discouraging.

StephG1130
StephG1130 Posts: 99 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been doing really well with my weight loss the past 3 weeks.. ive lost 10 lbs, plus another 20 something from this past summer, for a total of 35 lbs lost in the past 5 months. Well, I had my family Christmas today, with family I haven't seen since April (before all the weight loss) and I was expecting them to say something about how i looked like i have lost weight.. nobody said a word. I guess I shouldnt expect people to say anything, but I have worked soo hard.. especially for the past 3 weeks, and for nobody to even notice.. it was so discouraging. it feels like i haven't made any change at all. i just want to bury my head in a bag of chips and eat until I barf. (emotional eater, obviously! lol)

help me stop this thinking!

Replies

  • Shange_Gully
    Shange_Gully Posts: 106
    a lot of people are very uncomfortable with others improving themselves.

    as long as u know ur making progress that is all tht matters. keep at it
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    You can't expect others to fulfill your esteem needs - not that you are doing that...but I mean that you need to do this for you and your opinion is the most important one. Just think of it this way: at least they are not telling you you look sick or worse or something negative like many families do to each other. I went to visit my mother in law for the first time since I began this journey and the first thing she said was how old I looked and sick. she is just an unhapy person and she is inclined to share that with everyone. Frankly, I would prefer she keep her opinions to herself.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
    Honestly when you are bigger it takes longer for others to notice, I mean like with me all they remember is I was FAT, not really how fat i was. So I had to lose a good 50-60 pounds before people started asking me what I was doing and If i was losing weight. Stick with it, It pays off in the long run. Just take pride in the fact you can vent to people who understand instead of talking to Ben and Jerry.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    Who exactly are you losing this weight for??? Because unless the answer is YOU then life will always be one discouraging moment from quitting...it's nice when people notice your hard work, it's nice to get positive feedback, but in the end it has to be something inside of you that keeps you going, because other people will never be able to give enough to keep you going.
  • Chinadorian
    Chinadorian Posts: 200 Member
    treat yourself to somehting other than a bag of chips lady!! Youve worked so hard, you are doing it for yourself...whether or not you are being complimented outwardly, you know the work youve done and no one else is responsible for it but YOU! So be kind to yourself. Its nice when people notice, but let your measurements, the scale, your health and the way your clothes fit be all the affirmation you nee for right now ....because if you keep working hard, dont worry the compliments will roll in! Best wishes to you on your goals, dont give up!
  • conleeper
    conleeper Posts: 27
    I'm sorry, I know how it feels when it comes to family members, sometimes it seems as if not a one cares. In my opinion you're doing quite well!!! Keep up the hard work.
  • natesangel
    natesangel Posts: 210 Member
    chin up, keep going and don't let family weigh you down (pun intended? sort of!) from my highest i'm down about 62lbs and from an 18 to a loose 10 jean, only strangers generally say anything and family has yet to say anything to me (unless they like me and know what i've been up to) my own dad didn't even notice and he only see's me once every 3 months or so. yet the stranger that sees me walking past her apartment weekly with my daughter in tow has made several comments on how great i'm doing and uses me as her own motivation!
    so my advice and motivation to you, be a silent cheer squad for the 'strangers' in your life, whether you know they are there or not and let family deal with their own stuff outside your head!!!
    i can see it in your face in your profile, keep up the great work!
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
    It's so normal when you have a lot to lose! I think I lost 50+ pounds before anyone noticed. The more you lose, though, the changes will become more noticeable faster. Don't lose heart. Think of how wowed they'll be next Christmas!
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,923 Member
    I went from a 16 to a 4 (more than 40 pound loss) and my friends commented that they could tell in my face...trust me I didn't bust my *kitten* on the elliptical so people would see it in my face.
  • Chinadorian
    Chinadorian Posts: 200 Member
    I went from a 16 to a 4 (more than 40 pound loss) and my friends commented that they could tell in my face...trust me I didn't bust my *kitten* on the elliptical so people would see it in my face.


    wow....some people are real jerks. You lost a ton of weight and they only tell you your face looks thinner??? booo.
  • Bob314159
    Bob314159 Posts: 1,178 Member
    Yeah I had the same. Nobody has noticed my weight loss since last spring, but I figured it was gradual and that's why. Went to a party on the weekend, with some relatives who I haven't seen since I started losing and nobody noticed.
  • iorahkwano
    iorahkwano Posts: 709 Member
    Honestly when you are bigger it takes longer for others to notice, I mean like with me all they remember is I was FAT, not really how fat i was. So I had to lose a good 50-60 pounds before people started asking me what I was doing and If i was losing weight. Stick with it, It pays off in the long run. Just take pride in the fact you can vent to people who understand instead of talking to Ben and Jerry.

    I think this is what is happening to you! Especially if you wear baggy clothes or hide in things that do not show off your body. Also, people lose weight in different areas and most people notice weight loss first by the person's slimmer face. If you're the type where your face doesn't really change, then this could be it too.
  • pixietoes
    pixietoes Posts: 1,591 Member
    You have my empathy. Around the 20 lb mark I'm sure you started to be aware of changes. It might be double that before other people really take it in. In this pass of weight loss it took me getting to half of my goal before anyone who isn't really close to me saw change worth talking about. I'm sure it will happen sooner for you, but I promise you'll be happier if you don't even give it another thought. Do this for yourself and enjoy the path you're having lovely travel upon.
  • tisane42
    tisane42 Posts: 46 Member
    I get really uncomfortable when people say things to me about my weight loss. I have a history of anorexia and being praised triggers me to get upset and stop eating.. So I will notice others' losses but not talk about it.
  • StephG1130
    StephG1130 Posts: 99 Member
    Thank you everyone for being so encouraging. I really need it. It's not so much that I rely on others for my success.. really it was more like I was so excited to show my family I am doing it... Then nobody cared. It was like a smack in the face. but I'm not going to let it get me down. I can't. Because I'm not giving up again.
  • natesangel
    natesangel Posts: 210 Member
    good for you!!! do it, do it right, and when you are in a bathing suit strutting your stuff and they don't say anything it will be because their jaws are on the floor!!
  • HeiWol87
    HeiWol87 Posts: 15
    DOnt feel disheartened about it, sometimes people feel uncomfortable complimenting others, especially if they have their own insecurities :flowerforyou:
  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
    I'm wondering if your weight issues have been a problem for years...maybe they felt they might actually offend you by commenting on it as it's almost like saying that you were overweight before (does that make sense?). Maybe they have weight issues themselves and are a bit threatened or jealous by your success? Try not to be discouraged. Just remember that you have done it for you. Be proud of your amazing achievements and DON'T turn to food as a means of dealing with any frustration or disappointment following the family reunion x
  • Finleyclf
    Finleyclf Posts: 17 Member
    Don't be discouraged... I had company over for the weekend and nobody mentioned that I looked smaller until I mentioned I was on a diet. Then they started to say something. Some people don't like to see other people doing what they know they should be doing. Keep at it......
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
    I get really uncomfortable when people say things to me about my weight loss. I have a history of anorexia and being praised triggers me to get upset and stop eating.. So I will notice others' losses but not talk about it.

    EDNOS and not anorexia, but that used to be me. I actually hated when people noticed, as backwards as that is. But now I am better and can manage an awkward smile and a muffled 'thanks' before changing the subject.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
    Keep in mind how you deal with this setback is going to be part of the pattern you are setting for yourself. You could say the hell with it and bury your head in a bag of chips OR you could put on some awesome music and dance around the house (or something like that just to put yourself in a better mood and stay on track).

    Congrats on your weight loss so far! You can do this. Forget everyone else and keep your eyes on you. Good luck!
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    I have been doing really well with my weight loss the past 3 weeks.. ive lost 10 lbs, plus another 20 something from this past summer, for a total of 35 lbs lost in the past 5 months. Well, I had my family Christmas today, with family I haven't seen since April (before all the weight loss) and I was expecting them to say something about how i looked like i have lost weight.. nobody said a word. I guess I shouldnt expect people to say anything, but I have worked soo hard.. especially for the past 3 weeks, and for nobody to even notice.. it was so discouraging. it feels like i haven't made any change at all. i just want to bury my head in a bag of chips and eat until I barf. (emotional eater, obviously! lol)

    help me stop this thinking!
    1. Often, people just aren't that observant. Even family. Especially family.
    2. Often, people feel awkward and aren't sure what to say.
    3. 35 lbs is a lot to lose, and you should be really proud. That said, with 190lbs to lose when you started, your first 35 lbs may not be that noticeable to those around you. I probably had to lose around 30 lbs of my 85 total before people started noticing. Recently, every time I've lost literally a couple of pounds, people have commented. It's much more noticeable the closer you get to goal. At some point, yours will suddenly become more obvious.
    4. You already know this, but eating "until you barf" isn't going to help. It's not going to make you feel better (beyond the first few minutes), it's not going to get you closer to your goal, and it's not going to make anyone notice your weight loss.
    5. This is a long-term thing. I know you're disappointed, but now you get to pick yourself back up and just keep going, and that's what is going to make you successful. It's not the end of the world, it's a minor setback. Think where you'll be in another 6 months, and this time next year. Patience. :flowerforyou:
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Thank you everyone for being so encouraging. I really need it. It's not so much that I rely on others for my success.. really it was more like I was so excited to show my family I am doing it... Then nobody cared. It was like a smack in the face. but I'm not going to let it get me down. I can't. Because I'm not giving up again.

    I say, "yay for you!!!!!!!"

    Just keep looking at yourself and noticing the change - the best encouragement ever

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