Yes another dating topic....

2»

Replies

  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Good, you should be with someone who is meant for you that will love you into a million pieces. Take this time to go get awesome so when your man shows up, you'll be ready for him.
  • LucyT4dieting
    LucyT4dieting Posts: 284 Member
    You know what? I was married for 31 years....yes, that's 31 very unhappy years, to an addict. When I finally got the courage to get out of the marriage, I was scared and lonely. About 8 months after the divorce, I went online and had a very bad experience. I thought no one would ever love me again, but I found out I just wasn't ready yet. I had to get comfortable with myself, and get healthy in order to be in a healthy relationship. It took 5 long years (and I was much older than you), but when I was really ready, I found the love of my life. Don't let anyone rush you into something you are not ready for. When the time is right, it will happen! Spend this time learning about yourself, your goals, and what you truly want out of a partner, and make sure you take your time because this is not a race...this is your life!
  • I think you need to take your time and get restored!!! When a person goes through a divorce, several pieces of their life are lost and you go through a major identity crisis – a "WHO AM I" moment. Sometimes you may feel so alone regardless of the company you may have around!!! You don’t want your happiness to be centered around people. Get to know yourself and work on being true to yourself, so when you do meet someone your self-esteem and outlook on life is where it needs to be.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    I haven't been through a divorce myself, but I've seen friends go through it, and I think the best course of action is to have at least a year where you focus on yourself and your children. There is going to be a new family dynamic forming, and you will all benefit from as little distraction from that as possible.

    Which doesn't mean you shouldn't meet friends, including male friends, for coffee or something like that. But do this on your own "me" time; don't bring the kids into it.

    Best wishes!
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Dude -

    I hope you've taken enough healing time - time to figure out what you did towards dissolution of the marriage. Your Hubby says you were unfaithful - have you asked him in which way? Did you keep your vows to LOVE, and Cherrish and all that? Because if you broke any of your vows to him, you were unfaithful. Maybe there are other aspects about you, that you'd need to work on, too.

    The only advice for dating is this: Don't take dating advice and don't look for a mate/partner. Focus solely upon being the best you; on finding health (emotionally/mentally/whatever it takes to help with the scars of the divorce), and just wait for "Him" - that guy...your new love...to find you and sweep you off your feet.

    When you found the right guy, you won't have to date, really. You'll see him - he'll see you and a little magic happens. You might be suddenly wisked away and that'll settle it.

    Hold out - when it comes to love/intimacy/etc - hold out for Breathtaking....Awesome even.
  • Dude -

    The only advice for dating is this: Don't take dating advice and don't look for a mate/partner.

    Best advice ever (even though technically it's advice). :flowerforyou:
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    Getting in shape and being a mom would be my priority. You don't want to settle for sirloin now when in 6 months you'll be able to get a filet.. if ya know what I mean :wink: :wink:

    Im not sure what you mean..care to explain?

    Well when she gets more "fit", she'll be able to attract more "fit" guys..

    Truth
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    Sounds to me like you're just "not ready". Although the IDEA of a platonic coffee date or a no strings attached movie might SOUND great to you, reality is, you were married for 5 years (and maybe together longer) & it's hard to move foward, especially when you haven't yet healed.

    I separated from my husband in August of 2011. I've entertained the idea of going on "dates" and although it sounds lovely, when it comes down to it (when the opportunity arises) I can never follow through. I feel as though I'm just NOT ready.

    It's best to just give yourself time. When the time is right, you'll know. Don't feel as though you have to jump into anything or "put yourself out there"

    It takes time to heal and it's better to do that, then to rebound.
  • Sweetsugar0424
    Sweetsugar0424 Posts: 451 Member
    You are seeking companionship because you are lonely and trying to fill a void that was there before, but is no longer there...even though it wasn't a good situation, you still had someone there. The hardest thing I ever had to do was learn to accept singleness and 7 years later it's still a struggle for me. Damaging relationships hurt and mess us up and our kids up. The best thing I can say is to take this time to focus on you and your children. There will come a time when you are ready to date again and at that point you should do that, but please don't think that being single is the world's worst thing as I've been able to find things out about myself in ways that I never could have if I hadn't taken a LOT of time to really look into myself. Now I definitely don't think everyone should be single for as long as I have, but I tried dating when I first separated so it took me longer to get on board with focusing on me and what I want.

    And from what I'm seeing more and more, it's a lot less stressful worrying about myself and my son and having no one else to answer to about where I want to go and what I want to do.
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member

    So, if you feel you're ready for coffee, I say go for it, but seriously consider the speed of physical intimacy and be honest with the guys(s) you date right now about where you are emotionally. It might lead to a few disappointments if someone is looking for the physical right away, but someone who really thinks you're special will wait until you're ready and be by your side as your best friend. And that, IMHO, is the kind of guy you'want with you and your kids for the rest of your life.

    Best of luck to you!

    Don't think I could say better than this !
This discussion has been closed.