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A serious question...

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Replies

  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    Thank you all so much:flowerforyou: You have no idea how much I appreciate the different points of view. I am so sorry for all of your pain too:brokenheart: Thank you for sharing your thought on this with me:heart:
  • ynotcycle
    ynotcycle Posts: 121 Member
    My mom did everything she could to try and get me help.

    I was both in-patient and out-patient. The only person I theoretically wanted to talk to was my mom. I didn't have the communication skills to do that, so she tried to help the only way she knew how, hence I was hospitalized. This was a huge mistake in hindsight, I have ridiculous emotional scars from that damn place. I don't blame her though.

    Age 13 I went into lock-down. No one could reach me. I completely shut down emotionally and acted out in anger because it was the only safe emotion to express. It was the only emotion I had left.

    I suppressed memories of events to the point that some of them I didn't recollect until 20+ yrs later. Talk about a friggin waking nightmare...

    In hindsight the things that stand out are that she TRIED to help me and didn't throw me to the wolves. Most amazing person in the world my mum.
    Reality being there was no therapist that could have helped me because the only person that ever could help me was my mom; but I couldn't even let her in. I was just to f'd up and emotionally immature to handle anything.

    So I guess what I am trying to say is that I think the best thing you can do is be the therapist yourself, there is practically nothing in this world that love can't fix. Your love and support is what they need the most, so communicate with them, comfort them, play with them, confront the issues openly with them as a family. You are the most trusted person in the world to them, who better to fix them than you?

    So in a nutshell, get things out in the open don't let them become old festering wounds.

    Yes I am happy my mom tried to help. Those events forever changed me though, there was no going back to who I was. a couple decades later and I still have trust issues, i guess i always will.

    All the kings horses and all the kings men.. :)

    Your a great mom for caring enough to ask peoples opinions, you will do right by them
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Like the man above said, sometimes the professionals do more harm than good. Professional therapists are also just people and often people with their own problems. Sometimes people with problems are drawn to the field. They try to help others without helping themselves and that's not a good thing (even if they are a nice person and the kids like them). So, it is something to be very aware of. But, with that said I do think having some objective help is a good thing. Having your support (as their mother) is wonderful, but a parent has her own trauma to deal with and is just too close to everything emotionally. It's too much for a parent to deal with it all on her own and often needed for some outside help for the children to feel comfortable speaking about it. A lot of children will not speak about it in front of the parent or with the parent because they want to protect the parent or for other reasons. Sometimes it takes having some objective outside help to help unravel why a child may be keeping silent. But, a child should never be pushed (actually an adult shouldn't be pushed either), that is not the way to deal with trauma. This is not easy stuff to deal with, as you know , and from reading these responses. Childhood trauma is very difficult to deal with properly. I'm not sure anyone fully knows how to handle it. And each child and each situation is different. A child can deal with the trauma at an age appropriate level and at each stage of growth they will be dealing with it in a new way as they mature and gain the abilities to comprehend and understand what happened and how wrong and harmful it was. That was my experience. It was extremely traumatic at the time and I went into shock, and I also did not fully understand it. As I grew, at each stage of development I would begin to understand more and more about it and have feelings about that. I am still dealing with it now (but it is a lot better).
  • Sweetsugar0424
    Sweetsugar0424 Posts: 451 Member
    I was abused by a family member when I was 5 and my mom sought out counseling for us. We did the play therapy and honestly, it made me feel uncomfortable and didn't help me deal with anything as I didn't understand what I was trying to work through. I don't know how long we went, but I don't think it was super long before we stopped. It wasn't until 18 years later and lots of other not so wonderful situations that I was able to see that there was a problem and that it wasn't me. I THEN sought out counseling on my own and was able to work through everything. I am now a stronger and better person for what I've been able to work through. Your kids might not be able to work through things even though you try, but I wish you luck and no matter what happens, just be there for them and if you don't continue on, help them to know throughout their years as they're exploring life, that you are there to help them work through whatever may come up.

    Unfortunately whatever traumas we face are with us for life and will always affect us to a point, but they don't have to define us.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Two of my children have been diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment disorder for more than a year and a half. We have gone through four therapists trying to find the right fit. A week ago the therapist came and seemed to be interrogating my child cia style.She kept asking the same question over and over and my child kept looking down saying in a quiet voice "I don't know". She would then say "yes you do" and repeat the process. It was uncomfortable and painful to watch. I had to step in and stop her. I helped get the answer she was looking for in a more gentle way, but then my childs heart seemed ripped open and she had given my child no coping skills to deal with the pain she had just forced up. I feel like I am making things worse. It feels like everything keeps getting dragged up, but with no positive end result.:brokenheart:

    If you experienced an extreme traumatic event as a child.

    1.Did your parents get you therapy?

    2. If they did are you happy they did or do you wish they hadn't?
    3. If they didn't are you happy they didn't or do you wish they had?


    Thank you for your help.:flowerforyou:

    Make sure that you are working with a psychiatrist . . . who is a medical doctor and not a counselor or therapist who is not a medical doctor. I learned a long time ago that the treatment I received from a psychiatrist far exceeded that of the licensed therapist. I think therapists are great and used one for my relationship with my husband, but for my more deeply rooted issues I would only trust a psychiatrist.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Play therapy can yield amazing results. Maybe try looking into that? It's a real and specialized approach to therapy with children and can help engage them on their own level. I did play therapy as a child. It was really useful.
  • Alliwan
    Alliwan Posts: 1,245 Member
    Get a new therapist

    Ask your child if they want to try to meet with someone to help

    I like the book promise of energy psychology (i think that's the name) if not email me and I'll find the details

    I assume your child cant articulate their feelings- defend them (if something makes you uncomfortable) your job is to defend your child, IMO

    Help your child articulate your thoughts- it is a needed skill for relationships

    OMG this!!

    My daughter has lots of dx, but the major one is bipolar. Her therapist is a life saver but you have to find the right one. DONT let you child suffer more because of a bad therapist. find a new one fast.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    My son was started on therapy early-on for reasons that turned out to be unfounded. My ex-wife was always trying to convince herself and me that there was something 'off' about our son, because she just wasn't connecting with him the way she thought she would / should. . In hindsight, I'm convinced SHE was the one who is emotionally stunted, not him. Anyway, I agreed to let him be counseled and it turned out to be a good move.

    We found an excellent therapist who employed play therapy (he was four when he started).. .He quickly picked out some figurines to represent the three of us, plus other figures that would come into the scenario on occasion. We gained some real insight into what was going on in his head and this became critical when our marriage started to fall apart.

    When he was five, I was forced to take him away from his home, and from his mom (for a period of time) and it was VERY helpful that he had already established a rapport with this therapist. I'm not sure how well it would have gone with somebody brand new.

    Either way, I feel she helped him deal with his anxieties and fears by finding a way to express them, and it helped me to get a much better understanding of HIM through her, so I could do the right things by him. . such as constantly expressing to him that nothing was his fault and telling him he was safe. She also helped me by instructing me on how to avoid destructive behavior, such as visible expressions of weakness and doubt. She explained that he was 100% relying on me now and that his secure world had just been torn asunder. . things that he took for granted were suddenly gone. I had to be the 'rock' that he could rely on.

    Anyway. . that's my story. I'm a big advocate of therapy, but I was blessed to find an excellent therapist.

    Also. .I disagree with the poster above who stated that psychiatrists are always better. . The truth is, psychiatrists these days mostly talk to you for 15 minutes, charge you for an hour, then prescribe drugs. . They don't do much counseling and when they do, it's $300 / hour. . So. . find an experienced councilor that comes highly recommended by other people with similar problems. .

    One more thing. . I was concerned most about your description of her blatantly direct questioning of your child. This may be a valid method, I don't know, but it sounds more like she was frustrated with your kid and angry that your child wasn't giving her the answers she wanted. I would suggest seeking a different councilor. .Of course, this is a difficult decision, particularly if your kid seems to trust and open up to this woman, but it sounds like browbeating to me and I think your instincts are right. . The purpose of this counseling is to help your child cope, not to force him/her to answer your questions.

    Good luck . .

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