mean to offend you but you legs look good, very toned." I told him,"thank you, I work very hard". I think that he didn't want me to be offended by the fact that he was looking at my legs.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
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    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.

    This is a good point. Never even considered it.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
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    The other day a man said,"I don't mean to offend you but you legs look good, very toned." I told him,"thank you, I work very hard". I think that he didn't want me to be offended by the fact that he was looking at my legs.

    Haha- I bet that made you grin!
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
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    I agree. Who would be offended by someone noticing weight loss. That said, I don't do this for other people. I do it for me.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
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    There was actually a post awhile back where someone was offended when people notice. I don't understand it but I guess it happens.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/762685-getting-upset-when-people-notice
  • carneson3
    carneson3 Posts: 33
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    I think a lot of people don't want to bring up weight because it's a little taboo to ask someone about, but they are genuinely curious or worried. I had a coworker ask me if I was ok and wanted to make sure I wasn't loosing because I was sick. Of course I informed him i was sick and started to pretend cry....I quickly laughed so not to freak him out and told him I was just counting calories/exercising!! I thought it was very sweet that he cared enough to ask. When people are genuine it's hard to be offended.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
    I've had a couple of people ask me if I've been sick. Others told me I'm "too skinny". Believe me, I neither look sick nor do I look "skinny". I think people get so accustomed to seeing overweight people that healthy looks skinny to them.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    Interesting questions I received.

    From guys (who were a bit hesitant to just say hey you lost weight) - Have you been working out?
    From women (who had not seen me in a while) - Is something going on with you? You have lost weight. It seems they were also testing the waters to inquire if it was my effort or a problem such as illness or stress).
    And from some close friends - You are getting skinny. LOL

    I was never offended.
  • oohmercyme
    oohmercyme Posts: 279 Member
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    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
    I've had a couple of people ask me if I've been sick. Others told me I'm "too skinny". Believe me, I neither look sick nor do I look "skinny". I think people get so accustomed to seeing overweight people that healthy looks skinny to them.

    Yep. This is annoying.
    Have you lost weight? Yes.
    On purpose? Um yes.
    You aren't sick or anything? Go away!
  • tommygirl15
    tommygirl15 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    Whenever someone makes a comment about my weightloss I always take it as a compliment - whether it was meant to be or not.
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
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    I have middle-child syndrome and want attention at all times, haha. So someone noticing my weight loss would never offend me even if it was worded like "GIRL, YOU LOOK LESS HEFTY THEN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU!".
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Some people seem to actively look for ways to be offended. So "You look great, did you lose weight?" gets heard as, "You looked fat and disgusting before." :indifferent:

    Years ago, I ran into my real estate agent from when I bought my house. He told me I looked great... did I lose weight? I'd actually gained quite a few. I was too skinny before, and was happier with an extra 20 pounds. But when I told him that no, I'd gained, he couldn't seem to wrap his head around a woman confessing to or being happy about weighing more. :laugh: You could literally see circuits shorting in his brain trying to figure out how to respond.
  • Heather0123456789
    Heather0123456789 Posts: 91
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    I see my patients about 6 months apart, so they've noticed ;). I've never been offended by it! Everyone is always so polite and positive towards me. Feeling and looking better? Makes ALL of those workouts worth it ;)

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