starting to stress for holiday

earndien

in 9 working days my summer holiday starts,
and i getting so nervous and thinking bad thought that it is putting me down and
letting me eat more and more and more,
point blank i have never been at a happy weigh when ever i go on holiday making me
wanting to wish my holiday away and dont wanting to go anywhere
and you know it all my fault, i just dont know how and why i do this to my self
i going into a nervous melt down, i weigh heavy now then my last holiday by about 10 pounds
i cant seem toge into steam, the though of walking to the beach or anywere else on my holidays
makes me sick to the stomach,
why do we keep doing this to our selfs why do we punish our selfs so bad
i am sick and tired of it
but just dont know how to stop