obese brother

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

quick question: has he always been overweight? are your parents overweight?

when we were younger he wasn't, but then my parents started gaining and we didn't eat very healthy. the only drinks we had were soda and lunch was always bologna sandwiches. When I was in 6th grade I dropped the soda and bologna and sweets. My dad started working out and losing weight and I followed his example while my brother and mom just kept eating and making excuses.

I'm so happy you took charge of your health. Maybe you can try to influence them by DOING or even bring a cookbook--with "light recipes" and when you get ready to leave don't take it with you. Hopefully he'll get inspired!

carolmsb

Life is Fragile- handle with prayer! Sometimes that's all we can do.
How long is the visit?

acogg

Are they on Facebook? If so, take lots of pictures and put them up on Facebook. That helped to nudge me along.

Newf77

so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


he justs needs a shove in the right direction

If any of my family did this I would have tossed them out a window.

Lead by example, do not thrust your way of life on them; buy what everyone wants you can always make healthy options.

CyberEd312

dont talk to him about it...at least not yet. it really depends on the person but some people get discouraged when they know they are fat and feel helpless and give up before even trying to start the weight loss process...so figure out how your brother reacts to things..


i personally would make him think that weight loss was HIS idea. like you said, the person has to want it for themselves.

so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


he justs needs a shove in the right direction

Sorry to disagree but you can not force this kind of change on someone with this mindset.... It is impossible and will totally fail until such a time that the individual in question has reached that rock bottom point and wants the change for themselves. Until then you are barking up the wrong tree. Having lived this and being where I was (suicide was at that time, at the top of my list) the only thing that saved me was the fact my family had sat idly by waiting on me to ask those 2 words they had waited a decade to hear....... "Help me" until then it was pointless..... Just my Two Cents...

justmyalias

make it about YOU...
message him ahead of time, and tell him, no matter how silly it may seem to him, you have been very conscious of your recent eating and exercise habits because of x,y,z (you are worried about the impact of your stressful life, you know someone that was impacted by..., you are afraid of..., etc.)

Tell him you understand that this is about family time and visiting and good memories, blah blah blah and it's probably not what he is accustomed to and you don't want to make anyone else miserable, but could they maybe work to accommodate your current lifestyle and temporarily remove any temptations during your visit... Tell him you aren't trying to be selfish, but you do take this very seriously and it is very important to you. Tell him if you are around family and supportive people and busy and interacting, it will help keep you on track.
It might work - to some degree anyways...

thatsillyshana

wow so many responses! I'm going to be with them for about a week I think. We'll be in NYC for a few days so we'll definitely be going out for a few meals. I think they have some cookbooks, but don't cook often. They have facebook, but I don't want to embarrass them or make them feel ashamed if i post pictures. Maybe I'll be surprised and they will have slimmed down since I last saw them 5 months ago :]

eyesontheprize13

I recall being picked on when I was heavier by my peers, but my family/friends would defend me by telling me I was curvy, I had a nice figure, "built like Beyonce", "men like curves on women", that whole deal. Looking back at pictures, I was FAT and unhealthy.

Although I imagine I would have have been defensive at first, I would have LOVED for my brothers (thin their whole lives very loving, active, and never judgmental of me) to sit me down and tell me how much they loved me and wanted me to be healthy, and around for a very long time. I know that as a human being (especially as a girl!) I would have been taken aback at first and maybe offended, but I would have been touched by my siblings request for me to be there for them forever. It would have invoked some serious soul searching.

While it is their choice, I feel you're entitled to ask your big brother to be around for the next 50+ years for you because you love him. Both of my brothers are older and while they may get ticked off when the little sister nags, I know they would still remember what I said and maybe cool down for a bit, and consider my feelings. I hope yours would do the same.

Just let him know that you need a big brother, for many more decades.

eyesontheprize13

make it about YOU...
message him ahead of time, and tell him, no matter how silly it may seem to him, you have been very conscious of your recent eating and exercise habits because of x,y,z (you are worried about the impact of your stressful life, you know someone that was impacted by..., you are afraid of..., etc.)

Tell him you understand that this is about family time and visiting and good memories, blah blah blah and it's probably not what he is accustomed to and you don't want to make anyone else miserable, but could they maybe work to accommodate your current lifestyle and temporarily remove any temptations during your visit... Tell him you aren't trying to be selfish, but you do take this very seriously and it is very important to you. Tell him if you are around family and supportive people and busy and interacting, it will help keep you on track.
It might work - to some degree anyways...

^Like!! Awesome idea!

Crisitunity

One piece of advice I didn't see here - are there any foods from your childhood, maybe specific to your ethnicity, that you could make for your brother and his wife while you visit? There might be something healthy that has a certain 'nostalgia' factor that is just plain delicious that they could incorporate into their diets a bit more if you only just remind them of it.

willo78

Why not tackle it from another perspective?

Encourage them to exercise instead!

Every little bit helps. I bought myself a fitbit and was quite surprised at the motivation that arrived in the post with it!

sanndandi

He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

This reminds me of the infamous "Banana Pancake Incident of 1998" that happened at our house. I snuck them into my husband's pancakes...ooh boy, he threw a fit. LOL.

hadlam83

All my life I have been encoraged to lose weight and get fit by my family. Not once have I succeeded. This time I was ready, so I feel more motivated than ever and in the right mind set as I have set my own goals etc. I have only just started but I can feel this time I'm ready because its on my terms and i want to do it.

Although I don't think there is any harm in saying you are concerned for him and that you will support him if and when he is ready.

As for the food, I would buy what you normally would and if he wants extra he can get it.

Good Luck

thatsillyshana

One piece of advice I didn't see here - are there any foods from your childhood, maybe specific to your ethnicity, that you could make for your brother and his wife while you visit? There might be something healthy that has a certain 'nostalgia' factor that is just plain delicious that they could incorporate into their diets a bit more if you only just remind them of it.

He was a very picky eater so it was always hotdogs, bologna, fries, and chicken. I can try healthy snacks like pita chips and hummus instead of chips and dip and maybe have him help me make some food.

thatsillyshana

He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

This reminds me of the infamous "Banana Pancake Incident of 1998" that happened at our house. I snuck them into my husband's pancakes...ooh boy, he threw a fit. LOL.

Banana pancakes are the best!!! haha!!

now_or_never12

dont talk to him about it...at least not yet. it really depends on the person but some people get discouraged when they know they are fat and feel helpless and give up before even trying to start the weight loss process...so figure out how your brother reacts to things..


i personally would make him think that weight loss was HIS idea. like you said, the person has to want it for themselves.

so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


he justs needs a shove in the right direction

He is an adult. He doesn't need a shove in the right direction he needs to make a decision on his own. Telling him all these things won't help. Acknowledging him when he is eating something healthy is going ot make the poor guy feel like a child.

now_or_never12

One piece of advice I didn't see here - are there any foods from your childhood, maybe specific to your ethnicity, that you could make for your brother and his wife while you visit? There might be something healthy that has a certain 'nostalgia' factor that is just plain delicious that they could incorporate into their diets a bit more if you only just remind them of it.

He was a very picky eater so it was always hotdogs, bologna, fries, and chicken. I can try healthy snacks like pita chips and hummus instead of chips and dip and maybe have him help me make some food.

Once he is ready he can still eat all the foods he loves.. there are alternatives. Maybe show him that.

Katbody10

If you're buying food for everyone .. I wonder if that means that they are willing to eat what you are rather than forcing you to eat what they do. Maybe it's a subtle and gentle cry for help?

I would shop with them .. buy what you like and prefer to eat, ask them if they would like it too, and compromise with buying things they enjoy too. You don't have to eat what they do necessarily.

You can tell them something like "My doctor has urged me to restrict my diet and make changes to improve my health. Of course I don't expect you to abide by my dietary menu. I'd be happy to share some tastey alternatives I've discovered if you're interested.. " (or something along those lines)

Without implying they need to change their lifestyles .. you could weave in some important info (i.e. -- you know since I was able to lose 10 lbs these last few months .. my doctor said I have reduced my chances of developing diabetes! You can't imagine how that excited me)

And .. at some point .. maybe right before you come home .. you could have a heart to heart with both of them .. and tell them how deeply you love them and want them to be here for a long time to come .. and you're looking forward to being an Auntie .. and that it would mean a lot to you if they would consider trying to eat a little more healthy. Let them know you are supportive of them .. no matter what! No matter what they look like, etc.. :flowerforyou:

I don't think avoiding the conversation completely is the way to go .. it would be no different than a parent or family watching another member who's an alcoholic, drug abuser and not saying anything. Would you stand by and watch your spouse beat the crap out your children? No -- it may not be the same thing .. but turning the other cheek and not saying anything is just as bad as contributing/enabling the bad behavior.

Edit: It's about respecting each other .. of course you respect them .. and you'd hope they love you enough to respect your desire to eat healthy and not completely blow your diet out the window too .. :flowerforyou:

cebreisch

They have to want it for themselves, and anything anyone says is going to ruin the event for them to make the skinny's feel better about saying something. They know everyone is concerned. Trust me. (I'm the obese one in my family, the rest are size one civilians.)

When/if they're ready to talk about it, they will.

Bring food for everyone as if you weren't worried about who was going to eat what. If you are concerned about you gaining weight, then bring foods that will help you stay on track. If they suspect you're going to purposefully not bring stuff they'll like, they'll smuggle in their own, which they're probably going to do anyway. (been there, done that.)

I topped out at 376 pounds and have lost just over 100. It took an event to make me want to start on this path though. I had trouble walking into my daughters school for Moms and Muffins day. I was humiliated/mortified/embarrassed, etc. etc. It will take a defining moment for them to start down their path's too. Just pray that it comes sooner than later. My blog is at: http://baysweightloss.blogspot.com/2012/03/losing-weight.html That's the first posting, but there are other's that talk about what worked for me, and trying to know what you're aiming for. If a conversation does come up, let them know they can contact me if they want to. I've lost the weight without surgery, and am about 1/2 way to goal.

Just trying to give you some things to consider.....for what it's worth....

carolmsb

Has this issue come up in the past?