Name calling from significant others

anaju61

My x husband left me when I was 35 because I was fat it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Today i am 51 and in the best shape of my life. It took me a long time to learn how to love my self but I did. don't let anyone bring you down he is the one with the insecurities.

auroranflash

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

I haven't had that happen. However, I for a very short time dated a very horrible man who liked to accuse me of cheating and call me a *kitten*. And I dated another who would constantly tell me how much smaller all his exes were than I was (I was pretty tiny, but I'm an hourglass and he liked smaller breasts and less in the hips).

My response to both was, "If I'm so awful, why are you with me at all?"

I think you need to think about leaving this relationship. It's abusive. And don't believe anything he says about you. He was attracted to you enough to pick you. He's just trying to chisel your self-esteem so he can have control. It's classic.

^^^^^^^ this.

Don't waste your life, emotions, time, or energy on someone who does not care about you. A good partner helps build you up and supports your goals to better yourself. A bad partner is a weight that holds onto your ankles and keeps you bound to the floor when you're trying to fly.

JanaCanada

The problem is with your SO, not you. Is what he says helpful? Kind? Loving? No. He's letting off steam and pushing your buttons becuase he knows what hurts you. This is cruel and abusive. Your SO is disrespecting you. Once respect is gone, the relationship has no more foundation on which to build, because trust is missing.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do, Were it me, his bags would be packed and waiting for him on the porch.

hypocritelecter

My on-again-off-again s/o latched on to my insecurities and made sure to go for the jugular and say those things to me when we were arguing, as well as when she was pissed off, under the weather, wanted to manipulate, etc. I don't deal with it anymore. I have that sort of thing on repeat in my head all day every day, I don't need it from someone else. If you haven't expressed how you feel when they say those things, do so! Life is too short to have to deal with the sting of being hurt by someone you love. Perhaps that love is misplaced, if they knowingly hurt you. It's difficult to think about that sort of thing, but it's more difficult to put up with it.

now_or_never12

If they are a significant other they should not be calling you names like that.

I have joking called my husband a dumbass but that is a joke and he knows it and I don't say it in a way that he would take it a different way.

If, even in the heat of the moment, he ever called me lazy, fat, etc he wouldn't be my husband for long. Saying something in the heat of the moment is no excuse. There is a thing called self control. What someone says in the heat of the moment or while drunk is normally what they normally think but don't have the guts to say to your face any other time.

If someone is abusing you like that I would cut them out of your life. It isn't worth it. Why keep someone in your life who calls you names? Why give someone time out of your life who clearly doesn't respect you?

Emotional abuse most often turns into other abuse and you don't want to be with an abusive and controlling person who will do you far too much harm than good.

rml_16

Just break up. Clearly its not OK to have fights in a relationship and God forbid you say something you don't mean in the heat of the moment (because nobody ever does that...right?)

I'm sorry, but there are things you don't say to someone you love no matter how angry you are or how heated the moment is. I can honestly say I have NEVER said something I didn't mean in that situation. And I've said some pretty awful things. I just admit that they lurk in my mind and are real.

And I only ever said them after my SO said much worse to me many, many times in the past. I still held back to spare his feelings until I just got fed up.

lrob100

I have been called every thing in the book related to being a fatass. I just use it as motivation to fuel the fire to keep losing more and more.

cebreisch

There is no excuse for someone close to you to call you names, especially in the heat of the moment. It's called they cannot control themselves. At my highest, I was 376, and my husband never called me such names as fat @ss. He's always been positive towards my weight loss that I could do it if/when I really wanted to.

If it's a SO, then there's definitely something you can do about it....put a LOT of distance between you and him. To be honest, this is a time when you need positive, encouraging words instead of snide, hurtful, hateful name calling and other such remarks.

You need to take careful inventory over who you allow to get close to you on this journey. Negative, stinking thinking people need to be as far away from you as possible. Selfish? Yes. Necessary? DEFINITELY. You are worth putting yourself first and getting yourself in shape - it is not in your best interest to hang around what my husband and I call "negative stinky poops".

If he can't get on board without resorting to name calling and other such destructive methods, you guys need to part ways.

Ge0rgiana

Name calling is abuse. Your SO is abusive.

I will add that this is NOT love.

I will also ask would you treat someone you love that way?

Unodragone

I am going to go out on a limb here and say its someone/s, maybe family, that you obviously can't just toss out of your life since you seem pretty smart and would have done that already. I am also assuming you have already made this known that it hurts you and if you haven't they have to be blind not to see it. So unfortunately the burden is on you to build yourself up a wall so these idiots wrapped in morons words hit the wall and not you and that means building your self confidence and loving your self. Sounds cheesy and simple but its not, look at all you have lost, look at how you are on here bettering yourself...."lazy gross" people don't do that, they wallow in self pity and dig themselves a deeper grave. You, YOU my friend are proving this very second by being on here and bettering yourself that you are above that, you ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND DESERVE RESPECT/LOVE. My advice, whenever their words hit you hard and you just have that moment of soul deep agony, come on here, find a way to get on here and read all these responses, print some out if you need to to keep with you. These are people who DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, yet see the awesomeness that is you :happy: combat that idioticy with our positive REAL feed back when their cold words seep in. It will help, we are here willing and ready to back you up also remember my FAVORITE quote from my favorite movie here...


“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” ~ Rocky

SofaKingRad_

It sounds like your partner is emotionally abusive.

^^This.

laughingdani

I wouldn't have gotten with a douche like that in the first place. Ugh.

lewcompton

The ex-wife... Constantly negative and belittling... Now remarried and happy. Doing this for myself and my wife and kids are secondary reasons for my weight-loss... The ex-wife... Divorce papers insured that I would never have that 200 pounds again.

kittyraj

The ex-wife... Constantly negative and belittling... Now remarried and happy. Doing this for myself and my wife and kids are secondary reasons for my weight-loss... The ex-wife... Divorce papers insured that I would never have that 200 pounds again.

Hear! Hear!!