Falling off the wagon

Mira100

Hi everybody,

This is my first time posting on the discussion boards, but I've been logging on MFP for a couple of months now. I started at 183 pounds and I am now down to 169 pounds. I am a 24 year old female, and I have a 2 year old daughter.

The reason for my weight gain was not due to pregnancy. I was rather small during the pregnancy and delivery. But it was after my daughter's birth that I began to pack on weight. After she was born, she had a stroke, shortly after that, my father died of a heart attack. A few months after that, the results of my daughter's stroke began to reveal itself.

At 5 months of age, she was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. At 8 months of age, she developed a very severe form of epilepsy that left us hospitalized for months. After she recovered from that spell, up till now, we have been having all sorts of therapy to try to get her developmentally on track.

So, after I felt that things had calmed down and I was coming to terms with all that comes with having a child with a disability, I realized how tired I was all the time, and it took a doctors visit for myself to realize that I had become overweight. I was in the obese range according to my BMI, so I decided to change that a couple of months ago by joining MFP.

I have been relatively happy this year compared to the previous year when all sorts of things were going wrong. So I was feeling really good about myself, and I had begun to incorporate exercise into my life, and I was feeling stronger and healthier. I was also over the moon because my daughter had begun to take her first steps at age 2.5 years, albeit with a limp.

However, those feelings changed as yesterday I went to see a specialist for my daughter. I was hit with another diagnosis. They discovered that she had a problem with her hips that was being masked by all the other issues that she had. So basically we are to face an upcoming surgery that is going to affect her ability to walk, after we fought long and hard for this ability after going to countless therapy sessions.

I found myself turning to food. I basically scoffed down the chocolates and chips that I've been fighting so hard to keep away from all these months. I have lost the drive to lose weight. I don't care about looking good anymore. I almost want to put junk food in me rather than healthy foods because I feel like I want to hurt myself in some way. I don't feel like wanting to exercise, after I pushed myself so hard to build up my endurance, I don't think I have the strength anymore. Exercise to me was my time off from all the therapy, and having the focus on myself for a change. I have even been doing the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, and I was up to day 15, and I was planning to make it to day 30, but now I'm totally put off after learning of my daughter's hip problem.

So my question to you guys is what do you do when "life" gets in the way of your goals. I feel like I don't have the energy to care about my weight right now. So I guess I'm posting this in the hope that someone might have some advice that will steer me back in the right direction.

miracole

When I saw your topic I had to post. In my experience life has an amazing ability to kick you, wait till you are down and kick you again, but reaching out is an important step in dealing with it.

First off, I am amazed by your strength and resiliency in dealing with your daughter's problems, and your drive in losing the weight that you've dropped so far. That is fantastic, you should be very proud of yourself.

Second, I can't possibly understand what you are feeling right now, and how hard this must be for you, I don't have kids, and being strong for them must be incredibly hard. I have nothing but respect for the life path you are dealing with, but I have to apologize in advance if my post leaves you going "I can't believe that she thinks she can give me advice"

I have, however, had a bit of a hellish year myself. Our house suffered some $92000 worth of damage after a bad flood from a toilet crack, and we were left homeless for more than a month. It definitely killed my motivation! I learned a couple of lessons from it all, though, and hope that my sharing them will help you.

1) it's ok to fall apart and eat the junk. Just do so knowing that the junk won't make you feel better in the long run. If that's your first inclination? Allow it to happen, everyone is allowed a pity party, at least a short one anyway! I've had some pretty amazing binge fests in reaction to bad events and terrible news, it doesn't mean you've failed, it's just a temporary, reactionary, setback.

2) Once you've allowed yourself the initial reaction, and the shock has faded? re-evaluate, take a deep breath, and get back at it. The 30 day shred will always be there, just waiting until you're ready to continue.

3) use the hardship to motivate. My mom died in a car accident when I was 17. Most of the things I have done and continue to do are done with thoughts of her in the background. Every time I think I can't do something I think how proud she would be if I just push through. Run a marathon? ridiculously hard, but I run because she can't. Your daughter is going to have incredible challenges in her life. Be the mom that she can be proud of, and do it for her. The stronger you are, the stronger you can encourage her to be. Lead by example, you are clearly an amazing woman, continue to be amazing for both you and her.

Keep your chin up! You have no idea how strong you can be until you're faced with adversity. I'm certain that this will all work out in the end.

stephanj

I'm sorry you are going through this and your daughter has these challenges. New parenthood is hard enough without facing extra unknowns!
I had to reply because I really relate. My mother was diagnosed several months ago, out of nowhere, with stage 4 ovarian cancer. She's 70 and in my opinion your situation is a lot more "unfair" than an older woman having cancer, but nonetheless it has knocked me off my healthy trajectory. I kind of just don't care, but I know I should be paying attention to my own health. The thing I am trying to cling to is that my mom truly wants me to be happy, and your daughter wants you to be happy too, even though she can't express it. Neither of us is making their situations better by giving up
On ourselves.
Even though I know this intellectually, I still struggle. Try to remember you will be better for her if you feel better about yourself. Above all don't feel guilty about taking time away to care for yourself, you are a person and you are someone's child too.
Hang in there,
Steph