Hard for friends to be supportive

kalmf

I've been rebuked a couple of times by friends. These are my weight loss buddies, women who I'd trade "How I screwed up" tales every day. Now that I'm learning portion control and working out every day, my scale has been moving down. I'm of course pleased and proud about it, but they are (and I understand the psychology here) are somewhat angry. It makes one feel somewhat alone. Thanks for letting me share
K

aunienue

Good for you! Hold your head high and be proud of your accomplishment. Maybe you will spur your friends on, if not....whatever. :happy:

SugarHi

We have this happening in our office as well. I close a close group of friends all on the same journey and we all work well and compliment each other. But this happens more when people are jealous they see you making progress and their either not making progress of they are moving in the other direction. If you'd still like to be their "Buddies" maybe hold off a little on your accomplishments and pay more attention to their needs? Generally soemone feeling jealous may just need to know that you still care, then the sharing goes two ways.

I could be wrong all together, but that is what has helped me!

justann

Congrats on your success! If you'd like an online ,supportive friend you can add me. I'm new at this and could use some support too.

alisaperry74

K
Sorry to hear that you have lost some of your workout buddies because you have had success and they have not. We have similar weight loss goals (though I am just getting started). I would love to be your workout buddy.

DTFaaron

wow that's lame how your friends can be that way. I suggest adding friends on here for support. I've been reading daily how people on here support each other with thier weight loss goals. Add me, I'll help you too. Make MFP you're weight loss "go to" website. Hit it up regularly every single day.

fossilmama

I completely understand where you are coming from. My weight loss buddies bailed on me as soon as I started dropping pounds and I've actually lost two of my best friends here in town. Once I started losing weight, they stopped talking to me

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it hurts and it makes me feel guilty for trying to be healthy. I over heard one of my friends actually saying that I thought I was better than her. I don't feel that way at all, I just want to be healthy and feel good about my body. I've been overweight for years. Now that I'm losing, I finally have confidence again and I am excited about the things that I can accomplish physically that I couldn't before. It's kind of like that saying----"When you stop drinking, you realize who your real friends are." Same thing applies to weight loss----you find out quickly who your real friends are. Good luck and keep going, no matter what! You are doing this for YOU and no one else. Keep that in mind, and keep on losing :0)

kristinlough

I have had that problem in the past (and as a result, failed at weight loss). I've lost 16 pounds so far, and I haven't told a person around me (except my husband, who's trying to lose with me). As a result, I feel so much better! I'm working harder, and I can't blame my not working out on my buddy not showing up, or being less intense, etc. I find I get all the support I need on MFP. Hopefully you can find support here, too! (And if you need it, let us know!)

I'm sorry you've had to experience that :frown: but it'll get better!

stacyoct19

Be a friend. Be excited about your accomplishments. Modestly express them, they're gonna see the hard work anyways. It is frustrating. It's like hearing someone who's smaller than you complain about how fat they are lol. Just makes you feel bad. And you shouldn't. You're taking care of yourself and your health. Maybe they'll come around, and maybe they won't. Be strong. You're doing what you should be doing!!!!

EmilyStrick

i don't really share my weight loss info with anyone except my mfp friends...and my husband. i love this website, and doubt i would stick to this without the people i have found on here. i think we all need people to motivate us, and if your original group isn't working, then at least you have found a HUGE group of positive people that are always willing to light a fire under your *kitten* or support you or console you...it's a wonderful thing! add me as a friend if you'd like!

kalmf

Thank you everyone. It's funny, because we used to check in constantly on wins and loses and all aspects of the process, but now, even if I say nothing about my own path, if I say anything to them even in support or encouragement, it's basically "I don't want to talk about that anymore" Maybe I have been overly exuberant, though, and I will tone it down. I was just so happy. I weighed 108 lbs on my wedding day 23 years ago so this is huge.

I'll take you all up on your offers of friendship, thanks again.
K.

LongMom

Sounds like your friends have some issues. It happens. You can't control what they do, only what YOU do. You have every right to hold your head up high and be proud of your accomplishments! How they react is really not your problem.

As people change, so do friendships and sometimes you have to move on. That doesn't mean you "cut them out of your life" or anything dramatic like that, but distancing yourself from negative people who are spawning negative feelings in you (like GUILT - bad bad bad) is a big part of growing as a person.

As you become a healthier positive person, you're going to need healthy positive people around you. MFP is a great place to find those people! It's a good thing you're here

Kendra7107

Oh boy, can I relate. I have come to the realization that this is a journey we have to make on our own . I have found some friends here on MFP and look to them for motivation and support.

I too started last summer with a support group, but after a while I was the only one left working toward my goals. It also became difficult for me as I seemed to constantly have to motivate others. I don't mind that but we scheduled short teleconferences every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to keep us on track. On Mondays I was constantly making people feel better because they had a bad weekend, on Tuesday, they just couldn't seem to get started on Friday they felt bad because they hadn't done as well as they should have. I might should harsh as I wanted to support my friends but this went on for almost three months with me being the only one losing weight. I am not judging as I have food issues too, but I realized for my own sanity and success I had to take myself out of that place and look for support and motivation elsewhere.

Jealousy can be a funny thing and it's hard when those closest to us aren't happy for our success. I have a close friend (9 years) here at work that also battles her weight. I lost 35 pounds and she never said one word to me!! :-) Everyone else in the building noticed but she didn't. One time a lot of ladies were telling me how skinny I looked in the bathroom and she stayed in the stall an extra long time just so she wouldn't have to face me and give me a compliment. :-) LOL This is no joke!!

Just this morning a "friend" brought me a Krispy Kreme donut, knowing I'm watching my food. When she left I threw it in the trash. Wanted to cry but felt good afterward!!! LOL :bigsmile:

Your friends actions say more about them than you!!
KEEP IT UP!! You are doing the right thing. Just be low key and they will come around eventually.
K

Kendra7107

I have heard people say things in the past about others that have lost a lot of weight, like "she has changed since she lost weight", "she acts like she's too good to hang out with us, etc." I'm sure that sometimes this is true but I think much of the time it's the ones that haven't lost weight that change.

SammiAnne11

Don't let anyone else bring you down.
I have met lots of wonderful mfp friends. I look forward to checking in every day to continue my journey!
Keep up the great work! :flowerforyou: