embarrassed to leave the house.. :(

karylee44

a year ago i weighed about 140... only 10 pounds from my goal. this year.. after knee surgery and a ton of stress i now am up to 155.. i feel horrible. last year i bought some cute clothing.. actually showing some skin.. this year i am back to dressing like i used to when i was 190. long skirts, long sleeves.. basically hiding myself. i do not want to go out in public.. i feel like everyone is staring at me .. i feel like a failure. i have tried dieting.. failed.. i was going to the gym and to zumba.. but now cant afford it and with my work schedual.. i no longer have free time. im in a rut.. both mentally and physically and have no idea how to get out. I would love some help at how to change my image of myself.. i think if i can manage that.. my body might be able to follow.. but as of right now.. i dont want to leave the house. and i do take a nice photo.. but in person.. not so much.. any help with fixing the head and suggestions to get back on the wagon would be helpful.. thanks..

castell5

How tall are you? It doesn't sound like 155 is "out of control" you still can pull it back.
You need to get the motivation to be very careful with your caloric intake and be extremely honest with your logging on the site.
I am new to the site, only joined in September, but it helped me lose the last 10 lbs I needed to lose and I am positive it will help me to maintain. Today is one month since I started my maintenance and I am exactly the same weight I was on 11/9/12. I am 135 lbs. I would like to be 130, but if I can't back down to that weight, I can't. I look ok in my clothing and I made a promise to myself not to go over 140 EVER again. I had hit 177 and that is nothing to brag about and is even more embarrassing to admit. But simple fact, it is true. Me, 5 Ft 3 in was 177 lbs and not anywhere near happy with myself. By the time I hit 155, I was getting happy, much happier.. so just dedicate yourself to backing it down and you will succeed.
Good luck!

madworld1

I am a huge believer in the power of the mind. We are what we think. If I continuously tell myself that "I am a failure," then I will undoubtedly fail. It's just a vicious cycle. Negative thoughts are saboteurs. Try replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. It will take some practice.

You say that you have no free time. Think about your daily routine. Do you watch any television at all? Do you surf the internet? Those are free times. If you don't do those things, can you get up early in the morning to workout? What about your lunch break? Even a little exercise is better than none, and it does wonders for self-esteem.

sumer_13

Madworld1 great advice! We will become what we believe.. Very smart woman you are.

jennifer_a00

Don't say you have failed, you can restart right now! I had a couple months where I stopped logging because of school stress, and I felt so terrible physically and emotionally. When I decided I needed to restart all of this, I took a couple of days to drink lots of water, get moving with some easy exercise (walks) and then I was ready to start logging my food again. I had to mentally ease myself back into it! Everybody does it differently but I believe we can all reach our goals.

onyxgirl17

a year ago i weighed about 140... only 10 pounds from my goal. this year.. after knee surgery and a ton of stress i now am up to 155.. i feel horrible. last year i bought some cute clothing.. actually showing some skin.. this year i am back to dressing like i used to when i was 190. long skirts, long sleeves.. basically hiding myself. i do not want to go out in public.. i feel like everyone is staring at me .. i feel like a failure. i have tried dieting.. failed.. i was going to the gym and to zumba.. but now cant afford it and with my work schedual.. i no longer have free time. im in a rut.. both mentally and physically and have no idea how to get out. I would love some help at how to change my image of myself.. i think if i can manage that.. my body might be able to follow.. but as of right now.. i dont want to leave the house. and i do take a nice photo.. but in person.. not so much.. any help with fixing the head and suggestions to get back on the wagon would be helpful.. thanks..

It sounds like you have some confidence issues. You shouldn't let what other people think bother you. You should be doing this for yourself. But seriously, you are not that heavy. You are not gross. People are not staring at you and if they are well shame on them. Nobody's perfect.

gerripho

In the first place, there is nothing wrong with long skirts and long sleeves. A bit of mystery can be a bit sexy.

Too many of us can't see ourselves as others do. Go to mybodygallery.com, put in your height, weight, and body type. The My Body Gallery project is real women, mostly dressed in ordinary clothing, not models or anything like that, and you get a better idea of what you look like to others. You can also put in your goal weight to get an idea of what you might look like at that weight. It's a great motivator! Then, to see how far you have come, put in your starting weight and see what you have accomplished!

Mandarz

work out at home, I bought 10 min trainer, ( im sure you can burn it but im not all good with technology ) and that was my start, 10 min works outs i could fit in during the day and i noticed a major difference in my stamina after just a few weeks...

pixietoes

What you believe is perhaps the most important part of making changes that last. If you feel bad about your weight and appearance, if you're frustrated about your injury, if you are embarrassed then it can be very hard to make changes that matter.

The past two years I spent getting myself as fit as possible. I was in a stuck place with weight loss which annoyed me, but my muscles had changed radically and I was even planning to do a tri-athalon in 2012 although I was sure I would be the heaviest woman in the event. (I have done 2 half-marathons and except for the friend who did it with me I'm pretty sure I was the heaviest at least one of them, but I didn't finish last in either of them.) In January my life stopped hard. I was discovered to have a brain tumor. I had two surgeries. I took awful drugs including steroids that made me gain a pound a day for more than a month. I slept more than 20 hours a day for more than a month. Being able to stay awake did not mean having energy enough to walk around the neighborhood. By the time I could I didn't want to be seen either and I didn't have a lot of clothes that fit me. When I got back to any kind of exercise it was mostly tai chi. Not a great fat burner, but important for waking up my muscles again. By the time I was ready to go back in the gym I knew I had to lose 60 lbs and I was not allowed to do more than 15-20 minutes of exercise and only if I had someone right beside me the whole time.

I tell you all of this to say this. I hear you. Do what you can. Do what you're willing to do. Even if it means you're doing a few yoga poses in your living room. I promise you when you start feeling a little change in your ability it will help you to want to do more. You'll be surprised how fast it can happen. Since September I've gone from being able to lift 35 of my pounds to being able to lift 90 of them while working on my pull-ups. My arms still don't look as good as they did a year ago, but I'm not ashamed to wear a sleeveless dress to a Christmas party.

You don't have as far to go as I did physically, but you might have the same emotional distance. Funny how that works. If I can encourage you, feel free to friend me. Sometimes we all need to hear we're not the only one trying to make a good decision and finding it hard.

karylee44

I dont even know if losing the3 weigth would make a difference...i hbave panic attacks everytime i get ready to leave the house. I guess i just have to make it through the holidays...then work on it.... i just get really upset even going to work now...i know it is in my head...i just dont know how to get it out

rock_kowgurl

Sounds like your problem is less weight related and more agoraphobia. Consider seeing a therapist; There are some who will come to your home. I had many issues with leaving the house and being in public and in crowds and therapy helped me immensely.

If you don't want to get therapy, the next time you feel poorly about yourself just think of me. I weigh almost 100 pounds more than you and I go out in public every day. I wear revealing clothing too. If I can do it at my gigantic 272 pounds, you can do it at your 190. ;-)

4kuykesh

Not sure about the benefits available to you through your employer; however, if they offer EAP (Employee Assistance Provider) services, these counseling services are typically free of charge. Could be deeper issues that are causing the panics etc. Good luck to you and take care....

karylee44

i am 5'5"ish.. and currently at 155..

grnice

I agree, it sounds like you have a mental problem, not a weight problem. If you are seriously embarrassed to go out of the house at 155 lbs then you have body dysmorphia and need to see a therapist.

Danni3ll3

As a teacher, you know that you can get help with what sounds like agoraphobia. However, if it is not, I can tell you that I went on a cruise this summer and gained 12 lbs in two weeks. Do I regret eating what I did? No way and I knew that the scale would be higher when I got home. I didn't expect 12 lbs though. I just started walking again, watching what I was eating and recently, got back to MFP to track my calories. I am down 11 of those 12 lbs and back on my way to my goal. I am older and if I can do it, so can you! Good luck to you!

HSingMomto7Kids

Keep looking at the positive and do what you can!! Go for a walk, run, pop in a DVD and BTW I think you look great! Just keep plugging at it!!

ImNotThatBob

It's natural to gain some weight around the holidays and when under stress. I still think you look beautiful. You are NOT a failure. You are very talented and successful as an artist, as a teacher, and as a mother (hint: when your kids are pissed off and hate you, that means you're a great parent! LOL).

You're just going through a time of high stress. Roll with it. You've got some fun friends at work. Enjoy yourself there. Think of it as an escape from the house. Once your knee recovers you can hammer out the physical exercise size stuff. In the meantime... chin up and crank some tunes!

jfinnivan

@karylee4
It sounds like you were successful in reducing your weight before you gained some back. You even bought new clothes, so I'm guessing that you were feeling good about your new look. If you did it once, you can do it again. You have that success to remind yourself that it's not new territory. There are certain things I've achieved in my life that I'll ALWAYS have, and I use them to remind myself that I can do what I'm attempting. Even losing weight. You can do it.

rml_16

I'm pretty sure you're judging yourself much more harshly than anyone else is judging you.

clarkeje1

If you are having trouble finding the confidence to work out outside or around people then just do an exercise dvd at home until you can get your weight down a little.

therealangd

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I agree with a few other people that it does sound more like a confidence, self esteem issue as opposed to an actual weight issue. I really think a few sessions with a therapist will help.

I'm also a believer in the "fake it till you make it" attitude. ie don't let the negative thoughts consume you. Act like the confident person you want to be and eventually it will happen.

harvo

I am amazed at how strong our minds can be and how hard we can be on ourselves especially while supporting others.

IMO, you are incredibly HAWT....Hope all gets better for you...

Indygirl_81

I'm sorry you feel this way.... 155 is by no means "out of control"
I agree with other posters that it appears to be a little more of a self-esteem vs weight issue. I also agree with the fake it, til you make it attitude....

You CAN do this, you have to think day by day, or even minute by minute if it helps. Not sure what you do for work, but if you warm something up in the microwave for lunch, do calisthenics while it heats up. Walk around at least once an hour for 5 minutes if you sit at a desk all day.... anything to increase your calorie burn and decrease the amount of calories you take in will help, even if you don't have time to work out for 30+ minutes a day.

If it helps, find some weightloss/self-esteem/stress reduction motivational quotes or affirmations and post them around your home (on your mirrors) or in your car... anything positive can/will help.

KyleB65

I know what it is like to feel so different that I hated going out in public. When I started my journey, I was at rock bottom! As I started attending exercise classes, I would place my self at the back of the class and I would bring 2 - 3 large towels for my sweat and to wipe the floor! As hard as the exercise was, it was the showing up class after class that was the hardest for me. At one point a new student in the class dubbed my "Kung Fu Panda". I am not one too put to much credence to the word of people I do not know but this hurt way more than I let anyone know.
The good thing is that my perseverance is paying off! I have gone from the fat sweaty guy at the back of the class to one of the senior students who leads the class from time to time. I have gone from needing 2 -3 days to recover from a class to adding weights and running to my workout week. I have gone from being out of breath after walking up 2 flights of stairs to my office to training for a half marathon.
My journey to date has taken almost 5 years. And, like with most undertakings, I have good and bad days along the way. The one constant however is that I NEVER gave up!
I do not know you or your situation. But, I can say that if you keep going the results will be worth the effort. If you are like me the first step is just to get moving. Deal with one issue at a time. Start small and then as you master/overcome one thing move on to something else. The more you keep moving the more you will want/need to be active. And, the better you will feel physically & emotionally.
I wish you all the best on your journey!

dansls1

I'm pretty sure you're judging yourself much more harshly than anyone else is judging you.

This! I think you are amazingly beautiful, strong and resourceful! You also are talented artistically - something I have no chance of ever being. Hang in there!

LaceyMorley

Morning - Try to remember that most people are so caught up with themselves, their life, and their families and jobs that they really would not even notice a 15lb gain. I'm sure most people have not even noticed and those that have probably know about your knee surgery and are understanding. Honestly, like others have said it sounds like you are dealing with either a phobia or social anxiety. I would talk to your doctor or a therapist about it. Hope things get better for you.

lizziebeth1028

Read through the forum success stories on here. There are people with major physical, mental, and life challenges that have made major transformations. At 155 pounds.. you're either totally over reacting like a drama queen or you're suffering depression. You may want to seek out some professional help and counseling. Or just give yourself a major kick in the *kitten*...pity party over.

scruffykaz

I don't feel that 155lbs is big. You look great from your photo. I'm about 100lbs heavier than that and I really couldn't give a fk about what people may or may not think about me.

I appreciate this is about how you feel about yourself but you need to get your confidence sorted out. Who are these people and why do you care what they think of you? If they are important, fair enough but would somebody as superficial as to judge you on a 15lb gain be important? I sincerely doubt that. People either love you for who you or not at all. They may support you but that is a whole different thing.

Don't get any free time to exercise? Sorry to be harsh but that's an excuse. You may not have time for the gym and zumba but what else can you do to exercise? Do you have time for a walk at lunchtime? Can you use a console dance game in the evening? How can you get yourself moving? It may not seem like a lot compared with what you used to do but at least it will be something.

Diets just make people unhappy and I'm not convinced they work long-term. What does work is commitment to a healthy lifestyle, making those small changes and making sure we keep moving.

We will all encounter challenges on our journey and sometimes gain weight too, but don't be too hard on yourself, work to change it. Shutting yourself away will just make you miserable....

Cori_Mac

I agree with those suggesting agoraphobia. I suffered from this for over a year, which made my life miserable. My confidence was shot, and I lived with crippling panic attacks many, many times a day. The thought of one person seeing me, other than my family, was enough to send me into my bedroom closet.

If you are suffering panic attacks, I ask you to seek someone professional to speak with. It's not a lifestyle you deserve. You have vibrancy in your eyes, and a life out there to live.

Please feel free to add me as a friend. I've been there. It's hard, incredibly hard, but you can get through this. You are stronger than you think.

xoxo

tomomatic

Be proud of how you look. You're a work in progress and the only approval that you need is your own. Let this be your mantra.

When it comes to fitness, you're doing this for yourself.

I've had anxiety about being photographed and how I looked in my photographs. I have self image issues. BUT I can tell you that when I see an out of shape flabby guy in a picture, my kids and wife see a father, friend and a guy just having fun.

nwg74

5' 5" and 155 pounds isn't big. You need to remember where you were at 190 pounds and decide not to be like that again. Then remember how you felt at 140 pounds and think what you did different to get back there.

You look great and it does sound like a confidence issue. I am constantly having the same thing. I was over 370 pounds and now I am nearly 200 pounds lighter in 20 months. Every day I have to realise and remember what I have done so far and not go back to where I was.