My 10 year old

cbellanger

My 10 year old son has been developing quite a few belly rolls over the past few months. I have been trying to work on making fitness and healthful eating a larger part of my entire family's life, but it doesn't seem to be kicking in for my son. Backstory: I was always a chubby kid with a stick thin older sister. I have a mother who picks at food left-over on kids plates. She and I are a lot alike, so overeating because I like food was not difficult. I love the mouthfeel of chewing food. I hated being big, but did not have the tools to help myself. I am still heavy as an adult, but with your help, I am winning my true self back from the fat. Back to present and my son. As I said, I have been trying to incorporate more healthy foods into our home, as well as being a good example of fitness and working on building stong muscles. My oldest, who is a stick like my sister, has jumped on board and thinks exercising is great fun. My youngest son though is in no way interested. My question to you all is how do I help him become more active and healthy without making him feel fat? I know that as a child, all attempts to restrict ice cream or make me exercise felt like judgement and made me very sad and unhappy. I want him to feel like he is beautiful just how he is, but to give him the skills that will set him up for a healthy and succesfull future. He is often compared to his brother by people who meet our family. People always comment about how thin my oldest is. Alex now knows he is bigger around the middle than his brother, and he knows he is heavier too, even though he is almost a foot shorter. He seems to not mind these facts, and perhaps that is because he is a boy, or he is hiding it. Just really worried about him, having been in his shoes. I hope this made some sense, I am having a hard way putting how I feel into words. Any help/advice is appreciated!

cally69

Hi
I hope this doesn't sound rude but you are his mum and as such, you control what he eats (at least when he's with you). Just try to incorporate fruit and vegetables into his diet and get active as a family. Swimming and bike rides are enjoyed just as much by kids as adults. You are right not to want to give him a complex and he is only 10 so he'll have a lot of growing to do but you are the adult and you are in charge!
Wishing you luck

Derouge

Cally's got it right. Don't bring junk food into the house. It will be good for you and the whole family. As for exercise, "mandatory family fun time" might be in order. Buy some rollerblades, take a bike ride, or even just walk the dog. What about signing him up for some organized recreational sports? As a kid I played in citywide soccer league that was a lot of fun. I was not (nor am I now) a competitive person, but the league was so low key that I enjoyed it. I think there are a lot of baseball leagues that are similar. Unfortunately kids sports leagues can get pretty expensive, but if you can afford it it might be a good way to go. As a ten year old he might resist at first, but its better to try and get him to live a healthy lifestyle now rather than when he's a teenager and is a bit more headstrong. He will appreciate it someday, too. No one wants to be unhealthy.

now_or_never12

LIke the above poster said, you are the mother.

Don't bring junk food into the house. Have healthy snacks ready and available for the kids. Don't make them "kid" foods... if they don't want to eat the healthy dinner they don't eat anything.

Limit their TV and computer time. Don't allow them to be using TVs and computers all the time. Unless they want to play the video games that get your up and moving than they don't use the systems outside of your allowed times.

thatsillyshana

when I was younger and my dad wanted to get us active, we would go for bike rides. Maybe that is something you can all do together. We started just biking around neighborhoods and buildings, then since we lived by the everglades, we would go on bike trails. It was really fun pretending to get lost and taking turns leading.

Maybe something like that would be great, or just going to parks or learning new skills like skating/rollerblading or canoeing.

melonclarinet

I would say don't even bring the bad foods into the house. If I'm going to have something sweet or junk food, I have to go out to get it, and I just don't (and your son just can't).If you decide that the family can have a treat, buy just enough for the family to have one serving so there's not more food sitting around later.
Rather than making fitness about "exercise" just get the family active. Play games (like tag), go out more and walk around (even shopping, going to a park, going to a zoo), go for bike rides, go swimming, go hiking, Find things that are fun for all of you. If he resists at the beginning, he might end up really enjoying it later.

Ewaldt

Try to do things as a family. I know you said that he is not interested, but if you created things like backyard/park sports days on the weekend where the family (and friends if you'd like) split into teams against eachother and have an 'competition', but make sure that it is team based so no individual feels better or worse than the others. As far as foods go, try finding meals that are fun or weird (or just really yummy) but are secretly healthy, and making them as a family. Everyone can take turns picking out which meals to make that day, or which activities they would like to do, and the awful 'diet and exercise' becomes funny meals and playing games with your family and friends, which is MUCH more appealing, and doesn't have to make anyone feel bad about themselves. You could even announce this idea as something that you would really like them to do with you because you are bored with your workout routine and want something more exciting and fun. That way he will feel like he is helping out and doing you a favor, but wont mind because it will turn out to be really fun, instead of feeling like there is something wrong with him. I hope this makes sense haha! In the end, I doubt that he won't be up for joining an athletic activity if you and the rest of the family are having fun doing it!

schondell

Just focus on feeding him healthy meals that are properly portioned and avoid processed, high sugar snacks and foods which are commonly marketed towards young kids. The weight will come off by him eating healthy and I'm sure he gets exercise in gym at school, and at recess.

nxd10

First the research (I'm a developmental psychologist and teach about this stuff in my classes). The two most important things you should do are

1. eat together as a family
2. don't let him eat in front of a screen - tv or computer

Now the personal . . .

I have two sons - the oldest very, very thin (he's now a very slender adult) and my 14 year old who goes from average weight to thin, depending on his growth spurts. Both have way better eating habits than I every did.

To get them active, the easiest thing is to get them doing fun things - with ME or my husband. Playing frisbee. Going swimming. Laser tag. Wii Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (which involves swinging arms). Bowling.

The big rule in our house is that you can eat anything you want, but in small portions. We buy snack foods only as treats every few weeks. Lots of fruit is around. Fortunately, my husband and I both love to cook and the kids love good food - including vegetables.

And I bake goodies every Sunday that we eat together as a family 'tea' - which is the highlight of the week.

So food is something we all enjoy a LOT. But it's part of a social context that makes it more fun and it's done in moderation and with real conscious pleasure.

nxd10

Just focus on feeding him healthy meals that are properly portioned and avoid processed, high sugar snacks and foods which are commonly marketed towards young kids. The weight will come off by him eating healthy and I'm sure he gets exercise in gym at school, and at recess.

Too true. My sons won't eat food that doesn't taste good and don't like things that are 'too sweet' or 'too salty'. You get used to things.

I provided snacks for a dance (for adults) last night. Half the people only eat the sweets and complaiend they weren't sweet enough. The other half had a few sweets and ate lots of veggies and dip. It's what you're used to.

mhorn2142

I have a son who is now 17 and at 10 he wore a 16 husky or men's sizes. Those clothes are now too big for him. Keep him active. Encourage him to play sports. baseball, football, my son fell in love with Tennis as it was not a team sport. We initially tried sports we thought my son was built for like football and boxing. These were not good choices as they didn't match his personality. He is now 6' and 180. Still not a rail, but fit and more muscle. As an educator and a mother I have learned one very important thing...Children will be what we expect them to be. If you expect him to be fat, he will live up to that expectation. I am sure you can think back and remember that is how you were perceived as a child and that is what you became. Change how you see him and your focus. Focus on having fun, staying healthy, and finding what he likes. If it is bike riding, go bike riding, if it is tennis sign him up for some classes. Let him pick a family outing once a week that includes movement even if it is roller skating or bowling. He will find the things he likes. Limit video games as a whole. We have a rule in my house that on the weekends you can only play video games if you have spent 2 hours outside. I don't care what they do outside, because they will find a way to move once they figure out its boring to just sit and watch nothing. But they must go outside for a minimum of 2 hours. That usually turns into some fun game and last a lot longer than 2 hours. Hope this helps. Sorry I get a little long winded! lol

MaggieSporleder

Hi
I hope this doesn't sound rude but you are his mum and as such, you control what he eats (at least when he's with you). Just try to incorporate fruit and vegetables into his diet and get active as a family. Swimming and bike rides are enjoyed just as much by kids as adults. You are right not to want to give him a complex and he is only 10 so he'll have a lot of growing to do but you are the adult and you are in charge!
Wishing you luck

I have an eleven year old who was having the same problem. I've changed a lot of eating habits for the entire family. So yes what is said in the quote above does work. But, the way to make him not feel singled out among his siblings is to change everyone's diet. Take soda and chips and ice cream and such out of the house ( I had to do this to keep myself out of it ) Have fresh veggies and fruit be the only available snacks in the house. He may not be happy, but its easier than taking it away from him and not the others. Good luck

SheenSZF

Look for ways to incorporate movement and activity into his "everyday" day.
How far away is his school? If he's currently driven to school, could he walk to school?
What kinds of things does he like to do? Look for opportunities to do activity based things around those interests.
Have him come up with ideas of fun things to do outside.
Ask for his help around the house, like carrying laundry upstairs/downstairs.

cebreisch

One way would be to make it a family activity - so you aren't singling him out. Or see if there are any sports he is interested in. Any activity is good activity.

The other thing is whatever he's eating. If you're eating healthy, he will notice, and may even start eating what you're eating. My oldest daughter is 9, and is a little pudgy. BUT it isn't as if she's eating sweets all the time, she isn't. However her diet could be a little better and that's my job along with my husbands. We keep applesauce, light string cheese, yogurt, and other healthy snacks around the house, and she's been choosing those more often. OR we'll make the rule that she can have a cookie, but she has to have something healthy first beacsue we know that will help curb the hunger pangs. A guy I know who's lost a lot of weight says if he isn't hungry for an apple or a veggie, then he isn't hungry for other stuff that's worse than that.

Take them to playgrounds or play places - pu them in an environment conducive to activity, and or plan family outings like going to a living history museum where there's lots of walking.

Having been a chubby kid, I'd venture away from telling him to find something to do himself unless you know h'e's likely to pick some sort of physical activity on his own.

Take walks around the neighborhood - ask him to come with you. You guys don't have to take the same path - and if you took different path's you can "high five" each other as you pass each other by.

For what it's worth....

nogoldilocs

Really good advice here and I echo the sentiments. I will also add that you'll want to make to make sure that he's not drinking his calories. Many kids drink large quantities of soda, sports drinks and juice (especially juice since people think it's "healthy") and end up drinking more calories than they realize. Often by minimizing beverages other than water, growing kids will lose weight. Remember, it's better to eat your fruits than to drink them.

Mummyadams

I applaud you for thinking of your son. It sounds like your heart is in the right place.
Don't buy the junk food. If it isn't there, he cannot eat it. Make sure he eats often but healthy options. I like the suggestion of having a Sunday bake day - he can choose and help you bake and have that treat (we all need treats!). But ..... the last thing you want is for him to be hungry and binge. He is a growing boy so do not under estimate how hungry he will get. Make sure he access to foods, just make sure they are healthy (fruit/veg/yoghurts/cheese/protein). My 13 yo step daughter could eat all day - it's a growth spurt.
Be the example. Don't talk about 'losing weight'/'getting healthy' all the time - this is boring for kids.
Just do. Good luck.

brainfreeze72

My son was a heavy weight kid as well. We didn't have a lot of junk in the house but he would carb up, lots of crackers and pasta. He did LOVE to go hiking with me though so we would make it a point to go out on Saturday mornings while my husband and daughters slept in. You could also have potato sack races, three legged races, hoola hoop contests and if you can get a Wii and some Dance games those are a good way to get kids moving as well and you can have fun laughing at yourself in front of him to let him know it's okay. Exercise doesn't have to be about doing things you don't like, it can be about having fun being active. Swimming at the Y, rollerblading, roller skating, ice skating and bicycle riding as others have suggested but above all, be careful what you bring into the house for him to eat. Lots of fresh fruit, yogurt, nuts, cheese. Show him how to make a proper plate with balanced portions of what he should be getting for nutrients. I hope you can make use out of some of the suggestions being offered here.

traceface71

I just had a discussion with my son today about this. He's also 10, overweight and addicted to video games...I take full ownership of all of this. But I am making changes! Today, much to his dismay, I told him he was going on a hike with me. "Mom, I'm just not an outside kind of kid", were his exact words. *sigh* I told him he didn't have a choice and I was making these changes for me AND him. And that when he was an adult he could sit on his butt and watch life pass him by but no longer on my watch. I also let him know that he'll have to earn screen time by excercising. Oh, I am so on his *kitten* list...probably not the most diplomatic approach. But, I've been complacent with his health and I want his quality of life to be more than what mine was as a fat kid.

nxd10

I just had a discussion with my son today about this. He's also 10, overweight and addicted to video games...I take full ownership of all of this. But I am making changes! Today, much to his dismay, I told him he was going on a hike with me. "Mom, I'm just not an outside kind of kid", were his exact words. *sigh* I told him he didn't have a choice and I was making these changes for me AND him. And that when he was an adult he could sit on his butt and watch life pass him by but no longer on my watch. I also let him know that he'll have to earn screen time by excercising. Oh, I am so on his *kitten* list...probably not the most diplomatic approach. But, I've been complacent with his health and I want his quality of life to be more than what mine was as a fat kid.

Yeah, but just because they roll their eyes, doesn't mean they don't know you're right.

Excellent work! I need to do better.

plynn54

if you have a wii, there is a kids version of wii fit, he might like to work out with sponge bob