I seriously relapsed!!! :( need some positivity!

RotterdamNL

I don't even know where to start!! If you read my profile you can read my life wasnt a picknick for the last years but i made a new start and it was all going so well.

But i got some serious disappointments again and without family, friends, gf and pets(not allowed atm where i live) i seriously relapsed!

Havent started smoking again though but have been boozing really bad lately

I feel alone, not loved and now december is starting i feel really bad cause we got more than christmas in my country in december, all family holidays which i am alone.

I hate to talk like this cause people think i am a dramaqueen or such but it is just how i feel and i dont have any place else to talk about.

When i lived the homeless life i never talked about that stuff or complained cause i didnt had time to think about that stuff but now i got more time on my hands its really difficult to deal with my past.

Physically i dont feel super either atm, coming monday the doctor want to take a ecg although i know there is nothing wrong with my heart i mean, 98 i survived a severe car accident when i was in a car that flipped over 3 times, past 10 years been on and off homeless and sleeping outside in the winters, had food poisoning in Venuzuela and when i was homeless in the States i was bitten by a brown recluse so im sure my heart is fine but the doctor wants to make sure and after that i need to do more tests.

However, i want to start training again soon and will probably try to start monday or tuesday but could seriously need some positive talk or any words from someone who can relate or understand my feelings

All my love
Kai

twentyoneemma

Hey,

Ah man, I just read your profile now. You have had it tough! I don't really know what to say to you other than don't be to hard on yourself. You have come a long long way and you have to try and focus on that. Its never to late to start again. Try and focus on good you will feel when you reach your goal, how that will be another major turnaround in your life and another huge step to the life you really want.


Well done on getting this far,
Hope your ok


xx

KrazyAsianNic

Wow, you have been through a lot. It can be hard trying to get on your own feet and getting your life back together. You just need to hang in there though.

After graduating in May, I know I went through a depression. I didn't want to get out of bed or do anythign. I just wanted to sleep and be with my boyfriend doing nothing. It wasn't until I saw a doctor and got on meds and help that I was able to get my life back. One of the things they told me is to go back trying to do the things I use to love. I loved my guitar, piano, and singing. I don't have a piano, but I went back to church for about a month to since, and picked up my guitar again.

Is there anything that you use to love to do that you can do again?

If you ever need to talk/vent. Please add me and/or private message me.

nikinyx6

A survivor indeed! You've had it rough, and unfortunately, it'ss likely be rough again, but think of all the good things. You've got aspiring career goals, have started a new lifestyle, and are (by the sound of things) light years ahead of where you wer e a few years ago. Gotta keep your chin up, roll with the punches, all that jazz. There will always be people on MFP for you you to vent to, myself included.

I also understand December being an awful month with all the family crap...my dad's a junkie, and my mom and brother left years ago. Just try to keep you spirits up, even if it takes a rum and eggnog

Niki

twinketta

Well, honey, you have had it bad, for sure.....the good news is you know what you need to do to improve your life???

I shouldn`t worry about the smoking and boozing cos you know you can do something about it when you want to...and that is a personal choice, nobody on MFP can stop you doing that OK? Those choices are so up to you to decide.

I could say, hey why don`t you `do this or that` but I really don`t know what to suggest, because you have all the answers and know what to do...I think what you are lacking is support in getting to where you want to be???

I checked your profile as you suggested, and you have lots of `friends`

Kai, ask them for more support??? That is why they are added as friends.

I wish I could offer more words of help or reassurance, but I am not sure of the question that you are asking???

RotterdamNL

Thnx for the replies.

I have/had plenty of stuff i like to do or try out but missing motivation and financialy im in a really bad position for at least a couple years.

Thing i miss most is love, although a major covered tattooed guy i am very sensitive cause i am born with hsp.

And what my question is.. Hmm i just need some positive words and some replies of people who can relate or/and the struggle i am going through atm.

So far you guys have been awesome

What is the word vent btw?

X

nishan_perera

The one thing I have taken away from my experience working out is that the hardships you endure are temporary. The character you build through those hardships lasts forever. There are people who look at their lives and complain about the raw deal they have had or the bad hand they have been dealt, and self pitty is ok once in a while but the tragedy is most people get stuck at the self pitty stage.

Life has more to offer than the picture that's been painted in front of you and it's your job to make the experiences you have had mean something and shape you for the better. I am not down playing any of the hardships you have had, but sometimes we all need a little tough love and a little pick me up. Don't expect everything to be a bed of roses, but realize that without life's hardships, the true miracles of every day life become a little less meaningful.

One of my favorite quotes of all time (excuse the religious reference however the quote still holds true regardless of view)

"He never promised life would be easy, He just promised it would be worth it"

RotterdamNL

Well in most cases your probably right but so far for me the hardships already feel forever because that is all i know so i dont expect anything to be a bed of roses because i have no idea how that would feel and a little tough love sure np but it has been only tough love so some things are easier said than done especialy if one not endured em (in general)

Chyll88

Everyday is a new beginning, a new blessing. Make yourself smile even if you feel like there's nothing to smile about. You are the one and only one who can change how you feel each and every day. Generate the love for self, see it, know it and feel it then watch how your life changes into all that YOU want it to be:flowerforyou:

girlonabikedc

Alcohol is a depressant and can do some funny things to your brain. if you abuse it long enough it can even make you believe it's the solution, when in fact it's the problem.

My honest advice? See a therapist. It can really help to talk to someone who has an outside perspective & doesn't have the problem of skewed thinking.

I don't know you, but from your writings it sounds like a case of someone doing the same things over & over and expecting different results (and I'm not talking weight-loss)

The solution to your problems won't be found here.

You have a big heart & a strong spirit. You'll figure it out.

RotterdamNL

Well, sure, i already know what the wrongs are and obstacles and i managed to break the chain several times because something came across my path that gave me hope for the future but everytime something happens that will take that perspective away and i am not even causing it.

For example, atm it is really hard to get a job, so i found this company which the manager would help me get back on the truck and all promising words like, i want to help you get back on track so you can say in a couple years i helped you etc Never heared from him again, i tried contacting him but nothing.

Than last month i made this awesome guy who has his own tattooshop and he wanted to help me back on track too, his former shop was pretty far from where he live and where i live so he was planning to move to our city with the shop, he didnt extend his lease on the building where he is currently in and we already had for 90% the building in our city but at the last moment the broker declined the agreement and although the guy will still be there for me and if starts a shop again i am more than welcome but now he is forced to work from his house first to support his family, than save money again to start a new shop.

And those are just a few examples of what is going on for years in my life, i dont like to talk about it because people either don't believe me or think i exaggerate.

And when i was younger i could deal with it better but no after all those bs years, i get demotivated real fast, i never had problems off being alone but i dont know, its dropping on me like a bomb atm and even worse because it is december