My Sister Wont Stop

kooltray87

Hello All! Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

My little sister and I (five yrs apart) grew up eating whatever and whenever we wanted. Good genes kept our weight under check until puberty hit. Then we both slowly BLEW UP around the same age. We both went up and down through out high school and both got the freshman 15 in college, so I understand what she's going through. What worries me is that in the past few years she's become asthmatic which only gets worse the more weight she gains, and her worsening eating habits put her at risk for diabetes. Last night she baked a box of cookies from scratch and would have eaten the whole batch if my dad didn't hide the cookies from her. On top of that I found an EMPTY container of icing she ate BY HERSELF in less than two days. She had been spreading the icing not only on cookies and other sugary sweets, but she was also eating it straight from the container! She goes through BAGS of sugar, TINS of hot chocolate, BOXES of sweets. She goes out of her way to pick all the saltiest pretzels out of the bag and she eats only the most buttered popcorn kernels. I could go on, but I think you see my point. Her weight is really starting to get out of hand and I can tell the bigger she gets, the lower her spirits get so she just eats even more.

My family and I have tried everything to help her. My mom buys water now instead of juice. She doesn't buy as many sweets. We have a lot more fruit and healthy options in the house. My mom started weight watchers with her. My mom lost a ton of weight and now looks great btw....Whenever I workout I always invite her. I try to get her up and moving as much as I can, but her idea of fun is fast food coupon clipping :-(

At 20 yrs old she is 4'11 and weighs well over 150 lbs. It makes me sad because I'm the older/taller sister. I should be the larger one. When we were little she was my cute petite sister. Now she doesn't even look like herself anymore. She's headed down a path that I can't seem to get her off of. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

tabi26

I'm sorry about your sister, but the thing is, until SHE decides that something needs to change, there's really nothing you can do.

FitMama2013

Good morning! Unfortunately, your sister won't help herself until she WANTS to. We all have that "wake up moment" where we go, what the hell am I doing? She clearly hasn't hit that point yet. Until she does, she's not ready to make healthier choices.

I know it's difficult as my sister weighs around 350lbs, is a smoker, is on birth control, and is pre-diabetic - yet she orders papa johns so often the owner personally delivers her pizza. It's hard to watch her kill herself slowly, but nothing I say or do will matter until SHE wants to get healthier. In the meantime, I continue to encourage her, because that's all I really can do.

Keep being a good example for her and hopefully it will help her wake up. Keep in mind, since you compared the two of you throughout the years, she may be doing the same thing in her mind and it's tough for her - that very thing may be DRIVING her to eat more (i.e. look at my older sister - she's smaller than me, fitter than me, and I'm going to eat this icing jar to feel better about it).

fit4lifeUcan2

You can sit her down and talk to her about it but she'll probably resent you for it. Depends on how you approach the topic and the kind of relationship you have. I wouldn't say you "used to be cute" or anything like that. Ultimately its her decision to make and she has to want to do it or its not gonna happen. Even going to WW i've seen women who sit and complain that they're not losing any weight but when you see what they eat you want to give them a slap on the back of the head and say DAH look what your eating!! Tough love might work but could backfire and wreck your relationship. Maybe tell her what you've been doing to lose weight and how much better you feel, how much more energy you have etc.

KarmaxKitty

Mornin' Kool.

Unfortunately, I know kinda what this feels like. The only way may younger sister will eat anything (four years younger), is if it's salty, fried, covered in sauce, full of sugar...you know, he extreme tastes. And then she crash diets to drop weight. Somehow it works for her...I don't even...

Anyhow, the only way your sister will change is if she truly wishes to. We all had that point where we hit rock bottom/were forced to make a change. I don't believe there's a proper way to talk to somebody about the way they eat/how much they weigh. I know that with my fiance, I was really honest with him and told him that I was strongly worried for his health, especially when he was having random chest pains. He didn't make an immediate change right then and there, but he's been slowly losing the weight since then. I think it's better to just have your two cents put in, and then leave that little nugget to marinate for a while. It's better than slipping in little comments here and there all the time. I know from experience that that just feels like badgering...

I hope you're all doing well.

divacat80

I agree. I have always been teased about my weight and appearance, I was quite aware of it and suffered the social consequences. But it wasn't until something inside me finally 'clicked' that I started eating responsibly, making healthier choices and exercising.
I have tried to lose weight since I was 16 years old, but it wasn't until I reachedmy 31st b-day that I felt ... How to put it? Grown up enough? Capable enough? Had my health threatening me enough? that I actually found the way to success.

She has to be the one who wants it. Obesity never comes along by itself,it always brings other demons along. And she knows she has to fight against all of them to succeed. It's not easy.
Meanwhile all you all can do is make healthy choices, never mentioning body appearance, and make yourselves good role models for her. Make HER be the only person responsible for her obesity. Whenever she needs someone to listen, be there for her and support her and love her whatever her weight or size is.

Make HEALTH the only desirable thing, not appearance. I used to hate having people pointing at me and my weight without caring how my health truly was doing, or how i truly was feeling on the inside. Eliminate all junk food from the house, make a commitment and whoever wants to eat junk just has to go outside to get it (do this progressively or she'll feel it's an attack. Ask her if she would agree to this first)

Right now,she only seems to find happiness in food,and THAT's what has to change.
Make sure you all do some activities together, enjoy time as a family and do things that don't involve food.

You're a great sister for caring about her so much!

Best of luck to you all!

kooltray87

Thanks fitmama! I always thought comparing my sister and I might help her see that she can do the things I can do. I never thought it could have the opposite effect on her :-/.....Kittygamer you're right, I can tend to nag and get on her quite a bit. Sometimes I feel like if I easy up she'll think I've given up on her or that its ok to be unhealthy....

EDIT:
I never degrade or talk down about her appearance but I'll try more positive reinforcement and try pointing more-so than pushing her towards a healthier lifestyle.

kooltray87

Make HEALTH the only desirable thing, not appearance. I used to hate having people pointing at me and my weight without caring how my health truly was doing, or how i truly was feeling on the inside. Eliminate all junk food from the house, make a commitment and whoever wants to eat junk just has to go outside to get it (do this progressively or she'll feel it's an attack. Ask her if she would agree to this first)

Right now,she only seems to find happiness in food,and THAT's what has to change.
Make sure you all do some activities together, enjoy time as a family and do things that don't involve food.

You're a great sister for caring about her so much!

Best of luck to you all!

That's a good idea! :-) Thanks!

FitMama2013

Thanks fitmama! I always thought comparing my sister and I might help her see that she can do the things I can do. I never thought it could have the opposite effect on her :-/.....Kittygamer you're right, I can tend to nag and get on her quite a bit. Sometimes I feel like if I easy up she'll think I've given up on her or that its ok to be unhealthy....

EDIT:
I never degrade or talk down about her appearance but I'll try more positive reinforcement and try pointing more-so than pushing her towards a healthier lifestyle.

I get it because I'm a comparer (I swam in college and all of my former teammates still look amazing, whereas I put on all this weight...the comparisons make me feel badly that I'm not like them, which drives emotional eating and keeps the cycle going). That may NOT be the case with your sister, but it could be a factor because she can't live up to all of the healthy changes you've made (kudos, btw, for that! and for caring enough about your sister to even be asking this question)

Hogscliffe

Hi hon, it's really hard and sad she is so young. Can you try and encourage any of her friends to sugest a new sport or interest something to get her out and if she finds somthing she enjoys it will be easier to then take on the weight, maybe. By reminding her you will alienate yourself from her and she maynot confide in you. Also the fact she eats so much sugar could be she is deeply upset about something and she is using food as comfort.
These are only my humble views and i'm not a doctor,x

pegsum

Why do people think that fat people need to be told about it? Like we don't know or something? The only person who gets to decide what your sister does or does not eat or what she does or does not do for her body is YOUR SISTER. It's nobody's business but hers.

Leave her alone. All your "well meaning" attempts to control her food is just insulting to her and makes it worse. She's isn't a child. She is an adult who gets to make her own choices.

TrinityTrinityTrinity

I'm sorry about your sister, but the thing is, until SHE decides that something needs to change, there's really nothing you can do.

Sorry to agree, but my brother is in size 4X and like a size 56 pants. He's close if not over 400 lbs. I wrote a very similar post a month ago and until she wants to do it, it's not going to happen.

It's hard to talk to my brother so what I did was write an email and sent it to him and never mentioned it again. I have found some articles here and there and emailed them but we never talked about it. I've always told him I love him, in person and in the emails. I've offered to pay for a gym membership, I've given him tips, etc.

Nothing happened until he wanted it to happen. I'd like to think I had something to do with it but I'll never know.

Good Luck!

TrinityTrinityTrinity

Why do people think that fat people need to be told about it? Like we don't know or something? The only person who gets to decide what your sister does or does not eat or what she does or does not do for her body is YOUR SISTER. It's nobody's business but hers.

Leave her alone. All your "well meaning" attempts to control her food is just insulting to her and makes it worse.

In my case, I thought I was helping and showing support. I think when people get offended (and I get offended very easily), it's because we're rejecting people's attempts at support.

Thanks for showing us the other side.

keelz2010

You could encourage her to keep a food diary here on MFP, it might shock her into a more healthy lifestyle. I did it with my younger sister last week, she was shocked at how much she ate when she saw it all calculated on the screen. She was drinking mugs of tea with milk and 4 sugars throughout the day so she made one a little change to begin with... She tried my green tea and liked it so switched to that with one sweetener, cutting out around 16 spoons of sugar a day!

MinnieInMaine

I gave this a little thought - like what could I go back and say to myself 15-20 years ago that might make a difference? I went through the same cycle...puberty hit and the pounds piled on and stayed there for almost 20 years. For me there wasn't any major health concerns though. My cholesterol was a tiny bit high but besides that I was just fine so there's no scare tactic there. The only thing I could say is "trust me, you'll hate the way you look naked" and I'm not sure that would really make much of a difference either because obviously I didn't care too much about how i looked for all those years.

So I'd have to say I totally agree with the three points made so far. 1) she's going to have to want it for herself. 2) don't nag, it really doesn't help and 3) however, keep encouraging her to join you in exercise and when you do talk to her but make sure your concerns are about her HEALTH not about her weight or appearance (sounds like that's what you're doing but wanted to make the point anyway). It's good to let her know you care and eventually that may sink in enough so that she starts caring more about herself. I think it may even be good to say something like "I understand you're not ready now and you're probably hearing enough from the 'rents so I'll back off on the pressure but know/trust that I'm here to help when you are ready."

kooltray87

Why do people think that fat people need to be told about it? Like we don't know or something? The only person who gets to decide what your sister does or does not eat or what she does or does not do for her body is YOUR SISTER. It's nobody's business but hers.

Leave her alone. All your "well meaning" attempts to control her food is just insulting to her and makes it worse. She's isn't a child. She is an adult who gets to make her own choices.

That's certainly easy for you to say. This isn't ANY FAT PERSON, its my sister! so forgive me if I'd like to try and stop her from KILLING herself...

Phaedra2014

Hello All! Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

My little sister and I (five yrs apart) grew up eating whatever and whenever we wanted. Good genes kept our weight under check until puberty hit. Then we both slowly BLEW UP around the same age. We both went up and down through out high school and both got the freshman 15 in college, so I understand what she's going through. What worries me is that in the past few years she's become asthmatic which only gets worse the more weight she gains, and her worsening eating habits put her at risk for diabetes. Last night she baked a box of cookies from scratch and would have eaten the whole batch if my dad didn't hide the cookies from her. On top of that I found an EMPTY container of icing she ate BY HERSELF in less than two days. She had been spreading the icing not only on cookies and other sugary sweets, but she was also eating it straight from the container! She goes through BAGS of sugar, TINS of hot chocolate, BOXES of sweets. She goes out of her way to pick all the saltiest pretzels out of the bag and she eats only the most buttered popcorn kernels. I could go on, but I think you see my point. Her weight is really starting to get out of hand and I can tell the bigger she gets, the lower her spirits get so she just eats even more.

My family and I have tried everything to help her. My mom buys water now instead of juice. She doesn't buy as many sweets. We have a lot more fruit and healthy options in the house. My mom started weight watchers with her. My mom lost a ton of weight and now looks great btw....Whenever I workout I always invite her. I try to get her up and moving as much as I can, but her idea of fun is fast food coupon clipping :-(

At 20 yrs old she is 4'11 and weighs well over 150 lbs. It makes me sad because I'm the older/taller sister. I should be the larger one. When we were little she was my cute petite sister. Now she doesn't even look like herself anymore. She's headed down a path that I can't seem to get her off of. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

You sound like a caring person. She will need your support down the road more than she realizes.

Sugar - it's just so bad for some people's make up. I hope she finds the determination to cut it out. The rest will follow.

axialmeow

You cant really do anything. I used to weigh over 300lbs and everyone "tried to help". It didnt matter. Until I was ready to get healthy I did not care what anyone thought. She knows what is going on. She knows it is unhealthy. Just control what you can. Keep healthy stuff in your house. Have her over for a healthy meal. Go for walks together.

kooltray87

You could encourage her to keep a food diary here on MFP, it might shock her into a more healthy lifestyle. I did it with my younger sister last week, she was shocked at how much she ate when she saw it all calculated on the screen. She was drinking mugs of tea with milk and 4 sugars throughout the day so she made one a little change to begin with... She tried my green tea and liked it so switched to that with one sweetener, cutting out around 16 spoons of sugar a day!

Believe it or not my sister is the one who introduced ME to MFP a few years ago lol. She has her own page but hasn't been on in FOREVER....hope she doesn't see this thread :-o lol

Thanks a lot for the post MinnieInMaine

pawoodhull

I was your little sister. Well except my litle sister was you, thin, in shape, healthy. But I was the one eating unhealthy and way too much and not exercising. I didn't exactly resnt my little sister, but I did envy her. Even though she made healthy choices in food and excercise and I didn't, I still envied her. Anyway, my point is, you can't do anything about this except love her as is and accept her as is. I had to get to the point where my weight was interfeering with my life before I decided to do something about it. I was 55 years old when I finally got to that point, because by then I weighed 386 and my mobility was almost gone, my weight was finally holding me back from what I wanted to do. And that's not to say your sister won't get there way before I did and I pray she does, but again, it's her life, her body and if she doesn't do it for herself, it won't work anyway. She won't keep it off unless she does it for her.

So like the others said, keep asking her to do things with you, go for walks, love her, accept her, be a good example, but don't preach or make comparisons. She isn't you, different person, needs, body type, etc. Until she's unhappy and ready to change, nothing you do or say will help.

AmberJo1984

Unfortunatley, she is going to have to decide when enough is enough. I would always sneak food, too.... not as bad as your sister is... but, it was pretty bad. People tried to stop me. But, nothing helped until I was ready to change. That change finally came when I was given the news that I was diabetic. It took a life or death scare to convince me to change. Unfortunately, it might be that way with your sister.