Anyone else feel bad when people comment on their loss?

Umeboshi

I don't mind it unless they're gushing on and on about it. I don't like to have that much attention focused on me. The thing I really hate though is when they tell me I look great. Um...no, I don't look great. Yes, I have lost 43 pounds since Feb, but I still have 47 left to go (my profile picture is an old one meant to motivate me, btw). I'm not even quite halfway there yet, and I'm still in the "obese" range for my height...so no, I really don't look great (how bad did I look before if this is great?). That said, I know that's my issue, and I don't hold it against the people who say it. I believe their intentions are good, and it's not their fault that it makes me uncomfortable.

You do look great.

maryd523

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

Why even try to do anything, then? If everything is "okay"?

Because a person is entitled to make decisions about their own body?

Right. But from what you say, you are making less of a "decision" and more of an "acceptance" of whatever happens.

Umeboshi

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

Why even try to do anything, then? If everything is "okay"?

Because a person is entitled to make decisions about their own body?

Right. But from what you say, you are making less of a "decision" and more of an "acceptance" of whatever happens.

Google is your friend here.

thinjustfabulous

i feel ya.
I hate it when people say I lose weight,...Coz in their mind I'm a fatso..

Yes, I was so fat then and people seem to only remember me fat.

Aviva92

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

I suppose if I could lose it once, I could lose it again, but I got to the point that none of my clothes fit me and I was approaching plus sized. I refused to buy new clothes and was just uncomfortable all day instead. I would be very unhappy if that happened again. I really like that my clothes are fitting loosely now.

lovinmyselfagain

That said, I know that's my issue, and I don't hold it against the people who say it. I believe their intentions are good, and it's not their fault that it makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah, same here. I realize too it's my issue and most, if not all my friends and family, are trying to be complimentary and supportive. But, sometimes it feels like "too much."

Umeboshi

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

I suppose if I could lose it once, I could lose it again, but I got to the point that none of my clothes fit me and I was approaching plus sized. I refused to buy new clothes and was just uncomfortable all day instead. I would be very unhappy if that happened again. I really like that my clothes are fitting loosely now.

Well if it helps, if you feel your clothes starting to get tighter it will probably keep you from gaining any more. I only gained back as much as I did due to other severe health issues. And congrats on being comfy in your clothes again.

Aviva92

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

I suppose if I could lose it once, I could lose it again, but I got to the point that none of my clothes fit me and I was approaching plus sized. I refused to buy new clothes and was just uncomfortable all day instead. I would be very unhappy if that happened again. I really like that my clothes are fitting loosely now.

Well if it helps, if you feel your clothes starting to get tighter it will probably keep you from gaining any more. I only gained back as much as I did due to other severe health issues. And congrats on being comfy in your clothes again.

thanks!

I think the fact that I finally bought a scale will stop it from happening again. I refused to weigh myself before and went years without doing it because i was scared to know. Now I'm obsessive about weighing myself.

maryd523

I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

Why even try to do anything, then? If everything is "okay"?

Because a person is entitled to make decisions about their own body?

Right. But from what you say, you are making less of a "decision" and more of an "acceptance" of whatever happens.

Google is your friend here.

Yes, I'm aware of google and use it extensively. I looked into your "fat acceptance" stuff and am not buying it. Sorry.

Umeboshi

Yes, I'm aware of google and use it extensively. I looked into your "fat acceptance" stuff and am not buying it. Sorry.

Good for you?

Cherbear67

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Umeboshi

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Probably a self-esteem issue. It is VERY hard to accept compliments like that when you deep down don't believe them. I've struggled with that from my lowest to my highest weight. :flowerforyou:

Laddiegirl

Personally I appreciate it. Though in my instance I think it is because hardly anyone has commented. Comparing photos, believe me it shows in my stomach and face. I think I'm surrounded by people who are afraid of offending by saying something though because it implies I was fat/fatter. I know I was fat, I've been fat since I was 12 and I never hid from that knowledge (though I admit there was denial about just how fat I was at times, my heaviest was 221 at 5'3" in 2009). I want every bit of recognition for losing weight, getting healthier and looking better, lol!

Losing weight is something to be proud of I think and you should never feel ashamed that a compliment that you have lost weight is a backhanded comment on your previous weight. Its a compliment about what you've accomplished through hard work and how far you've come.

shorty35565

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Probably a self-esteem issue. It is VERY hard to accept compliments like that when you deep down don't believe them. I've struggled with that from my lowest to my highest weight. :flowerforyou:

I'm the same. I can't take a compliment. I have to come back & say I'm still fat & point out the parts I need to lose from =/

ktsmom430

I don't mind at all. By now, it is pretty obvious to everyone that knew me before I started MFP, that I have lost a lot of weight.
What does bother me though, is people who asked me how much weight I have lost. Does it really matter? It is embarassing to admit how "obese" (to me, a much nastier word than fat) I really was. With the exception of this site (where many people are very understanding), I have not told anyone the real total of how much I have lost since it was 60 pounds.

I am only a few pounds away from the overweight category, and it will be a major goal achieved when I reach that point within a few weeks.

barbzwithtatts

I get what you mean. When i've lost weight in the past I didn't like people to comment. I just felt awkward. I don't really like to talk about weight loss with other people unless they are doing it also or have done it themselves. Weight is a sensitive subject for me.

slkehl

I can see how it would be hard to be reminded of the past Hopefully there will be less comments as people get used to the difference.

ElliInJapan

I haven't had any compliments yet (I haven't lost much yet, but I will and I will look gorgeous) but most probably I'll have mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm working so hard to reduce my weight and improve my health and I'm really tempted to share my excitement about how well things are going with basically everybody (I don't, although my fiance is paying the price, having to listen to me 24/7!) I know I'll be excited when people start to notice, but... at the same time I'll know part of me will be sad. Having people telling you that "you look much better now" acknowledges that they had indeed noticed how bad and fat you used to look. For me, the past 5-6 years were very very tough for a number of reasons. I was severely depressed and had a lot of problems both at work and at home. As a result I gained about 20 kilos. But even worse, I hated myself and felt like a failure. I avoided everyone, even my family and best friends. I managed to overcome that and put it behind me and I don't want to ever think again about that period of my life. But I'm sure when people start to tell how great I look, I'll be partly sad because that means that they did notice what a mess (both psychologically and physically) I used to be.

I think the key here is to forgive yourself. To accept that you messed up and that's just part of life. We all mess up, and allow ourselves to do things we regret. What is important is to let go of the guilt: yes, I messed up and let myself get fat, but I eventually realized that and I'm working on fixing it. This is what is important.

melissarina

What does bother me though, is people who asked me how much weight I have lost. Does it really matter? It is embarassing to admit how "obese" (to me, a much nastier word than fat) I really was. With the exception of this site (where many people are very understanding), I have not told anyone the real total of how much I have lost since it was 60 pounds.

I am only a few pounds away from the overweight category, and it will be a major goal achieved when I reach that point within a few weeks.

I agree - my friends know that I want to lose weight, and I've got a lot of weight to lose. When I lost the first 5kg (11 pounds) and told one of my friends, she said that was all she wanted to lose - when I said I wanted to lose 50kg (110 pounds) in total, I'm met with disbelief and questions of how much do I weigh, and then being told I'm trying to lose too much, even though that's considered healthy for my height (I think I'll end up with a BMI of 22.5 when I get there). I've pretty much learnt not to talk to my friends about it, except for the 2 that are also losing lots of weight.

I've lost weight before, and found the same thing as the OP, that there's a lot of focus on it, when really, I just want to focus on my life. But then I put the weight back on, which sucks

Cr01502

" you use to be fat but now your not"

Isn't this a good thing?

It is and it isn't. I've heard the same thing from alot of people. The truth is alot of people lose weight because they don't want to be looked at as a fat person. And when they've lost the weight they just want to be treated like everyone else. The comments "Wow! Yo'uve lost so much weight!" are seen as complimentary at first but after a while just become reminders of the weight you used to carry.

Especially when comments are made in front of people you're meeting for the first time. As if loosing weight is what defines you as a person.

Cherbear67

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Probably a self-esteem issue. It is VERY hard to accept compliments like that when you deep down don't believe them. I've struggled with that from my lowest to my highest weight. :flowerforyou:

I am thinking you might be right.. Right now I don't feel comfortable in my body even though I have lost all the weight I have so far... :flowerforyou:

Cherbear67

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Probably a self-esteem issue. It is VERY hard to accept compliments like that when you deep down don't believe them. I've struggled with that from my lowest to my highest weight. :flowerforyou:

I'm the same. I can't take a compliment. I have to come back & say I'm still fat & point out the parts I need to lose from =/

hahaha... That's exactly what I do..

Aviva92

I don't feel bad per say.. I just have a hard time when people tell me how good I look.. It could be due to the weight loss.. I am not sure.

Probably a self-esteem issue. It is VERY hard to accept compliments like that when you deep down don't believe them. I've struggled with that from my lowest to my highest weight. :flowerforyou:

I'm the same. I can't take a compliment. I have to come back & say I'm still fat & point out the parts I need to lose from =/

Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be happy with my body due to it's shape. I like being skinnier than I was though.

Aviva92

I don't mind at all. By now, it is pretty obvious to everyone that knew me before I started MFP, that I have lost a lot of weight.
What does bother me though, is people who asked me how much weight I have lost. Does it really matter? It is embarassing to admit how "obese" (to me, a much nastier word than fat) I really was. With the exception of this site (where many people are very understanding), I have not told anyone the real total of how much I have lost since it was 60 pounds.

I am only a few pounds away from the overweight category, and it will be a major goal achieved when I reach that point within a few weeks.

I like it when people ask me how much weight I lost. I guess to each their own.

bella1381

" you use to be fat but now your not"

Isn't this a good thing?

It is and it isn't. I've heard the same thing from alot of people. The truth is alot of people lose weight because they don't want to be looked at as a fat person. And when they've lost the weight they just want to be treated like everyone else. The comments "Wow! Yo'uve lost so much weight!" are seen as complimentary at first but after a while just become reminders of the weight you used to carry.

Especially when comments are made in front of people you're meeting for the first time. As if loosing weight is what defines you as a person.

exactly! Even though I lost weight I am still the same person on the inside! so would love for people to treat me how they have always treated me. It is nice to get a compliment but when the same person compliments over and over then it does not feel so great.

loliblullama

yup. I delete my status that says what I've lost as soon as it's posted.

ToniTime2012

Love this post because I thought I was the only person who did not like a lot of attention when I lose weight. This is even worse...I lost about 40lbs and people at work would not stop commenting about how great I looked. Mind you...I was still overweight. They are trying to be nice but I want to pretend I was never heavy! LOL I have since gained the weight back and feel even worse than I did before because now there is shame. MFP is the only place where I want to share this journey. As I lose the weight again, I will not be the person to post on FB about every pound I've lost. I will not post pictures on Instagram of a plate of healthy food I am about to eat. I am going to go about my business and focus on a healthy lifestyle. I will be gracious if people send compliments, but I will not purposely attract attention. Let's all pretend I was always a size 6!