how can I improve my self image?! I feel ugly....

lovelyMYlovely

I just feel soooo ugly for soem reason and I really dont know why! I look around all the time and I see other girls look soooo happy... and in my mind I am thinking in my head of all the things I need to change about myself. I feel like I am chasing perfection but dont have the money to achieve wht I want.. I know if I work out I will actually look great and maybe feel happier but I have 2 kidney stones inside my kidneys and I am so scared to have them pass and get them removed by surgery...

I also hate to diet because eating makes me feel happier... but when I was actually being faithful to this site and logging all my food I did feel better but I gave in and stopped caring.. I was also drinking plenty of water also.. which now I barely drink 2 glasses a day!!

My question is... how can I boost my self image?.... what are some tricks to stay motavated in this site?... help... I feel sooo ugly.. and fat.....

isitsororo

People aren't as happy as you think they are. Trust me, there are plenty of women who flounce around saying "everyone is beautiful" and "I don't care how pretty I am" to anyone in earshot who look in the mirror alone at night and hate what they see. Everyone dislikes things about themselves. You're not going to convince yourself that you don't have flaws, but you can work on the negative emotions.

lovelyMYlovely

People aren't as happy as you think they are. Trust me, there are plenty of women who flounce around saying "everyone is beautiful" and "I don't care how pretty I am" to anyone in earshot who look in the mirror alone at night and hate what they see. Everyone dislikes things about themselves. You're not going to convince yourself that you don't have flaws, but you can work on the negative emotions.

thanks .. I guess ur right.. maybe I am not as crazy as I think.... thank u!! ur right mayb people are jealous of me just like I may be jealous of them... who knows...

xeanx

You're very beautiful.

ParkerH47

It's okay to not like things about yourself, everyone feels that way some times. The key is to find things that you DO like about yourself and shift your focus to those things. I'm sure that you have many wonderful qualities, but you spend so much time and energy focusing on the things you hate that you dont even notice the good ones.

For me, I tend to follow this trend of thinking...

Change the things that are within your control, and accept the things that you cant change!
Because if you want to change something, and you CAN change it...(such as your weight) then you should do that. But if you want to change something and you physically CANNOT, then why bother worrying about it, its a part of you forever, you may as well learn to like it.

As for motivation for losing weight, that is something you have to find on your own. Good things DO NOT come to those who wait. Good things come to those who work their *kitten* off and never give up!

Good luck with everything:) and try not to be so hard on yourself, because being mean to the reflection in the mirror isn't doing yourself any favors. Positivity can make all the difference in the world!

lovelyMYlovely

It's okay to not like things about yourself, everyone feels that way some times. The key is to find things that you DO like about yourself and shift your focus to those things. I'm sure that you have many wonderful qualities, but you spend so much time and energy focusing on the things you hate that you dont even notice the good ones.

For me, I tend to follow this trend of thinking...

Change the things that are within your control, and accept the things that you cant change!
Because if you want to change something, and you CAN change it...(such as your weight) then you should do that. But if you want to change something and you physically CANNOT, then why bother worrying about it, its a part of you forever, you may as well learn to like it.

As for motivation for losing weight, that is something you have to find on your own. Good things DO NOT come to those who wait. Good things come to those who work their *kitten* off and never give up!

Good luck with everything:) and try not to be so hard on yourself, because being mean to the reflection in the mirror isn't doing yourself any favors. Positivity can make all the difference in the world!

wow that was very thoughtful thank u!!! yes ur right.. I need to be grateful for what I have...

ParkerH47

ps. I saw your pictures, you are quite pretty! and if you told me you were at your goal weight I would have believed it.

Its ridiculous how hard you are on yourself. I carry my weight around my midsection as well, and you wouldn't tell me you hate my love handles would you? No, of course not. So why would you be kinder to a stranger than you are to yourself. It's non-sense!

sam308lbs

she is right..you are way too hard on yourself..I creeped on your pics and i swear my first thought were you look just like emilia clarke from game of thrones..learn to love yourself because i bet many out there would kill to look like you:flowerforyou:

healthyformeanMona

gotta come from the inside out. looks are fleeting, inner beauty makes you glow--part of inner beauty is humility, part is confidence, part is enjoying your own company and your own uniqueness, part is appreciating the curious and precious child inside you. Our Creator created us AMAZINGLY. Get to know how your body works, how your brain works, how your eyes, ears, lungs, fingers, joints, digestive system, operate, etc... learning about your amazing body helps you appreciate its amazingness, and it is AMAZING!!! We are really works of art, each and everyone of us, no matter what the outside looks like. Saying that, though, the better you feel on the inside, it will manifest itself on the outside. We take better care of the outside when we feel good about the inside. We want to eat better because it will fuel our bodies to function better, etc. We are more willing to take time for rest, fun, relaxation, because we are taking care of our vehicles (bodies). Thomas Edison said the main function of our bodies is to carry around our brains.

lovelyMYlovely

she is right..you are way too hard on yourself..I creeped on your pics and i swear my first thought were you look just like emilia clarke from game of thrones..learn to love yourself because i bet many out there would kill to look like you:flowerforyou:

I just looked her up and I kinda look like her I guess.. maybe her cheeks... lol.. and face shape.. I like her as a brunette better. I have never seen her before... but thank u!! aww.

lovelyMYlovely

gotta come from the inside out. looks are fleeting, inner beauty makes you glow--part of inner beauty is humility, part is confidence, part is enjoying your own company and your own uniqueness, part is appreciating the curious and precious child inside you. Our Creator created us AMAZINGLY. Get to know how your body works, how your brain works, how your eyes, ears, lungs, fingers, joints, digestive system, operate, etc... learning about your amazing body helps you appreciate its amazingness, and it is AMAZING!!! We are really works of art, each and everyone of us, no matter what the outside looks like. Saying that, though, the better you feel on the inside, it will manifest itself on the outside. We take better care of the outside when we feel good about the inside. We want to eat better because it will fuel our bodies to function better, etc. We are more willing to take time for rest, fun, relaxation, because we are taking care of our vehicles (bodies). Thomas Edison said the main function of our bodies is to carry around our brains.

thank u guys!!! yes the human body is sooo beautiful.. i sometimes wonder how it all works

plaingirly

I have image issues too and a lack of confidence. Some days I hate what I see in the mirror!

I finally realised that I might not be able to change my face but I can change my body. I feel better about myself after exercise - I feel like I am making positive changes! Zumba is helping too - not just as a fitness thing but also it is fun (I never thought exercise could be fun!) and I feel more confident after just 4 classes. I have always been super shy and restrained but at Zumba you just have a giggle. I am realising that I can do the silly moves or turn the wrong way and be completely out of step but it really doesn't matter! People aren't looking and judging, they are just concentrating on their own feet and having fun!

I am also trying to change my thought processes. I have a really negative inner voice that tells me I am plain and boring and fat. Trying to stop those thoughts and replace them with positive ones!

I think that everyone has inner beauty it is just that some build up such a thick shell around themselves that it can't be seen. Chip away at that shell and your inner beauty will shine out!

lovelyMYlovely

I have image issues too and a lack of confidence. Some days I hate what I see in the mirror!

I finally realised that I might not be able to change my face but I can change my body. I feel better about myself after exercise - I feel like I am making positive changes! Zumba is helping too - not just as a fitness thing but also it is fun (I never thought exercise could be fun!) and I feel more confident after just 4 classes. I have always been super shy and restrained but at Zumba you just have a giggle. I am realising that I can do the silly moves or turn the wrong way and be completely out of step but it really doesn't matter! People aren't looking and judging, they are just concentrating on their own feet and having fun!

I am also trying to change my thought processes. I have a really negative inner voice that tells me I am plain and boring and fat. Trying to stop those thoughts and replace them with positive ones!

I think that everyone has inner beauty it is just that some build up such a thick shell around themselves that it can't be seen. Chip away at that shell and your inner beauty will shine out!

That is the most thoughtful thing every! I really really liked your post because it makes me excited because I did enroll into a zumba class! for my college. and also because I am happy that you actually are feeling better it gives me hope..

plaingirly

I have image issues too and a lack of confidence. Some days I hate what I see in the mirror!

I finally realised that I might not be able to change my face but I can change my body. I feel better about myself after exercise - I feel like I am making positive changes! Zumba is helping too - not just as a fitness thing but also it is fun (I never thought exercise could be fun!) and I feel more confident after just 4 classes. I have always been super shy and restrained but at Zumba you just have a giggle. I am realising that I can do the silly moves or turn the wrong way and be completely out of step but it really doesn't matter! People aren't looking and judging, they are just concentrating on their own feet and having fun!

I am also trying to change my thought processes. I have a really negative inner voice that tells me I am plain and boring and fat. Trying to stop those thoughts and replace them with positive ones!

I think that everyone has inner beauty it is just that some build up such a thick shell around themselves that it can't be seen. Chip away at that shell and your inner beauty will shine out!

That is the most thoughtful thing every! I really really liked your post because it makes me excited because I did enroll into a zumba class! for my college. and also because I am happy that you actually are feeling better it gives me hope..

Glad it helped a little bit!

I am taking baby steps and trying to get myself out of my comfort zone and saying yes to things that I would normally be to scared or self conscious to do. Like Zumba! Took me so long to actually go to a class as I convinced myself that I would be rubbish at it. And I am rubbish at it but it is so much fun that I don't care!

You aren't this worthless thing - you are a valuable person that deserves love and respect. Start with loving and respecting yourself! Correct your inner voice when it says you are worthless - tell yourself that you are worthy of being healthy and happy. Eventually you will believe it because it is true!

You deserve better - treat yourself well and be kind to yourself.

dmpizza

Are you the blonde in the pictures? That is not what ugly looks like.
Sometimes low carb diets make people depressed.
Relax and cheer upmif you can.

crimsoncat

I know exactly where you're coming from. I used to be overweight and now am on the lighter end of healthy. I have been told by several I'm at least an 7/10 when not wearing make-up and I always respond "thank you". I joke about being lovely and flouce about overdressed just to impress.

And when I come home at night, I look in the mirror and I see this:



This is immediately followed by me crying on the bottom of the shower for not being pretty enough.

I have better days when I look at myself and say "hey, not bad." I never feel pretty unless I woke up, didn't eat and did my hair all up. The min I drink a glass of water my tummy bloats 1cm out and I feel dejected. I was bullied from elementary school through high school for being overweight (even when I wasn't), and I still hear their voices instead of mine when I see my face in the mirror.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If you need immediate help you can contact: The ANAD Helpline 630-577-1330 is open Monday through Friday 9 AM Through 5 PM Central Time.

If you need help getting through today, this is my ritual to get those negative thoughts out of my head:

DO
-warm shower/bath with bubbles
-a big glass of lemon water or unsweetened tea
-exercise so that you can say "I've done everything I can for today. This will take time"
-read a book, listen to music or dance
-go to bed with a song stuck in my head

DO NOT
-watch a movie or read a magazine with pictures of women in it. This will only add to the problem
-look in the mirror
-hop on a scale
-go online looking for diet tips or pictures. You are not in the right frame of mind. They won't be helpful today.

The key is, you need to get away from the negative images. Think of it like this: my mind is messing with me. I need to tell it to screw off and think of something else.

If the problem continues confide in someone you REALLY trust. In my case, my mother has body image issues and battles all the time with her love of food. Whenever I have a breakdown, she understands. When I'm screaming "You cooked this in oil! I am going to get fat!" she will help me bake a chicken breast and drink some broth until I calm down. You would be surprised how much an outburst can help. Sometimes you just need a good cry. The key here is, you want someone who will just shut up and listen.

You don't want advice. You don't want help right now. You just need someone to hug you and say "it's okay. It'll be better tomorrow". TELL THE PERSON THIS SPECIFICALLY AND YOU'RE MORE LIKELY TO GET WHAT YOU NEED.

DO NOT: go to anyone who has ever make comments about your diet, your weight or "you're acting crazy and you're not fat". This are all negative and unhelpful for the place you're in.

Finally, if all else fails, try to find a counsiler in your budget range. Call up the anorexia/bulliema help agencies and explain what's going on. They may know who you should talk to.

lovelyMYlovely

I have image issues too and a lack of confidence. Some days I hate what I see in the mirror!

I finally realised that I might not be able to change my face but I can change my body. I feel better about myself after exercise - I feel like I am making positive changes! Zumba is helping too - not just as a fitness thing but also it is fun (I never thought exercise could be fun!) and I feel more confident after just 4 classes. I have always been super shy and restrained but at Zumba you just have a giggle. I am realising that I can do the silly moves or turn the wrong way and be completely out of step but it really doesn't matter! People aren't looking and judging, they are just concentrating on their own feet and having fun!

I am also trying to change my thought processes. I have a really negative inner voice that tells me I am plain and boring and fat. Trying to stop those thoughts and replace them with positive ones!

I think that everyone has inner beauty it is just that some build up such a thick shell around themselves that it can't be seen. Chip away at that shell and your inner beauty will shine out!

That is the most thoughtful thing every! I really really liked your post because it makes me excited because I did enroll into a zumba class! for my college. and also because I am happy that you actually are feeling better it gives me hope..

Glad it helped a little bit!

I am taking baby steps and trying to get myself out of my comfort zone and saying yes to things that I would normally be to scared or self conscious to do. Like Zumba! Took me so long to actually go to a class as I convinced myself that I would be rubbish at it. And I am rubbish at it but it is so much fun that I don't care!

You aren't this worthless thing - you are a valuable person that deserves love and respect. Start with loving and respecting yourself! Correct your inner voice when it says you are worthless - tell yourself that you are worthy of being healthy and happy. Eventually you will believe it because it is true!

You deserve better - treat yourself well and be kind to yourself.

thanks! ya I have 2 left feet and barely have rythem and a horrible memory so that is why I took a zumba class for spring in my college because I can drop out if I want. lol.. but if u can do it and u seem alot like me with dancing skills maybe i can also!!

lovelyMYlovely

I know exactly where you're coming from. I used to be overweight and now am on the lighter end of healthy. I have been told by several I'm at least an 7/10 when not wearing make-up and I always respond "thank you". I joke about being lovely and flouce about overdressed just to impress.

And when I come home at night, I look in the mirror and I see this:



This is immediately followed by me crying on the bottom of the shower for not being pretty enough.

I have better days when I look at myself and say "hey, not bad." I never feel pretty unless I woke up, didn't eat and did my hair all up. The min I drink a glass of water my tummy bloats 1cm out and I feel dejected. I was bullied from elementary school through high school for being overweight (even when I wasn't), and I still hear their voices instead of mine when I see my face in the mirror.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If you need immediate help you can contact: The ANAD Helpline 630-577-1330 is open Monday through Friday 9 AM Through 5 PM Central Time.

If you need help getting through today, this is my ritual to get those negative thoughts out of my head:

DO
-warm shower/bath with bubbles
-a big glass of lemon water or unsweetened tea
-exercise so that you can say "I've done everything I can for today. This will take time"
-read a book, listen to music or dance
-go to bed with a song stuck in my head

DO NOT
-watch a movie or read a magazine with pictures of women in it. This will only add to the problem
-look in the mirror
-hop on a scale
-go online looking for diet tips or pictures. You are not in the right frame of mind. They won't be helpful today.

The key is, you need to get away from the negative images. Think of it like this: my mind is messing with me. I need to tell it to screw off and think of something else.

If the problem continues confide in someone you REALLY trust. In my case, my mother has body image issues and battles all the time with her love of food. Whenever I have a breakdown, she understands. When I'm screaming "You cooked this in oil! I am going to get fat!" she will help me bake a chicken breast and drink some broth until I calm down. You would be surprised how much an outburst can help. Sometimes you just need a good cry. The key here is, you want someone who will just shut up and listen.

You don't want advice. You don't want help right now. You just need someone to hug you and say "it's okay. It'll be better tomorrow". TELL THE PERSON THIS SPECIFICALLY AND YOU'RE MORE LIKELY TO GET WHAT YOU NEED.

DO NOT: go to anyone who has ever make comments about your diet, your weight or "you're acting crazy and you're not fat". This are all negative and unhelpful for the place you're in.

Finally, if all else fails, try to find a counsiler in your budget range. Call up the anorexia/bulliema help agencies and explain what's going on. They may know who you should talk to.

ty for ur comment. I am not an anorexia or throw up my food. Actually I love food and eat to much of it.... but I still have self esteem problems... I liked your advice ty!!! ya maybe that is all I need is a hug... to bad I barely know anyone haha... i will probably take a bath n stuff... to relax.. if I start becomming devoted in my exercise I will feel better I know it

onyxgirl17

I know exactly where you're coming from. I used to be overweight and now am on the lighter end of healthy. I have been told by several I'm at least an 7/10 when not wearing make-up and I always respond "thank you". I joke about being lovely and flouce about overdressed just to impress.

And when I come home at night, I look in the mirror and I see this:



This is immediately followed by me crying on the bottom of the shower for not being pretty enough.

I have better days when I look at myself and say "hey, not bad." I never feel pretty unless I woke up, didn't eat and did my hair all up. The min I drink a glass of water my tummy bloats 1cm out and I feel dejected. I was bullied from elementary school through high school for being overweight (even when I wasn't), and I still hear their voices instead of mine when I see my face in the mirror.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If you need immediate help you can contact: The ANAD Helpline 630-577-1330 is open Monday through Friday 9 AM Through 5 PM Central Time.

If you need help getting through today, this is my ritual to get those negative thoughts out of my head:

DO
-warm shower/bath with bubbles
-a big glass of lemon water or unsweetened tea
-exercise so that you can say "I've done everything I can for today. This will take time"
-read a book, listen to music or dance
-go to bed with a song stuck in my head

DO NOT
-watch a movie or read a magazine with pictures of women in it. This will only add to the problem
-look in the mirror
-hop on a scale
-go online looking for diet tips or pictures. You are not in the right frame of mind. They won't be helpful today.

The key is, you need to get away from the negative images. Think of it like this: my mind is messing with me. I need to tell it to screw off and think of something else.

If the problem continues confide in someone you REALLY trust. In my case, my mother has body image issues and battles all the time with her love of food. Whenever I have a breakdown, she understands. When I'm screaming "You cooked this in oil! I am going to get fat!" she will help me bake a chicken breast and drink some broth until I calm down. You would be surprised how much an outburst can help. Sometimes you just need a good cry. The key here is, you want someone who will just shut up and listen.

You don't want advice. You don't want help right now. You just need someone to hug you and say "it's okay. It'll be better tomorrow". TELL THE PERSON THIS SPECIFICALLY AND YOU'RE MORE LIKELY TO GET WHAT YOU NEED.

DO NOT: go to anyone who has ever make comments about your diet, your weight or "you're acting crazy and you're not fat". This are all negative and unhelpful for the place you're in.

Finally, if all else fails, try to find a counsiler in your budget range. Call up the anorexia/bulliema help agencies and explain what's going on. They may know who you should talk to.

Wow... this was a powerful post for me. So close to my train of thought's in the past and so much good advice here. My mom struggled with body issues as well.

crimsoncat

The only reason I'm not anorexic is because I love food too much. I'm sure I would have progressed long ago if I had enough self control to say no to cookies. The only reason I'm not bulimic is because I have a phobia about my teeth being dissolved by stomach acid.

However, just because I'm not anorexic nor bulimic doesn't mean I'm in the right state of mind all the time. I probably have "subclinical" mental issues that are bad enough for me to dislike myself, but not bad enough for me to do anything more than cry and feel depressed.

I've run into many girls (and a few guys) who exist like we do. I've only seen one progress to anorexia. The rest of us jsut feel bad and drown it in cookies which causes us to feel worse.

Vicious cycles are not fun. >__<

crimsoncat

Wow... this was a powerful post for me. So close to my train of thought's in the past and so much good advice here. My mom struggled with body issues as well.

I'm glad I could be of help. I'm even more excited that I'm not alone.

I know in one documentary I watched, there was an anorexic mom who tried to hide her eating disorder from her two daughters. She never called herself fat in front of them, never cried in front of them and never did the ritualized eating in front of them. She never limited their portions or labeled any food "good" or "bad" in front of them. In the end, the little girls still were standing in front of the mirror and pulling at their tummys says "God I'm so fat. Why am I so ugly?". They were 6 and 8 respectively. It was at that point the mom realized that her kids were too smart and must have seen her doing the same thing to herself in front of the mirror.

Sometimes my mom and I wonder if my behavior was learned in exactly the same way those kids learned from their mom. I know I'm scared to have a child for fear that I could pass my anxiety onto them. I don't blame my mom for what happened, but both of us can't help but think it played some part in both our issues.

themommie

There is some great advice here. Try to change the things you can. When I exercise and eat right I feel better about me and of course losing weight helps. Hang in there you r beautiful and we all have things we wish we could chage, learn to concentrate on what u do like about yourself

cedarghost

This reminds me of Kat William's, the Pimp Chronicles....
"It's called SELF esteem...."

CelebrateLife

You are BEAUTIFUL!!! You've got to remind yourself of this everyday!

Each time you are about to critize yourself in anyway stop and think of your oustanding qualities and think of one good feature that you like about yourself and say that one good thing out loud then say thank you
--Repeat each time you start to having negative thoughts about yourself

Everyday find 5 -10 things you are grateful for

Practice this and you will definitely see the positive changes
Guaranteed!!!!!!!!

lovelyMYlovely

You are BEAUTIFUL!!! You've got to remind yourself of this everyday!

Each time you are about to critize yourself in anyway stop and think of your oustanding qualities and think of one good feature that you like about yourself and say that one good thing out loud then say thank you
--Repeat each time you start to having negative thoughts about yourself

Everyday find 5 -10 things you are grateful for

Practice this and you will definitely see the positive changes
Guaranteed!!!!!!!!

this might be lame, but I think I will try this.. lets start here. I am a little embarrassed ebcause I have never really said anything I like out loud about myself before and when I do find something I like in me I stare to long and dislike it.. but ok. here I go.. I like how my legs never gain weight... now let me say this out loud.. yay I did it!! hey it felt good.. WWOW!! I actually really like this exercise...!!! I dont think I have said anything nice about myself in 2 years!!!! about my body!! thank u I will randomly come back to this post if I start feeling bad again!!. I LIKE MY LEGS!!! haha

CelebrateLife

I'm so happy that you've found something you like about yourself and said it out loud
I thought it was kinda crazy at first but you can bet it ultimately works

If you need any support -- I am here for you
--friend me I'd love to help you because I know how you feel

Keep smiling you're Beautiful and always remember that!

JenaePavlak

I agree with what everyone is saying here. Myself and everyone I know, goes through those patterns of feeling amazing, versus feeling down about image. It is amazing how our feelings can overpower our brains ability to see the truth of things. We are smart enough to know better but continue to allow ourselves to be affected. Do the activities that make you feel great and it will keep building. Know that you will have down turns, but try not to let them spiral out of control, and that you will be on an upswing soon enough. It's just how our bodies work! It is usually an individuals ability to hide these swings that make them appear happy all the time!

JanaCanada

Brittany.....I had two kidney stones removed last year. They were HUGE - each was 2 cms. It was outpatient surgery. I was sooo glad I had them out. Dr. said my kidney would be scarred and possibly destroyed if I had left them in...which of course I couldn't because the pain was incredibly severe (I'd rather go through childbirth again, that's how painful the stones were).

If you need any more info, please don't hestiate to contact me. The surgery is not as bad as you think, and definitely not as bad as anything you will read online.

iqnas

You're so beautiful!

Most people have different perceptions about themselves than they actually are..

Don't let it get you down!

Drink your water and eat healthy. Confidence and health are beautiful!

CelebrateLife

I'm so happy that you've found something you like about yourself and said it out loud
I thought it was kinda crazy at first but you can bet it ultimately works

If you need any support -- I am here for you
--friend me I'd love to help you because I know how you feel

Keep smiling you're Beautiful and always remember that!