Wish he understood

waldo56

My best guess is that your husband is in a catch-22 and doesn't know a way out.

Given your posts its very likely that he has to deal with you hiding yourself, sefl-loathing, complaining about your weight, embarassed by yourself, and wishes to help, but at the same time he perceives that you really don't care all that much despite your lip service at times when you feel bad about your weight/self image, you only care when its convienient to care.

Women seem to require a subtlety that many men can't grasp, he's trying to help you the best he knows how. Many men will repond best to their wife nagging them about being a fat pig that sits on his butt all day, repulsive without clothes, especially in the bedroom. That will motivate many/most men, and that is likely his basis for understanding how to motivate you. But this is so far from how women need to be motivated that he's just lost.

Retrograde_Orbit

The trouble is, and it applies to so many things, not just dieting. It is always easier to point out the errors than to give credit where credit is due.

I am as guilty of it as others.

But I try not to overtly put my partner down. However if she asks me a question about how she looks, then I will tend to give an honest answer. It may not be what she wants to hear of course. So I usually end up getting into trouble!

But I don't want to lie about things that have the potential to shorten ones life...

necie75

You should be doing it for you..not in hopes that he'll find you attractive.Try talking to him about it.My husband has always been good to me no matter how much weight i've gained.But I am my own worst enemy.I tend to over think things.Just do what you need to do to make YOU feel better.

JennaM222

I really wish my husband understood that telling me I'm lazy and that out of the whole family, I'm the one who really needs to go for a walk, isn't really motivating or helpful. In fact, it's hurtful and makes me less inclined to work on myself. He doesn't seem to get that I have medical conditions that have caused this weight gain. I've been dieting by calorie-restrictions, but I wish he didn't criticize me every time I decide to take my kids out to eat or have another slice of pizza at my son's birthday party [it was yesterday]. I think he thinks he's being helpful, but it just makes me feel belittled and insignificant. Whatever happened to loving me at any size, to making me feel beautiful. Why can't people understand that if you make a heavier person feel beautiful, that is actually the way to motivate them to be/do better. If you constantly beat me down, it just puts in my mind the question, "Why bother? He's not going to ever find me attractive." I'm just so hurt right now, and really just want to go stuff my face with a burger from McDonald's with my kids since I'm an emotional eater. But I know that if I do that, he'll just have something negative to say, and then I'll feel guilty all over again. I just feel pathetic, unwanted, unattractive, just overall unworthy and un-pretty. Sorry for the pity party, I just wish people would check their tongues and realize when they're really just causing more hurt and harm.

Have this conversation with your Husband, not us good luck! If he is a good man, he will understand and encourage VS put you down.

darrenmirfield

what does "bump" mean? I think I saw it in another discussion thread. Is it a suggestion by a moderator to stop the thread?

It's people trying to push the topic back to the top. Not always sure why they feel the need to do so.....

Thanks very much, most helpful.