I lost my cat to FIV on Wednesday.
People suggested I reach out, to talk about it, so here I am. I'll do my best.
This is my cat, TigerTom.
His fur was soft. His pur was deep. He loved only me. He would kiss me constantly and all he wanted was for us to lay together as I talked to him. I've had him for a very long time (16 years).
He was an indoor cat his entire life. We grew up together. He was my baby. We would run and play together as kids. As a teenager, I would tell him my woes and he would purr me to sleep. He would massage my neck and tangle himself up in my hair and I'd fall asleep to his warm breath on my ear. I'd wake up and he would have taken up the entire pillow, still purring happily and my hair in knots. When I'd left for the dorm life, I'd visit on the weekends and he would howl and run to me. After I developed an allergy, I still came back. When he stopped running, I'd hold him. When he became sick, I gave him medicine. And, finally, when his kidneys failed and bronchitis hit his chest, and his breaths were too heavy, his legs were limp, and his head rolled on my chest, I said goodbye.
My friends have been supportive. One of them even sent my favorite flowers, daisies, to my work.
My mother's dog also mourns him, laying in front of TigerTom's old bedroom door (where she never before would lay).
But I am just having a hard time dealing with it. I feel him and see him everywhere. The first question out of somebody's mouth today was, "So, do you have any pets?"
Hours after we left the vet's office after saying goodbye, we saw this on our car (it had rained just earlier):
I hope this is a sign that he is still all around me.
So, nobody will probably reply to this, but this is my story. Hopefully talking about it will bring me some peace like everybody has told me it would. If anybody has gone through the same, please show me pictures and tell me about your pet.
This is my cat, TigerTom.
His fur was soft. His pur was deep. He loved only me. He would kiss me constantly and all he wanted was for us to lay together as I talked to him. I've had him for a very long time (16 years).
He was an indoor cat his entire life. We grew up together. He was my baby. We would run and play together as kids. As a teenager, I would tell him my woes and he would purr me to sleep. He would massage my neck and tangle himself up in my hair and I'd fall asleep to his warm breath on my ear. I'd wake up and he would have taken up the entire pillow, still purring happily and my hair in knots. When I'd left for the dorm life, I'd visit on the weekends and he would howl and run to me. After I developed an allergy, I still came back. When he stopped running, I'd hold him. When he became sick, I gave him medicine. And, finally, when his kidneys failed and bronchitis hit his chest, and his breaths were too heavy, his legs were limp, and his head rolled on my chest, I said goodbye.
My friends have been supportive. One of them even sent my favorite flowers, daisies, to my work.
My mother's dog also mourns him, laying in front of TigerTom's old bedroom door (where she never before would lay).
But I am just having a hard time dealing with it. I feel him and see him everywhere. The first question out of somebody's mouth today was, "So, do you have any pets?"
Hours after we left the vet's office after saying goodbye, we saw this on our car (it had rained just earlier):
I hope this is a sign that he is still all around me.
So, nobody will probably reply to this, but this is my story. Hopefully talking about it will bring me some peace like everybody has told me it would. If anybody has gone through the same, please show me pictures and tell me about your pet.
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Replies
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I feel so bad for you. I am also a pet lover (3 cats, 3 dogs, fish and a rabbit for now) and I know what it is like to lose a pet. All of my pets have been special and it is never easy to let them go. I hope that with time, you will be able to look back with fond memories and not that sick feeling that you have right now in your heart. {{{Hugs}}}0
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At the same time I want to get better and for time to help, every day I am getting further from when he was alive. Does that make sense? It is difficult. I can't remember a time in my life (literally) when he was not my companion.0
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I'm sorry. I foster at-risk kittens who have lost their mothers to disease, so I am very familiar with loss. This year I've fostered 45 baby kittens and lost three to disease. It's heart-breaking. With the connections we make with animals, it's hard to say if someone can ever get over the loss of an animal they truly loved - but as time goes on, we can begin to move forward and not be consumed with the sadness. A few months ago I lost a baby (Micah) I had bottle-fed since it was two days old - he had FIP - and I was torn up about it for a long time. I still am. But I figured that Micah wouldn't want me to be sad about him - he would want me to remember him fondly and to keep helping more babies. He wouldn't want me to live in grief, like I was doing.
I found a ceramic ornament of a little cat with wings and painted it his colors, and have a photo of him in the cabinet where I keep the formula and food for the kitties. He had a very short life but I did everything I could to make him comfortable before it became clear that he wouldn't pull through. He loved for me to scratch his little ears. I still have his two siblings (disease-free so far) and they bring me unspeakable joy. I see him every time I hold his twin sister.0 -
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
I am terribly sorry for your loss, try to remember the good times and good memories shared. That is how your kitty will live forever. We are so blessed to have these perfect creatures to show us what true unconditional love is. hugs.0 -
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. They are a very important part of our families and it is very difficult to lose them. I hope that this helps you with your closure and you are able to find peace.0
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I am so very sorry for your loss. In 1973, at the age of 12, I got a dog. She stayed with me from adolescence, through young adulthood, high school, college, law school, meeting my wife, to me becoming a married man and attorney. When she finally died in 1990, I was so grief stricken that I stayed home from work for 3 days and cried and cried and cried. Finally, my tears ran out. But my memories of her, and the ache that began when she died never did. Even 22 years later, I can still "feel myself" rubbing her belly as she lay flat on her back on the bed before we would fall asleep. All these years later, I have never been able to bring myself to get another dog. My wife and I have had cats ever since then. First two, then three, and now four. One of our cats, Sweetie, is a squirrel coated Tabby. She is 2. I am the only person in the house she will sleep with. She gives me kisses and likes to "bathe" my face with her tongue. Sweetie sleeps on the exact same spot on my leg almost every night. When I am out of town (as I am now), she will look up at my recliner, sometimes even briefly jump onto it, then fall asleep on the floor right behind it, as though she is looking for me, and waiting for me to return home. I know you are hurting badly now. I can feel it through your words, thoughts and pictures. Please know that the depth of grief, pain and loss that you are experiencing are a result of the depth of your love for TigerTom. And that over time, while your tears will finally subside, the special place you have in your heart for him will never go away. I hope that when the time is right, you will allow yourself to get another pet. He or she won't ever replace TigerTom, but will give you an outlet for the obvious love you have to share with a pet who can appreciate it and needs it. You and TigerTom are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.0
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is as difficult as losing a human family member. You will start feeling better, and it's ok to. Time will pass, and getting further away from the time he was alive doesn't distance you from him or the memories you have.
Two of my cats that we adopted together passed away within the last year. We had one for 13 years, and by the time the second had died, we had her for 14 years. I still tear up thinking about them. I love them still.
Can I make a suggestion for you? Save this post, and do a small writeup about your cat. I did one about each of mine and still cry reading them. It's a great way to make sure you remember the good (and bad, which are sometimes just as great) things about them.0 -
Aaaw! This made me cry. So sorry about your kitty. You can go to the Rainbow Bridge website and make a page/testimony for your baby. I did when my best friend Harvey (my dog) got ran over by a car and killed. It's very comforting because I can go back and "visit" when I am missing him. There's also a Facebook Rainbow Bridge page that you can post on and talk to other people who have recently lost their pets. It's great. It really helped me get through Harvey's death.0
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I'm so sorry.
TigerTom was a beautiful kitty, and it sounds like he was your very best friend.
I had a cat just like him. His name was Gomez, and I had to put him to sleep two years ago. I cried for days. He was my best friend. I'd had him for 12 years, and we'd been through everything together. Like TigerTom, he would lay on my pillow, kiss my face, lick my tears away, and follow me everywhere.
Here is a picture of us:
Don't let anyone tell you how long you can grieve, when you should be over it, or that he was "just a cat". Some people don't understand that pets are family members, and the grief doesn't go away in X amount of time. I still cry sometimes when I see Gomez's pictures. The pain isn't as raw as it was two years ago, but I still miss him.0 -
Oh, I am so sorry. Losing a beloved pet is devastating. <<hugs>>
I am an animal lover, but I love cats more than any other animal. I've had many cats as pets in my lifetime, but I had one in particular, Molly, that was the most special. I was HER person. Whenever I was at home, she insisted on being near me. She was given to me by my high school boyfriend and when I left to go to college, my parents would tell me how sad she was that I wasn't around and that she was always looking for me. I did move back home after college and Molly was one happy cat! She went missing once and I was inconsolable. I put up posters in the neighborhood and was constantly calling animal shelters and local vets. My boyfriend at this time tried everything to comfort me (He told me during this time that his greatest fear was that something would happen to Molly because he knew he couldn't fix it). Two weeks after she went missing (and after I had given up any hope of her returning), I pull in the driveway and there she is sitting in the yard like she had never been missing. In typical cat fashion, as I fawned over her, she acted like something was wrong with me. About a year after this, we found her dead one morning. She hadn't slept in my bead the night before which was unusual but not out of the ordinary. She hadn't given any indication of being sick. She died around Halloween, so even though she was a tabby, I wonder if she was poisoned. It's been a few years, and to this day, I find it hard to have another cat (of course, living in an apartment building that doesn't allow pets is a deterrant). I understand a where you are coming from. You can't just replace such a beloved pet. :flowerforyou:0 -
Thank you for all of your comments. I have been reading more about ner-death experiences and seeing beloved pets again, and even pets that communicate with their human companions. I'd like to think he is still near me. My guardian -- I'd like to think that.
Thank you for sharing all of your stories.
it really does help. 0 -
What a great story you wrote. Your cat looks a lot like mine, and so I was especially touched.0
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I'm so sorry about your loss.
I've lost two beloved cats in my life.
The first was Oscar, a big beautiful tabby who was a stray. I talked my mom into adopting him when I was 13. Basically she said "Don't feed him or he'll never go away" so of course I fed him every day and played with him for hours and my mom finally gave in. We had him for 11 years (he was already 6-10 when we found him according to the vet). He lived a happy life with us and then got old and sick and we had to put him down. That was one of the saddest days of my life. It's been many years and we still talk about him and can now tell stories and laugh about the things he would do.
The second was Niko, a tortoiseshell with a crooked tail and a ton of personality. She was the first cat that was all mine. When I moved out of the family house, I went and got her. We went through a lot together, I had some hard times in the 5 years I had here and she was always there greeting me when I came home, making me laugh and snuggling with me. One day I came home from work and she was curled up on my bed. I thought it was odd that she didn't get up to say hello and when I walked over and touched her I discovered she had passes. I lost it. It was such a shock because she was so young and had been fine that morning. My mom came and took care of everything. I couldn't go home for a few days because I couldn't bear the thought of being alone in my apartment, missing her presence. It took a long time to get over that. I still get sad when I look at pictures or talk about her, but it does get easier.
I now have two amazingly sweet cats. Layla I've had since she was a kitten, she is extremely attached to me and the sweetest cat I've ever known. I can't even think about losing her. My other cat is Merlin, he was another stray I took in. I love him to bits as well, but he isn't quite as bonded to me as Layla - he loves everyone!
You will always miss him, but it gets easier. You will be able to talk about him again and smile and laugh. You will be able to love another cat again.
Big hugs!0 -
What a touching tribute! I'm sorry for your loss. I love cats, but I've never had one for 16 years. Wow. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to say goodbye.0
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I have lost a few furbabies as I would like to call them. I lost our black kitty Joe-Joe Bear over a year ago to kidney failure (he was 5!!!). He went from healthy vet checkup to within a month we had to let him go. I stayed with him til the end, and I let him know that he was very loved.
I too lost a pet like you did. When I was 6 (I'm 33 now), my father came home from work one day and opened the back door to the car. Out popped a little fuzzball named Gizmo. My father had taken him out a bad situation and he was my birthday present!!! He was with me throughout most of my growing years. He was always my best friend when the kids at school treated me horribly. He loved me no matter what. He slept with me every night. I went to college and I was planning on taking him when I moved into an apartment.
One day I was at the mall with some friends in Banana Republic looking at clothes. My mother decided to call me and tell me at that point that they had to put him down. I felt horrible!! I couldn't be there for him!!!
I do believe that they look after you. If you are feeling very sad and down, maybe you should try to volunteer at a local animal shelter. You can share the love you had with your cat to other kitties who do not have a home. One of my local shelters has a "Kitten Room". Once you walk in, it's an instant mood lifter!!
I know it's hard, but you loved him and he knew it. Thats what is most important.0 -
I'm very sorry for your loss =*(0
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I am so so sorry for your loss. This breaks my heart and all of my good thoughts are with you. I have two cats that are like my children and I know when they pass I will be completely devastated. Your kitty is beautiful and was obviously very loved. 0
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Sixteen years! You gave him a wonderful, long life.
I had to put my Old Cat down in the spring. I had had her since she was 8 weeks old, and she was 20. It was so hard, and so sad. Sometimes I still look for her when I walk in the house.
When it's time, the right cat will find you again. It's worth waiting for.0 -
I just put down my cat who was 17 years old, this past Oct. Very hard. I am sorry.
I understand how you feel. They are part of your family. I believe they have a spirit.0 -
I am so sorry for your loss. I myself have three cats and dread the day they leave me. Pets truly hold a special place in our hearts that even fellow humans cannot fill when they pass.0
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I am so sorry for your loss of your companion and friend of so many years. It is heartbreaking. I lost my cat Mandy to sickness that they thought was kidney related a number of years ago. I was devastated. My cat was so loving and caring and sweet. I miss her still. She was so special to me. *hugs*0
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Such a beautiful story
:brokenheart:
I hope it gets better for you.0 -
Hi,
I lost my cat George to cancer three years ago. He was my best friend ever and he loved me, and always wanted to be with me. I raised him from a five day old kitten with the eyedropper, replacement milk, and his sister and brother. I kept them all. George was my favorite---a big white fuzzy kitty and he slept in my bed too, purring, and wited for me to come home from work! . I still miss him terribly---I cry every time I think aabout him. He had chondrosarcoma.When he first got it I had him operated on to remove it---and they had to remove four ribs too--he was nearly cut all the way arond his body. We fought back from that with a long recuperation. But after a year--a year---it came back with a vengence. I got to spend those last few months with him, giving him pain medication, feeding him, petting and grooming him, and taking him just outside on the porch so he could breathe the fresh air and feel the sun on his fur. These were bittersweet days---and I did not leave him except to go to work and church. Then one morning he could not get up any more. I can't write about this---it's too hard. But I know ---I know---he will be waiting at the other end of the Rainbow Bridge when I cross that river--I know this.0 -
So sorry to hear about your loss. My own 16 year old cat died recently and it is heartbreaking. Isn't it wonderful though how much love they can inspire and how much love people have to give them 0
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I got half way through your story holding back the tears, then decided I was foolish to hold back so typing now through the tears, I feel for you, your dedication to Tiger Tom - your best friend in all the world - created memories you can hold with you forever. The photos are wonderful, perhaps one day you can create a photo collage that will always make you smile and remember the soft feel of his cuddles. Tiger Tom's love for you will never go away 0
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i feel your hurt and pain and sense of loss :frown:
i too lost my angel earlier this year and cried and raged and felt like my heart was being pulled out. your love for tiger tom, your companion and friend, and a huge part of your life, is clear to see in your writing. people without pets who are a part of their family wont understand.
i found this poem and is truly spoke to me. i hope that it can offer you some words to soothe your soul too
"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die"
Mary Frye
xx0 -
I have had and do have cats and dogs. I love them all and they all add something special to my life. I try to remind myself that what makes animals so special is their capacity for living in the moment. They live for their immediate experiences and feelings, not with fear of the future, fear of illness or death. So, when it is time to say good-bye, the animal had no expectation of either a long or a short life. If that animal had a good "animal life"; that is, a cat had a good "cat life"--full of good food, play, affection, love, care, then the human has given that animal all that the animal needed. Mourn and remember your wonderful cat. He will always be a part of you, but know that you gave him a good cat life.0
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I also lost my cat this past May. You can see her in my tracker. She was 15 and went into renal failure. I had her since 1997 when she was still a kitten. My husband, originally a dog person also became very attached to her. It is very hard - allow yourself to mourn but as each day passes, you will remember the happy times - you will never forget them of course. I always thank God for the love she brought us. I still feel her love today. (((Hugs)))) :flowerforyou:0
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I am so very very sorry for your loss. When our pets are our kids, it is not easy to get over. 0
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