What WAS I thinking?
Skratchie
Posts: 131 Member
I've spent almost my entire adult life overweight. I've gained weight, lost weight, gained more weight, lost a little weight ... most of the time not understanding why I was on this yo-yo cycle of lose and gain, lose and gain. I would tell myself that this would be my last Dr Pepper, my last cupcake, my last ... whatever it was I was eating, but it never was. I knew all the right things to do, and I would do them - for long stretches at a time - but then I'd fall off the wagon and go back to eating and drinking all the things I knew were bad for me. What was I thinking?
Well, it took me a long time to get here, but I finally realized that what I was thinking was - I either have to do this exactly right, or not do it at all. It was a bad way to think - very bad, in fact. I would be doing fine for days, weeks, even months, then have one bad day, or worse, one bad meal, and think, well, there goes that idea. And before I even realized it, I would be off the wagon. I'd wake up three months later, a year later maybe, from the sugar coma, take a look in the mirror and think, What the heck have I done to myself?!? It was bad. It was a very dark time for me. I wasn't really an emotional eater, I'm not exactly one of those people who have trigger foods. I would just lose the plot for a while and then it would take me a really long time to figure out what I was doing. Five months ago, things began to change for me.
My husband called me one day when I was at work. I expected the call - he had an appointment with the doctor that day because he hadn't felt well for months. He'd lost a lot of weight - he's a very large man, morbidly obese, but I love him anyway. In the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong, but I kept reassuring him, and trying to fool myself, by saying maybe all the water he was drinking and the changes we'd made to our diets were starting to pay off for him. But that call - it could have been so much worse, I know. I answered and he said, "The doctor is sending me to the hospital right now. Can you bring me some stuff?" Of course, I wanted to know what was wrong with him - why had the doctor sent him to the hospital? What was going on? I could feel the panic rising when he told me the doctor wanted him to go straight to the hospital, no stopping for anything, no going home to pick anything up - straight to the hospital.
"I have diabetes, and the doctor thinks I might be in crisis," he told me.
"I'm on my way," I said, and I slammed the phone down and took off like the hounds of hell were after me. When I arrived at the hospital, and saw my strong, stoic husband lying there ... when he saw me and tears started to trickle down his cheeks ... I began praying, in a way I've never prayed before. "God, if you get him through this, I will make changes for both of us. I swear, we will lose weight and we will get healthy. Please, just let him come out of this with no permanent damage."
He was in the hospital for four days while they taught him how to inject himself with insulin, and to get him stabilized. The doctor told us he was half a step away from a coma when he walked in to the office that Thursday afternoon, but I don't know if he was just trying to scare us, or if he was serious. All I knew was, we had to make changes. Immediate, sudden changes.
My husband did wonderfully. The diabetic educator spent time with us both, talking us through the things he could and shouldn't eat - she never used the words "don't eat this." Instead it was, "All things in moderation" and "Make small changes at first and make sure you stick with them." She was so encouraging, so helpful, so ... just what we needed.
When he came back home, we did make changes. He didn't get up sodas completely, but he hasn't ever had a full sugar soda since. He made the transition to diet like it was nothing. He cut back on the carbs, and added a lot more veggies. He stopped eating sweets, he cut out fruit (fruit does a real number on his blood sugar, even now), and he never looked back. Before he got sick, he weighed in at a heart-stopping 500 lbs; he lost 75 lbs before he went to the doctor that day, but gained back 25 lbs in fluid in four days in the hospital. He was so dehydrated, the nurse said she didn't know how he was able to walk. The day he left the hospital, he weighed 450. I weighed 271 - we were fat, there was no denying it. Since then, he has lost another 70 lbs - I've never been so proud of him. But I wasn't really losing weight, and while I stayed on him about making sure he was taking his medicines and eating well, I wasn't exactly leading by example. I still drank regular Dr Pepper, and I continued to eat all sorts of foods that were bad for me.
A month ago, he said to me, "Baby, I love you and I don't want to see you go down the same path I went down. You have to gain control. Do just one thing for me - give up the regular sodas. Let them go completely. Switch to diet drinks - I know you drink a lot of water, and you don't drink coffee, so drink the Diet Dr Pepper. Just do this one thing for me." So I did.
I will admit, I hated the taste and more than once, considered going back to regular sodas. But then I would remember the way he looked in that bed in the hospital, or the way he asked me to do just this one thing for him, and I couldn't give up. After a couple of weeks, I began to enjoy the taste more. And now, I can't recall what regular Dr Pepper tastes like. But I've lost 11 lbs, and my wedding ring no longer fits - it's too big.
I'm not one of those people who can jump right in and do things right from the start. I'm not willing to let go of everything to lose the weight - today, I ate a twinkie. But, it was just one twinkie, not half a box. That's a victory for me. And I still have 470 calories left to eat, AFTER I input my planned dinner. My meals aren't tiny, they are realistic. I have snacks. I am learning about portion control right now, and then after I get that one down, like the diet drinks, I will move on to something else - exercise, probably. This is a one-step-at-a-time journey for me. This time, I'm not going to jump right in and try to do it all perfectly. I'm going to master one skill, then move on to the next. What was I thinking in the past, when I thought I had to be perfect, or not pursue weight loss at all?
I started this journey because my husband asked me to do one thing for him. I'm continuing it because I need to do this for me. If you've read this far, and you're willing to support a slow stepper, I'd appreciate your friendship. If you've read this far and you're not willing to support me, I understand. I wish you well on your journey. :-)
Well, it took me a long time to get here, but I finally realized that what I was thinking was - I either have to do this exactly right, or not do it at all. It was a bad way to think - very bad, in fact. I would be doing fine for days, weeks, even months, then have one bad day, or worse, one bad meal, and think, well, there goes that idea. And before I even realized it, I would be off the wagon. I'd wake up three months later, a year later maybe, from the sugar coma, take a look in the mirror and think, What the heck have I done to myself?!? It was bad. It was a very dark time for me. I wasn't really an emotional eater, I'm not exactly one of those people who have trigger foods. I would just lose the plot for a while and then it would take me a really long time to figure out what I was doing. Five months ago, things began to change for me.
My husband called me one day when I was at work. I expected the call - he had an appointment with the doctor that day because he hadn't felt well for months. He'd lost a lot of weight - he's a very large man, morbidly obese, but I love him anyway. In the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong, but I kept reassuring him, and trying to fool myself, by saying maybe all the water he was drinking and the changes we'd made to our diets were starting to pay off for him. But that call - it could have been so much worse, I know. I answered and he said, "The doctor is sending me to the hospital right now. Can you bring me some stuff?" Of course, I wanted to know what was wrong with him - why had the doctor sent him to the hospital? What was going on? I could feel the panic rising when he told me the doctor wanted him to go straight to the hospital, no stopping for anything, no going home to pick anything up - straight to the hospital.
"I have diabetes, and the doctor thinks I might be in crisis," he told me.
"I'm on my way," I said, and I slammed the phone down and took off like the hounds of hell were after me. When I arrived at the hospital, and saw my strong, stoic husband lying there ... when he saw me and tears started to trickle down his cheeks ... I began praying, in a way I've never prayed before. "God, if you get him through this, I will make changes for both of us. I swear, we will lose weight and we will get healthy. Please, just let him come out of this with no permanent damage."
He was in the hospital for four days while they taught him how to inject himself with insulin, and to get him stabilized. The doctor told us he was half a step away from a coma when he walked in to the office that Thursday afternoon, but I don't know if he was just trying to scare us, or if he was serious. All I knew was, we had to make changes. Immediate, sudden changes.
My husband did wonderfully. The diabetic educator spent time with us both, talking us through the things he could and shouldn't eat - she never used the words "don't eat this." Instead it was, "All things in moderation" and "Make small changes at first and make sure you stick with them." She was so encouraging, so helpful, so ... just what we needed.
When he came back home, we did make changes. He didn't get up sodas completely, but he hasn't ever had a full sugar soda since. He made the transition to diet like it was nothing. He cut back on the carbs, and added a lot more veggies. He stopped eating sweets, he cut out fruit (fruit does a real number on his blood sugar, even now), and he never looked back. Before he got sick, he weighed in at a heart-stopping 500 lbs; he lost 75 lbs before he went to the doctor that day, but gained back 25 lbs in fluid in four days in the hospital. He was so dehydrated, the nurse said she didn't know how he was able to walk. The day he left the hospital, he weighed 450. I weighed 271 - we were fat, there was no denying it. Since then, he has lost another 70 lbs - I've never been so proud of him. But I wasn't really losing weight, and while I stayed on him about making sure he was taking his medicines and eating well, I wasn't exactly leading by example. I still drank regular Dr Pepper, and I continued to eat all sorts of foods that were bad for me.
A month ago, he said to me, "Baby, I love you and I don't want to see you go down the same path I went down. You have to gain control. Do just one thing for me - give up the regular sodas. Let them go completely. Switch to diet drinks - I know you drink a lot of water, and you don't drink coffee, so drink the Diet Dr Pepper. Just do this one thing for me." So I did.
I will admit, I hated the taste and more than once, considered going back to regular sodas. But then I would remember the way he looked in that bed in the hospital, or the way he asked me to do just this one thing for him, and I couldn't give up. After a couple of weeks, I began to enjoy the taste more. And now, I can't recall what regular Dr Pepper tastes like. But I've lost 11 lbs, and my wedding ring no longer fits - it's too big.
I'm not one of those people who can jump right in and do things right from the start. I'm not willing to let go of everything to lose the weight - today, I ate a twinkie. But, it was just one twinkie, not half a box. That's a victory for me. And I still have 470 calories left to eat, AFTER I input my planned dinner. My meals aren't tiny, they are realistic. I have snacks. I am learning about portion control right now, and then after I get that one down, like the diet drinks, I will move on to something else - exercise, probably. This is a one-step-at-a-time journey for me. This time, I'm not going to jump right in and try to do it all perfectly. I'm going to master one skill, then move on to the next. What was I thinking in the past, when I thought I had to be perfect, or not pursue weight loss at all?
I started this journey because my husband asked me to do one thing for him. I'm continuing it because I need to do this for me. If you've read this far, and you're willing to support a slow stepper, I'd appreciate your friendship. If you've read this far and you're not willing to support me, I understand. I wish you well on your journey. :-)
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Replies
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Welcome and please feel free to add me if you like! Good luck in your new journey!0
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You took the hardest step .. the first one. Here you are and YOU CAN do this! Welcome!0
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Great attitude (and very well written might I add!)
Feel free too add me for some support if you need it.0 -
Every little bit helps, but can I just say "You ate a Twinkie??? You could have gotten like $1000 on ebay for that sucker"
Feel free to add me.0 -
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
I am also learning portion control and would love to have you on my friends list!
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I love that you are taking one step at a time and that you are now doing this for you! Your husband and you both need to do this for yourselves as well as so that you can have a long and happy life together! Feel free to send me a friend request; I'd be happy to support you on this journey!0
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Great job, both your husband and you. Very well written also. I'm kinda in baby-step mode myself...sending friend request now..0
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Hello,
I want to wish you & your husband the best in your journey to improved health! I have just found this site.
I have been losing and regaining weight for over 40 years, but now that I'm a new grandmother I have a goal to reach and maintain a healthy weight so that I will be around to see my grandchildren grow up and be able to have fun with them.
Progress not perfection! You have the right idea; the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!
Best wishes!0 -
Every little bit helps, but can I just say "You ate a Twinkie??? You could have gotten like $1000 on ebay for that sucker"
Feel free to add me.
Well ... you know, I can't eat them once they're all gone! ;-)
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome!0 -
What an amazing story. Good for you and your hubby. Add me if you wish 0
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Welcome!! I've been here for a month and there has been so much support and information! Feel free to add me as I'm always looking for new friends to keep me motivated and accountable! Good luck! 0
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Hi there, I was reading your story and find myself in the same position. Up, down, and now I am trying, again. I just started but have such a hard time consuming my 1200 calories. What to do? 8 glasses of water is a huge problem, never am thirsty and have to force myself.
Good luck to you and your husband!:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm glad your husband is doing so well. Sending a FR now. 0
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Hi there,
I thnk your husband is very lucky for more than one reason and I'm glad you're doing so well changing your thinking.
In the past I was also all or nothing, boom or bust. Usually worked out I'd lose 7lbs then gain 20 back. When I first went on a diet in 2001 I was just under 12 stone. Nowadays I'm just under 19 and aiming to be the weight I was 11 years ago ... I'm also taking it slowly, one change at a time. I eat plenty, I don't let myself get really hungry, but I'm under my calories most days so I must be doing something right. I'm at the start of my journey with a long way to go yet but I'm positive and being a bit more realistic about things this time.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey! x0 -
That is making me really think. I have blood sugar problems and I am so glad I added you. That sounds like it was heart breaking. I am here for you. Thank you for sharing your story.0
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you're right, its tough but this is a great place for encouragement. add me if you like! (and anyone else too)0
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Yeah just take it one step at a time, once you have got used to one change, make another. At least then you won't feel deprived. Good luck, you can do it 0
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Thank you for posting that for us all. I can't even imagine what my husband was thinking or going through when he got the call that I was being transferred to a major hospital in a different town because I'd had a heart attack at 44. I had my dad take me to the hospital because I couldn't stop vomiting...it was a heart attack in progress. My dad drove to my house to pick up my husband and took him to the hospital that I'd been transferred to and by the time they got there my angio was done and he was told that I had to have open heart surgery to bypass 5 clogged arteries. I understand about having to make changes in my life. I can be there for you and support you as you are progressing through your journey. Please feel free to add me.0
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What a great writer you are. Thanks for the story, you had me. Please add me I would like to share your journey.0
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I too am an overweight diabetic trying to lose weight. Congratulations to the two of you for starting this journey to a healthie lifestyle. Feel free to add me and I will support you too.0
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The first step is always the hardest. I think there has to be something that touches you deep down to truly motivate you to keep going with an exercise/food change. You sound like you have a wonderful husband, you'll get to where you want to be! I was an all or nothing mentality too. I have gained and lost the same 40 pounds IDK how many times. I never really tackled my food before, I always just worked out - a lot. Now I am tackling food and getting that sorted and moderate exercise. I wish you luck on your journey! Feel free to add me, I am always looking for more people to partner up with to make this happen! 0
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Hey girlie! I'm proud of you. I read this whole post and thought, "Good for her!" And then I went and checked your profile and realized who it was. So, I'm replying to let you know that I'm with you. Now I'm going back into hiding while I figure this place out. 0
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Hey girlie! I'm proud of you. I read this whole post and thought, "Good for her!" And then I went and checked your profile and realized who it was. So, I'm replying to let you know that I'm with you. Now I'm going back into hiding while I figure this place out.
Love you, duckie!0 -
I have been taking baby steps too. It hasn't been easy but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. I have lost 17 pounds so far in the 4 months I have been here. I love this website and all the people who support and encourage me even when I have a bad day. Send me a friend request and we will take baby steps together. I love logging on and seeing friend requests.0
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That is such an inspirational story! You have great motivation, and it's great that you have your husband's support. Good luck to you! I know that I struggle with the same problems of being on and off the band wagon.
Good Luck!0 -
Like all great journeys, you have started by putting one foot in front of the other. Welcome to MFP and I'd be happy to offer my support to both of you!0
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You can do it! I'm gonna friend you now! 0
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Keep it up!! One day at a time...baby steps! I sent you a friend request.0
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That was amazing to read. Very motivating. I myself am in the sam boat an looking forward to starting these journey. Good luck to you friend me if you like.0
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Hey girl,
I am all about supporting you, how could anyone not want to!!! You are a fighter and so is that wonderful husband of yours.:) I feel like we have a lot in common and I am learning that small changes can bring much bigger results because we are more likely to be successful:) I am just starting again for the millionth time to diet, however I do feel different because I am seeking support and I am trying to take one day at a time:) Please write and so will I we can support each other for sure!!!:) Hang in there honey you can do it::):smile:0
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