Frustrations with friends

dad106

Like others have said, unless they specifically ask... Keep your mouth shut!

People on here are 18+ years old.. and they can make their own decisions about what is healthy and what is not.

They don't need others telling them what they should and shouldn't do.

rml_16

I have people who are on my friends list and I look through their diaries and in one day they will have Cinnabon, full sugar sodas, half a happy meal with a candy bar and nothing else. They are under their calories, but eat nothing healthy at all.

Do you any of you comment on your friends' bad eating by mentioning it and kind of hinting (or flat out telling) them they are not really being healthy at all (consistently, not just here and there) or do you just unfriend them?

Neither. I only look at diaries if asked. The people on my FL are adults. They know what's healthy and what isn't and they make their own choices, just as I make my own choices.

I am not friends with people on here because of what they eat. My FL is full of intelligent, witty individuals and they enrich my life in many ways. I only unfriend people who are offensive in some way that I can't overlook. What they're shoveling into their pieholes doesn't affect me at all.

rgagnon1

Sorry- I'm new. How do you see someone else's diary? I want to friend my trainer and have him see mine.

daffodilsoup

When it comes down to it, an "unhealthy" day may be way better than how the person used to eat. For a lot of people, it can be a gradual change of habits - maybe the two Taco Bell apple empanadas are a small victory for that person, because the "old" them would have ordered and eaten four.

Unless asked for help, I generally don't criticize food choices.

johloz

If it's a one-time thing, I wouldn't say anything. Everyone has bad and just plain weird days of eating. But if they are consistently eating like crap, definitely say something. That's why we add people as friends and make our diaries open to them -- for feedback. If they don't like it, they can defriend you.

I won't encourage someone to make unhealthy choices, and I won't be silent when people are. Besides, my MFP "friends" are not my true friends, they're my teammates in encouraging healthy living.

Do them a favor and speak up!

LeenaRuns

Most of my MFP friends are really close and we definitely let eachother know when something doesn't look right. We're also good about letting each other know when we're sick, etc., so there's always an understanding of why.

chooriyah

If friends eat crap and are a little under, I won't comment. I don't wanna say 'good day' when all they ate was from McDonalds.

If friends eat crap and go way over, I tell them good job for logging. Cause we all have bad days, and at least it's logged and recorded, so people have an understanding of why when they don't lose that month.

If friends skip meals and are way under, I'll call them on it. Unless I know they are ill.

I also have a few friends who have left me know that they particularly want constructive criticism - so I'll make a point to be a bit more picky and make more suggestions on their diaries. I wouldn't want to do this unless specifically requested though.

dansls1

I'll say good job logging when they have a crappy day - just because being honest about it is a good part of the battle.

ndearing0501

I have friends on here who do the same thing. Candy, chips, pizza, sodas - all the time! Sure, you don't need to cut it out entirely, but if you're eating it every day.....
You're not gonna get to your goals. You can't out exercise a bad diet! Ill have a candy bar or something here and there but really? Every day? If you have that big of a problem that you can't go a day or 2 without it, you should just plain eliminate it from your diet.
I'm not going to comment that they did a good job logging it. Yes, that's half the battle and its good to be honest, but after a while its like telling them its ok. It's not a good thing that you ate it, but you logged it so thats a good thing! I used to have an issue with chai lattes and mt dew and I finally just quit it once I found how harmful it is. I haven't had a soda in I can't even remember. And chai? I have it maybe once a month as a treat. That's what it should be: a treat. You eat to live. Not live to eat people!
But no I don't comment, unless they ask. I just get disappointed in them.

rvicini

I honestly like to go into my friends' diaries. It is a way to show that I pay attention. Most of my comments are positive because people with sometime in the program understand it. Other people's dairies are a sort of inspiration and strategies I often use.
Sometimes some of my friends have had complications and _I am there to help them or suggest them. Most of the time, my suggestion is EAT MORE.
And eat more, becauese that is the way to sustain a relatevely long process and later on, sustain a new lifestyle.
I feel concern about my friends who reduce their food cals too much because it's easy to see THEY ARE STRUGGLING.

BCSMama

I think it depends on the friend. I see posts all the time where people are asking for friend requests and specifically say they want to be called out or given some tough love or whatever. In those cases, yeah, I'd call them out in as nice and supportive a way as possible.

For me, I wanted some MFP friends who will support and encourage my good choices and call me out for my bad choices. Frankly, I would rather call someone out or be called out than see the generic "good job" no matter what the food log looks like.

I mean, why are we here? To reach our fitness/health goals, right? Why do we have MFP friends? To help us reach those goals, right? So, how are you being a good MFP friend if you are not helping your friends reach their goal? And why would you want a bunch of MFP friends who either don't look at your food log and just post generic comments, or don't say anything at all?

rvicini

I delete people who routinely eat too little as I did one who was doing medifast having days where she was eating very little and days where she was obviously binging. I can't provide support to someone who doesn't want it yet.

We all fall off the wagon but there are no magic potions out there, just hard work and making good choices more often than bad ones.

Totally agree with you. However, In my case, I deleted a former friend who had a work out of nearly 9000 cals and she got mad when some of us asked why... Then some starting started talking about "Don't let the naysayers put you down". It seemed so ridiculous to me that I decided to cut her out and stop an unfruitful debate..

quirkytizzy

I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


Judgy thread is judgy.

This. I would not leave a disparaging remark about a friend's food on their page, nor would I tolerate any on mine. I am a grown women, I make my own choices and those will be respected. Elsewise, you are not my friend.

TLC1975

I have commented on one or two MFP's on their diary especially if they constantly ask for my help, or ask me why they aren't losing, but I stopped, cuz they didn't use my input at all...frustrating...I actually rarely read or comment on anything anymore, ppl are too damn sensitive...and if you are using a program like this to publicly display ur eating habits and looking for online support expect criticism...its nature of the beast...and if ur trying to lose weight and be healthy..why the heck are they eating crap to begin with..imo

I have people who are on my friends list and I look through their diaries and in one day they will have Cinnabon, full sugar sodas, half a happy meal with a candy bar and nothing else. They are under their calories, but eat nothing healthy at all.

Do you any of you comment on your friends' bad eating by mentioning it and kind of hinting (or flat out telling) them they are not really being healthy at all (consistently, not just here and there) or do you just unfriend them?

By the way, I'm guilty of being unhealthy sometimes, too and my friends (RL friends, mostly) will call me out on bad choices and would NEVER say "good logging" or "great day" when my day was just plain crap. What are the thoughts on calling people out on bad eating habits?

Linli_Anne

I don't usually look at my friends' diaries unless they ask or make a specific comment about their current stage of weight loss/gain etc.

It is not my place to judge, but, my diary is open and if they want to call me on my food choices, that's fine - they are just trying to keep me honest but it doesn't mean that I would necessarily do it differently the next time.

Sometimes I *like* McDonalds. I won't give up Pizza. I will log my white chocolate martini with brunch. I eat bacon.

Having said that though, I don't generally comment on the automated posts that say "So-and-so just completed their food diary for 1/2/3 and was under their calorie goal."....unless I happened to look at their diary, and then I just draw attention to the positives (if any), or I spin my comment to be about how less than stellar food choices affect me personally, and that's a bummer for me, but I hope that they enjoyed themselves without the same food-backlash that I get.

Yaya1976

I don't usually look at people 's food. I try to give encouragement when needed and lots of praise for working out and so on. But at the end of the day, these are all grown ups and they know that they're eating bad. I guess it's a good thing that they still track it, but what can you do. I don't delete people. Their lack of going with the program correctly doesn't effect me in the least.

rvicini

I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


Judgy thread is judgy.

This. I would not leave a disparaging remark about a friend's food on their page, nor would I tolerate any on mine. I am a grown women, I make my own choices and those will be respected. Elsewise, you are not my friend.

Respectfully, what do you want from a MFP pal then? Everything is alright, great photos.. blabla? Just wondering. It is not a matter of being bossy, because it is extremely annoying, I agree, but if you do not want to hear from anyone then what?

CM9178

I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


Judgy thread is judgy.

well, for me, its simple. im not here to make "regular" friends. im here to lose weight, and if im going to have any friends on my profile, they are going to be friends who i consider "motivating"... someone eating a bunch of crap, to me, is not motivating. do i say anything to them? no, its not my place... but i do delete them. simple as that.

I completly agree with you, I'm here to lose weight, not make friends. If the people aren't motivating to me, I delete them. It isn't my place to say anything to them, but I can delete them if I want. I could care less how many friends I have on here (I have one currently).

Duck_Puddle

I fail to see how their food intake affects your progress. I also fail to see how it is your place to judge their food intake.


If my friends have a good day, I tell them. If they ate nothing but crap, or they went over their caloric limit, I still tell them good job. Ya know why? Because at least they're logging.


Oh, and I lost over 100 lbs shoveling McDonald's, In n Out, Jack in the Box, Taco Bueno, and ungodly amounts of pizza in my face.


Judgy thread is judgy.

This. I would not leave a disparaging remark about a friend's food on their page, nor would I tolerate any on mine. I am a grown women, I make my own choices and those will be respected. Elsewise, you are not my friend.

Respectfully, what do you want from a MFP pal then? Everything is alright, great photos.. blabla? Just wondering

It makes me sad to think that your sole view of an mfp friend is to critique food choices. My diary is closed to everyone but me (since it is MY diary and there for MY benefit and as many have stated, I'm a grownup who makes my own choices and deals with the consequences-don't need anyone telling me I'm a bad girl). My friends are fantastic-they are the people I talk to/with about the trials and tribulations of weight loss that people not on this journey really don't understand-like how it's a giant pia to have to completely replace your wardrobe every 4-6 weeks-my irl friends roll their eyes and say "wish I had that problem". My mfp friends are the ones I talk to/with about various challenges and things that come up in the game of life. They offer suggestions for how to stay on track when I travel for work, or recovering from surgery or offer support during the multitude of times I've wanted to throw in the towel. Not one of my mfp friends is a food-nazi and not one has ever seen my diary. They are fun, entertaining, witty, supportive and all without ever having remarked about a single bite of food I have eaten.

dorianaldyn

I would never, ever give feedback on one's eating habits unless it was requested. If someone eats like crap, I'm sure a big part of them already feels down about it, no sense making them feel worse for something that's in the past. Or maybe having a day where they eat junk (but stay in their limits) is the only thing keeping them sane and on track! Even when people have open diaries, I feel so NOSEY even looking!