so tired of this battle- an honest "off my chest"

Wendysworld13

All I heard out of this blah blah blah was it is "my parents fault I am fat" actually it is your fault you are an adult stand up and take action.
Words of encouragement see a therapist change your life you are the only one who can

Wow. I guess that is what you get from opening up. Bla bla bla? I am pouring out my soul on the internet.

I would see a therapist if i could afford it but at the moment I can't afford it- and this is not an excuse it is the truth.


Please don't listen to this person. This is a site for honesty and support - if people want to be mean you need to ignore. You are struggling with your own demons - their need to add to that is unnecessary.

That being said, I know how you feel - I have been on this journey for about 30 years, maybe longer. Losing weight is not a diet it is a change in the way you view food and yourself. Each of us are intricate beings and the only ones who can truly "know" all that you have been through with your family is your family.

Money, although it is a huge factor in how we live, where we live, etc., should not dictate your life. There are public health systems available. It is way less expensive to look into social services and get assistance for being overweight now, then the ramifications of the same when you are forty. I do not know what the health systems are out of this country (USA), but please look into it. Do yourself a huge favor and find someone who can and will talk to you, listen to you, and guide you through your struggles. And again, ignore the idiots here who have their own problems and can't see your pain.

Lastly, please say yes to the wonderful man who wants to commit himself to you. No one says your engagement can only be 3 months - set a date for two years from now - that is enough time to lose the weight, exercise away the excesses and buy or make yourself the dress of your dreams - and even if you don't lose the weight, you won't be loved any less! There will just be more of you to love. Good Luck!

And actually parents are a lot to blame for their children. I should have come out of this as a misbehaving kid working in bars and getting up to no good. Instead I got an education and a Masters degree and am now starting my own business. So i am not saying that just because my parents did not give me a good childhood that it is their fault for everything, but it is something that leaves scares, and my issues with food is probably the biggest scar as I grew up seeking love and comfort in food.
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JanaCanada

I have been trying to lose weight for...wait for it..... 6 years I am exhausted. I stick to a regime for a month then fall off the wagon for a month. Go back on for a month, fall back off for a month. This has been going on for SIX years. I feel so tired. I have yo-yoed, tried extreme diets and NOTHING has worked. I feel so miserable although I pretend to be happy with everyone around me. I feel like a whale. I avoid shops like the plague and when I am forced into one and see that nothing fits I bawl my eyes out. Is this really all worth it for food??

I love food. Food is my friend. It instantly makes my day better and depriving myself makes my day 100 times worse. My mum and dad always comment on my weight even though they have no right to. They are the ones who destroyed me. When they were married I was a skinny little thing. Then my mum took me away and the next year I ballooned into this chubby child.

I managed to lose 40 pounds as a teenager by starving myself. I remember having pains in my stomach at school because I was so hungry.

Then I had some personal problems and ballooned up to 207 pounds which is what I am now. I have been going up and down on the scale for 6 years but I always add on a bit more.

I just have to get motivated and do this- not for a month, for a year. I need to lose 70 pounds. I need to make a lifestyle change. My boyfriend and I are living with my dad at the moment who is a complete slob, so I try and avoid going into the kitchen and i stick to my bedroom upstairs. This makes cooking a healthy meal even harder. We spend an entire day cleaning the kitchen so it is all nice and by the following day there is cigarette ash in the sink, onions on the floor, mud everywhere, you get the picture. We have tried talking to him but he just wont listen.

On the positive side I am setting up my own business so I will be out of the house most of the day starting in a few weeks. I will have a small hotel sized fridge there so I was thinking I could prepare all my meals out of the house.

I am so sorry to ramble I just have to get all this off my chest.

My boyfriend wants to get engaged to me and I keep telling him to wait until I am thin. I will be devastated if I am a chubby bride. Some women carry weight beautifully but not me. I just look like a whale. I have been putting off so many things because of my weight. And i know some of you will say stop putting things off just live your life but I cant the way I am. Even my clothes make me feel uncomfortable. My belly is so big anything i wear makes it hang. My bra always digs in where my belly starts and since I have E cupped breasts I can't wear looser fitting bras as they are too bloody heavy!!

I am not normally this negative I just need to really get everything out and maybe it will help me finally live my life, lose this weight and be happy.

I feel so unwanted as a woman as well. I know my boyfriend loves me but there is a difference between love and attraction. And how can he be attracted to me the way I am? I am fat. there is no hiding this fact. I don't think any man can be turned on my a big belly and fat bingo wing arms


To make things worse this stupid perfectionist little brain of mine keeps saying to me that even if i lose all this weight i will be left with loose skin on my tummy and arms and it will look just as unattractive. I am living my own personal nightmare I know I could have plastic surgery but with my work circumstances there is no way I could afford to take the time off

I could really use some words of encouragement as you can probably tell

OK...first of all, food is NOT your "friend"...it is fuel for your body, plain and simple. And if you are using food to self-comfort, then you need to find something else to comfort you. In other words, you need to expand your life....meet new people, take a class, try a new hobby, go to a spa, shop, meditate, etc. Just get out there and do something that make you feel good and provokes feelings of well-being.

Secondly, yo-yo dieting is not healthy and take a tremendous toll on your heart. Most people who quit diets after their first "fall off the wagon" do so because they have no support. Plenty of that here!

Thirdly, stop making excuses. Your dad's a slob, the kitchen's a mess, you have pesonal problems (who doesn't?), "I don't wanna be a fat bride"....blah blah blah...Grow a spine and decide once and for all that nothing is going to stand in the way of you getting healthy.

Fourth, your parents may have made poor choices in the nutirition department, but you are no longer a child. Stop blaming them for your present condition. You are an intelligent adult with a mind of your own. Use it.

Lastly, I have been married twice: once, 35 years ago when I held a beauty pageant title, and my current marriage 13 years ago to the love of my life when I was fat. Lemme tell ya...attraction fades. Love is forever. My first husband didn;t have a clue as to what love was all about,. He only wanted me for my looks. My present husband is my soulmate and best friend, and could care less if I had three heads and a tail. Fat or thin, marry your boyfriend. He obviously loves the REAL you, not some airbrushed, askewed fantasy of what defines true beauty. Real beauty comes from within. Choose it....choose love.

Sailorwind

When you say if you eat what things you love, even in moderation, you feel you are being unhealthy and fail, let me ask this: What do you consider healthy and unhealthy? I know for me a large part of this journey has been redefining healthy food vs. unhealthy food. Not all fats are bad and not all calories are created equally. I still eat desserts basically every day, I just use different ingredients in cooking. Instead of vegetable oil I use either coconut oil or unsweetened applesauce. Some recipes I use chickpeas or black beans instead of oil and eggs altogether. Instead of starchy flour I use oatmeal. I use dark chocolate instead of milk now (but I have always loved dark chocolate best). I still feel like I am eating an indulgent dessert, it still tastes the same, but I consider it "healthy" because I consider all the ingredients I used "healthy" and feel I am getting protein and fiber out of my dessert. Same for cravings. If I want a candy bar, I eat a Luna bar.

I know this is my personal experience and may not prove relevant to you, but that is how I got past the "hating myself when I ate something indulgent" stage. I am now back to loving the food I eat and not being afraid to love it or eating. I'm not shedding the pounds like crazy as I would if I was eating 1200 calories a day of only vegetables and protein, but I know that as slowly as I am losing, I'm likely to keep it off because I have changed my relationship with food. If anything, I love it more now and am even more obsessed with it than I was 17 pounds ago.

I fully believe you can do this. You clearly have the strength within you as I would have given up long before 6 years.

SkinnyNatasha13

JanaCanada you ARE right! I am not saying you are wrong. Nor am I feeling sorry for myself which is why I am on here. i WANT to make a change.

And what i said about my parents was not that they were making bad food choices for me. That would be much easier to live with. In my case my mum kidnapped me from my dad, moved countries and then decided she wanted to live her life go clubbing and find men so she abandoned me. This is what scarred me as I was ALONE and the only thing I could turn to for comfort was food. This is where the problem began not because my parents were not feeding me good nutritious food.

Nevertheless you are right and I need to let go. I WILL do this and nothing will get in my way!

trchristy

We all know where your are, some of us are still there and are trying to get through it. This is a great place to get the support you need and get really good advice. I have only been on here for a week but I am very happy to have found this site. Keep your head up and log in daily.

breezedaze

JanaCanada you ARE right! I am not saying you are wrong. Nor am I feeling sorry for myself which is why I am on here. i WANT to make a change.

And what i said about my parents was not that they were making bad food choices for me. That would be much easier to live with. In my case my mum kidnapped me from my dad, moved countries and then decided she wanted to live her life go clubbing and find men so she abandoned me. This is what scarred me as I was ALONE and the only thing I could turn to for comfort was food. This is where the problem began not because my parents were not feeding me good nutritious food.

Nevertheless you are right and I need to let go. I WILL do this and nothing will get in my way!

awful story. I think what needs to happen is two things. Forgive your parents for what they did...and forgive yourself for how you choose to deal with it..then completely move on.

And then you have to decide. Do you love yourself, do you value yourself to make GOOD choices. If you have to clean that kitchen every single day to make it a good place to prepare the food you need to then do it. It may be a challenge but it's doable. Clean the kitchen, make your food, clean the kitchen again...lather, rinse and repeat...

your dad may be a slob but tons of people take charge of their lives with slobby room mates.

No more excuses. Let's get this done..but now that your rant is over, follow up with a huge big post of all the good things in your life...like that fiance who loves you and the fact that you are exceptionally beautiful, young enough to make positive changes.

I do my weight loss in 90 day increments. check in every day here, good or bad and just take some positive action and report on it. It's not that complicated, it's just the doing of it that seems to be the issue.

Cheers and chin up! You're remarkable. Let's prove it shall we?

Breeze

AliciaStinger

I weighed 207 pounds when I was at my heaviest. I remember QUITE WELL what it was like to walk into my favorite store, try on an XL shirt, and still look big in it. At only 5'2", it doesn't take a whole lot of weight to make me look chunky, let alone huge. I have been overweight since I was 10 years old. I'm now 21 (I'll be 22 in January) and if you follow the BMI scale, I'm like 50-70 pounds overweight.

One year I guess I got "lucky": summer came, and as a result of the heat, I lost my appetite. I was drinking most of my calories (I'm a milk addict - I know some people find that gross, but that's my thing), and eating 1-2 meals a day. That's not healthy, and I'm not advising it as a "diet" -- but I dropped 15 pounds that summer, and I felt like a new person. (TO BE CLEAR, for those who are so touchy, I wasn't eating that way to lose weight; I simply wasn't hungry.) I was able to fit into size 16 pants and XL shirts again! I kept working at it, and by eating healthier and taking walks regularly, I got my weight down to 180, and for a very brief time, I was even down to 173 pounds. I could wear MEDIUM SHIRTS and SIZE 12 PANTS!!!

I'm not telling you this because I want to show off or make you feel bad/unsuccessful/negative in any way. I'm telling you this because I, like MANY others on this site, were where you are, and felt like you do. After losing weight, I can still relate to your story: I am still trying to get to a healthier weight, and I still slip up. I have been using MFP off and on for almost two years now, and most of the time, I'm "off". I was down to 173 pounds for an event in May, and now I'm up to 185. It's frustrating, especially since I was looking really good back in May.

I have decided that this time I want the weight gone once and for all. I know that when I'm not on here, I eat WAAAAAAY more than I should, so if you're not regularly logging what you eat, start. I mean, you're already on here, and it's a lot less work for most people to go online than go out and exercise. Another suggestion (especially if you're like me) is to set your calorie goal low. Whether MFP says I can eat 1200 or 1400, I almost ALWAYS go about 70-100 calories over my calorie goal, so it's better to have the mindset that I need to fit everything into a 1200-calorie plan. On days that I work out, I eat more.

I know it's frustrating when you've been trying and trying and you don't get anywhere. Stick with it - even if "it" is just counting calories or taking 20 minute walks. It will start to help. Lastly, if that's you in your profile picture, you don't look like a whale to me; you look beautiful and normal and human. :-) You're welcome to add me if you want. Take care!

--Edited for clarity and spelling errors. D'oh!

firstsip

I have been trying to lose weight for...wait for it..... 6 years I am exhausted. I stick to a regime for a month then fall off the wagon for a month. Go back on for a month, fall back off for a month. This has been going on for SIX years. I feel so tired. I have yo-yoed, tried extreme diets and NOTHING has worked. I feel so miserable although I pretend to be happy with everyone around me. I feel like a whale. I avoid shops like the plague and when I am forced into one and see that nothing fits I bawl my eyes out. Is this really all worth it for food??

I love food. Food is my friend. It instantly makes my day better and depriving myself makes my day 100 times worse. My mum and dad always comment on my weight even though they have no right to. They are the ones who destroyed me. When they were married I was a skinny little thing. Then my mum took me away and the next year I ballooned into this chubby child.

I managed to lose 40 pounds as a teenager by starving myself. I remember having pains in my stomach at school because I was so hungry.

Then I had some personal problems and ballooned up to 207 pounds which is what I am now. I have been going up and down on the scale for 6 years but I always add on a bit more.

I just have to get motivated and do this- not for a month, for a year. I need to lose 70 pounds. I need to make a lifestyle change. My boyfriend and I are living with my dad at the moment who is a complete slob, so I try and avoid going into the kitchen and i stick to my bedroom upstairs. This makes cooking a healthy meal even harder. We spend an entire day cleaning the kitchen so it is all nice and by the following day there is cigarette ash in the sink, onions on the floor, mud everywhere, you get the picture. We have tried talking to him but he just wont listen.

On the positive side I am setting up my own business so I will be out of the house most of the day starting in a few weeks. I will have a small hotel sized fridge there so I was thinking I could prepare all my meals out of the house.

I am so sorry to ramble I just have to get all this off my chest.

My boyfriend wants to get engaged to me and I keep telling him to wait until I am thin. I will be devastated if I am a chubby bride. Some women carry weight beautifully but not me. I just look like a whale. I have been putting off so many things because of my weight. And i know some of you will say stop putting things off just live your life but I cant the way I am. Even my clothes make me feel uncomfortable. My belly is so big anything i wear makes it hang. My bra always digs in where my belly starts and since I have E cupped breasts I can't wear looser fitting bras as they are too bloody heavy!!

I am not normally this negative I just need to really get everything out and maybe it will help me finally live my life, lose this weight and be happy.

I feel so unwanted as a woman as well. I know my boyfriend loves me but there is a difference between love and attraction. And how can he be attracted to me the way I am? I am fat. there is no hiding this fact. I don't think any man can be turned on my a big belly and fat bingo wing arms


To make things worse this stupid perfectionist little brain of mine keeps saying to me that even if i lose all this weight i will be left with loose skin on my tummy and arms and it will look just as unattractive. I am living my own personal nightmare I know I could have plastic surgery but with my work circumstances there is no way I could afford to take the time off

I could really use some words of encouragement as you can probably tell

All I heard out of this blah blah blah was it is "my parents fault I am fat" actually it is your fault you are an adult stand up and take action.
Words of encouragement see a therapist change your life you are the only one who can

Are you ****ing serious? I just read a, "I have pretty disordered eating and it's exhausting; I am trying everything to limit my interactions with people who promote unhealthy eating, and I have someone who supports me the way I am, but I'm so miserable with myself I won't even let him propose."

This post nearly left me in tears... you so completely missed what OP was saying, I can't even imagine you're not trolling. And as a troll, this is a pretty poor place to do it. I would never troll someone who appears to have disordered eating, that's triggering as hell.

Lesa_Sass

It has taken me 5 years to get where I am today. I have lost 10 sizes and changed my life completely. I took baby steps changing one thing at a time instead of trying to change it all at once. Everyone that I know that is successful in this has done it the same way.

As far as being engaged goes, I want to tell you a story.

My sister is a couple of hundred pounds over weight. She would not allow us to take pictures of her at all, to the point where she would grow violent if we happened to snap on in her vicinity. This summer she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. The most devastating news that has ever hit our family. Praise GOD that the hysterectomy took care of all the cancer, but let me tell ya, when a camera comes out now, she will grab one of her teenage children and smile. The simple thought of dying and having no pictures with her kids was paralyzing to her. She will not allow her weight to keep her from living her life today. I hope you will not allow your weight to define who you are and allow you to miss out on a life of being engaged and married. Life is short is to short to miss out on because of vanity.

emmamiso5

I never thought I would be able to control my food until I found MFP. When you get sick and tired of yourself and finally have had it, you will change. The only thing that I promised myself was that I would log every single day and not cheat. Then, the rest finally lines up. I would suggest protein and veggies only at first and you will get your motivation because you will lose for sure. Do all the things they say to do, sleep 8 hrs, drink only water and green tea, don't eat white starches and just walk. Good luck! And just LOG, LOG, LOG.

AliciaStinger

Have you spoken to a doctor about your relationship with food? Food isn't your friend... It's just food...

You need to look at making small lifestyle changes instead of going on and falling off diets... Diets do not work! You are proof of that yourself!

When I was younger, I used to play outside with friends. These days, when I visit with someone, it's usually for a meal, and a good 99/9% of the time, at a restaurant. Food reminds me of time spent with these friends, traveling with my family, and special occasions - everything from birthdays to the time I had some really painful dental work done and my dad took me out for dinner. With memories like this, I still think of food as a friend -- but, I did make a lifestyle change: like with my friends who are away at college, I visit with these foods a lot less often. Everyone on here is different; some are willing to eat clean, work out six days a week, and can stick to a schedule. Others of us find those things more difficult to do, and I couldn't fit some chocolate or the occasiona burger, pancakes or pasta into my diet, I wouldn't bother watching what I eat at all. :-) You can be friends with food and watch what you eat. Whether or not you should consider food a "friend" is a different story....

JanaCanada

JanaCanada you ARE right! I am not saying you are wrong. Nor am I feeling sorry for myself which is why I am on here. i WANT to make a change.

And what i said about my parents was not that they were making bad food choices for me. That would be much easier to live with. In my case my mum kidnapped me from my dad, moved countries and then decided she wanted to live her life go clubbing and find men so she abandoned me. This is what scarred me as I was ALONE and the only thing I could turn to for comfort was food. This is where the problem began not because my parents were not feeding me good nutritious food.

Nevertheless you are right and I need to let go. I WILL do this and nothing will get in my way!

Atta girl!!! THAT'S the attitude you need!! xoxoxox

AliciaStinger

I agree with the gentleman - if your boyfriend loves you and wants to get engaged - I say go for it - walk your way into the dress of your dreams!

Ditto - I'm assuming he chose to propose to you, which means that he wants to be with you. If he didn't, or if he had doubts, he wouldn't have proposed. You talk about the difference between "love" and "attraction," but I hope you know that it is entirely possible to be attracted to someone who's overweight. In fact, it's quite common. And, if he likes you when you feel like you're a whale, he'll support you all the time, right? How's that for a feeling of security? He likes you no matter what shape you're in!

Mads1997

*hugs* to you

MichaelFunaro

Part of the problem is that you are viewing this as a "battle." If you are constantly fighting your body you will fail. I just posted a blog on this today, take a look if you have time. I know I have struggled with this same attitude and issues, so it's by no means easy to accomplish. But if you can make small changes and start with not fighting your body, you will do this.

Here is the link I posted to my blog today.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/dantanna85/view/it-all-starts-in-our-minds-447294

AllonsYtotheTardis

I started at the same place as you, and believe me - I know what it feels like to just want it ALL GONE NOW! But that never got me anywhere in the past. I need this to be the LAST TIME I have to lose weight. So I'm doing it slowly, one step at a time. And over the past few months, I have had some really encouraging moments. And I realize how much it's working, and it's worth it.

My advice - log everything - that one step alone can make a huge impact. Next - make one change today. Something that's not overwhelming. When it feels natural, add another change., and another. Over time they really add up. And it's not so overwhelming and when you have small successes, it encourages you to strive for the next one.

You can do this.