Friends and diet sabotage delux

ravenelizabeth

The past week I have been doing so well. Even getting full before my daily caloric goal. I've lost ten pounds (twenty more to go) over the month and was so happy about it!!! Then today, my two best friends guilted me into having lunch with them. I folded and bought a cheeseburger!!! They sat there and said, "Well you could have ordered a salad." It was freezing outside and they kept talking about all the great food on the menu. I just wanted to say, "Well you could have left me alone with my lean cuisine like I wanted to begin with!!!"

Now I'm depressed and just sent my husband to get me a chili and jr. bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's. I figure I've already done bad today, I'll start over again tomorrow, no more junk food. Even my husband has been losing weight because I am only keeping low calorie food in the house.

But what really gets me is my friends seem to be the downfall of my diet every single time. I love them but all three of us always complain about being overweight. One binges, one never excercises, and I always fold. I'm beginning to feel like they want me to fail because they don't stick to their diets or excercise routines. It always looks like losing weight is easy for me, but it isn't. I guess though, they have children and I don't, so it may be easier. I'll find that out when I have kids.

What do I do in a situation like this? Is it shallow to want to choose my old weight over them?

questionablemethods

This doesn't help with those specific friends, but I think in general you should try to surround yourself with people with good habits. Those habits can rub off! Several years ago I was in a job I completely hated but I ended up losing a lot of weight. One of the reasons (besides the stress causing me to do double-time at the gym) I think was that the office environment was definitely a healthy-eating and fitness one. Everyone did yoga and triathlons and big 500 mile bike rides and everyone brought their lunch to the office. Sure, I mostly despised my job and my coworkers, but at least I wasn't going to lunch with them every day!

But as for your current situation, have you tried talking to them and telling them in a straight forward way that you would like their support? (Don't come off as sounding like you are blaming them, but rather that you value them and could use their help.)

Suggest better restaurants or more active social things? (I know, totally generic advice.)

CinthyNair

I know how you feel and what you are going through. I always believe that you have a choice. You can decide to have a cheat meal (and then decide to feel guilty about it, or not!) or you can make smarter choices in the food you decide to order.

Just last week, I had gone out with 2 of my best buds and we were celebrating. We had gone for local Malaysian cuisine, which basically means loads of carb-fried stuff laden in heavy gravy, oil and salt!

While my friends happily ordered dishes, I had chosen a fruit and vegetable salad as my main course. I didn't deprive myself from trying out the other dishes - but I made a mental note and a conscious effort to control the portions I took.

My friends who are aware that I am on a healthier lifestyle, applauded me for my choices and preseverance for not succumbing to temptation (and trust me, It wasn't easy!).

As I said, you always have a choice. Just decide for yourself, and have no regrets later! It'[s always good to tell your friends up front that you are watching your food intake, and this way, all of you can choose a restaurant which will cater to all your needs. What I usually look for is some choice of salad, grilled or steamed items, and I am good to go!

Having said that, all is not lost. Learning from the past is the best gift for us. Just remember what decision you had made and ensure you do not repeat this again. Just move forward dear. You will see changes. TRUST ME

runner915

I totally understand where you are coming from! Only in my case it is my roommate which makes it so hard. She constantly has candy dishes sitting out around the house and is always asking if I want to order pizza or go out to eat. And she rolls her eyes when I go to work out, yet she constantly is saying how badly she wants to lose weight. I think they do it just because they are jealous and they don't want to see you succeed while they remain at their same weight. But I've started saying no to my roommate and so she doesn't ask me as often anymore. I just feel bad because we don't really get to hang out very often, it just seems like every time she wants to hang out it revolves around food. Maybe we just need to start suggesting activites that are not at all related to food. Stay strong and don't let anyone get in the way of your goals! And I will be trying to do the same

haileyco

I have been there, only it was a family member. It is hard when you are all overweight and one person decides to get on track. It is inevitable (unfortunately) that someone will try and sabotage you. Part of changing your lifesyle includes deciding to put yourself first for once and if they are truly your good friends, they will understand. If they cannot support you and understand when you are making a different choice, for yourself, then you need to stop an evaluate if the friendships are really that important. I think I have attempted to sabotage in my younger years and it was out of low self esteem. As I have gotten older, I look closely at the people I have in my life adn the impact that they are allowed to make. As hard as it is, you have to make you the priority.....and take it from someone who is a caretaker by nature and prefers the focus on others...it is hard. I have learned that I get to be "selfish" if you will right now, to better my life and body.

You need to focus on you and have a frnak conversation with your friends.....let them know that you are not on a diet, but you are on a new path to being healthy and that you would appreciate their support. If they are true friends, they will hop on the wagon and keep you motivated, and maybe in turn you will motivate them to start getting healthy.

This is a bit jumbled.....but the moral of the story is that you are worth people backing you up and not encouraging unhealthy behaviors. It's OK to put yourself first and you have us to support you! Keep on keeping on!!!!

mvl1014

It's easier for someone to get you to eat poorly and skip a workout than it is for them to eat healthy and exercise. It's a shame, isn't it?

christinaree

Just because you fell off the bandwagon once that day, doesn't mean you have to think the whole day has gone to waste so you eat poorly the rest of the day. Chalk it up as a small loss, balance it out by eating better the rest of the day, and maybe add a little extra to your excercise that day. It's hard when friends are discouraging. Try deciding what you are going to eat before you go out with them, stick to it, and don't make a big deal about it. If they say something about your healthy choice and try to make you cave, just tell them that <insert bad food here> doesn't sound good to you today and leave it at that. Hopefully they'll move on to a new topic!

TLC2765

I don't believe they want YOU to fail they just can't understand why you are not failing and they are. This is often true whether it's weight or personal relationships, business success, education, you name it.. It can be hard to see someone they see as "one of us" doing what they should or would like to do but are struggling with. And it usually will be someone close to you like your friends or members of your own family. From what you say they are not putting in the work like you are to get the results you are getting but perhaps from their eyes its all coming so easy for you. You don't necessairly have to chose to let them go but you have to set boundaries and they must respect those boundaries. You should be no ones mental whipping board . Sounds like you have the strength they wish they had. Who knows you may turn out to be the inspirations they need to get it together .

alicew789

It isn't at all selfish to want to get to your old weight. Once you get in to that zone, you want to stay in it, especially when you start seeing results. I know exactly how you feel about sabotage, it's hard enough keeping yourself in check let alone having your friends pressure...or rather guilting you...into going out to eat. I don't know if this will help but once I've decided to lose weight, I'm very vocal about my regime. I let my friends know ahead of time that my intent is to lose weight and I will not veer from my path. I'm pretty hardcore when it comes to that.
that being said, it's absolutely ok to let yourself have a moment. Every meal is a new beginning. If you think of it that way, you may find you're not so hard on yourself and you'll forgive yourself that cheeseburger at lunch and have a sensible dinner that night.
Don't let today get you down. It's one day As for your friends, though it's not an excuse, it probably is a bit difficult to see you succeed where they have failed. But hopefully they will see you as an inspiration. Hopefully they'll encourage you and route you on. It's so hard to say no to your friends, but sometimes you simply have to be selfish to stay the course. And in those moments that you don't, you can't beat yourself up. Keep your chin up, tomorrow's a new beginning

astrosnider

Maybe it's time to make new friends. This is one of the things I like about going to the gym. Most of the people there are really motivated to get fit and get moving. They are doing things like training for marathons and organizing walkathons for charity. Even if I'm not quite up to some of those activities, I feel it's a good influence. Also it's a way to socialize around something other than food.

meokk

Wow, that's a tough situation to be in.
These are not just any old friends but your best friends. It makes a difference.
I hope that you can force yourself to have a serious conversation with them about how important this is to you and how it makes you feel when they try to sabotage you.
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may not even be conscious of the fact that they are saboteurs.

If they continue in the same pattern you may be forced to either stop sharing meals with them or cut them off all together as a last resort.

I hope that after you explain how important this is to you that your best friends would be supportive, I know mine would.

Meokk

BrendaLee

Not to sound harsh, but I don't think your friends were the downfall for today, it was what you did after that. Don't let little setbacks become a huge defining moment for the day. So you ate a cheeseburgar, you could do some cardio, drink some extra water and eat healthy for the rest of the day.

If I gave up an entire day every time I had a slip, I'd never reach the end goal.

katielouhoo

this isn't easy, even when everyone aids your decision.

and it is easy, like many of our weight problems to look at others & situations we get into and blame them for our choices.
the truth is the decisions of what to put in your mouth are yours. And no coaxing or peer pressure can make you eat or drink things you do not want in your diet.

when you go out to eat with others, or are at parties, you need to keep track of what you are doing.
and if you get to choose what you order (unlike a dinner party can be), remind yourself nothing,
absolutely nothing on that menu is going to taste as good as thin will feel.
choose the steamed veg, grilled chicken breast or salmon, green salad, etc.

now that being said, if you make a bad choice, don't give up. we can only make the lifestyle change we want one choice at a time. and if the last one was a bad choice, make sure the next one is a good choice.

these are your best friends. i would be firm about not being pressured into bad choices, but i would not be confrontational with them about your new habits. gradually as you obtain your goals, they may come to try to follow your lead.
i started dieting 5 1/2 months ago and it has been surprising, but since i have passed 50 lbs, more and more of the folks who know me are now dieting, or have cut out junk foods, or have started exercising, or are committing to a healthier lifestyle.
and i never announced i was dieting, i just did it. despite potlucks, parties, lunches out, treats provided. and sometimes i eat, sometimes i pass. when folks have noticed and ask me, yes, i talk about my weight loss, but dieting is my choice & my lifestyle change not theirs and i don't want to cram it down their throats (who would want to be around that?)

i try to save most of my chatting about weight for this website, so i won't force it in all my relationships. even so, as i have said many of my aquaintances are starting to follow my lead. even my doctor last week told me i am now his star patient. i hope i can continue to move toward my goal. good luck with yours. -katie

CasperO

I will never understand women. Not even a little bit...