I need to get this massive burden off of my chest...

BeautyFromPain

Okay so I have been carrying this MASSIVE burden around with me but I just can't anymore.
When I left home when I was younger, I lived with my boyfriend's nan for 2 years. We then had a pretty big argument and she had a heart attack the next day...I always feel like maybe if I hadn't stressed her out like that maybe she wouldn't have had the heart attack... is it my fault she died? )=

oregonzoo

Do you honestly think it was your fault she died?

I think you know better than that.

Stress never helps a situation, but I'm sure it's not your fault.
It's good to get it off your chest, but honestly you have to realize it's not your fault and move on.

pinuplove

It's not your fault. Obviously, if she had a fatal heart attack she had very serious health issues. I'm sorry you've felt responsible for it all these years, but this is not something you should be carrying around.

I know about this guilt. I was one room away from my mom getting ready for school when she died from a blood clot. It was very hard for me not to feel like I could have changed the outcome if I had come out sooner, but truthfully, nobody could have.

BeautyFromPain

I do honestly believe it is...

NewDavenport

No, its not your fault and i bet if she was still here she would tell you to stop blaming yourself its not your fault, if someone has a heart attack usually they already have heart problems and if it was the stress that caused it it would have happened right away but it didn't it happened the next day. Heart attacks are unpredictable events terrible but unpredictable. you can't blame yourselves and if there is one thing i learnt about a Nan's generation is that they don't hold grudges so she would want you to be happy so make her proud and let this sorrow and burden go as you could not have helped it

pudadough

I can understand why you would try to connect the two events, but it is more likely that her heart attack was caused by regular, run of the mill heart disease. Blocked arteries cause heart attacks, not stress by itself.

Ease your own mind. It was not you that caused it, I promise.

avir8

I'm sorry you feel guilty. As others have said and I agree this is in no way your fault. Stop stressing but what you need now is closure. Your issues seem unresolved and hopefully you have someone to talk this through with and don't feel bad about what you feel it's the stages of grieving that you are experiencing.

rosesigil

People don't die from arguments. If they did, there would be no married couples in the world. It's not your fault. She most likely had a condition like heart disease.

I'm sorry for you loss and the pain you have gone through at losing her---lots of times people feel guilty when someone they love dies, like what could should I have done?

BeautyFromPain

...How do I reach closure though? :S

extraordinary_machine

Therapy? If its not something you can just get over, than maybe you need to talk to someone that deals with these types of issues.

Poorgirls_Diet

I used to blame myself for my grandfathers death, through therapy and visiting a clarivoyant I realized that I had to forgive myself and move on. I still believe he is with me always

Hearts_2015

...How do I reach closure though? :S

A grief class might do wonders! I've taken a grief class several times when losing close loved ones. They offer it through anything from a Mortuary or a church setting. I don't mean you have to attend that church, it's a class that is offered in different locations where ever they can have the space to do it. I took one after my Father passed away as did my Sister, it was incredibly helpful because you find others in such similar situations and you realize you really aren't alone.

I think the class book was $10 and that's the only cost. I believe it lasts 8 weeks and each time I've taken it's the same book/class. There's a group and then after a few weeks you break into small groups and there is a group leader and you share as you feel comfortable.

The small group leaders are volunteers that have chosen to be leaders after they've taken the class as they too have lost loved one, friends, pets, broken relationships etc.

I simply can't recommend it enough... I can find out the exact name and book so you can look that up in your area if you'd like.. It's national so depending on the size of your community, I'd be quite surprised if you couldn't find at least one running at any given time.

The class does small group, time lines, grief work... wow, so much change goes on in that setting and you get through so many sorted feelings with others it's hard not to connect.

I will continue to take the class in the future when met with other losses... it's not really a take it once sort of class, as each time you take it, you take away very different things. You end up writing a letter to your loved one and that's the most powerful part of all, for many of us of at least.

Big hugs!:flowerforyou:

Flowers4Julia

I've been in similar shoes and I understand the guilt and remorse you are feeling. I can only send you a virtual hug and share what I have to do - knowing that we all have to find our own ways.

For me it was about understanding that there are bigger powers in the Universe besides me.....and I was not in control of the death.

Ya see, we may never know why things happen, but we can definitely know that we are not in charge of the bigger picture.

Please during this time, try to love your self best you can and know that all really will resolve and be well. Have faith in your faith.

:flowerforyou:

Hearts_2015

never mind... I don't want to even give it quote time...

OP I'm glad you're getting some positive understanding responses in the mix.

I had a feeling out with someone I know. I haven't spoke to that person for at least 6 months. They were on my mind recently and I tried reaching out to them. I learned today that she was found dead.

Our time on this planet is limited and we need to cherish each moment.

I'm very sorry that was the end result. Yes, it's so true we never know how long we have with others.

AntWrig

I had a feeling out with someone I know. I haven't spoke to that person for at least 6 months. They were on my mind recently and I tried reaching out to them. I learned today that she was found dead.

Our time on this planet is limited and we need to cherish each moment.