Yes another dating topic....
Options
Replies
-
People who cheat always shift blame. ALWAYS. I dated a guy like that. He always accused me of straying, wanting to stray or that I would find someone else better. I got rid of him quick, and no I didn't want to friends with him. Someone like that is a psychopath in my mind.
I am single now and have been for awhile. I enjoy it. I have no interest in dating. Some people find that strange or odd, but what is wrong with being happy with being single? You have to do what is right for you.
this Thanks to all posters 
0 -
Getting in shape and being a mom would be my priority. You don't want to settle for sirloin now when in 6 months you'll be able to get a filet.. if ya know what I mean
0 -
I'm sorry you have to go through this situation :ohwell:
My Mom got divorced and she is 100% happier now that she's away from my d-bag dad. I really don't have much advice other than its nice to see my Mom happy ... and with her boyfriend.0 -
Getting in shape and being a mom would be my priority. You don't want to settle for sirloin now when in 6 months you'll be able to get a filet.. if ya know what I mean
Im not sure what you mean..care to explain?0 -
Sounds like your not quite ready for the dating scene. Maybe just bump up your social life at this point. Go out with friends more and settle into your new single life. It takes time, I know I've been there!0
-
Getting in shape and being a mom would be my priority. You don't want to settle for sirloin now when in 6 months you'll be able to get a filet.. if ya know what I mean
Im not sure what you mean..care to explain?
Well when she gets more "fit", she'll be able to attract more "fit" guys..0 -
Not reading all the previous replys. IMO: Wait until your divorce is final. Concentrate on yourself. Learn to be content within. Rely on your women friends for emotional support.
Listen to the lady....it takes a long time to heal from a divorce, even though you want it and know it's the best thing...plenty of time to jump into the dating pool! It's rough waters in the pool, anyway, and a lot ot people pee in it, so take your time!0 -
Haven't read all the replies, so this may have been said already, but he obviously also broke your trust. And if it was with various women, did so a lot. Someone you were married to doing that can definitely make it harder to trust anyone new. It will be hard, but one thing to remember whenever you are approached by other men is "this is not him, this is someone different."
Until you get to the point where you are comfortable again, do go out with friends, keep a social life going. And good luck!0 -
I have friends who have gone through divorces and it is harder than anyone expected. Instead of doing "rebounds" (which can happen if you start dating before you're ready), get content from within and make a clean break when those papers are signed. That said, if you honestly feel that you could handle coffee and conversation, cultivate some male friends who you find attractive but slow things down a little.
Also, from personal experience, GOOD MEN EXIST. I dated a cheater (almost married him!) and he broke my heart; we were compatible in so many other ways, but he just couldn't help himself. At first I blamed me and made myself "perfect," but it still continued. Over time, I saw that it was all on him. Further proof: To this day he is married...and again, cheating. I think it's a combination of low self-esteem and poor impulse control. It still makes me angry to think about it because he was one of those major hurts in my life, even though it shouldn't hurt me now. I just had to make a decision: put up with it over and over and the health risks it presented to me, or be good to myself and go out into the unknown...
...and boy, was I happy I did! I married an awesome man who loves me for me and is so super-loyal that I've been able to heal from my trust issues. In the beginning it was tough; I sadly assumed that he would be like the other guy, but not at all. Good guys do exist!
I took the slow route: We were "just friends" at first because I was honest about me needing to still heal from what had happened. We talked on the phone, had coffee dates and dinner out, or watched a movie (even at his place) that ended in just a hug or kiss on the cheek. As a result, we got to know each other really well and I started to really feel comfortable with him. Not only were we super-compatible but it also just felt "solid," not like the intense passion of mostly sexual attraction or flirtation that comes on strong and fizzles out just as fast. Admittedly, at that time, I also went out once or twice with one of those lusty types--super hot physically (like a body builder) to me but I knew it was mostly passion (aka a "rebound") and when it started to get really hot and heavy, it just felt WRONG to even make out with him; it felt like I was cheating on the good guy--that's when I knew we had something really going on--so I promptly broke it off with Mr. Studlypant and only dated the good one, even though we weren't getting physical because he was in my heart.
In any case, the "good" guy and I have been together now for almost 8 years and married for 2.5 years, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't regret "taking it slow" and getting to know someone deeply before committing. Not only did it make sure that I knew him well, it forced me to know myself well, too.
So, if you feel you're ready for coffee, I say go for it, but seriously consider the speed of physical intimacy and be honest with the guys(s) you date right now about where you are emotionally. It might lead to a few disappointments if someone is looking for the physical right away, but someone who really thinks you're special will wait until you're ready and be by your side as your best friend. And that, IMHO, is the kind of guy you'want with you and your kids for the rest of your life.
Best of luck to you!0 -
I have to say that every situation is different. It depends on YOU and whoever you want to date or be with, and yes, your ex does come into play. I started dating 2 months after separating and while my soon-to-be ex at the time gave me a lot of crap for it, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I met a really great man, we spent 6 months together and I learned so much about myself. After the 6 months we were together, yes my heart was broken, but I realized I had to focus on me and know what it was like to truly be alone. I realized I needed to know who I was as an individual as opposed to someone's wife/girlfriend/mother, etc. That was the best thing I've ever done for ME. The guy I started dating really helped me through a lot of really hard times, the emotional, lonely, self-doubt, etc. I think I was fortunate in that I had met someone who understood what I was going through. No, it didn't last, but I am thankful everyday for having him in my life at that time. It's since been a year and now I'm dating a guy who is going through a divorce and I hope to be the rock he can lean on.0
-
Good, you should be with someone who is meant for you that will love you into a million pieces. Take this time to go get awesome so when your man shows up, you'll be ready for him.0
-
You know what? I was married for 31 years....yes, that's 31 very unhappy years, to an addict. When I finally got the courage to get out of the marriage, I was scared and lonely. About 8 months after the divorce, I went online and had a very bad experience. I thought no one would ever love me again, but I found out I just wasn't ready yet. I had to get comfortable with myself, and get healthy in order to be in a healthy relationship. It took 5 long years (and I was much older than you), but when I was really ready, I found the love of my life. Don't let anyone rush you into something you are not ready for. When the time is right, it will happen! Spend this time learning about yourself, your goals, and what you truly want out of a partner, and make sure you take your time because this is not a race...this is your life!0
-
I think you need to take your time and get restored!!! When a person goes through a divorce, several pieces of their life are lost and you go through a major identity crisis – a "WHO AM I" moment. Sometimes you may feel so alone regardless of the company you may have around!!! You don’t want your happiness to be centered around people. Get to know yourself and work on being true to yourself, so when you do meet someone your self-esteem and outlook on life is where it needs to be.0
-
I haven't been through a divorce myself, but I've seen friends go through it, and I think the best course of action is to have at least a year where you focus on yourself and your children. There is going to be a new family dynamic forming, and you will all benefit from as little distraction from that as possible.
Which doesn't mean you shouldn't meet friends, including male friends, for coffee or something like that. But do this on your own "me" time; don't bring the kids into it.
Best wishes!0 -
Dude -
I hope you've taken enough healing time - time to figure out what you did towards dissolution of the marriage. Your Hubby says you were unfaithful - have you asked him in which way? Did you keep your vows to LOVE, and Cherrish and all that? Because if you broke any of your vows to him, you were unfaithful. Maybe there are other aspects about you, that you'd need to work on, too.
The only advice for dating is this: Don't take dating advice and don't look for a mate/partner. Focus solely upon being the best you; on finding health (emotionally/mentally/whatever it takes to help with the scars of the divorce), and just wait for "Him" - that guy...your new love...to find you and sweep you off your feet.
When you found the right guy, you won't have to date, really. You'll see him - he'll see you and a little magic happens. You might be suddenly wisked away and that'll settle it.
Hold out - when it comes to love/intimacy/etc - hold out for Breathtaking....Awesome even.0 -
Dude -
The only advice for dating is this: Don't take dating advice and don't look for a mate/partner.
Best advice ever (even though technically it's advice). :flowerforyou:0 -
Getting in shape and being a mom would be my priority. You don't want to settle for sirloin now when in 6 months you'll be able to get a filet.. if ya know what I mean
Im not sure what you mean..care to explain?
Well when she gets more "fit", she'll be able to attract more "fit" guys..
Truth0 -
Sounds to me like you're just "not ready". Although the IDEA of a platonic coffee date or a no strings attached movie might SOUND great to you, reality is, you were married for 5 years (and maybe together longer) & it's hard to move foward, especially when you haven't yet healed.
I separated from my husband in August of 2011. I've entertained the idea of going on "dates" and although it sounds lovely, when it comes down to it (when the opportunity arises) I can never follow through. I feel as though I'm just NOT ready.
It's best to just give yourself time. When the time is right, you'll know. Don't feel as though you have to jump into anything or "put yourself out there"
It takes time to heal and it's better to do that, then to rebound.0 -
You are seeking companionship because you are lonely and trying to fill a void that was there before, but is no longer there...even though it wasn't a good situation, you still had someone there. The hardest thing I ever had to do was learn to accept singleness and 7 years later it's still a struggle for me. Damaging relationships hurt and mess us up and our kids up. The best thing I can say is to take this time to focus on you and your children. There will come a time when you are ready to date again and at that point you should do that, but please don't think that being single is the world's worst thing as I've been able to find things out about myself in ways that I never could have if I hadn't taken a LOT of time to really look into myself. Now I definitely don't think everyone should be single for as long as I have, but I tried dating when I first separated so it took me longer to get on board with focusing on me and what I want.
And from what I'm seeing more and more, it's a lot less stressful worrying about myself and my son and having no one else to answer to about where I want to go and what I want to do.0 -
So, if you feel you're ready for coffee, I say go for it, but seriously consider the speed of physical intimacy and be honest with the guys(s) you date right now about where you are emotionally. It might lead to a few disappointments if someone is looking for the physical right away, but someone who really thinks you're special will wait until you're ready and be by your side as your best friend. And that, IMHO, is the kind of guy you'want with you and your kids for the rest of your life.
Best of luck to you!
Don't think I could say better than this !0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 391 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 922 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions