Something to Prove

miracole

Reading through people's posts on this site I sometimes find comments about how they can't wait till they lose the weight so that they can "show all those people who were awful to them" or "show their families" or "show the ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend/ex-spouse/ex-friends". It all boils down to people feeling the need to prove something to other people, which makes me wonder, do we all have those people in our lives that we want to show up? and at what point did you finally come to the realization that it really doesn't matter what those other people think? that you have to do it for yourself only?

I'm no exception to this phenomenon. I'll preface this by saying that I was always a heavier kid, teased in school for being "fat" in junior high (though looking back it wasn't that bad, and most of it evened out when I went through a growth spurt at 16) and I couldn't wait to get out of my home town after high school. And leave I did, settling some 3000km away.

Coincidentally (maybe, or maybe it was an underlying motivator) I joined MFP right around the time that there started to be rumblings about my 10 year high school reunion. I took a lot of motivation out of picturing myself walking into the reunion looking fabulous, especially if those who had been the most cruel had gained as much weight as some facebook creeping suggested was the case. The scenario ran through my mind many a time while out on cold runs, when having to exercise willpower against the evil powers of chocolate, and so many other moments when I needed to motivate myself.

The reunion rolled around and as it turns out...I didn't go. The trip out west would have meant that I couldn't go to my cousin's wedding, (the dates just didn't line up) and in the end I spent the weekend completing my very first triathlon sprint, and I did look fabulous! I realized a couple of things about myself on this journey. While it was pretty fun picturing the looks on peoples faces and how entertaining it would be to smugly rub my accomplishments in a little bit, in the end it would have been empty. I would never have gotten the reaction that I wanted. People would have undoubtedly made their own judgments, like "sure she looks good, she hasn't had any kids yet" or "well it must be NICE to have so much free time to train for a marathon". Because that's how people are.

Now that it's all passed, I am motivating myself by knowing that I have come a long way, and can do even better. Though who knows, maybe when my 20 year reunion rolls around the urge to wander in fabulous and smug will be overwhelming!

And you all? who do you fantasize about getting a reaction from? and/or have you acted on it? Or come to your own self-awareness moment?

HopefulLeigh

When it's all said and done, I genuinely have something to prove to myself. Though, of course, there are a few people I wouldn't mind running into and giving a big old one finger salute to once I've lost it.

jenniferinfl

LOL, I've lost the weight before, so I know how it works. Most people act like they don't notice at all..

I don't care, doing this for me this time. Doesn't bother me if no one acknowledges my weight loss.

DefyGravity1977

I used to do the same thing and then when my grandfather was on his deathbed and he and I had one of our last conversations and it was him being worried about my growing waistline and the fact that I really needed to do something about it, I realized that there are more important reasons for me to be doing this. Then at my grandmother's 90th birthday party, almost one month prior to her death, my uncle pulled me aside and mentioned how proud of me they both were for finally taking care of myself. I no longer care what the formerly skinny people think about me anymore. I am doing this for me and my children to have a better life. One thing I have come to realize is that the formerly skinny and popular people in high school are no longer skinny and are actually pretty nice and normal people.

Smokey19

I skipped my last 2 high school reunions because I didn't want them to see me the way I was. My next reunion will be in the next few yrs. and I want them to see the new me.

BakerRunnerBadass

I am doing this to prove something to myself, feel better, be healthier....but I won't lie, there are some people that I'm looking to show or prove something to. I want to say that it is just human nature or society, as much as we do things for ourselves we all have someone that we are trying to impress.

But with that said at the end of the day I know that this is for me and the only way that I am going to successful is that is the only reason that I am doing this. The rest is just a bonus

brassballa

Well Funny this post came up tonight. I have been telling myself oh you need to do this for your family and for your health. Well really what i am thinking is ...I would love to roll into my inlaws house for christmas and finally not be judged by my brother inlaw sister inlaw which by the way excercise everyday of their lives and even had their 8 year old daughter running a 5k becuase they where afraid she was getting fat. I'm always the fat one ....i'm kind of sick of being the fat one. Yes I have a wonderful husband that i am going on our 10 year anniversary next year it would be nice to go on the trip without body issues. So my friends I have fallen in the same trap. I want to be healthy and active for my health and my family but darnit I want some satisfaction of the jaws dropping when they see me for once. Thats all i got )

brassballa

oh my mother inlaw does not help either!!!!:frown:

angiechimpanzee

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with having a slight desire to be like, "see, you thought I couldn't and I did". It does feel excellent to be able to say that.

But the primary goal of weight loss should be about you, you, you. YOUR health, YOUR confidence, YOUR happiness. If you're in it only to get back at your mom for calling you fat, then that's an unhealthy mindset.

TheEffort

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with having a slight desire to be like, "see, you thought I couldn't and I did". It does feel excellent to be able to say that.

But the primary goal of weight loss should be about you, you, you. YOUR health, YOUR confidence, YOUR happiness. If you're in it only to get back at your mom for calling you fat, then that's an unhealthy mindset.

I agree.

HurricaneElaine

I've always wanted to show up at class reunions looking NOTHING like I did in high school.

It hasn't happened yet.

I graduated in 1978.

They've slacked off on the reunions - citing "real life getting in the way". Our 25th reunion was actually in the 26th year, and nothing else since.

I'm still waiting to show myself off.

brassballa

my issues is not primarly my inlaws it was what i was thinking about when i saw the post ....a lot of my issues in personal dealing with myself ....I'm athletic in nature but always seem to find reasons not to be active .....I'm trying to break my all or nothing attitude I had been on a healthy weight loss path .....I have colitis and my food choices are limiting (its killing me I even have issues with healthy food) so i get depressed at how unusual my eating habits have to be to keep my colitis under control then I go back to my bad habits and stop excercising. I was doing really well for about 3 months schedule changes derail me as well I get into a reutine and if i go on vacation or for instance this year my daughter switched school her scheduled changed and now i cannot excercise before work ....I absolutly hate working out in the evenings ....but anyways blah blah I agree with what you are saying its not all about other people I have enough to deal with myself to be worrying about them. Thanks for the positive push though

quirkytizzy

I like doing this for myself, for how confident and comfortable I feel in my own skin at my desired weight. But I am also wanting to not be embarrassed when I run into people I haven't seen for awhile, who last saw me at 120, not at 150. I just don't want to have to deal with the internal worry that they are thinking I've "let myself go" or anything. I've been really lucky in that no one has been mean or dismissive to me about the weight gain, though. My heart goes out to those who have had to deal with that.

VelociMama

I didn't have anyone else to show up, at least not enough to make it my main motivation. I really just wanted to show it to myself that I could do it. It sounds lame, but it's true.