I have no idea how to lose this weight

new2canada

About 1.5 years ago I lost almost 20 lbs and felt amazing, people would constantly comment on how thin I was and how good I looked. So now I have gained it all back, plus another 10 lbs. I had lost the weight in the past from being on an 800 cal diet, it just become my lifestyle and didn't feel like dieting.

Now I'm living with my boyfriend in a different country which I'm sure is adding to my weight problem. Sometimes I find myself so embarrassed about being hungry when I shouldn't and binge on bread, cake and biscuits when he's upstairs.
I follow a pretty good diet during the day but it's after I get home from work that I completely give up and want to stuff myself.

I have started doing the C25 program (I would usually just walk to work) and I stand on my feet all day at work...I guess I could be doing some extra exercise? I just hate myself right now and the weight keeps coming on

ubermensch13

Follow this list and I can guarantee success:

1. Eat Less--figure out your TDEE and eat 20% under that long term(you will have slip ups, don't beat yourself up, just move on to the next day)
2. Move More(Figure out how much exercise you can/will do and do it. If it means walking 30 min a day, do it! If it means running 30 mins a day, do it! Start doing what you WILL DO and try to add more to it as you go on).
3. Lift Heavy--Eventually you will want to add weight lifting into your routine to sculpt your body and make your work out more effective. Check out beginning lifting programs on this site or just Google "Beginning Weight lifting for women" and find one you can do.

If you have food issues, an eating disorder, or body issues, you should talk to a professional as you begin your journey. This is a lifestyle change that you need to be fully committed to make successful and the psychological baggage you might be bringing to it will not help unless you can deal with that as well.

Good Luck!

foleyshirley

This is good advice (über advice above me). But when it says eat less, it does not mean 800 calories. Find your TDEE and go from there. It will be more sustainable. 800 is too low.

schondell

Fast throughout your day (or just bring a fruit or two to work, etc) and eat all your calories for the day in a specific time frame so you go to bed full

MissJanet55

Fast throughout your day (or just bring a fruit or two to work, etc) and eat all your calories for the day in a specific time frame so you go to bed full

I would be cautious about this approach, especially if you're hungry at night anyway. I find if I eat a good breakfast, usually protein and fruit and a little carb, I am much less likely to start grazing after dinner.

BarbellBlondieRuns

Don't think about losing 30 pounds (or whatever big number). Think about losing one pound. Then focus on one more pound. This has been my mindset and I'm down over 50! Then focus on maintaining... otherwise it will just creep back on again. Make small changes to your current lifestyle and prefereces. That way it won't feel like a drastic change that's too hard to maintain. You can do it!!!

californiagirl2012

About 1.5 years ago I lost almost 20 lbs and felt amazing, people would constantly comment on how thin I was and how good I looked. So now I have gained it all back, plus another 10 lbs. I had lost the weight in the past from being on an 800 cal diet, it just become my lifestyle and didn't feel like dieting.

Now I'm living with my boyfriend in a different country which I'm sure is adding to my weight problem. Sometimes I find myself so embarrassed about being hungry when I shouldn't and binge on bread, cake and biscuits when he's upstairs.
I follow a pretty good diet during the day but it's after I get home from work that I completely give up and want to stuff myself.

I have started doing the C25 program (I would usually just walk to work) and I stand on my feet all day at work...I guess I could be doing some extra exercise? I just hate myself right now and the weight keeps coming on

It is so hard when you are first starting out. Most of us have been there. I clearly remember the feeling, it was only 3 years ago for me and I spent most of my life over weight or obese, even while I worked my butt off running and hitting the gym. It really is all about calories. That is why at the MFP login it says "Eat what you want". You really can have anything you want, just not all at once, LOL, and it does get better when you hit your goal and maintain. In maintenance the same game applies, it's all about a calorie budget still, and all the skills you learn in the weight loss phase come into play. It's a life long commitment to keep it. It's not like you reach the goal and you are done and stay in one spot with weight. But it's all good. One step in front of the other.

We are all human. We have good days and bad days, all of our lives. The tools you find and use to get out of a funk will serve you the rest of your life, and you will always need them. I call it sharpening your sword for battle and you will always need to keep your blade sharp for the rest of your life. We may get to relax at times for a few moments, but life is a bit of work until the end.

There is nothing easy about this journey. Don't give up. Keep your eye on the prize. You do not have to be perfect to do this. You just have to have more good days than not. A bad day is not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day. Just pick it right up again. Be kind to yourself at all times and never beat yourself up.

Being on a calorie deficit is hard. You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. Have a team around you in your real life, not just online. Get trigger foods out of the house. It will take some sacrifice and it's not easy.

There is no mystery to weight loss, everyone thinks something is wrong, their metabolism is broken, they have low thyroid, they have menopause or whatever issue, they are as unique as a snowflake, whatever. I thought a lot of these things once too but once the doctor helped resolve the health issues for me I learned there is still no magic pill. Most people eat more than they need to and are not at good at estimating calories as they think they are. Most people have a lower BMR than they think they do. The only way to know for sure is to go to a lab and have it tested. It doesn't seem fair to have to eat less and feel a little hunger. It's hard to face the truth of it, very hard. It's not fun. It's drudgery at times. But if you learn to enjoy your smaller amounts of food (necessary to lose weight, since the reason we got fat in the first place was eating too much whether we knew it or not), and rejoice in your victories it can be done.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

As far as calories…

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

If you plug in all your info (typically age, gender, height and weight) into one of those calculators what you get is the average metabolic rate of a group of people who share your age, sex, height and weight. What you DON’T get is YOUR EXACT calorie needs. It's a place to start.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.


You want to eat as healthy as you can because it makes you feel better and perform better, and makes you healthier. There are a bunch of tricks and clean eating; reducing sugar (especially HFCS), fiber, white flour vs whole grain, low carb, low fat, on and on. All that matters is calories for weight loss. If you need to eat a certain way for health reasons or to feel better do it, but extensive good food and bad food lists will drive you insane at some point, it’s a constantly moving target. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, mostly balanced, within a calorie budget. We all know what healthy is by now, just do it.

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Everyone needs resistance training to improve their health and bone density and this will especially improve your quality of life when you get older. But you will not gain all that much lean body mass as fast as everyone thinks. Guys of course will gain more. A DXA scan will prove the point. There are lots of stories about changing size but no one REALLY knows unless they do a DXA scan. Here's more about that --> http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-bulking/ this is true whether you IF or not. My DXA scans proved that I really didn't gain that much lean body mass yet I look very muscular for a female. I have very high bone density from over 30 years of lifting yet my lean body mass is still only 104 lbs and my RMR is still only 1380.

I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am. Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, and you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

Cardio is good for you but it is optional. I love cardio, but you can't out exercise too many calories. Of course you burn calories, but not near what all the HRM's say. I learned the hard way, running marathon after marathon (yes even multiple runs during the day), as well as hitting the gym hard, martial arts, staying active all the time, not eating while watching TV, not binging, not mindlessly eating, not pigging out, not having emotional eating issues, yet I gained weight year after year, each decade putting on the pounds. I worked harder and harder, not able to figure out what was wrong. It didn't seem like I ate too much, but for my small size I did and didn't realize it until just a few years ago when I finally started losing weight by eating less.


Everyone is different, but it's very easy to do a lot of cardio and think you can eat more than you really need, especially when you need to lose weight. It is also easy to think that you are burning more fat than you really are. Just do cardio if you enjoy it and because it's good for you.

Too many changes at once can be hard on some people. I've always eaten healthy so it easy for me to simply eat less. Eating at a calorie deficit is hard on people; even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such. Everyone is different. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others, this is not right or wrong, it just is. Stress in your life affects your hunger hormones; lack of sleep, fatigue, job stress, family stress, financial stress, etc. Add in emotional eating issues and it gets even more complicated. Most people can only handle so much change/stress at once, they try to do too much and fail. Sometimes it might be a better strategy to eat at maintenance and make some small changes first, it really depends on how much stress you are taking in at the moment.

What is the exact number of calories for you?

We’ve been trying to figure out an exact NUMBER of calories that everyone should be eating, without recognizing that everyone is slightly different. In truth, the calories aren’t the end game. Your body is. So the EXACT amount of Calories that are right for you is the EXACT amount that will allow you to maintain your ideal bodyweight no matter what some calculator or chart says.

In other words, an online calculator might tell you that you need to eat 2,500 calories
per day to maintain your ideal bodyweight. But the only way to know for sure if this is
the right amount for you is to test it out. If you gain weight or can’t lose weight eating
that much, then you know you need to eat less to lose weight no matter how many
calculators and text books say otherwise.

This doesn’t mean your metabolism is broken, it just means the estimate of your needs
was just a bit off.

-John Barban (The Body Centric Calorie Guide from the Venus Index and Adonis Index Manuals)

The good thing is you don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth if you are fat. Only skinny people have to worry about starvation mode. It does not mean you have the capability to eat at a large calorie deficit if you have emotional eating disorders or other issues going on, but at least you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.

I am short, petite, small; my RMR is low compared to others. With my doctors approval I had to eat less than or right around 1000 calories to lose weight. We are all different. There is no one size fits all. Even people my height and gender are different and some need more calories than I do. My doctor checked my hormone levels throughout my 60 lb weight loss journey (from obese down to 10% body fat) and everything was fine. I got stronger and stronger at the gym, my running and weight lifting strength improved even while eating on a significant calorie deficit. My DXA scan proved I did not lose lean body mass or go into starvation mode.

Also you do not have to eat the same amount of calories every day. You can think of it as a weekly calorie budget. You can eat low some days and high some days. You can be flexible. You can find what is sustainable for you.
While you don’t have to worry about starvation mode when you have significant fat on your body, as you get closer to your goal you do need to increase your calories slightly as you get leaner as here’s why:

The Theory of Fat Availability:
•There is a set amount of fat that can be released from a fat cell.
•The more fat you have, the more fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•The less fat you have, the less fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•Towards the end of a transformation, when body fat is extremely low you
may not have enough fat to handle a large caloric deficit anymore.

At the extreme low end, when your body fat cannot ‘keep up’ with the energy deficit
you've imposed on your body, the energy MUST come from SOMEWHERE. This is
when you are at risk of losing lean body mass during dieting (commonly referred to
as ‘starvation mode’). This happens at extremely low levels of body fat, under 6% in
men and 12% in women [Friedl K.E. J Appl Phsiol, 1994].

-Brad Pilon and John Barban (from The Reverse Taper Diet in The Adonis Index and Venus Index manuals)

For me it's all about a calorie budget. I had less of a budget available when I was losing weight, more to spend now that I'm maintaining and all the tools I used for weight loss come into play for the rest of my life maintaining.

When you have accumulated excess fat, you have accumulated a debt. It is hard to pay off the debt (you have less calories to spend). If you are sitting next to someone your same gender and height and they are not overweight and you are, they get to eat more than you (have more calories to spend) because they are debt free. You have less calories to spend because you are paying off your debt.

Wishing you the best! -Bobbie

Excira

It's really difficult when you lose the weight - just to have it come back with a vengeance. I'm there now as well.

The only dietary rules I have is no caffeine, no processed sugar and no bread. It's difficult at first but this is how I lost over 90+ pounds without really dieting or counting calories. It was the change in food coupled with the change in exercise. Moving... just moving... especially since I sit at a desk for my work.

This is my recommendation to all those that ask how I lost the weight. If it has caffeine, more than 10 grams per serving of sugar (you're only allowed 1 serving), and is/contains bread, it's out.

Good luck, hun! You can do it!

californiagirl2012

Fast throughout your day (or just bring a fruit or two to work, etc) and eat all your calories for the day in a specific time frame so you go to bed full

I would be cautious about this approach, especially if you're hungry at night anyway. I find if I eat a good breakfast, usually protein and fruit and a little carb, I am much less likely to start grazing after dinner.

Everyone is different. You can find what works for you. What works for one may not work for another. Experiment and find what works for YOU. Don't compare yourself to others, just do what works for you. If you are unsure of anything just check with your doctor to see if what you are doing is healthy (that's what I did - then you can ignore a lot of conflicting advice).

Timing of eating:

The times I eat has evolved for me throughout the journey.

Everyone is different and time does not matter at all. Some people need to eat often, but most find that eating too often makes it hard to stay within a calorie budget and it's too easy to eat too much.

It's funny because I got obese and my husband has not fluctuated in weight more than 10 lbs since he was 19 years old. We are both in our early 50's now and have been married a long time. Once I went from obese to 10% body fat and found the secrets that work for me I realized he naturally had them all alone. I fell into the trap of thinking I HAD to have breakfast or I would die of starvation if I went to long between meals. I couldn't even fast when people in my church wanted to. My husband always refused to eat if he was not hungry, no matter when it was. Sometimes he would go all day without eating and eat one meal and I would get mad at him because I thought it was not good for him. He also rarely finishes his plate. It used to hurt my feelings. Now I realize he is naturally good at self regulating his weight and that is why he never got fat like I did. Now when he does not finish his plate I happily scrape it into the garbage can and say "Good for you, your body is not the garbage can!". Now we don't TRY to waste food, we are on a tight budget and we really try to buy, cook, and serve the correct amount so we don't waste food. But the bottom line is YOU decide when you want to eat or when you don't want to eat and your body is not a garbage can and the food that goes in the can does not help the starving people in the world and it won't help anyone if you eat it, that is for sure.

Here is what how the timing evolved for me, not that when you eat matters in the slightest. All that matters is a calorie budget.

First, I failed with weight loss for 15 years. These were the diets I tried and failed and did the diet yo-yo with for 15 years:

Low fat high carb, Slim-Fast, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Organic, Weston Price Diet, The Schwarzbein Principle, Eat Fat Lose Fat, The Ultimate PH Solution, The Makers Diet, A friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions. I ate my meals from small desert plates and bowls. I stopped eating in the evenings (not that when you eat matters.) I started calling what I did mini-meals and mini-fasts and I lost 40 lbs. Then I found Eat Stop Eat and learned why it worked and everything took off for me at that point.

Eat what you want, eat what you like, mostly healthy. Don’t deprive yourself of foods you love unless there is a serious health risk. Depriving yourself of food you love and creating extensive good food and bad food lists at some point borders on a mental disorder. It will drive you insane.

So anyway, I bumbled my way into intermittent fasting first on my own, and then more through research. It was exciting for me because the research had scientific data to prove why what I found what worked for me on my own worked. Also my doctor checked my hormone levels and blood work throughout the process and between the lab results and the DXA scan it proved that I didn't go into starvation mode or lose lean body mass throughout the process of going from obese to 10% body fat. My doctor is super happy with me.

Now that I'm lean and on more of a maintenance calorie budget everything is different for me. I usually skip breakfast and head straight to the gym to workout fasted. This is is something I only started recently. I always said I couldn't do this. It's hard at first (just like fasting), but once you push through it your body adjusts and it is EMPOWERING to overcome your limitations. It's especially fun when you realize that just because you are uncomfortable does not mean you are hurting yourself. You can always have a doctor check things out for you to find out if what you are doing is healthy or not.

So, everyone is different. Experiment. Research. Have fun. Find what works for you. Don't limit yourself. It really is mostly all about MINDSET.

Some links on the timing of eating subject:

http://www.leangains.com/2010/10/top-ten-fasting-myths-debunked.html

http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/ideal-metabolism/

http://johnbarban.com/whats-your-diet-and-exercise-plan-for-the-next-7-weeks/

http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/my-guide-to-bulking/

http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-bulking/

ManEnMotion

Fast throughout your day (or just bring a fruit or two to work, etc) and eat all your calories for the day in a specific time frame so you go to bed full

I have never heard of this before. I would think this would lead to someone binge eating. I've always been told to eat about 5 -7 times a day.... Small meals and snacks