friends that bail????

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  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    All right... here's the thing. I'm terrible at maintaining long distance relationships.

    When my best friend lived in town we were like two peas in a pod. Saw each other ALL THE TIME. But since she's moved... not a single call. Not a single email.

    Nothing.

    BUT I see it this way; It's mutual. She hasn't contacted me EITHER. So i guess we're both bad at this. And it's unfortunate and sad but that's the way it goes.

    This happens, and it's sometimes shocking, particularly when the level of emotional intimacy you have shared ran deep.

    As I approach my 7th decade on this earth, my thoughts on friendship are this: accept it for what it is. Some friends fade in and out over time. Others are friends-for-the-moment--vacation buddies you meet and never see again, for instance. Other friendships revolve around something in common: work, parenting young children, etc. Once the thing in common recedes so does the friendship. A precious few might be completely close and enduring over decades, but those truly are rare, in my experience.

    I suggest lowering your expectations, and if you still enjoy this fade in,-fade-out friendship, accept it for what it is.

    VoV makes a good point. I'd also like to add that dependability can matter more than constancy. A number of my friends from grad school share my rather hectic profession (duh, they're grad school friends). One friend I was really close to for years, she and I are both terrible at keeping in touch. BUT when one of us has something major happening, a big decision to make, a sick parent, a work project we can't handle on our own, etc. we are there for each other. To me that matters more than whether I get a monthly, or even weekly email from that person.

    ^^Exactly. Those are your true-blue friends who engage and support you when it is most needed. I actually think straining to keep in touch too often over a distance, when life is going along on its mundane course, might wear out the friendship. I say that as someone who has to work really hard at small-talk and tend to avoid it.

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