Amuse me

SoldierDad

I am bored... :-) Amuse me with a funny picture, joke, something.

weaklink109

Not exactly a joke, but Los Angeles, CA has had MORE RAIN since the first of the year, than Portland, Oregon. :noway: :noway:

If you want to see funny pics, check out the ones in my profile. The Lhasa Apso with "Mr. Banana" in her mouth and the black Shih tzu with a face full of snow.:bigsmile:

SoldierDad

Lol funny pic! That dog looks like a rascal.

DrBorkBork

A friend sent this to me this morning. I thought it was great!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with
you This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular
workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at
the
local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead
and
give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for
me.
He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching
the
skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to
be
a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he
put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made
the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia
in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or
stop. I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club
members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning
and
when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair
monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity
rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
*kitten* was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his
thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half
an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran
and
hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any
other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic,
little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don't have any triceps! And
if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir
director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly
voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me
want
to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to
even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather
Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would
have
sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

SoldierDad

A friend sent this to me this morning. I thought it was great!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with
you This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular
workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at
the
local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead
and
give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for
me.
He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching
the
skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to
be
a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he
put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made
the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia
in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or
stop. I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club
members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning
and
when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair
monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity
rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
*kitten* was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his
thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half
an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran
and
hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any
other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic,
little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don't have any triceps! And
if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir
director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly
voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me
want
to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to
even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather
Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would
have
sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

LMAO! I love it!

weaklink109

They are BOTH rascals. The Lhasa didn't get the name"Diva Girl" by being easy to get along with!:laugh: Her philosophy is simple "My way or the highway":noway: The black Shih tzu thinks he is Houdini--a born escape artist til I found the "secret" escape route in my chain link fence and fixed it.

The grey Shih tzu in my ticker is my late, and first canine baby. I died in August of 2008 and the same friends I got him from GAVE me the black one for Christmas in 2008.

I have a third dog, as of last October. I refer to him as my "Yorkshire Terror." His momma died, and she left THREE Yorkies. The other two live with her daughter-in-law, who had their litter mate. The one I have was the youngest of the three--13 years young!!:laugh: :noway: and a total character. Thanks to his propensity for getting into food that is not intended for him or the other dogs, I now refer to them, collectively, as "the three little pigs.":laugh: :laugh:

BTW, just saw a funny story on a local program that review local and national events of the day, and because of your photo, I am going to assume you have a military background and would appreciate it:

A British army member, in charge of cooking for a large contingent of British soldiers in a remote Afghanistan location, faced a problem when a supply helicopter went down with needed provisions. For SIX WEEKS, the only meat he had to serve all the troops was SPAM!!!:noway: :laugh: Apparently, he got quite creative. As I recall, they mentioned "sweet and sour spam, " spam curry," "spam stroganoff," even "spam carbonara." The commentator on the program I was watch commented after six weeks, she wasn't sure whether it was "revolting" or might have sparked a revolt amongst the solders. :laugh:

Here is a link to one newpaper story about it:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/feb/04/spam-troops-afghanistan-army-chef

SoldierDad

I would eat spam every meal of the day before I ate a veggie omlet MRE. Blah! lol

genann

Yesterdays SuperBowl half time entertainment sure did seem like a joke to me....a bad joke....

weaklink109

Just read the gym story, which posted while I was writing my prior message.

ROFLMAO:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I am going to give this story the wider (no pun intended) audience it deserves and post it to the 50 + women's thread, giving you full credit of course!!!:flowerforyou:

weaklink109

We were talking about prior half time shows during the party we had yesterday at a friend's house. Our host complained that he never got to see the famous Janice Jackson show stopper. Wanting to be an agreeable guest, I offered to have a "wardrobe malfunction":noway: to make up for what he missed, but told him I didn't think their was enough beer in the house to make it likely to happen!!:drinker: :drinker: There was only about 30 bottles to last 3 of us thru the game!!!:drinker: :happy: :happy:

SoldierDad

Yesterdays SuperBowl half time entertainment sure did seem like a joke to me....a bad joke....

It was a crappy crappy show!

SoldierDad

We were talking about prior half time shows during the party we had yesterday at a friend's house. Our host complained that he never got to see the famous Janice Jackson show stopper. Wanting to be an agreeable guest, I offered to have a "wardrobe malfunction":noway: to make up for what he missed, but told him I didn't think their was enough beer in the house to make it likely to happen!!:drinker: :drinker: There was only about 30 bottles to last 3 of us thru the game!!!:drinker: :happy: :happy:

I started stripping for money but havent made much yet. LMAO!

weaklink109

We were talking about prior half time shows during the party we had yesterday at a friend's house. Our host complained that he never got to see the famous Janice Jackson show stopper. Wanting to be an agreeable guest, I offered to have a "wardrobe malfunction":noway: to make up for what he missed, but told him I didn't think their was enough beer in the house to make it likely to happen!!:drinker: :drinker: There was only about 30 bottles to last 3 of us thru the game!!!:drinker: :happy: :happy:

I started stripping for money but havent made much yet. LMAO!

I seem to make more when I ask them to pay me to keep my clothes ON!!!!:laugh: :laugh:

SoldierDad

We were talking about prior half time shows during the party we had yesterday at a friend's house. Our host complained that he never got to see the famous Janice Jackson show stopper. Wanting to be an agreeable guest, I offered to have a "wardrobe malfunction":noway: to make up for what he missed, but told him I didn't think their was enough beer in the house to make it likely to happen!!:drinker: :drinker: There was only about 30 bottles to last 3 of us thru the game!!!:drinker: :happy: :happy:

I started stripping for money but havent made much yet. LMAO!

I seem to make more when I ask them to pay me to keep my clothes ON!!!!:laugh: :laugh:

Whatever :-p lol man i should make more money stripping. I have some sweet moves. Im like a skinnier version of Chris Farley!