Motivate significant other...

jonesin_am

I know that you can't force anyone to lose weight and take their health seriously. But I am wondering if others have motivated their spouses or significant others to exercise and eat healthy and how? I've seen a few couples on here in the success stories...did your spouse willingly join you on your journey?

I love my husband just the way he is but am scared that his health will put him in an early grave. I want him to watch our children grow, go to college, get married, and have kids. I want him to enjoy how it feels to not be overweight and to want to play with the children rather than looking at it as a chore. And I know I can want until I am red in the face. He won't make the changes until he is ready. But does anyone have any ideas on how to make him see the light?

I have challenged him to take a walk every day this week. Not a long walk but just to get out of the house. He is currently in the process of starting his own business but is not working. He doesn't eat a lot of bad foods but def eats more of the good ones than he should. I have signed him up for MFP hoping if he read the success stories, etc. it would help motivate him but he doesn't ever log on.

Should I just give up and keep on keeping on hoping he will eventually follow suit?

rick4419

I do not have any suggestions for you as I'm in the same boat... I am hoping I can get my SO to go to regular exercise classes at the local YMCA and more importantly eat better.. I'll admit that I do not eat all that great but when I was doing the low-carb diet last year it felt really good to get compliments from co-workers when they noticed that I was getting thinner. Anyway, my SO has talked about taking classes and now I need to step up to be the motivator to ensure it happens -- and I'm fine with that. Perhaps at some point your SO will figure it out as well and 'get with the program'

We can only hope!

ndearing0501

I can totally relate. My husband has a family history of men passing way to young. His dad passed at 42 of a heart attack. Fitness is important to me and I wish he felt the same. I wanna stay healthy and live a long life so he doesn't have to lose another person he loves early. But he would rather eat a Big Mac and a large order of fries a play a video game than even go for a walk. It's tough, especially when you need the support in making healthy decisions. But you can change someone or make them do something you want. You can only change yourself. Maybe one day he'll come around, nothing is impossible, right?

jonesin_am

And another issue is with me being more physically active, I want him to join me and do more things with me. But like you said, he would rather eat and sit on the couch and watch tv. I just want him to find the motivation so bad...but know I can't force him

deb3129

I struggled with this for a long time. I actually decided to lose weight and get healthy because of health problems that I saw happening in my hubbys family, and health problems that he had. He got scared and said he was going to change, so we both started trying. But he quit pretty quick. I tried EVERYTHING to encourage him, and finally gave up. But I remained committed to the changes I was making. Once the weight started melting off, and he saw how much better I felt, he decided on his own to get on board. He has now lost about 40 pounds, is off the high blood pressure meds he was on (at 35! he was on them(, and is feeling better. Don't get me wrong, he still loves to sit on the couch, but slowly he is making changes. There is just no way you can really make someone else want to do it, it has to come from them. But keep doing what you are doing, and he will be more likely to pick up better habits too!

runningforlife68

Here is a guys perspective. Don't push. No guy wants to be told to do something that they don't want to. I have always been into fitness but once long ago I smoked and my wife quit. Right off she was trying to get me to quit and buying books and of course to keep her happy I would say I would love to quit...when really I just wanted her to go away and let me have another cigarette. What did change me was watching the changes in her. All of a sudden she could out bike me, breathe better, and of course smelled way better. So my suggestion is lead by example! Eventually if there is even a tiny bit of motivation to join you in your new fit lifestyle he will come around. Most guys think yeah yeah give it two months and this will be over....give him a year or so.

zyxst

I don't push my husband to eat better and exercise. He gets enough nagging from his mother. He does eat better because I cook for both of us, but he's not an exercise daily type of person. If it's his day off and I'm headed out for a walk, I ask if he wants to come. If he says no, I go without him.

jonesin_am

For him, he isn't motivated for health reasons because he is healthy. How, I don't know but as far as the Dr's are concerned his cholesteral, blood pressure, etc. is all well and good. But I try to tell him that someday it will catch up with him if he doesn't do something about it. He is 330-340lbs, 6'1"...so quite a bit overweight.

It helps to have a guys perspective too. I am trying not to push him but do you think encouraging him to walk, etc is the same thing as pushing him? He's actually taken the walking challenge that I gave him at the beginning of the week seriously and has walked every day so far!!! He cooks fairly healthy because he is cooking for me and wants to see me succeed and because we generally eat fairly healthy meals anyway. I have been at this since April...I was really hoping he would have jumped on the band wagon before now. One thing is that his mom is a WW leader and was all growing up so he had this stuff shoved down his throat his whole life. He def wanted nothing to do with WW which is one reason (out of many) I switched to MFP this time around.

I will just keep plugging along and hope he joins me at some point. Has this created issues in anyone's marriage? When one person in the relationship changes, basically, their whole lifestyle? I'm afraid that we will end up growing apart eventually...

Linli_Anne

I don't mention any weight-related issues about my husband, to my husband.

I talk about the things I'm learning, and the changes I've made to me. He is very supportive of it. I also do the cooking and grocery shopping, so I know that I impact his diet in that sense.

But, he isn't there yet...and if his head isn't in the game then it's just going to be a thorn in his side, and likely one in our relationship too.

runningforlife68

I think if he is taking your walking challenge and cooking healthy for you then you are doing pretty darn good! He sounds very supportive. Sometimes when we have stuff shoved down our throat it takes us longer to come around. I say keep doing what you are doing and I believe he will come around. He def. sounds interested in a healthier lifestyle.

sarahisme18

I don't mention any weight-related issues about my husband, to my husband.

I talk about the things I'm learning, and the changes I've made to me. He is very supportive of it. I also do the cooking and grocery shopping, so I know that I impact his diet in that sense.

But, he isn't there yet...and if his head isn't in the game then it's just going to be a thorn in his side, and likely one in our relationship too.

^ This.


My husband is very much against eating healthy, working out, etc. He's not overweight, but I know he's not as healthy as he could be, and I worry about him a lot too. But if I bug him about it, he'll just stone-wall me. So, I too, focus on the changes I am making and how they're affecting me, and he is supportive.

And recently, after seeing how well I am doing, he has started to ask me about eating better, or suggest we go to the gym together.

Just do what you're doing, and I'm sure when he sees the changes you are making and how they're affecting you, he'll want in on it!

brittaney10811

Here is a guys perspective. Don't push. No guy wants to be told to do something that they don't want to. I have always been into fitness but once long ago I smoked and my wife quit. Right off she was trying to get me to quit and buying books and of course to keep her happy I would say I would love to quit...when really I just wanted her to go away and let me have another cigarette. What did change me was watching the changes in her. All of a sudden she could out bike me, breathe better, and of course smelled way better. So my suggestion is lead by example! Eventually if there is even a tiny bit of motivation to join you in your new fit lifestyle he will come around. Most guys think yeah yeah give it two months and this will be over....give him a year or so.

such great, helpful advice! thanks for posting!! :glasses: