Coping Without Using Food as Medication

SarahAFerguson

Like many others food is my go to when I'm sad or angry or stressed. Since starting to loose weight and do exercise my stress level has been steadily mounting. I noticed today that the not so healthy food item I picked up on my way back yo the office from a meeting had an almost instant dampening effect on my anxiety. I also reflected that I haven't really come up with something that is a quick stress and anxiety fixer like a chocolate bar or pizza slice. I would love to say that I've been able to use running or weight training or yoga to relieve stress, but none of those things really work when I'm in a meeting or driving my car or in many other situations where eating is possible and works to help me stay calm.

I really believe that taking away food as an emotional support has uncovered some things that l've been avoiding thinking about and dealing with. I guess you could say that I've been self medicating for quite some time. If weight loss was just the simple calories in vs calories burned then it would be easy. I never really considered the emotional struggle, which for me is the hard part.

So for my question, does anyone have some suggestions for alternative coping strategies, books, websites to read, apps to download? I need to work out a strategy because I will return to work and the only thing that will have changed will be me. Even if I were to work somewhere else the same issues are likely to comenup

FYI - I've been to a councillor, which went OK, but my benefits have now run out. I now have a prescription for two different meds. I'm really nervous to start down that road, but we'll see how it goes. As it stands right now I'm starting a stress leave tomorrow.

jessiekanga

Most importantly, you are not alone. Not only can I relate, but I have a hunch this will become a very popular thread. Good for you for owning it, and for taking things like a leave, and even considering medication. No matter whether you decide it's best for you or not, you're considering alternatives to using food, as you've come to know and use food. Food is a fast, easy, available friend.

My favorite food related book is "Women, God and Food" by Geneen Roth. It's definitely not a how-to book, but it labels the emotional struggle in ways that are accessible, ditto-able, easy to read, and worthwhile to get through. You won't be the same after reading it. Is there a theme to the emotional issues that you can explore/talk about with friends and family if you can't do the counselor thing right now? Is it safe to talk about them with MFP friends?

What I truly believe, but have a hard-as-hell time practicing, is that the solution is to be able to feel the feelings, and not numb them with food, or other "addictions" or unhealthy coping skills. Exercise through them, but not to avoid them, and so on. It's a painful and sucky answer... but it's all I've ever come to that seems to be genuine, honors myself - my struggle and my past, not flop in a week, and so on. Start practicing feeling it, and practice learning slowly, over time, that the world moves on, that time does heal (slowly) and so on. And please believe me, I'm not trying to be patronizing in the very least. I know these are no small mountains.

Thinking of you!

SarahAFerguson

I didn't find your post patronizing at all. You really nailed it, I am an avoider. I hate confrontation of any kind and I bury my feelings instead of expressing them because I don't want to disrupt the surface of the pond so to speak. Outward harmony has been more important to me than inner peace. I also struggle with feeling my true feelings. In the long run I believe it has resulted in my repeating the same mistakes over and over, which is probably at least part if the reason why I'm stressed in the first place.

Carol_123

Take time for yourself, you alone with whatever works for you - music, meditation etc. to hear your inner thoughts. I had and have again self-medicated with food and alcohol, had it all under control once but let it slip away again. You need an outlet for your voice and even if it makes the most sense not to rock the boat of whomever you are dealing with to say how you really feel, you still need an outlet for your voice. You need to write in a journal, talk to a therapist, sing if that does anything for you, write pretend letters you never send. Walking away from food and realizing this is a gift. It's a gift because avoiding the things inside you is what makes most of us unhappy even if we feel temporarily better with pizza or chocolate.

SarahAFerguson

Bump

Flowers4Julia

Thank you for posting and sharing these feelings. The previous responses are really well said and I appreciate reading them.

franklinr5

Bump. Gotta come back to this later when I'm not at work. I just recently realized I've been doing the same thing my whole life.

dorianaldyn

I was going to say keep a journal but someone already beat me to it!

Write down (or type) whatever stream of consciousness comes out ~ you don't even need to save it if you don't want to, sometimes just getting it out there can really help!

I'm hoping that, for you, eventually exercise will become a great outlet for stress and anxiety relief.

pwnderosa

This is just how I gained weight this time, I had a really bad year last with with family problems and I lost my mother among other things, had been eating and drinking like mad to calm down/treat myself/whatever...

I was exercising (mostly just short walks and gentle yoga though) and I was gaining weight like crazy too! I still don't know the answer and struggle a lot with feeling down & anxious, but some of these things have helped me feel more sane:
Increasing my workouts a bit - doesn't necessarily help in moment but overall I sleep better and have better moods
Taking more "me" time to express myself with creative hobbies like drawing and writing
Quitting smoking - replaced this habit with lots and lots of herbal tea, which is very calming
Being kind to myself, giving myself little "feel good" presents like bath gel, lipgloss, a new nightshirt, etc.

Good luck to you!!

laurenz2501

bump

sandrahermione

My little one had health issues last year, a night in AE, days in hospital, run to the fridge Sandra, no I want to be nice to myself, so to stop the terrible anxiety I bought some Passionflower herbal pills, non-addictive, non-drowsy, one a day. I just felt so much calmer. After five days I had reset and they went back in the cupboard. They have made one more appearance and I found them really useful, as I was so wound tightly, nothing helped. It was a physical reaction, rather than an emotional one.
Speak to your doctor, too, if it is longterm but mine really was related to a sudden trauma, though I do comfort eat a lot. They make me angry I eat type stuff, ridiculous. It takes a long time to unlearn subconscious routines.
Paul McKenna was also useful.

jessiekanga

It takes a long time to unlearn subconscious routines.

I couldn't agree more! I like what you have to say about the passion-flower. I might have to scope that out!
Thanks.

kenazfehu

Me too. Exactly what I was doing became clear to me in early September, and I haven't been eating to avoid my feelings since then. It has been extremely hard on me. My ulcerative colitis has been in full flare, and I've suffered an episode of shingles. I've been reading and commenting here, also crying a lot. I used to keep a journal, but it makes me feel even worse lately. I don't know what the answer is; I don't know how to cope.

Jain

I've had this problem all my life & have struggled with it for years. I've finally tried hypnotherapy to try & break the cycle, and so far so good. It is early days but since I started with the therapy I've been able to control the impulse to eat too much, even at TOM!!!

jessiekanga

Me too. Exactly what I was doing became clear to me in early September, and I haven't been eating to avoid my feelings since then. It has been extremely hard on me. My ulcerative colitis has been in full flare, and I've suffered an episode of shingles. I've been reading and commenting here, also crying a lot. I used to keep a journal, but it makes me feel even worse lately. I don't know what the answer is; I don't know how to cope.

This is a really powerful post... thread. So what has been helping? You kenazfehu? Others? I feel vulnerable as hell most of the time. I knew I ate to cope, but I didn't realize how vulnerable I would feel when I "laid my armor down". It was a shock to know just how intense and raw the emotions under all my eating were. This site helps, therapy helps, the OA group on this site helps... but no matter what, you cannot selectively numb feelings, and so coping, for me, while essential, doesn't "change" it. That's where my acceptance/surrender comes in, and I SUCK at acceptance and surrender.