OMG I feel like stuffing my face so badly!!!

SASSYJAX

Thats it!
I have lost the will to diet...as soon as I feel like I am going on a diet I just think about food all the time. When I first went on here I realised I was not eating enough, now I just want to eat all day! Its all so yummy!

I am so stressed at the moment, my hubby is ill and my eldest is driving me nuts and my Osteoarthiritis is killing me...I just want lots of tea and choc....! I am trying to be good to myself but I always feel there is an element of self-abuse with how I feel, not sure why but I want to make myself eat so i feel so sick that maybe it will put me off eating (as if?!) I did have Bulimia a while back and I can feel the bulimia devil whispering to me....

I so want to feel like I deserve to be nice to myself but I feel like I want to make myself ill...and its TOM too....aaaargh!

I have just researched the effects of stress on dieting and lack of sleep, I am kept awake all night by my ill hubby and my hips hurting no matter how many pills i take. And stress well, if any of you have a husband who has been married before you will know what i mean by stress from the ex. Thats another long story.

I dont know how to get on track here, how do I de stress and look after myself and lose weight and be everyones carer! Its all too much sometimes I just want to just eat thick bad white bread with loads of butter and what the heck!!!

x

txcwgirl

Wow it sounds like you are under a lot of stress. have you tried to a least snack on fruit or veggies when you are feeling like eating everything? I'm sure there are others out there that have better advice for you than I do. But just know we are all here to listen and support you.

Just remember no matter how bad it is you want to lose the weight more. :flowerforyou:

SoldierDad

Thats it!
I have lost the will to diet...as soon as I feel like I am going on a diet I just think about food all the time. When I first went on here I realised I was not eating enough, now I just want to eat all day! Its all so yummy!

I am so stressed at the moment, my hubby is ill and my eldest is driving me nuts and my Osteoarthiritis is killing me...I just want lots of tea and choc....! I am trying to be good to myself but I always feel there is an element of self-abuse with how I feel, not sure why but I want to make myself eat so i feel so sick that maybe it will put me off eating (as if?!) I did have Bulimia a while back and I can feel the bulimia devil whispering to me....

I so want to feel like I deserve to be nice to myself but I feel like I want to make myself ill...and its TOM too....aaaargh!

I have just researched the effects of stress on dieting and lack of sleep, I am kept awake all night by my ill hubby and my hips hurting no matter how many pills i take. And stress well, if any of you have a husband who has been married before you will know what i mean by stress from the ex. Thats another long story.

I dont know how to get on track here, how do I de stress and look after myself and lose weight and be everyones carer! Its all too much sometimes I just want to just eat thick bad white bread with loads of butter and what the heck!!!

x

You sound stressed out. Let yourself have a bad day if you need it, but then pick that chin up.

melbhall

You have got to TAKE CONTROL of yourself. NOW. Do not ever, I mean ever, think of going back to a life of bulimia. You will not help yourself or your situation. You have to tell yourself you deserve to be happy and healthy. And YOU DO! I know what you mean about wanting to eat all the time, but you have to remember that thinkless eating got us into this mess. We are not hungry all the time, there's no way. Do you exercise? If not, start. It will bring up your spirits, self confidence, make you less tired, and if you do get hungry you will want to eat healthy. I'm sorry you have a lot going on right now, but you have to realize that's life, and it sucks sometimes and it's hard but you have control over you and taking the reigns on your health will make you feel great. Just believe in yourself, I am a complete stranger and truely believe you can do this so you should too! Just kee posting when you feel like breaking so you can find the support you need!

fluffyth

Don't give in... food is intended to nurish our bodies. Filling it full of usless calories will not take the bad feelings away ... actually eating over feelings usually make us mentally feel worse. If you have anyway to move your body (ie:walking, sit-ups, yoga, etc) then get moving the best way you can. I feel your pain when it comes to body aches & pains, my back is wacked!
My thoughts & prayers are with you!! HANG IN THERE ... you & your body will be so much healthier

shaggys

You are hilarious!
I am sorry about your husband,I hope he is feeling better!
Can you go for a run,bike,get out of the house?
As for the ex,the best revenge is looking good
Take care of yourSELF!!

bmarsh777

Wow sounds like you are going through a tough time! Also seems like you might have a little caregiver fatigue. Yes you do need to be nice to yourself! But not with food...that is not being nice to yourself. Call a friend and plan a coffee or tea date. If you don't have a live support system - - get one. There should be some sort of group in your area for caregivers (if you live close to a town). If not, reach out to someone else for company. Depending on where you live, get outside and get in the sun, even if you can't exercise by walking due to your own health conditions. Try to stay out of the kitchen. As people who have decided to take care of our health and change old habits and lifestyles we have to get creative because our old habits are just one choice away. Good luck and take care of yourself first, so you can take care of your hubby! Beth

hamiltonba

Melissa - I couldn't have said it better myself!

Perhaps counseling will help? You definitely need a breather. I know it is hard to think of exercise when you are feeling the way you do, but there is proof that it can and will help. I used to be on anti-depression medication, but have been off of them for 3 years all because of exercising!! I will say a prayer for you at this tough time!

MFR1974

The only thing in my experience that can quench stress like you are describing is the peace you can receive through a relationship with Jesus Christ. I don't claim to have all the answers to the problems in life. I am also experiencing some pretty deep suffering in my life. I am learning that filling emptiness with food doesn't work. May God bless your day today.

kgasser

All the advice above is good...HOWEVER...it sounds like you need to RUN, not walk to the nearest therapist/doctor you can find. You have gone through bulimia and triumphed, but you are going back down that slippery slope now. It sounds like you feel your life is out of control and you have indicated that you are taking more pills than you are comfortable with. Please see a professional for your health as well as those that depend on you. Right now your health is more important than weight loss.

Good luck
Kim

gijane1ea

I don't use the word diet. That is what keeps me motivated. When I say I am on a "diet", I tend to want to eat everything in sight. However, when I tell myself that I am going to change my eating habits and just get healthy. I find that I am more successful with my weight loss. I still eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it. I just don't over do it and I can say no to junk food. I have learned to substitute some of my favorite foods for a lower calorie and lower fat version. I started cooking more and using all natural ingredients and eliminating salt so I can control the fat and calories my food has. I keep lots of fruits and veggies in my house as well as low fat yogurt and low fat whipped cream for my sweet cravings.

So don't tell yourself you are going to diet; just tell yourself you are going to eat healthier and do it at your own pace. Make sure you incorporate exercise daily and you will start to see the weight loss.

Hope this help you a little.

Ursula

SASSYJAX

Hey, bless you all for replying, I am sitting here head in hands and you all take the time to help me, thanks so much.

For info, my hubby has four herniated discs which is ongoing and horrid for him but lately he has suffered a mental breakdown again and is trying new Bipolar meds so he is a bit all over the place. He is sleeping now (due to meds phew!) but cant be left.

Dont want to cry in my tea here but my friends have kind of all dropped off because they only go out on the drink at night and I just cant go out like that anymore, and I dont drink! I dont go out to work either as I care for my hubby and children. I have made a big effort to keep in touch with friends but it seems if you are not a party girl you just cant keep in touch with the gang like you should! We just dont have anything in common anymore. Its ok, horses for courses! I can make new friends.

I have tried anti-depressants myself but they make me feel awful so I would rather self-help if you know what i mean. I used to exercise a lot but due to my hip problem its not so simple - some days they just wont do what i tell them to - I feel like Wallace in 'the wrong trousers' cartoon!

I guess I needed a bit of a rant...I know I should stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my butt and do something...!
I am an artist and have a beautiful garden studio which my hubby built for me between his breakdowns (!) so I would have somewhere to go. I have a website if anyones interested called www.pencil-behind-my-ear.com I hope to pursue an art career and am planning to put on my own show one day soon...!!! I have absolutely no idea how to become successful as an artist, I have worked producing portraits for years but now I want to do 'my thing' as you can see in my current work on my website. I need to update it though I know.

So thanks to you all....see between me typing and you replying you have saved me from myself!...or at least from scoffing the rest of that kilo of wine gums!

Blimey what am i saying - its only food!
I am now so cross with myself ,....that evil food monster got to me again...it seeps into my brain and makes me put things in my mouth!
x

marii92

Thats it!
I have lost the will to diet...as soon as I feel like I am going on a diet I just think about food all the time. When I first went on here I realised I was not eating enough, now I just want to eat all day! Its all so yummy!

I am so stressed at the moment, my hubby is ill and my eldest is driving me nuts and my Osteoarthiritis is killing me...I just want lots of tea and choc....! I am trying to be good to myself but I always feel there is an element of self-abuse with how I feel, not sure why but I want to make myself eat so i feel so sick that maybe it will put me off eating (as if?!) I did have Bulimia a while back and I can feel the bulimia devil whispering to me....

I so want to feel like I deserve to be nice to myself but I feel like I want to make myself ill...and its TOM too....aaaargh!

I have just researched the effects of stress on dieting and lack of sleep, I am kept awake all night by my ill hubby and my hips hurting no matter how many pills i take. And stress well, if any of you have a husband who has been married before you will know what i mean by stress from the ex. Thats another long story.

I dont know how to get on track here, how do I de stress and look after myself and lose weight and be everyones carer! Its all too much sometimes I just want to just eat thick bad white bread with loads of butter and what the heck!!!

x

Hi

Whatever you do, do not, I repeat DO NOT resort to bulimia. My friend was bulimic for over a year, and although she lost a LOT of weight, she lost her personality and she constantly criticised herself. Not only that, but it can result in death. I know you're probably thinking, 'wth? I know all this', but I thought I'd just remind you After I saw her lose all that weight, I tried it. And I'm not proud of it, it made me feel sick and depressed and hate myself even more.

But like another poster said, you can always break the habit for a day but get back on track the next day Just don't make a habit of it :P And if you are really that stressed, talk to your husband or someone about it. It'll help loads

Good luck

Phoenix_Rising

You've got a lot going on and it seems to me like when you posted this, you were ready to scream!!! (You still might be ready to scream.)

If you feel the need to stuff your face, do it..... with carrots or celery or apples. I'd guess you are wanting to stress eat (cause that posts sounds a lot like how I feel often) and are not really hungry. You can eat a boatload of veggies, especially those that require a lot of work, chewing and gnawing and crunching, without doing a lot of calorie damage to your day, and without the poor nutrition you'd get out of eating bread & butter or chips.

But while you are binging on those veggies, know that you've got to work on getting your mind organized and under control. Use this frustration energy and turn it into positive, forward moving energy.

Your hips hurt. I'm not going to pretend I understand that pain because I don't. So how can we fix this? Will certain exercises help? Do you need to see a doctor (or a different doctor)? What treatments are available? Have you researched everything you can on it? (We might want to talk in a PM about something I know of that could possibly help.... but that would be in email, not public forum.) Plan on ways to remedy this.

Your husband is ill. I don't know details here, and you don't have to share. If this is short term, do your best to help him feel better. If this is long term, well... same path there too, I suppose. Either way, you need to be in good health to take care of him, and if it's a virus or cold, you need to be in a position to protect yourself from the cold = good immunity, which is made better from healthy eating. For that matter, he needs to be eating well also, to build up his immunity (if his illness isn't food related).

Eldest son. No idea how old he is. Have a talk with him. Let him know you are UP TO HERE with it and will accept no more BS. Grow up, be a man, stop with the BS. Talk to him like you'd talk to any adult (assuming he's not 12 years old......) and let him know what you need and expect of him. Accept nothing less. (Easy for me to say.... I only have a 4 year old...... )

Sleep. What will work? Tylenol PM? A prescribed sleeping pill? You DO need sleep. It's wildly important, especially for managing stress. Can you take a warm bath before bed? Calming teas before bed? Whatever works for you, do it.

Chocolate? HAVE A PIECE. HAVE THREE!!! Don't deny yourself (unless you medically shouldn't have it.) Give yourself a Hershey's kiss every morning after breakfast, after lunch, and before bed. Reward yourself in little ways.

And change your mindset -- this isn't a diet. This is you learning how to be healthy, which will result in weight loss, but will result in a healthier you, mind and body and soul. Take a breather, calm yourself, and try to refocus sweetheart.

(((hugs)))

UnderCoverShyGirl

Awwww man, that sucks. I know from my own stress - which at times feels monumental - that you just crave something familiar and comfy!!! It's okay to feel that way, really it is, and you can go to that comfy place, but you don't have to do it by going to the first bad thing you can find - obsess a little over the things you can eat that will allow you to indulge fairly guilt free...if you love bread and butter, get some whole grain, nutty bread and spread it with some avocado or a laughing cow cheese or some peanut butter. At least it will be filling and have some good nutrition. If it's your sweet tooth you want to satisfy, try one of the cakes in the recipes here that use diet soda, or drizzle a banana with chocolate syrup. If you find yourself obsessing over food, maybe you can just obsess in a good way, and look through recipes that are healthy but also delish and plan your menu for a week or two. You can do it!

And remember two things...1) it will pass....everytime you don't go hog wild, you are strengthening your "healthy muscle" and it will get easier and easier to find solutions that make you feel better, and 2) remember this isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle you want so you can be healthy. Yes, you'll have those crazy times and really mentally going for the easiest, quickest thing you are familiar with, so you just need some "go to" things that satisfy that urge without ruining your health. I really do believe we can't fix it all at once. And if you've already overeaten, so what, that's the past and you can take tomorrow as another day.

I know it's hard to remember, but these feelings do pass - same situation yet some days it's entirely bearable and some it feels impossible....you just have to remember that it won't last forever.

I vote for a long hot tub soak with some nice music and maybe some bubbles and a cuppa tea...and just have peace for yourself for an hour and remind yourself how great you are. Sometimes that's all you need to feel back in control!

lreed

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. We have all had our own tough times, and they completely SUCK!!!! Hot tea sounds good, maybe even add honey to it! I like the suggestions of the Veggies to cram in your face, while it doesn't fix the problem, it will certainly help in the short term. I have a herniated disc, and a couple bulging ones, and I know it sounds weird but exercise has really helped me. There was a lot of trial and error, but I have been doing really well. I hope there is some physical therapy going on, since they can really help to suggest good movement and how to build the muscles to lessen the pain. Are there any pools around? Sounds like it would be great for both of you! Hang in there! Sending you lots of hugs right now!:flowerforyou:

BrendaLee

Thats it!
I have lost the will to diet...as soon as I feel like I am going on a diet I just think about food all the time. When I first went on here I realised I was not eating enough, now I just want to eat all day! Its all so yummy!

I am so stressed at the moment, my hubby is ill and my eldest is driving me nuts and my Osteoarthiritis is killing me...I just want lots of tea and choc....! I am trying to be good to myself but I always feel there is an element of self-abuse with how I feel, not sure why but I want to make myself eat so i feel so sick that maybe it will put me off eating (as if?!) I did have Bulimia a while back and I can feel the bulimia devil whispering to me....

I so want to feel like I deserve to be nice to myself but I feel like I want to make myself ill...and its TOM too....aaaargh!

I have just researched the effects of stress on dieting and lack of sleep, I am kept awake all night by my ill hubby and my hips hurting no matter how many pills i take. And stress well, if any of you have a husband who has been married before you will know what i mean by stress from the ex. Thats another long story.

I dont know how to get on track here, how do I de stress and look after myself and lose weight and be everyones carer! Its all too much sometimes I just want to just eat thick bad white bread with loads of butter and what the heck!!!

x

It's inevitable that as soon as you decide you want to lose weight, food becomes all you can think about. That feeling lessens after a while...well it comes and goes for me.

We all get stressed- crazy stressed at times, and of course we want to turn to food...food is pleasurable, I know sometimes it feels like my only pleasure. It's a short-lived pleasure though, so just keep telling yourself that.

Have a cup of tea, take a hot bath, do some mild exercise (great stress reliever)...even have that piece of bread with a bit of butter. It's not so horrible in the grand scheme of things. It's much better than eating a whole cake which I could have happily done tonight! (I didn't.)

Take care of yourself.

mimi7grands

I hear you. I've felt that way so many times. This time (with dieting) is different. Way different. Maybe it can work this way for you too. I'm actually eating more, lots more, than I was pre-diet. And I'm enjoying it more. Lots more!

I'm 61 and I think that for all those years (probably 40 of them!) I was beating my head against the wall, feeling like a failure, etc., etc. This is the first time that I've eaten lots of veggies. Mostly I roast them (475 for 10 minutes - or a little less if your oven is hot). I've been loving asparagus, mini bell peppers, broccoli, etc. I'm also eating more fruit.

I'd say that, before this, I was eating almost none of these things. Now I'm eating lots. Probably just the recommended daily amount (which is huge) or a little more, but it's a big change for me. They taste good and fill me up, taking away most of the cravings for other food. I am never (truly) hungry except first thing in the morning.

Plus, with using MFP, I keep track of everything so, if I have "just a little bit more" or something, I write it down, see that I'm still within my calorie target and avoid feeling that "I'm a failure" feeling. When I didn't write it down, even if I was within my target calories, I'd feel like I was cheating. That would lead to the whole downward spiral and another diet would go down the drain.

The other thing that I'm just starting to get into that I find helps is exercise. Last night, I was wanting one more dolma. Not bad. Just 60 calories. But I knew the nutrition wasn't great. But the flavor was so good. Well, I decided to ride my exercise bike for 10 minutes. Then I did another 10. (This is way new for me!) Afterward, when I looked for something to eat, I wasn't even interested in the dolma anymore. I was low on veggies yesterday but I went through my fridge. Found some cabbage. Chopped it up to make a salad, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I don't want to sound all rah rah. There are times when this is hard. But those 3 things have made this effort to lose weight different from any other: More fruits and veggies, track calories, and exercise. It helps with the stress level too, which sounds like what you might need most. Good luck to you.

kwardklinck

Make sure you eat all of your meals. Add fruit and salad as fillers and keep your portions reasonable. Exercise is incredible for stress. Take a hot bath and cuddle up with a good book. You need time for yourself to decompress.
I still get the food cravings with my TOM but if I listen to my body, exercise, and make sure I'm not hungry during the day, I'm not as tempted. Know your weight is going to be up a little for a few days but this too shall pass.
Take care of yourself. If you don't, you can't take care of anyone else.

shortwasp

I know what caregiving stress is too. My 83 y.o. mother's health is failing, and I'm the chosen caregiver in the family. I also have a brain pacemaker for a major depressive disorder, so I understand where your husband is too. What a condrum. Just when I thought I'd be going back to work and getting a social life again, my mother's health starting failing again. I can't seem to get ahead. Sigh. I'm 50 and working enough to get a decent retirement is pretty much out of the question now. I'm on disability which certainly helps with the bills, but it would be nice to work again and have a life again.

I crave gobs of chocolate too, but I've finally gottten used to eating healthy, so while I don't eat bunches of it, I do have a couple of little squares of dark chocolate every evening. This keeps the craving manageable.

To keep from bingeing from stress and frustration, I keep only healthy food in the house. I cook meals for Mom, so she just has to eat what I cook. She needs to eat healthy anyway to heal her legs from angioplasty. Her sister came out from Indiana to help for a month, and she lost 10 lbs. eating the healthy meals I cooked instead of her usual fast food diet. I'm just determined not to fall for fast food when I've worked so hard at cleaning up my diet. I fix enough one day for leftovers for the next few days, and often I'll eat a Lean Cuisine to keep from overeating. I love anything that can help me with portion control.

When I want to overeat, I'll choose leftover veggies, a can of beans, a South Beach crispy bar, bran cereal with soy milk, things that will fill me up without filling me out. I smiled when I read about how you want a gob of butter on bread. Before I started eating right, that's exactly what I wanted for a midnight snack every night.

I've actually lost 15 lbs just by eating right which filled me up so that I ate less. Now I'm concentrating on portion control at every meal at home and when I go out, which isn't often. When I want to eat, I get on the internet. I'm on it constantly.

I get frustrated with being at the house 24/7 and only going out for groceries and meds. I have a sister who can give me a day off on weekends, but I end up using my time to shop for supplies rather than doing something for myself. Those supplies are not going to bring themselves to the house, so I have to get them when I can.

Sleeping is difficult for me too, though it has gotten better. The first 2 months, I was sleeping in 2 hour shifts when Mom slept, and I was truly miserable. Now I'm getting about 4-5 hours sleep at a time.

I don't know what I'd do with children. I've never married, never had kids. I'm aching to break out of this mundane existence of mine and do something fun, but what? My friends are all working and too tired to go out in the evenings (I can get away for an hour or two for dinner when Mom is feeling good). On the weekends, I need someone to babysit Mom so I can get out, but my friends want to shop, and shopping is the last thing I want to do.

Exercise is what is hard for me. Even though I have gobs of time for it, I'm tired from lack of sleep and demotivation.

We caregivers have it hard, no doubt about that, with all the stress and frustration that we go through. All I can say is that you are not alone, and I'm reading through everything people are telling you to do to see if any of it can motivate me to keep going on my diet and to get to exercising. The healthier I am, the better I can help someone else. I'm hoping that I'll be thin and healthy when I'm no longer a caregiver, so I'll be ready to have a new life.