My psychological issues...

Atraya

Hello

I am new to this site. I have tried other programs before and have been temporarily successfull on them. I am great when I have people watching me and approving or disapproving of what I have been up to but sooner or later I self sabatoge! I started seeing a counselor to help with my underlying issues and I am learnng to be much less hard on myself. It has been very hard to change my way of thinking. I am hoping someone here will be able to relate to my journey and that I can find other like minded individuals that can be supportive.

My biggest issue I fight is that I do not feel I deserve to be happy. I don't allow myself to enjoy life because I feel like I must always be prepared for the bad things that will come next. If you don't allow yourself to be happy then the bad things don't hurt quite as much, and there has been quite a lot of bad things in my life. I have removed most of the sources of good things in my life as a weird illogical protection method so that food has become the only source of positive feelings I have somedays. Food never judges you, never leaves you. It is always something that is safe and gives me a positive feeling. Sometimes eating is the only thing I look forward to in a day. If I don't overfed myself that I am so full I fall asleep, then I will start to think about how sad I really am and I don't' know how to handle that. I feel deficient as a person and until now food has been the only thing I have been able to make that empty feeling go away.

I am really hoping someone out there knows what I mean. I am trying to learn new more positive ways to deal with these feelings. I am hoping having the support of a site like this might be useful. I may sound crazy but I think that maybe if I randomly blog about these illogical feelings that maybe I will be able to break the cycle I am stuck in.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I wish everyone luck on your own journey's.

awagner1

I've spent three years pealing off layers of myself. Beneath any issue is usually a fear of feeling because of past pains. Food was and still is some a way to relieve feelings. See you can be in control by thinking about food, eating food, feeling guilty after eating food etc. All of it still puts you in control and stuffs your true feelings below the surface. When your not in control of your feelings you are vulnerable and if there is any past trauma that more scary to our mind then any suffering created by food and related thought created emotions. True feelings are not created by thoughts but felt in the moment related to what is happening right now.

I summed up 2 years of learning so this might not make any sense but I know its the basis of all most all issues.

awagner1

On another note, this is my third round of losing weight on this three year journey and the emotional side of it is finally clicking so I know this is the last time. Setbacks can happen but all you can do is learn more about yourself add some better habits and plow ahead enjoying the journey and self discovery (sometimes its very uncomfortable but very worth it).

I have found it very helpful not to label any feeling bad. They are just feelings and experience of my journey. Let is all come and go. Much easier said but done but it can be done.

drvvork

Gee, I wrote about my issues this morning in my Blog and the triumph I finally feel that I have acquired and I owe some of it to MFP. It is a long hard road. Good luck on your journey to find yourself and your center.

Atraya

Thanks

Just having these couple of posts makes me feel less alone. Sometimes I feel competely alone in this struggle! I do understand what you both mean. It is going to be a long road but hopefully with the support on here the set backs won't be as long or as hard.

I am not sure how to add friends but feel free to add me if you would like to!

carolyngray

Atraya, you are way too hard on yourself. Many of us are using this site because we have simular issues. We want to support you. We want to help you and we care about you. You are worthy, you are valuable. Try to make this work.

Carolyn

UnderCoverShyGirl

I know what you mean. I've got many issues myself that i won't address here and of course there are probably a large percentage of overweight people that are using food to help with some issue....

What i know is that the more you learn about yourself, the better off you will be because you can't "unlearn" afterwards. So each little realization becomes a part of you, and eventually there are enough of them that you can't ignore them and you start to change.

It's definately a process and you can't give up because it takes a while...you have to trust that if you put one foot in front of the other, you will achieve.

A couple things lately that were mini epiphanys for me....

- you don't do things based on how you "feel"...don't think "what do i feel like eating" or "what do i feel like doing"....you do things because you should or you need to or you decided to, but take the "what do i feel like" out of it...obviously, what we feel like doing is usually going to be what is familiar, etc...and that isn't always good.

- when you find yourself heading off to the kitchen to stuff the feelings, just sit with it and think about how you feel and what is behind it...generally the feeling isn't related to food...it's related to being afraid, embarrassed, lonely, etc...and once you drill down to what is causing you to search comfort, you can just think about it and feel it....let it pass without hitting the fridge....we think we fix it by eating and stuffing it down, but the only difference is literally what we did at the time...so if you "feel" it, and you don't eat, the end result is the same.....does that make any sense whatsoever? That was a huge deal for me....like "if i don't go eat to feel better, i'll still feel better??" and the answer is, yes you will!

Good luck on your journey too...sounds like you're off to a great start just by being aware!

Debbie107

Atraya,

Thank you for sharing your feelings.... you could have been writing about me because thats exactly how I feel. Its good to realise we are not alone.

I hope you find your way.

Good luck huni

Debbie