If I like bigger women, why don't I want to BE one?

quirkytizzy

I asked my boyfriend a question the other day and neither of us could really come up with a good answer.

I prefer heavier women. My ex-girlfriend was about 50 pounds overweight and I thought she looked incredibly sexy. Even more so than when I knew her when she was thinner. And overall, I find myself attracted to bigger women. I think they're sexier and of the women I would prefer to be in a relationship with, the bigger gals are it.

So, if I find that attractive in another woman, how come I'm not comfortable *BEING* that woman? I am taking an active step to lose the weight that I love on other people, and I'm not sure what this says about me.

Anyone have any ideas or experiences or thoughts on this? It's something that's been on my mind for a few weeks now and I can't figure it out. The boyfriend says it's just a matter of being comfortable in my body - the women I have loved were all much more confident at their weights than I am at mine. Is this on target? Anyone else feel this way?

schondell

Think of it this way: People with blonde hair are really pretty, but I wouldn't bleach my own hair

keelyjrs

Do you think you maybe just feel more comfortable with bigger women as they are closer to yourself or are you genuinely more attracted to them?
I guess we all like different things for ourselves, I mean I like muscly men but I wouldn't want to be a muscly woman if that makes any sense?!

xxMyWeighxx

Think of it this way: People with blonde hair are really pretty, but I wouldn't bleach my own hair

I agree with this statement. Furthermore, maybe it's the whole "opposites attract" thing. It's possible that if you were the one that was 50lbs overweight you wouldn't be as attracted to bigger women. Maybe.

quirkytizzy

Lol about the blonde hair! (I like blonde, actually, but would look terrible with it myself!)

And you know - maybe you're right Keely, maybe it is because I find myself relating to them. Or at least in spirit. There may be something to MyWeigh's statement - I've usually been smaller than my girlfriends.

These are all good points!

dad106

As my trainer once explained it, "No one actually wants to be fat.. they just are".

Just because your attracted to something, doesn't mean that others are going to be attracted to that same thing. Maybe in order to make yourself attractive to other women, you need to be thin, while that person needs to be on the bigger side.

maricash

I think your boyfriend has the right idea. There are women who are many pounds overweight and feel very comfortable with themselves, and there are women who are extremely thin who can't stand to look at themselves in the mirror.

Also, there is a huge stigma attached to being overweight, and a constant barrage of messages designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself for being overweight. There are also a whole series of assumptions that are made that may or may not be true. For example, I do a lot of social dancing and new partners always look shocked that I'm actually good at it because we all know fat people can't be good at physical activities (of course they can, but that is a belief that is out there).

So, while you may not make assumptions and judgments about another person's weight, you might not be able to avoid those judgments when you are the one who is overweight. Or you might internalize them and feel that something is wrong with you even when you don't feel that something is wrong with someone else.

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. It is important to me, as I become thinner myself, to not become a person who judges others based on their weight (large or small). I think that problem is related to your question in that I still think my overweight friends are beautiful and fine just the way they are, even as I am working to get down to a smaller size myself. Anyway, I could go on about this topic all day, but I have to get to work now!