obese brother

willo78

Why not tackle it from another perspective?

Encourage them to exercise instead!

Every little bit helps. I bought myself a fitbit and was quite surprised at the motivation that arrived in the post with it!

sanndandi

He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

This reminds me of the infamous "Banana Pancake Incident of 1998" that happened at our house. I snuck them into my husband's pancakes...ooh boy, he threw a fit. LOL.

hadlam83

All my life I have been encoraged to lose weight and get fit by my family. Not once have I succeeded. This time I was ready, so I feel more motivated than ever and in the right mind set as I have set my own goals etc. I have only just started but I can feel this time I'm ready because its on my terms and i want to do it.

Although I don't think there is any harm in saying you are concerned for him and that you will support him if and when he is ready.

As for the food, I would buy what you normally would and if he wants extra he can get it.

Good Luck

thatsillyshana

One piece of advice I didn't see here - are there any foods from your childhood, maybe specific to your ethnicity, that you could make for your brother and his wife while you visit? There might be something healthy that has a certain 'nostalgia' factor that is just plain delicious that they could incorporate into their diets a bit more if you only just remind them of it.

He was a very picky eater so it was always hotdogs, bologna, fries, and chicken. I can try healthy snacks like pita chips and hummus instead of chips and dip and maybe have him help me make some food.

thatsillyshana

He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

This reminds me of the infamous "Banana Pancake Incident of 1998" that happened at our house. I snuck them into my husband's pancakes...ooh boy, he threw a fit. LOL.

Banana pancakes are the best!!! haha!!

now_or_never12

dont talk to him about it...at least not yet. it really depends on the person but some people get discouraged when they know they are fat and feel helpless and give up before even trying to start the weight loss process...so figure out how your brother reacts to things..


i personally would make him think that weight loss was HIS idea. like you said, the person has to want it for themselves.

so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


he justs needs a shove in the right direction

He is an adult. He doesn't need a shove in the right direction he needs to make a decision on his own. Telling him all these things won't help. Acknowledging him when he is eating something healthy is going ot make the poor guy feel like a child.

now_or_never12

One piece of advice I didn't see here - are there any foods from your childhood, maybe specific to your ethnicity, that you could make for your brother and his wife while you visit? There might be something healthy that has a certain 'nostalgia' factor that is just plain delicious that they could incorporate into their diets a bit more if you only just remind them of it.

He was a very picky eater so it was always hotdogs, bologna, fries, and chicken. I can try healthy snacks like pita chips and hummus instead of chips and dip and maybe have him help me make some food.

Once he is ready he can still eat all the foods he loves.. there are alternatives. Maybe show him that.

Katbody10

If you're buying food for everyone .. I wonder if that means that they are willing to eat what you are rather than forcing you to eat what they do. Maybe it's a subtle and gentle cry for help?

I would shop with them .. buy what you like and prefer to eat, ask them if they would like it too, and compromise with buying things they enjoy too. You don't have to eat what they do necessarily.

You can tell them something like "My doctor has urged me to restrict my diet and make changes to improve my health. Of course I don't expect you to abide by my dietary menu. I'd be happy to share some tastey alternatives I've discovered if you're interested.. " (or something along those lines)

Without implying they need to change their lifestyles .. you could weave in some important info (i.e. -- you know since I was able to lose 10 lbs these last few months .. my doctor said I have reduced my chances of developing diabetes! You can't imagine how that excited me)

And .. at some point .. maybe right before you come home .. you could have a heart to heart with both of them .. and tell them how deeply you love them and want them to be here for a long time to come .. and you're looking forward to being an Auntie .. and that it would mean a lot to you if they would consider trying to eat a little more healthy. Let them know you are supportive of them .. no matter what! No matter what they look like, etc.. :flowerforyou:

I don't think avoiding the conversation completely is the way to go .. it would be no different than a parent or family watching another member who's an alcoholic, drug abuser and not saying anything. Would you stand by and watch your spouse beat the crap out your children? No -- it may not be the same thing .. but turning the other cheek and not saying anything is just as bad as contributing/enabling the bad behavior.

Edit: It's about respecting each other .. of course you respect them .. and you'd hope they love you enough to respect your desire to eat healthy and not completely blow your diet out the window too .. :flowerforyou:

cebreisch

They have to want it for themselves, and anything anyone says is going to ruin the event for them to make the skinny's feel better about saying something. They know everyone is concerned. Trust me. (I'm the obese one in my family, the rest are size one civilians.)

When/if they're ready to talk about it, they will.

Bring food for everyone as if you weren't worried about who was going to eat what. If you are concerned about you gaining weight, then bring foods that will help you stay on track. If they suspect you're going to purposefully not bring stuff they'll like, they'll smuggle in their own, which they're probably going to do anyway. (been there, done that.)

I topped out at 376 pounds and have lost just over 100. It took an event to make me want to start on this path though. I had trouble walking into my daughters school for Moms and Muffins day. I was humiliated/mortified/embarrassed, etc. etc. It will take a defining moment for them to start down their path's too. Just pray that it comes sooner than later. My blog is at: http://baysweightloss.blogspot.com/2012/03/losing-weight.html That's the first posting, but there are other's that talk about what worked for me, and trying to know what you're aiming for. If a conversation does come up, let them know they can contact me if they want to. I've lost the weight without surgery, and am about 1/2 way to goal.

Just trying to give you some things to consider.....for what it's worth....

carolmsb

Has this issue come up in the past?

thatsillyshana

They have to want it for themselves, and anything anyone says is going to ruin the event for them to make the skinny's feel better about saying something. They know everyone is concerned. Trust me. (I'm the obese one in my family, the rest are size one civilians.)

When/if they're ready to talk about it, they will.

Bring food for everyone as if you weren't worried about who was going to eat what. If you are concerned about you gaining weight, then bring foods that will help you stay on track. If they suspect you're going to purposefully not bring stuff they'll like, they'll smuggle in their own, which they're probably going to do anyway. (been there, done that.)

I topped out at 376 pounds and have lost just over 100. It took an event to make me want to start on this path though. I had trouble walking into my daughters school for Moms and Muffins day. I was humiliated/mortified/embarrassed, etc. etc. It will take a defining moment for them to start down their path's too. Just pray that it comes sooner than later. My blog is at: http://baysweightloss.blogspot.com/2012/03/losing-weight.html That's the first posting, but there are other's that talk about what worked for me, and trying to know what you're aiming for. If a conversation does come up, let them know they can contact me if they want to. I've lost the weight without surgery, and am about 1/2 way to goal.

Just trying to give you some things to consider.....for what it's worth....

Thank you!

thatsillyshana

Has this issue come up in the past?

Ever since he left for college (5 years ago) , my parents were been on his case about his weight. I never brought it up, but when he would come home for summer we would talk dieting and I would show him how to make smoothies since he doesnt like to eat fruits. I've never been the one to talk to him about his weight because I feel like that was his choice. My parents even paid him to work out, and it worked for a while, but once classes started, he would gain everything back plus more. Then he graduated and moved and every time I see him he looks like he's gained another 20 pounds, but my parents wont talk about it anymore because it makes my mom cry. When he told me he wanted to try to be a cop I would ask about the obstacle course and ask if he was ready for it and he would tell me he was, but that was the most we spoke of it.

pyrowill

No one at 300lbs is happy. However, they have to want it.

gertudejekyl

It's sort of funny how people who claim to "care" about other's obesity or smoking habit usually never show any evidence of caring except for displaying their judgmental, superior attitude. :indifferent:

Newf77

No one at 300lbs is happy. However, they have to want it.

You should reconsider this, to a lot of people their weight does not dictate who they are. I worked/work with a segment of the population that are very happy {outside of work}; most of whom would be considered non-average size.

ladytinkerbell99

dont talk to him about it...at least not yet. it really depends on the person but some people get discouraged when they know they are fat and feel helpless and give up before even trying to start the weight loss process...so figure out how your brother reacts to things..


i personally would make him think that weight loss was HIS idea. like you said, the person has to want it for themselves.

so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


he justs needs a shove in the right direction

Sorry to disagree but you can not force this kind of change on someone with this mindset.... It is impossible and will totally fail until such a time that the individual in question has reached that rock bottom point and wants the change for themselves. Until then you are barking up the wrong tree. Having lived this and being where I was (suicide was at that time, at the top of my list) the only thing that saved me was the fact my family had sat idly by waiting on me to ask those 2 words they had waited a decade to hear....... "Help me" until then it was pointless..... Just my Two Cents...

^ I agree with this 100%. It is just like an addiction. When someone hits bottom (whatever that is for them) they will then seek change.

babeinthemoon

When you go and get food you can buy what your normally would however you need to be mindful of what they normally eat. Are you going to buying food just for you? If so, get what you want. If you are buying for everyone you can't expect everyone to eat how you do.

While I agree that they will need to change on their own terms, I have to respectfully disagree with the above statement.

If you are spending your money to feed everyone, and you usually gain 6 pounds on a visit, I would only purchase healthy options that you would normally eat. And, then explain that you don't want to gain the 6 pounds that you normally do. If they want to eat crap, they can do it with their own money.

Now, if you want to be nice, you can purchase some meals that would be what they would normally eat.. and fix yourself something different. I do this for my own family. But in no uncertain terms would I stall my own healthy eating journey if I was in charge of purchasing food for everyone.

allie7383

Been following the thread and saw that you said you would be in NYC.. Perfect place to be active, especially at Christmas time! Go for a lap around Central Park, maybe take some days and see things in the different boroughs, ice skating, etc.. Try to make things less about the food, and more about getting off your butts.

I'm def in the camp of everyone saying it's better to wait for his personal light bulb to turn on. I was always a chubby kid and one night after Thanksgiving dinner I overheard my relatives talking about my weight which obviously hurt me. I began crying and what made it worse was them making suggestions on what I should do to correct it.. Def kicked me while I was already down. He knows he's overweight. I knew I was. Unfortunately there just has to be that moment where you *really* want to not be anymore.
Good luck