Help please...binge disasters

amelialang2

Hi, I am not new to MFP but this is my first post. I use MFP everyday, apart from days where I am horrendously 'naughty'. I have struggled with my eating habits for some time now but i am not overweight (YET). I am 5ft 2 and weigh about 6stone 8lbs at the minute. I used to not eat much at all and I think after treating my body like cr@p by starving it of food for so long, I have cracked and tend to binge about 4/5 times a week.

I eat evrything in sight, in private obviously. and then i feel horrendous. I hide food and eat it, often tripling my daily MFP calorie intake. I feel disgusting. I have put on 6lbs in a few weeks and im scared, really scared of putting the weight on.

I need some support and advice from anyone willing to give it to me and would really appreciate your thoughts. Not telling anyone this has made it harder so I suppose this is the first step. I just want to eat normal and not live in this hellhole of binging...!!

Clowasa

I think the best think you can do for yourself is to go to your local heath clinic. Since eating disorders are such a huge problem these days most health clinics have specialists you can speak to. I can't imagine how hard it must be to admit you are having food issues but you're asking for help so that's already a big step in the right direction. The most important thing is to understand the effects binging will have on your mental and physical well being and going to talk to someone like a doctor of nutritionalist will be really helpful I think. Best of luck!

crystalbluewolf13

You might want to go and talk to your GP about this, it sounds like you have the start of an eating disorder. Especially if you are hiding food and binging as much as you say. You might need to speak to a professional who might be able to give you better advice on stuff like that.

Hope you get some help soon

FitMama2013

I can relate to many of the things you described, and counseling has been the main factor in me turning around my health. I'd encourage you to talk to someone because there is an underlying reason as to why you feel compelled to hide food and binge.

TavistockToad

Please get help... You are 6stone 8 and you have your ticker set to lose 2 more stone...

celshade

You're living the extremes as far as nutrition goes - starving yourself then stuffing yourself.

Are you ready to admit to yourself that this isn't working?

Add everything you would normally eat for a binge so you can begin to conquer your habits. Your food diary can be set to private, and you can delete it later if you like, but you have to face what you're doing to your body and feel responsible for it instead of not logging and pretending it didn't happen.

While you get in the habit of logging those days, keep a journal to write down anything that made you spike emotionally that day. Watch for patterns.

Sometimes binging can be a way of dealing with other things in our life. Keep trying to be accountable for your bad days and try to focus on getting to the root of why this happens.

We're here for you!

VogtAndrea

Losing weight and dieting should never be about deprivation. I'm another person advocating for talking with a nutritionist or dietician. Your GP can refer you to someone who can talk with you about what you're going through and work with you to not only eat in a way that will work FOR YOU but to help you to build a support system too. A really good nutritional plan will give you a way of dealing with most of the balance issues.
When you were "not eating much", you likely were also feeling that you were depriving yourself of things. Over a very short period, that works but over the longer time, it works against you.
The other things that will help when you have that urge to binge are: drink water, change what you're doing at the moment, and occupy both your mind and your hands so you're not filling your tummy. Do you knit or crochet? Is there something else that you can get lost in for a few minutes till that urge to binge is gone?
Put those things that you tend to reach for out of reach, out of sight and where it's a real effort to go and get.

withchaco

To people not familiar with stones, 6 stone 8 pounds is only about 112 pounds.

OP, you are not overweight; instead of focusing on the number on the scale, try eating healthy foods with good amount of protein, and LIFT HEAVY. Do classic lifting exercises like squats, deadlifts, lunges, etc. This will change the way you look. If you can't stop worrying about the number on the scale, it's not healthy for your body or mind.

kimothy38

I can relate to many of the things you described, and counseling has been the main factor in me turning around my health. I'd encourage you to talk to someone because there is an underlying reason as to why you feel compelled to hide food and binge.

When I'm on a binge I eat everything I can find, make up excuses to go to the shop, hide food and consume it in private, eat till I'm ready to throw up......... It's a compulsive behaviour that's not easy to stop without some outside help. Can you confide in someone you trust or get counselling? I started ready everything I could find online and at the library. When I realised that there are people who have recovered from binge eating disorder I began to be less critical of myself. I still obsess about food and have the occassional binge but it's greatly improved particularly since I joined the gym and changed my focus to doing things that make me feel good rather than making myself feel bad. I totally sympathise.

amelialang2

I just want to say thank you all so much for the advice and support. It feels so good to finally admit it to myself and speaking to strangers proves to be a lot easier than the dreaded thought of speaking to someone close to me. I think you are probably right. speaking to a GP may help. First though I'll see if i can tackle it on my own and try and overcome this...

today has been ok, after a huge binge last night, I have controlled what I have consumed today and I am going to the gym tomorrow. Something to take my mind off food and give me more motivation to do something different instead of fixating on food/calories/weight, may help this situation...I hope.

Im going to re-read this post when I feel down about it all again. Your kind words are so much appreciated you will never know.

celshade

Amelia, what's something you've always wanted to do that has nothing to do with your fitness?

Share with us if you want, and we'll try to keep you motivated to learn it, master it, or develop skills you already had.

amelialang2

well, im a graphic designer but work from home. I live with my boyfriend and he could eat for england! so that doesnt help me and my issues! but i suppose i would like to push my designs more, make more work for myself. I am studying a masters in the same field and so just want to be creative and be busy doing it all the time!

Although maybe another hobby of some sorts may help? I also drink alcohol quite a lot which is probably the reason i let go of my inhibitions and allow myself to binge so I need to sort that out also and cut down majorly!

I thought the gym/keeping fit would help as it physically gets me out of the house and gives me a reason to go somewhere. I'm not sure what else I could really do

Sabrina__26

To people not familiar with stones, 6 stone 8 pounds is only about 112 pounds.

OP, you are not overweight; instead of focusing on the number on the scale, try eating healthy foods with good amount of protein, and LIFT HEAVY. Do classic lifting exercises like squats, deadlifts, lunges, etc. This will change the way you look. If you can't stop worrying about the number on the scale, it's not healthy for your body or mind.

Just wanted to correct that ^, 6 stones 8 pounds is actually just 92 lbs, not 112 lbs.

OP, I can completely relate to you. A few years back I was in exactly the same position. I had relied on stupidly low amount of calories for almost a year and I too weighed in at 92 lbs (I'm also 5'2''). Then suddenly it seemed I'd lost control and could no longer eat that less. I still believed I was too fat even though I was a UK size 4 (US 0) and was obviously tiny. I wanted to get thinner and to me that meant weighing 70 lbs or less!

Once the binges started they wouldn't stop and I just couldn't control myself. I felt weak and pathetic, but now looking back, I couldn't have done anything different - I literally couldn't think of anything other than food as I was starving as I am sure you must be too.

I'd recommend talking to someone about this; your doctor could definitely help you. Also, up your calories to as much as you require so that you're not starving yourself. How many calories are you currently eating? The worst thing you can do right now is under-eat to make up for binge eating previously. This will just make you more hungry and you're much more likely to binge.

I have this all or nothing mentality too. I either starve myself or binge eat. I'm still working on this right now - have a way to go before I completely change my ways!

celshade

well, im a graphic designer but work from home. I live with my boyfriend and he could eat for england! so that doesnt help me and my issues! but i suppose i would like to push my designs more, make more work for myself. I am studying a masters in the same field and so just want to be creative and be busy doing it all the time!

Although maybe another hobby of some sorts may help? I also drink alcohol quite a lot which is probably the reason i let go of my inhibitions and allow myself to binge so I need to sort that out also and cut down majorly!

I thought the gym/keeping fit would help as it physically gets me out of the house and gives me a reason to go somewhere. I'm not sure what else I could really do

Working from home as well, I can tell you that sometimes it's hard to get myself distracted by something. Especially hard with that boy of yours eating all the time

Working on your Masters is a surefire way to become more critical and obsessive in general. You are a real inspiration to me for going this far with your passion! It's amazing to hear that you are this far in and you still have the drive to be creative.

Playing the drinking game is hard. Cutting down would give you more $, time, and drive to do the things you love.

Speaking of things you love - it sounds like going to the gym is a positive experience for you which is awesome because you're in control of how hard you work there.

Don't be afraid to try a million different hobbies on the side, by the way. I went through about 10 before I found one that stuck for me (sketching). Maybe there's more forms of art you'd like to try that could help take some of the pressure off?

Graelwyn75

Those binges are your body desperately trying to survive so that you might continue to live.
You need the nutrition. I would suggest you stop the idea of losing more weight, you are already underweight, and focus on eating a healthy diet, so that your body will not be pushing you to binge eat. It is the only way, quite honestly.
You obviously have a bright future ahead, don't throw it away on an eating disorder, been there and done that, and it is such a terrible waste. You are not your body, your body is what is inside that body, the body is your house, take care of it before it falls apart on you and you do irreparable damage.

amelialang2

Thank you, thats so lovely to hear. I know how hard i've worked to get to where i am and cant bear to throw it all away or mess my head up by being this way anymore. I have been really good since i posted this. no binges, thats 2 days. and i have been careful what i eat, healthy foods etc. Still trying to find the motivation to go to the gym however but thats probably because all i want to do is stay in during this horrible weather!

i am going to sit and do some design work tonight to keep my mind off everything and i know this will make me feel a lot better.

I used to love sketching too! thats a great idea. i may try starting it up again! trying to cut down on the drink but i have a glass of wine in my hand. just one tonight though. time to start sorting myself out. Thanks for your support...x

Donica1953

I too have gone up and down with eating. My worst is wine; I used to drink a bottle a day! Always said I won't give up wine. I met with a personal trainer yesterday and she does not structure or cut out food. Her point is make sure you get enough protein from your meals to sustain the muscle you have; the rest is portion control and a balance of macros; protien, carbs and fats. The only way I can stick to healthy eating is to take the time to plan and record. Otherwise how can I keep myself accountable? MFP has been a godsend. I'm doing something that I never thought I would do...I measure out 6 oz. of wine and that's my limit! Will I be disiplined like this 100% of the time? My trainer says probably not; but if you can do it 80% of the time; the 20% when you go nuts won't negate your hard work.
If and when I binge, and I'm sure I will, I'm going to record it in MFP. If nothing else, you SEE what you ate; and when you look back on that day, you'll say hmm, that's not so good; then putting time between you and the binge, you won't beat yourself up so much. But you can address it, own it and determine to do better. Just my 2 cents worth.