Name calling from significant others

TheGoodEmu

Just here to talk to chime in with the same info as everyone else really - name-calling is abusive the FIRST time! It may not mean the person doesn't love you... but love needs to be accompanied by loving words and actions, or else, what good is it? These loving words can be honest, maybe harsh in some ways (such as suggesting that diet/lifestyle/whatever changes might be necessary) but should be done in as popsitive a way as possible. "fat *kitten*" does not apply. EVER!

Keep up your good body work, and maybe consider making some OTHER changes as well!

plaingirly

Name calling hurts! I tend to be an over-thinker so spend way too long thinking about what was said over and over.

When you're 14 and don't know better.

Why is this so difficult? Someone calls you names, so what? Ignore them or tell them where to go. As for overthinking what someone else says about you, life is too short to worry about such things' get something in your life that means something instead of dedicating time to something you can't and never will change.

What a waste of effort and emotion.

If it is just a random comment from a random person I just ignore it but when the comment ties in with what I already think of myself I think about it more. It is like the comment validates my own low opinion of myself.

jenilla1

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain?

In my opinion, this is the kind of pain you can really only overcome by eliminating the offender from your life. I can't imagine being with someone who had such little regard for me. Any person who treats their partner this way has serious issues. It's not a little thing you can just ignore - it's a major character flaw, and I'm not sure it's something YOU can fix. You deserve so much better!

LexyDB

From what you've written, it isn't what you think about yourself, it's what you've beleived from being told by someone.

No one person, besides yourself is worth the time and effort. Stop thinking about it if that exacerbates the problem.

Do you still put your hand on a hot surface, knowing it will burn you? So why intentionally scar yourself emotionally when you know it hurt just as much?

_Elemenopee_

How do you overcome the pain?

After years of a verbal/mentally abusive marriage I left and never looked back. When I met him I was around 125lbs (same as I am now) I was too fat in his eyes and by the time I left I was 112lbs , mentally scarred and borderline anorexic.

Please don't allow anyone to treat you this way. You set the standard for how you are treated. I chose to leave. You have to choose what's best for you. You're addressing your weight now address you SO.

Best of luck!

axialmeow

Most of the time people who do this are just generally unhappy. And if you were to lose all the weight they would just find something else to ridicule you for. In your case, it's not YOUR weight. It's HIM.

lozadee

I'd echo all the advise from this feed and suggest his negativity and ignorance towards you is simply because your already too good for him and he worries that once you have the new found confidence with yourself once you reach your target will attract more people and hes worried about the competition.

His controling insults will take a hell of a big weight off your shoulders which the gym just cant reach.

If he's making you feel bad enough to ask for help it sounds to me like you need the final confidence in yourself that you need someone who sees your complete beauty (god knows thats one hell of a stunning profile pic no matter what size you are/arnt!)

It really is unacceptable that hes willing to make you feel worse about your insecurities than you do.

Good luck hun x

ChadB74

A real man would never put his woman down. He's the insecure one and probably thinks as you continue to lose weight, he's going to lose you. Reassure him that your trimming down for health reasons and no other. If he can't support you, than he's not the right person to be in your life. Keep up the good work! Hope it all works out.....

thebigcb

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

What age are you ?

kittyraj

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

I was constantly belittled.
I divorced him.
You deserve better.
There is no excuse for bullying even more so if you have children with him as you are teaching your children that belittling and bullying is acceptable and they will accept it from their partners. So unless you enjoy watching your daughters and sisters getting bullied and belittled. I suggest you do something about it.

Emotional abuse is still domestic abuse. In the UK, it is now a criminal offense.
Make it clear to him that you don't like it and if he continues, it means he is knowingly hurting you.
To knowingly do so means he DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

Don't be fooled into thinking 'oh I'm only saying it for your own good' etc. That's what bullies do. It's always your fault and not theirs.

Further, had I not left my ex (poor *kitten* is still lonely with no one wanting him!) I would not be with my partner who treats me like a Queen. From joint gym memberships to shopping together, he is supporting and motivating (not a bully).

I wish you from the bottom of my heart all the best and pray that you will see the light and may you have the strength and courage to face up to your partner / husband.

kittyraj

It sounds like your partner is emotionally abusive.

It's domestic abuse and controlling.

taunto

Just break up. Clearly its not OK to have fights in a relationship and God forbid you say something you don't mean in the heat of the moment (because nobody ever does that...right?)

thebigcb

I always try to be sensitive and suttle when trying to, not critise my SO, but help her achieve her goals

Like if we are out for dinner, I'll say to the waiter

" Here, no chips for the salad dodger beside me" and things like that.

Bronx_Montgomery

How do you overcome the pain? By giving that Son of a B**ch a hard nut shot. There is no excuse for a significant other to be ridiculing someone they care about. I say dumb the loser and move on. You do not deserve the little respect that *kitten* has for you

Doodlewhopper

I'm reading each post and taking something from it. I don't have anyone I can go to that won't judge me for this so I figured I could get some helpful advice from some people/strangers who may or may not have struggled with their weight. I also apologize if this sort of thread has been posted numerous times before! Still relatively new to MFP :glasses: Also, thank you for the posters who have opened up and told their story in order to help someone else.

Chris, first let me say that the gal in your profile pic is drop dead gorgeous, and the sensitivity your post projects tells me you have a generous & tender heart. Many men would be proud to be seen with you. You gotta be a keeper & I feel an obligation to try and share what little I can with you.

I intended to send this to you in a private message, but then saw that there was other verbally abused and hope they will gain a little something from me. It really hurt reading about how cruel your partners had crushed you; in-light of knowing that I have also pierced a sensitive heart of someone I cant live without.

I was raised in a household with several siblings & my mother was a total B. She was abusive; physically, mentally, and verbally. As a result, we kids all became desensitized & combative. Name calling was just a daily part of our existence.

Generally my ego is indifferent to being insulted; I dont take it to heart. It is an act I basically view more as an act of maliciousness which I generally ignore unless I want to tangle.

My lover and I have been married for decades. I worship the ground she walks & she me. I was totally stunned that she felt hurt and offended when I would, often in playful (to me) jest, call her a name. ie. dumb^$$, dummy, goober, etc. I wasnt being malicious or trying to hurt her & thought she was just too sensitive ( you know, a sissy girl lol).

When seriously arguing I have gone way further & was cruel. I just didnt realize; I didnt have a compass. Today when we argue I still call her names, but they are words such as angel, sugar, darling....Im still a work in progress, and thankfully she is a generous and graceful person. As the Jack Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets", she "Makes me want to be a better man"

Im not defending my actions. I am not trying to justify anything, I can still do better; and my verbal insensitivity is still a second nature. For whatever reason, I still do not have the empathy of some - it just isnt there. I am generous, loving and considerate in most ways and actions; except in my choice of language.

I am sharing this with the intent that I can ease some of you victims pain. It's not you. Some abusers are just mean and malicious and relish hurting others. Some are insensitive to other's feelings. Some are just ignorant -whatever it is- your children are watching & it goes both ways - if you whip a dog enough he learns to growl.

And to you who feel the need to condescend, volunteer unsolicited advice about my faults, opinions about me....think of a very nasty insult and imagine I am saying that to you. :bigsmile:

Doodlewhopper

I always try to be sensitive and suttle when trying to, not critise my SO, but help her achieve her goals

Like if we are out for dinner, I'll say to the waiter

" Here, no chips for the salad dodger beside me" and things like that.

Love it.

rml_16

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

I haven't had that happen. However, I for a very short time dated a very horrible man who liked to accuse me of cheating and call me a *kitten*. And I dated another who would constantly tell me how much smaller all his exes were than I was (I was pretty tiny, but I'm an hourglass and he liked smaller breasts and less in the hips).

My response to both was, "If I'm so awful, why are you with me at all?"

I think you need to think about leaving this relationship. It's abusive. And don't believe anything he says about you. He was attracted to you enough to pick you. He's just trying to chisel your self-esteem so he can have control. It's classic.

MegRuthie

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others.

Well if they are calling you those things...they really aren't that "significant".

Indygirl_81

I completely agree with Bronx and KMS....

On another note, if you don't wish to be treated like that (even in the heat of the moment) you have options.

felice03

Just Break Up.