Comparing ourselves is more than not cool--it's destructive!

NewLIFEstyle4ME

My two daughters were out jean shopping today. The sales woman told my oldest daughter (who is a tad shorter than my youngest daughter) how beautiful she is. For the record, both of my daughters are gorgeous, but this chick (older woman, my age) just kept on raving about how beautiful my oldest daughter was and how she should be a model. My oldest daughter interrupted her and said that her younger sister is just a beautiful as she is, she then went to to tell this rude woman, that my younger daughter is not only gorgeous, but tall and she could be a model too. The woman had the nerve to ask my youngest daughter what size she was, and guessed about a size 3-4. My youngest daughter told her yes, that's what size she is. This woman went on to say that's a nice size, "but compared to your pretty sister, who looks like a size 0-2, and that's a better size. :mad:

When they came home and told me, I called up store immediately and tore her a new *kitten* verbally. She didn't get it. She told me she was simply "complementing" the girls. I asked her how would she has felt if someone said that to her, treated her that way, comparing her and her sister--going on and on with how beautiful one is and then saying the other one is okay, but not as pretty, how would she feel? She got it then, and apologized. I told her she needs to apologize to my younger daughter. She did. Afterwards, I told her to be careful about making rude and insensitive comments to young ladies like that in the future, this is how young girls can develop eating disorders!

My youngest daughter was really hurt/confused/irritated--but understood that this woman was loony and rude. The lesson I'm teaching her from this is that people can be rude and not to allow other's stupid comments to rock their world. Then I told her I need to learn this lesson myself. I've been thinking all day about how destructive comparing myself with others is. The NSV from this mess is: Comparing ourselves and others is NOT wise. I/we need to think before we speak and to not allow others to comments, views, opinions and what not to rock our worlds and try y/our BEST to stop comparing ourselves to one another and others for that matter too. Huge NSV!

dovek11

WTG! I would have done that or worse.... gone down to the store for a face to face!!!!! I know I should be more tolerant of ignorant people, but I guess I am flawed that way! LOL
After having read here at MFP, I wonder how many of us would even BE HERE.... especially the females... had we been told when we were younger that every woman is beautiful in her own way.
Most of us ladies got the backhanded compliments of "you have such a pretty face....if only...."
We all know that tore us deeply, and for some of us, it SENT us on a road of self loathing.

What if.... instead... we had been told we were so beautiful just the way we were. That wouldn't have sent us to eating cake in the closet when no one was looking! It would have sent us to the mirror with a smile..... and no where near the candy bars!

Rabbit914

Thanks for the reminder. I know i do this often and need to stop. That lady was out of line. It is not her job to even give her opinion on your chldren and how they look. You're right that kind of talk can cause alot of issues especially for young girls. Good for you- hopefully she will keep her opinions to herself in the future.

kimothy38

Love the way you handled that. I'd be so peeved if someone said that to my kids the only words that would come out were expletives.

NewLIFEstyle4ME

WTG! I would have done that or worse.... gone down to the store for a face to face!!!!! I know I should be more tolerant of ignorant people, but I guess I am flawed that way! LOL
After having read here at MFP, I wonder how many of us would even BE HERE.... especially the females... had we been told when we were younger that every woman is beautiful in her own way.
Most of us ladies got the backhanded compliments of "you have such a pretty face....if only...."
We all know that tore us deeply, and for some of us, it SENT us on a road of self loathing.

What if.... instead... we had been told we were so beautiful just the way we were. That wouldn't have sent us to eating cake in the closet when no one was looking! It would have sent us to the mirror with a smile..... and no where near the candy bars!

Sooooo True! When I called her, and read her the riot act, she "seemed" to honestly not have a clue of why I was so upset. It wasn't until I asked her how she would feel if that was done to her with her sister that the nightlight bulb went off, I say nightlight bulb, because this chick was clueless. But the more I think about it...the more I think about the details my daughters gave me....it makes me wonder, was she truly "clueless" or simply an EVIL coldhearted bruja!

Thanks so much for replying!

NewLIFEstyle4ME

Thanks for the reminder. I know i do this often and need to stop. That lady was out of line. It is not her job to even give her opinion on your chldren and how they look. You're right that kind of talk can cause alot of issues especially for young girls. Good for you- hopefully she will keep her opinions to herself in the future.

Girl, me too. The funny thing is I was just thinking about this d@mnable business of comparing ourselves with one another and how ugly and unproductive it is, when my babies came home and told me this. It's so easy to do and only purposeful thinking before we speak and not comparing one of the only solutions. Wow, my daughter was really hurt by this and how we hurt others and how others blasted wagging of the tongues can really plant the funky seeds of doubt, fear and hurt.

It's a good thing for her that she was humble and apologetic, because if she was anything less than that when I was giving her "what for" I would have told the manager AND the owner of the store--I was HOT, not merely for my daughter(s), but also if this
unthinking chick would say that to others and potentially do some serious damaged with her blasted mouth! Hmmmph!

Thank you so much for posting. :flowerforyou:

shapeup6

That sounds like a horrible situation for your daughters. I'm glad your older daughter stood up for her beautiful younger sister! That part made me smile. Also, good for you for calling the store and pointing out how destructive the comment was. I have sisters as well and it is hard not to compare myself with them! Hopefully the lady learned a lesson from all of this!

MandiK3

WTG! I would have done that or worse.... gone down to the store for a face to face!!!!! I know I should be more tolerant of ignorant people, but I guess I am flawed that way! LOL

I agree ^^^^^

I was really mad reading this story!! Ppl just don't get that what they say could have a negative impact on others!! Everyone is beautiful in there own way and size has nothing to do with that. I would have flipped on the manager too... there is no reason for her to make your daughter feel like crap about herself.. GOSH! Now I am grumpy too!

My duaghter was born with a hemangioma (sp) anyway is a red/purple blood vessel growth thingy on her head and the first 6 months it grew to the size of a loonie (I am in canada obviously) and some ppl were SOOOOOO rude. Some were tactful asking about it which I didn't mind I didn't know until she was born with it then some ppl when she was about 2 (you could still see it in her hair b/c it was thin) would just come out and ask "what's wrong with her?" I just wanted to scream "WTF is wrong with you!!!" But I chose to be a lady and say what it was and that it will go away and it's not harming her!!! GRRRRRRR

SoDamnHungry

Wow, how thoughtless. Some people really just don't get it. Kudos to your older daughter for being such a good sister, though. And kudos to you for raising her like that.

NewLIFEstyle4ME

That sounds like a horrible situation for your daughters. I'm glad your older daughter stood up for her beautiful younger sister! That part made me smile. Also, good for you for calling the store and pointing out how destructive the comment was. I have sisters as well and it is hard not to compare myself with them! Hopefully the lady learned a lesson from all of this!

I can be as sweet as baby OR as mean as a vicious a hungry tigress or protectively as a grizzly bear and when it comes to folks messing with my children--honey, it's on! I'm NOT the type of mom that defends my children no matter what though--I believe that children can do wrong and they aren't perfect just like I'm not perfect and if they are doing something wrong or evil and someone calls them on it, I'm not going to defend them blindly, BUT when it comes to evil like this or someone causing some kind of harm to my children , girllll....hmmmph--It's ON ! I'm pretty sure she DID get it after I talked to her--after I got threw with her she was a humble as can be and sounded genuinely sorry and WRONG.

My children are best friends, especially my girls...my oldest daughter loves her sister and protects her like any best friend would. It's beautiful to see--she tells people all the time that her sister is her best friend and they always tell people they love each other, when they ask how and why they are so close. That's why she (my oldest daughter) intervened with this she :devil: I have also taught them to be respectful of their elders, which is why she didn't rip her to shreds for literally, humiliating her sister again and again, over and over and why my youngest daughter didn't tell her a thing or two either. Because thiswas an older woman around my age--no spring chicken at all.

ardorrequiem

I would not have responded as courteously as you did, I assure you. If I were one of your daughters, or you, I'd make sure never to shop at that store ever again, and I'd make sure they knew the reason why. Who wants someone like that representing their business? ardorrequiem.tumblr.com

NewLIFEstyle4ME

WTG! I would have done that or worse.... gone down to the store for a face to face!!!!! I know I should be more tolerant of ignorant people, but I guess I am flawed that way! LOL

I agree ^^^^^

I was really mad reading this story!! Ppl just don't get that what they say could have a negative impact on others!! Everyone is beautiful in there own way and size has nothing to do with that. I would have flipped on the manager too... there is no reason for her to make your daughter feel like crap about herself.. GOSH! Now I am grumpy too!

My duaghter was born with a hemangioma (sp) anyway is a red/purple blood vessel growth thingy on her head and the first 6 months it grew to the size of a loonie (I am in canada obviously) and some ppl were SOOOOOO rude. Some were tactful asking about it which I didn't mind I didn't know until she was born with it then some ppl when she was about 2 (you could still see it in her hair b/c it was thin) would just come out and ask "what's wrong with her?" I just wanted to scream "WTF is wrong with you!!!" But I chose to be a lady and say what it was and that it will go away and it's not harming her!!! GRRRRRRR

{{{{ Hugs }}}} Wow, people are so ignorant and cruel. I'm proud of you for handling it like a lady. I went off on this ignorant chick not ONLY for my child's sake, but also so she can remember to watch her mouth and be careful and to NOT do this again to ANYONE else! She got it, believe me. If I had noted anything less than her totally "getting" it and being genuinely SORRY and SCARED--I would have got her FIRED, period.

JenniBaby85

Oh wow. So sorry to hear about the way she acted. Kudos to your older daughter for stepping in! I'm sure they are both gorgeous! I pray that my two girls don't have to face that when they get older, I don't know how I'd react!

marywell

The problem with comparing ourselves to others is that we are comparing our weaknesses with their strengths. It is not a level playing field that way. I would kill to be a 3-4!!!!

penrbrown

What. The. HELL is wrong with people!!!!??? WHO THE FRICK WOULD DO THAT?

Looney? The woman was certifiable!

NewLIFEstyle4ME

The problem with comparing ourselves to others is that we are comparing our weaknesses with their strengths. It is not a level playing field that way. I would kill to be a 3-4!!!!

Wow! That's DEEP...I'm storing this in my bio-computer for SURE! Thanks for posting!

MandiK3

WTG! I would have done that or worse.... gone down to the store for a face to face!!!!! I know I should be more tolerant of ignorant people, but I guess I am flawed that way! LOL

I agree ^^^^^

I was really mad reading this story!! Ppl just don't get that what they say could have a negative impact on others!! Everyone is beautiful in there own way and size has nothing to do with that. I would have flipped on the manager too... there is no reason for her to make your daughter feel like crap about herself.. GOSH! Now I am grumpy too!

My duaghter was born with a hemangioma (sp) anyway is a red/purple blood vessel growth thingy on her head and the first 6 months it grew to the size of a loonie (I am in canada obviously) and some ppl were SOOOOOO rude. Some were tactful asking about it which I didn't mind I didn't know until she was born with it then some ppl when she was about 2 (you could still see it in her hair b/c it was thin) would just come out and ask "what's wrong with her?" I just wanted to scream "WTF is wrong with you!!!" But I chose to be a lady and say what it was and that it will go away and it's not harming her!!! GRRRRRRR

{{{{ Hugs }}}} Wow, people are so ignorant and cruel. I'm proud of you for handling it like a lady. I went off on this ignorant chick not ONLY for my child's sake, but also so she can remember to watch her mouth and be careful and to NOT do this again to ANYONE else! She got it, believe me. If I had noted anything less than her totally "getting" it and being genuinely SORRY and SCARED--I would have got her FIRED, period.

GOOD 4 YOU!! I would have been the same way! I was a new mama then but I am 6 years stronger into my mommy mode... and you know what? I am proud of you for sticking up to that bully of a women!!!!

smantha32

Good god, even without the comparison, telling someone they're better because they're a size 0 is freaking insane.

marywell

The problem with comparing ourselves to others is that we are comparing our weaknesses with their strengths. It is not a level playing field that way. I would kill to be a 3-4!!!!

Wow! That's DEEP...I'm storing this in my bio-computer for SURE! Thanks for posting!

Thanks. I didn't come up with it though. I learned it at church. It is so true though!!!

porkchop009

unfortunately the world is full of these types of people, sometimes you have to learn to deal with it. Are you going to be there every second of her life? I doubt it. Suck it up buttercup.

marywell

unfortunately the world is full of these types of people, sometimes you have to learn to deal with it. Are you going to be there every second of her life? I doubt it. Suck it up buttercup.

Just curious if you have any children? Of course she won't be there every second, but when she can she has every right to defend her children. Just because the world is full of these types of people doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean we should just let them get away with it!! People deal with stuff everyday but when we have the opportunity to put someone in their place that have hurt our children you better believe mama bear's coming out to play!!!

NewLIFEstyle4ME

unfortunately the world is full of these types of people, sometimes you have to learn to deal with it. Are you going to be there every second of her life? I doubt it. Suck it up buttercup.

Awwwwww, bless your heart for posting :flowerforyou:


Also... Thank you so much for the reminder for me to "suck it up" I needed that today (seriously/for real) You Rock :smooched:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/580691-nsv-free-tummy-tuck

onyxgirl17

Wow. How dumb. That lady should have been fired honestly.

onyxgirl17

Some girls aren't even capable of being a size 0-2 because of bone structure. That doesn't make them any less beautiful. I guess because when I was 5 foot 6 inches and 100 pounds but a size 4 I must have been a fat cow as a teenager according to this lady. That's the type of people that led to me having an eating disorder when I was a teen.

Again, I think she should be fired. She has no business telling young girls that a size 0 is more beautiful than a size 4 wtf.

NewLIFEstyle4ME

Some girls aren't even capable of being a size 0-2 because of bone structure. That doesn't make them any less beautiful. I guess because when I was 5 foot 6 inches and 100 pounds but a size 4 I must have been a fat cow as a teenager according to this lady. That's the type of people that led to me having an eating disorder when I was a teen.

Again, I think she should be fired. She has no business telling young girls that a size 0 is more beautiful than a size 4 wtf.

After the girls told me the story when they got home, that's the FIRST thing I thought of..."that's how eating disorders get started"!
You're also right about body sizes too. My oldest is shaped completely different from my youngest dd. If my youngest dd was a size 0-2 (like her sister) she would look like a skeleton! My oldest though slim doesn't look skinny nor unhealthy, she looks lean and strong and slim and trim. My youngest daughter whose a size 3-4 doesn't look skinny either, she looks slim and strong and slim and trim too. When I was their age, I was stick skinny and looked like a skeleton being a size 0--I still looked like a skeleton when I was a 3-4 and even 5-6. BTW, when I was their age and skinny as a rail, skinny was NOT in fashion and I HATED being skinny back then, just as much as I hate being fat now:embarassed: I couldn't gain weight to save my life back then. I used to go to doctors to try to gain weight, but they told me I was "doomed" to be small/stick skinny all of my life, because my metabolism was so high. It wasn't until I started having children (late in life) that I finally started gaining weight and now here I am.:ohwell: trying to get this fat off of me.

My daughters don't have my body type at all (Thank GOD). My body type was an apple and a boyish shape. :indifferent: And like many have said...who the H.E. double toothpicks tells a size 3-4 young lady that a size 0-2 looks better. My youngest daughter would look terrible at a size 0-2. Shame on her for saying that mess to them. I'll tell you what, again, if she gave me even the slightest bit of lip or anything less than being sorry and humble (AFTER I had to paint a pic for her, because even with me calling her everything but a child of God, when I first called...she didn't get it and went on and on trying to tell me she was complimenting them). If she wouldn't have "seen the light" I would have made the biggest stink EVER and got her fired for sure!

NewLIFEstyle4ME

Love the way you handled that. I'd be so peeved if someone said that to my kids the only words that would come out were expletives.

Thank you so much for posting...I LOVE your pic, it's adorable. Girl...I didn't cuss her out, but I have the "skills" to talk/correct/check a person something fierce, in such a way that make cussing someone out/using expletives sounds positive and nice, better choice. :laugh:

NewLIFEstyle4ME

Wow, how thoughtless. Some people really just don't get it. Kudos to your older daughter for being such a good sister, though. And kudos to you for raising her like that.

Sodamnhungry

Thanks so much for posting!