Getting your significant other on board!

kschueller

Hi All,

I am seeking some advice. I'm in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. Unfortunately, life and work circumstances mean that we live in different states about 10 hours a part. I sincerely hope that this can change soon, but in the mean time, we're far apart.

I've recently also had knee surgery and while in the process of recovering, I decided to finally commit to change my eating habits for good. I've made some excellent progress and in the process, put less stress on my rusty joint!

The challenge comes in when I get to spend time with him. Typically, we would go out for every meal. We love to discover new restaurants together and explore a new area. Food was our thing before, and while I am recovering I'm limited by various mobility issues, I can't go for a hike, a bike ride, a walk around the mall, day at the gym, etc ...

So far he's been pretty supportive, but already he's made "food" plans for us for Thanksgiving. I got a, "Ohh you can have 1 or 2 cheat days, it won't kill you". I disagree. I'm not sure he understands that this change for me means a change for us too.

How have you gotten your significant other to get on board? Any advice to share?

melsinct

You can still eat indulgent things, just eat less of them. Honestly, the main issue in losing weight (and more importantly maintaining the loss FOREVER) is portion control. Once you have that mastered, everything else is pretty easy.

JohnMessmer

You can still eat indulgent things, just eat less of them. Honestly, the main issue in losing weight (and more importantly maintaining the loss FOREVER) is portion control. Once you have that mastered, everything else is pretty easy.

Amen. That is all that needs to be said.

Lynn_babcock

I think you should take a cheat day sometimes. Not binge.. but enjoy a meal without bringing a scale and measuring cups. Eat moderately earlier in the day so you're not extremely hungry by the time you eat. Eat slowly, drink water while you're eating. You need to be able to go out sometimes and maintain self-control.

When we went to my MIL's a few nights ago I couldn't bring a scale with me.. people would wonder what was wrong with me. I started by filling 1/2 my plate with vegetables before I put anything else on. It was ham, and I could have taken down the rest of it! It was great, but I didn't go for 2nds. The cake looked like box cake, so it wasn't tempting to me and I didn't get any. If it was something I absolutely had to have I'd have 1/4-1/2 cup worth. I drink water. If my Lime-a-rita had been an option I would have only had 1 (240 calories in a tiny can). I still went over my 1200, but not bad. The salt put a few pounds on me for the next morning weigh-in, but it was off by the next morning.

kimmymayhall

I was in a long distance relationship for several years and we just recently were able to move in together (!) Food has always been a big part of our relationship. We loved to try new places on our visits and hit up old favorites before heading home. He used to live in New Orleans, so there is no way I would pass up eating all that goodness when we only see each other 2 days out of every 30. We would enjoy ourselves without going overboard (usually) but we didn't eat out every meal and we are both relatively healthy people in our general eating habits. And I would still count my calories with my best estimates.

Going for walks or runs or whatever excercise you can do after your rehab would be great activities to do toghether. Cooking together can also be great. We used to kind of compete over who could make the best dinner when the other person was visiting. They weren't always super healthy meals but they were damn good and we had fun with it.

But it really comes down to what you want. If you are serious about eating a certain way you just need to explain how important it is to you and why. You may be able to find different kinds of restaurants to try that better meet your goals. Or maybe you need a different activity to do together. If it's important to you, you need to stick to your guns but don't be too hard on yourself or him. It took you a while to come to the realization that you want to be healthier so it's going to take hime even longer to get with it. Enjoy your time together and I hope you can get together soon. Good luck!

Queen_Adrock

I think a big hurdle is convincing the other person that you can eat good, low-cal food that's really delicious, too (as opposed to "giving up" something you really loved). My husband and I love food, but we made a change to love healthy food. We invested in spices and healthy recipe books, and we decided to make healthy cooking a new hobby of ours. We also go to the gym together. If you view it as a fun activity, it really helps.

We started with this cookbook, and really loved it: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/healthy-cooking-for-two-frances-price/1002401333

kschueller

thanks all, I appreciate your help! I think you all are right. I need to know that I can relax occasionally and I will (a bit) over Thanksgiving

Cindy393

I am happy to say that my husband has also become a member of MFP. His goal is to lose 100 lbs, and he's a third of the way there! He works out and eats well too, and it's great because we support and encourage each other. That is a huge reason behind my success!

SunnyAndrsn

Hi All,

I am seeking some advice. I'm in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. Unfortunately, life and work circumstances mean that we live in different states about 10 hours a part. I sincerely hope that this can change soon, but in the mean time, we're far apart.

I've recently also had knee surgery and while in the process of recovering, I decided to finally commit to change my eating habits for good. I've made some excellent progress and in the process, put less stress on my rusty joint!

The challenge comes in when I get to spend time with him. Typically, we would go out for every meal. We love to discover new restaurants together and explore a new area. Food was our thing before, and while I am recovering I'm limited by various mobility issues, I can't go for a hike, a bike ride, a walk around the mall, day at the gym, etc ...

So far he's been pretty supportive, but already he's made "food" plans for us for Thanksgiving. I got a, "Ohh you can have 1 or 2 cheat days, it won't kill you". I disagree. I'm not sure he understands that this change for me means a change for us too.

How have you gotten your significant other to get on board? Any advice to share?

When it comes to the holidays, I agree with your SO. I plan on NOT logging on Thanksgiving and Christmas. On the other hand, if you're early in this process, I understand where you are coming from. It's hard, especially in the beginning, to detour from your eating plan.

For me, I plan on working out prior to going to our Aunt's house, eating a light breakfast, and enjoying the heck out of my husband's family. I have no intention of wearing "eating pants", I no longer look forward to the holiday as a day to eat till I can't move. I do however, plan on eating delicious, wonderful foods that I won't eat again for a year.

ERMBSN

Hang in there. My wife was that way at first. But once she figured out I was serious she stopped tempting me. We to were in a long distance relationship for two years. It was tough but we have been together for 12 years now. As for Thanksgiving. Plan ahead. You probly have an idea on what types of food you will have. Figure out how much you will eat before you leave for dinnier. This will help you keep track of your calories.

Koldnomore

If your relationship is built around food..exploring and trying different restaurants then this is what he 'knows' and loves. You have made food "your thing" together so you have to see it from his viewpoint. If you want to change then it has to be done slowly. Start finding other things to make 'yours' but for now he is not going to understand that this 'thing' that was wonderful and you loved sharing with him before has somehow changed..

Do the holidays with him but start finding other things to do together that do not involve food or the pattern will always be there. Eventually one or the other of you will be unhappy that the other either 'is not the same person they fell in love with' OR 'the person that they thought loved them isn't 'supportive'.

In order to have change both parties need to see the problem through the eyes of the other.

Madholm

First, there is not reason not to enjoy cookouts and holidays like thanksgiving. If you are on a loss cycle it won't kill you to eat at a maintanance level (on that day) so that you can enjoy these types of activities. You will still loose 85% of your weekly goal by eating a normal amount of food on thanksgiving up to 2500 calories. Does that mean you should binge and eat an entire pumpkin pie? No.

Second, just keep after it and if he's not on board yet he will be when you he looks at you and thinks, "FCK, she's out of my league!"

mistressfaye

Communication is the key. He cannot read your mind...you need to just be honest and tell him how you feel about "cheat days". It's not fair to make any person guess as to how you really feel about something, once he is armed with the information he can better see how to support you.

Hubby and I have been doing this together, and its been great....I'm tough for him when he's feeling weak and vice versa...BUT it was an agreement we made when we started....we would absolutely NOT enable each other as we have been for the last 9 years.

kschueller

Thank you all so much for your insight. I see now that I was too rigid in my view point here, and that mostly stems from being afraid of losing momentum, but it's nice to indulge once and a while too.

We are making Thanksgiving dinner together and we've come up with some healthy recipes to make and we're both looking forward to doing that together. I'm going to take Fri or Sat while I am there and allow myself a cheat day so we can go to our favorite Mexican restaurant.

I think part of the problem is that he doesn't think that I need to lose weight. I'm a curvy size 16 and he likes me that way, so I don't think he fully understands why I want to be healthier and skinnier. I won't ever be a size 6, but I think a curvy size 10 would be just fine

But seriously all, thank you for your replies. This thread has helped me have some really productive conversations with him about this change in my eating habits and I am in a much better place than I was a few days ago