Integrity and keeping your word to others...

wewon

I'm not a real sociable guy, never have been. I have my small circle of friends and I am pretty happy with that. My wife is considerably more sociable than I am. About a year ago she wanted me to be more outgoing and more friendly to people in general. Mastering the art of small talk, follow up and essentially getting together with others.

I decided to put forth the effort, but I find the whole thing filled with empty rituals, people being polite is nice, but not something I was ever good at. I also notice that people have "throw away" lines like 'let's get together' or 'let's do lunch' that they don't always follow up on. I also developed my own signature move of "Hey if you're ever in town look me up!" and "Don't come to Cincinnati without coming by!!". I must have used those phrases 100 times over the last year, especially when I'm at conferences or visiting relatives etc.

Well, the other day I came home and there was this message on the answering machine "Hi Wewon and Wewon's wife (only our real names). The is Rich, me and about 3 buddies are coming into town on *date* to see the Bearcats play. Thought I would take you up on your offer and possibly crash at your place that weekend."

The thing is, I have no clue who this Rich character is, let alone his 3 buddies. All I know is that I must have thrown out my signature move out of town someplace along with my phone number. I feel obligated to keep my word and host the guy for the weekend. I pride myself on being a man of my word. My wife said that is the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard and that it would crazy for me to let 4 drunk strangers into the house who are probably only going to party and tailgate.

How do I get my wife to get with the program and not make our guest feel uncomfortable?

MyPsalm63

The friend I would let stay but not buddies of his. I would not trust them or feel comfortable. If you're wife isn't comfortable, I think you should be honest with your friend. Same as if you were uncomfortable.

pastryari

Sorry, I think your wife is right.

samblanken

If you don't remember who this guy is, don't return the phone call. No one stays in my house that isn't family or close to it.

guardian419

I've run into similar situations, but more of a "can my friend crash at your place for a few days" kind of thing...

My reason to NOT let them stay (and it's my real reason) is that I don't know them well enough, and I have young kids.

If you wanted to opt out, you could maybe find them a cheap hotel and offer to go for drinks after or something... remaining sociable, but keeping personal boundaries. It's not a matter of integrity if you're protecting yourself and family from people you don't really know.